Your eyes are capable of arson
Your lips d-dr-drip kerosene
And I too easily combust
I fear you and I would be wildfire
When all I can handle is sparks
But perhaps we can find ourselves capable
Of making beautiful cinders
Jun 5, 2013
Jun 5, 2013 at 4:42 PM UTC
Your gentle breath
Stirs autumn leaves in the streets of my mind
Your eyes are so promising,
Rolling like newsreel camera,
Your pupils shifting like lenses
Their tender glint
Swears there is something better
Something bigger than this
Somewhere, perhaps soon
Somewhere the sparrows sing
Without cages
And the summers are blue
And the satin is black
Your hands on my back
Rub and comfort for what I will remember
Was an eternity
Someday maybe you'll sway with me
Sing, sing willow tree
We'll pretend
We've always swayed together
Maybe one day you'll engulf me
When I, fed to the tongues of fire,
Will turn my face to the flames
To the burning, divine kiss
But it would scorch my heart
With a single ember
Of a charred willow tree
May 18, 2013
May 18, 2013 at 5:45 PM UTC
One day
When my hair is graying, face is creasing
My husband will be at work
His apathy slowly increasing
And making him a rude ****
My kids will be at school being fed empty knowledge
Preparing for college
And the TV set will be blaring
I won't be caring
About the static noise filling the beige room,
The news guy speaking of terror and gloom
A blue glare will reflect on the brown stained couch
On which I will be sitting, with a woebegone and wistful slouch
And my brain will drift, slowly searching memory files
Going back for years and endless miles
And I will remember you,
The boy I once knew,
As the boy I never kissed
My eyes will mist
And maybe I'll cry
And give a shaky sigh
For so many reasons, and that lost kiss will merely be one
May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013 at 4:18 PM UTC
Far from me
Untouchable, unattainable
As the stars, the sky
My unrequited moon
My gorgeous mirage
My tender, distant pain
Far from me, my perpetual dream
Always there, always haunting
My present, present torment
My sweet little endless affliction
My persistent, substantial image
Far away from me
My delicious hell
My stubborn fantasy
But I don't mind
No, hope has not weakened me
(Yet)
I'm stronger now
Proud to walk ahead
Head held high
With the image of you in my mind
I will conquer the world
With the kiss you have not given me
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 9:54 PM UTC
I've been asked why
I don't fight for you
Flirt! they say
Assert your womanly powers! Enchant him! You'll get him one day!
But I don't want to fight
Because you are not an object I long for
And "us" is not a goal towards which I strive
You are a person
And I want only what is good for you
And crazy as it sounds,
I don't want to be with you
Unless I know it's what you want
I am demure and unprovocative
I am quiet and not talkative
I will not try to trap you in a net of seduction
Because love is patient
And resides in truth
I give you pens and paper and food
Try to make you laugh when you're in a bad mood
Give you advice and support
I will be your indestructible fort
And ask for nothing in return
No excessive generosity or false concern
Because love is kind, and keeps no records
I do not tell people all that there is and has been between us
I let them speculate and guess
Because love does not boast
It is not arrogant or rude
I do not weep over you and brood
I don’t hate the girls you flirt with
Because jealousy isn’t love, nor is it evidence of love
And I don't care when your buddies laugh at us
When we fool around, push and shove
Because love is not irritable or resentful
I do not find joy in finding you vulnerable and weakened
Because love does not rejoice at wrongdoing
I don't care when you joke around and lack tact and gentility
Instead I stay calm, and bask in tranquility
Because love is not easily angered
I will keep you safe and speak to you
Words of comfort and reassurance
Because love always protects
When you don't want to speak, I will hold you
Because love always respects
I will wait for you
Because love always trusts, always hopes
I will be your friend no matter what the cost
Because love knows what is precious, and always preserves
I bear it all with blind devotion
Navigating through every tumultuous ocean
Because love accepts all things, believes all things, endures all things
I endure the pain of what is unrequited
But being with you makes me happy
Because love doesn’t always hurt
If it always hurts it’s something else
Fear, attachment, addiction or possessiveness;
That is not love
I do not want to be your girlfriend
I don’t want us to be together
I want you to be happy
Because love is all selflessness
It’s the opposite of need and attachment
It’s allowing, rather than seeking
Letting go, rather than grasping
If it happens, it’ll happen
But if we ever end up together
Let it be as light and extrinsic as a falling feather
Let it be a sweet collision of hearts
A lucky foregathering of souls
And not the victory of a hard-fought battle
And I know that your kiss will be sweetest
If our lips stumble into each other in the darkness
Without desperate searching
I will not try to "get over you"
I will not flounder, I will not fret
I will not try to forget
Because love never ends
It transcends
And that is why
I will not fight
And I will not mention the letters I have written you- and had not sent, and now will never send.
