sober decisions
no proper thought
sweet amber lights
deathly black ash
nicotine rush
the world is spinning
a fleeting high
a wave of dizziness
missed calls
unanswered messages
an innate desire to self destruct
an unconscious want to be appreciated
low blows and insecurities
anger unexpressed
a dangerous game in wet pavements
under orange lights and judging eyes
3 sticks consumed quickly
no regrets; but a thousand sorrows
Feb 29, 2020
Feb 29, 2020 at 12:47 PM UTC
Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.
Jun 28, 2018
Jun 28, 2018 at 3:50 AM UTC
small enough to be unnoticed
big enough to be scrutunized
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 12:42 PM UTC
My words,
My poetry,
My art --
They're my suicide note;
And no one seems to listen.
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 12:09 PM UTC
i want to be pretty
I want to be kind
i want to be loveable
i want to be wanted
instead
i got this ugly face
ugly personality
this ugly body
that makes everyone go away
I want to love myself
but i hate myself
i want to die die die
no i just want to be perfect
I want what she has
i know i never will
what do you see in her
that you cant find in me
you like because
you love despite
and you say you love me
but never despite
you like her because
she is all this and that
i cant be any of those and im sorry
why cant you just love me
well i do hate myself
a lot
so who doesnt give you the right
to hate me too?
its hard to stay sober
from self-hate
its the strongest drug
i’ll ever take
hooked on its bitter taste
hanging by its threads
tangled in its promises
that nothing will be good
for me atleast.
End.
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 11:31 AM UTC
Denied — pushed at the back of my mind:
This love was not meant to be;
Just as I wished it was for you with her.
Once more, like yours,
My love was based on selfish wants.
Aug 9, 2017
Aug 9, 2017 at 1:33 PM UTC
The only reason why I stayed was because of pity.
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 8:40 AM UTC
Indifference does not solve indifference
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 9:52 AM UTC
as the flower bloomed
brighter days were promised
in love letters and hopeful kisses
everything…
everything fell in to place
because finally
we made and experienced
something so beautiful
so pure
so lovely
as it grew — matured
we thought of futures
our jaded happy minds
longed to embrace
but as the flower wilted
we turn back to the time it bloomed
forgetting to take out the ****
neglecting its need of water
asking what ifs
losing trust
we failed to realise
that its destroy
did not start when it bloomed
it started when we first planted it
and then we realised
it was planted on toxic soil
we began to realise,
it was never beautiful in the first place
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 8:36 AM UTC