And there will be regret
Bittersweet memories and wasted lips
It'll ache a little sometimes
I know, I know,
That I am perhaps renouncing a thousand kisses
A hundred long, thrilling dances in your arms
A hundred evenings not to be recaptured
But I'll live with it
I will not fight
*(But get me
I will not fight to obtain you
But I would fight to the death
Blood and sweat
To save you)*
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 12:47 PM UTC
If we were ever to end up together
I would take you up to hawk hill
And say "look
Baby,
This is the bench I always dreamed of you on.
See, this is where all the love poems come from
This is where I laid down and pretended the back of the bench was your stomach and the wind was your hand
And the sun was you, all of you
But now you're here, and the bench can go back to just being a bench, and the wind can be wind again and the sun is the sun, whole and true and nothing but that
And while all these things are back to being themselves
You can be you and I can me
But we belong together, just 2 individuals
Isn't that beautiful?"
I would take you to my room
And say "look
This is where I always stayed up all night thinking of you.
This is where I wrote you all those letters,
And they're still there, under the mattress
You can look if you want"
If we were ever to end up together
I would hold your hand and smile
And say "it was all
A worthwhile wait
To be brought together
By the tender hand of fate"
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:13 AM UTC
My entire life
No matter where I go, who I'm with, what I'm doing, how drunk I am
I have always felt on the outside - out of the picture
From childhood's hour
I have not been like others are
I've always been
Out of the conversation, at a distance
As though I am alone in existence
Everywhere I go, there is an impenetrable barrier
At home I'm a foreigner in my own land
I've always felt like a different breed
Slowing down when others pick up speed
As if I was the only one picking up the sounds or words that others don't hear
Deaf to the words that they do hear
I do not hear what others hear, I do not see what others see
Doing, saying, thinking things that others don't
When I try to explain what my world is like,
I baffle and stutter and can't find the words
And they look at me
From the other side of the barricade
With condescending, puzzled smiles
I've never really been a part of a group, a piece of a whole
Even in my own house, with my own friends,
I've always been an intruder
Everything I say, everything I do seems offbeat
I feel like everyone is dancing some sort of elaborate choreography
And I haven't learned the steps
Or they're all playing a game
And no one taught me the rules, or let me roll the dice
I've always felt out of it,
As if I was alone on the opposite side of an enormous, invisible window
Pressing my hands against the glass, tracing worlds in the fog
A stranger looking in
I've always felt it
Struggling to break the sturdy facade
In crowded parties, sleepovers,
Lunch breaks, with my family, with best friends
But with him
I'm not an outsider
Even though we argue, or call each other names,
Or slap each other, or steal each other's pens
We understand each other
Simply
Easy
With him
There is no window, no barrier, no wall
When we talk, there is only us
Encased in a small, invisible circle
A circle I'm not excluded from
Which enclosed us, and protects us from the world
All the others fade,
And only remains this sort of forcefield
There's no plausible explanation
For this halo
Nothing logical about it
Nothing like "we just get along",
Because we don't, not always
But the circle is there
Undeniable and hopefully eternal
One day I'll trace that circle
Around us, and he'll see it
too
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:12 AM UTC
I'm at my desk paying bills
Utility papers, debts and pills
I'm tired, and I feel the old feelings reside
There's a primitive darkness stirring outside
Stars electric, sky like ink
I look up at the window and think,
I no longer know where you are
Somewhere in the world, strumming your guitar?
I put down the papers, the wine and the pen
I open the door
And shove myself into the night
I'm past the house now
Dark air fluttering all around me
I can almost smell your musk
I'm walking on cold pavement, and surrounded by dusk
I can't see where I'm headed, I can't see where I am
It was always that way
I walk on and remember
Us dissolving and dying like a brazen ember
Our platonic parting,
College, we lost touch
You didn't really care much
The texts became sparse and faded away
We got our own lives, and wandered astray
We walk alone now, separate worlds, separate streets
I've got a husband now, snoring in white sheets
And children, and beige furniture
Sleeping in the dark house behind me
and the hard
words
I never said
can now be
said:
I love
you.
Looming shadows of trees
A cold, biting breeze
So much darkness, and nothing to distract me from
All the memories
I shove my hands in my pockets
And remember
I remember the feel of you, Old Spice,
The jokes and stupid advice
Art, your smile and the glow
All those years, watching us grow
The light in the window, your guitars,
Movies, parents, and Bear Valley stars
Bad lip readings, our noons, simply living
Taking, borrowing, lending and giving
Fighting, yelling, grins and forgiving
Always talking, drawing, writing, both stupid and clever
Skiing, flying together, immortal forever
And french class- j'aime, j'aimais, j'ai aimé, j'aimerai
Your hand, my hand, your notebooks and mine,
All these memories and our slow decline.
The wind blows hard tonight
And it's a cold wind
I was young
And naive, and all of it stung
Love, it hurt like a knife
inside,
Washed over my heart like a brutal tide
And now...now I wander in the cool darkness
Weeping a bit, ashamed of my sentimentality
The wind is so viciously howling
I remember
I gave in, I let love enfold me
And the tender little
words
I was too scared to
voice
can now
be
said:
I love
you.
I have a family now, a job, the years run thin
I didn't lose, I didn't win
Nothing changed
This feeling,
it was locked in place
I weep as I feel the night's embrace
In the darkness, something broke
Something
remained, and something awoke
I loved you when it would have taken less courage
not to
You were the only one who understood
I look up at the stars and think,
I no longer know where you are
I no longer know who we are
The saltwater flows in tiny streams
Here I am, a bundle of past recollections and dreams
I'm still walking in the twilight's midst
I look down at my little wrist
I'm still as frail as I was in high school
And maybe still as fragile
I haven't really grown
I'm still skin and slim bone
I'm not made of much
I'm made of the ones I have loved
The ones who have loved me
And the ones I've yet to love
That's all
And the simple
words
I never wrote
can now
be
etched out into the darkness with my hands:
I love
you.
Love is fragile
But somehow remains engraved
The pieces are saved,
The things that hovered on lips,
That might have been said
And love stays in the head
The memories don't fade
They stay sharp as a blade
All the things past, that happened
Or that might have occurred.
There is only one love in life,
That's the heart's strife
Or there are all kinds of love in the world,
But never the same love twice
So many feelings once should suffice
You will never be lost to me
As long as I remember you
Oh anyways the darkness is ebbing
And I must stop to roam
I need to go home
I can hear my husband from the family of elites
Stirring in the sheets
Awaiting breakfast
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:10 AM UTC
We didn't even dance last night
The tables were wet, I sat in a trance
The night was crunchy with a million stars
The roads sparkling with a hundred cars
I sought the moon's solace, but she wasn't there
I didn't bother seeking yours, you didn't care
Interested only in those filled with liqueur
You called me once, whispered my name
And we sat together, both too separate to understand
Too quick the morning came
But failed to sweep the night away
I fear I'll never find a way
To be with you..
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:05 AM UTC
You are weary, I think
Of endless puzzles and games
And short romantic flames
You have grown disenchanted
With everything
Every stupid girl and foolish fling
You are bored
Of things built upon passing waves
Of all these conformists, these slaves
You have grown spiteful
Against people whining and nagging
And keeping secrets and bragging
And you are exasperated, maybe,
With all your toys breaking
As soon as you take them out of their boxes
It may be you are sick
Of instability and castles of crumbling sand
Of things reeling and getting out of hand
You have grown impatient
With cheaters and capricious ******
Who claim they are forever yours
You are tired, perhaps
Of feeling alone
And things aching through no fault of your own
I may not be
The sturdiest thing you've ever laid eyes on
I am little, and frail
And weak and pale
And I stumble when it's windy out
But I know, without a doubt
That for you I will be strong
That I will never do you wrong
I'll keep you from going off the brink
Because you are weary, I think
Apr 25, 2013
Apr 25, 2013 at 1:04 AM UTC