women say they want a sensitive man but they mock me when i sit at the piano crying for hours holding a lighthearted paper candle and a smile tucked in between my lips
they say they want a hard working man with ***** fingernails but
they claw at me if i turn a sun-browned shoulder against them in bed
they say they would love a cultured man but they cringe when i kiss them with lips tasting of whiskey & cigar smoke or touch them with fingers gentle as soft old paper
they say they dig the cold but they huddle in blankets when i stay up all night dancing naked across the lawn listening to joni mitchell in january
they say they want their own sugar space but turn sour when i linger and wake up dreaming of becoming an astronaut
they say they're comfortable with my past imperfections but it's my fault when i have a nightmare about being strung out on the perfume of another woman
they want a man who can write a song but they struggle when i anchor a poem to their delicate ankles and fill their empty rooms with shamefully broken pencils
they love my beautiful tattoos and piercings but shake me when i spend days wrapped inside a coral shell singing a lullaby
they want the idea of a man they've read about in books but won't tolerate me when i read them the atrocities in the sunday paper under the lampshade of an oak tree
women say they'll take me as i am but get lonely when i wander for a week and come home buried in the scent of a rock and roll bar
they say they make friends easily, like me, but can't stand to come home to talking & laughing cynical & drunk in a house full of strangers
they want a quiet man who loves them like the stars but scream when i learn to fly at the mercy of the weather & can't be captured
they want to live naughty with the thick musk of a man but act bewildered when they're caught soaking wet and weak in the knees
women say they love men with a tolerance but get jealous when i'm dizzy drunk at dawn on cheap tequila and the memory of my mother
they want a man who lives inside a corridor of words but hate me when they realize artful compliments are only cages of pretty lies
they're helpless for a man with grace but hate me when i'm pitiful and clumsy in the dark after blowing out candles and closing windows in the middle of june
they say they'll only fall in love with a lover of music but audibly cough when i hush them as Coltrane makes dazzling sodium fall across my face
they all wish for a man with careful eyes
but mine are blue and empty in the end
& it gets lonely
so i will no longer carry a song for them in my heart
like a trail-weary cowboy
no lust
no memory
no guilt
no cups
no whistles
or jewels in my vulnerable shadow
Feb 19, 2015
Feb 19, 2015 at 11:17 AM UTC
I don't know
what it is.
I always seem to
be reeled back
to you.
Same old
feelings.
Same old
words.
Same old
hopes
that have been
broken.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 8:54 PM UTC
It's funny how i thought
i was good at hiding my feelings
but then strangers started asking me what was wrong
and why i looked so tired
and thats when i realized
you didn't care enough to notice
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 2:19 PM UTC
It's okay if I'm not the girl of your dreams
or the one you dance with at the prom
I just want to be the girl you think about 20 years from now
staring at your morning coffee
wishing that you hadn't poured so much milk in
because now it's too creamy
to resemble my dark brown locks of hair
or looking at the ocean
and having it remind you of the endless sea in my periwinkle color eyes
or walking by stores downtown on your way to work
knowing I would've loved that dress
I just want to be that girl
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 1:14 PM UTC
*"is it appropriate to weigh 154 pound?
would it offend anyone if i were to wear high-waisted shorts despite my gigantic thighs?
is it okay if i wore clothes and people can still see my fats rolling out?
would anyone make fun of me?"*
the sad thing is we think about how others see us first
rather than what is best for us
when we buy clothes, we think of how others would see us in it
and not based on whether or not it makes us feel happy
due to the great success glamorization of what its called 'thigh gap',
many begin to think whether not having one is wrong
i just wish something changed the world
and we're all back to one square
where personality comes first
***** the ones with ugly hearts
shower the pretty hearts with more love instead
and maybe, somehow, somewhat,
the world would be a little happier
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 5:27 PM UTC
i. i will not compete with other people for your attention.
ii. i will not compete with other people for your affection.
iii. i will not compete with other people for your time.
iv. i will not compete with other people for your love.
v. i will not compete for you.
vi. you are not a prize, you are a person. you have agency. and no matter how fast i run, if you want me to win, i will; and if you don’t, i won’t. so, darling, i will not compete. if for you love is a chase, it’s not worth my victory.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 4:17 PM UTC
i thought
that seeing my own bones
would let me love
the flesh that is my home;
so you’re right
this is not your fault,
but dear god,
how wonderful it would have been
if you had ever told me
to stop,
to stop trying to change
because you loved what was there;
how wonderful it would have been
if you had kissed my skin
and said you loved all of it,
boundlessly,
reverently;
instead
you gave a voice
to what was already in my head
every time you asked -
“will you really eat that?”
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 4:14 PM UTC
i miss
being hungover
from a single kiss;
i miss
how your smile
could make my world spin.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 4:12 PM UTC
I’d like to think that you haven’t fully moved on from me.
and that my name is still prominent in your vocabulary.
That you think of me when you see my favorite book
or turn around when my voice seems to travel to your ears
Maybe your heart still misses a beat when someone asks about me.
And maybe I’m not the only one whose mind wanders back in time
over
and over
again.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 4:09 PM UTC
You could ask him what he wants
He would say, her
You could ask me what i wanted
I would've said him
But wanting isn't enough
You can't ignore me
Avoid me
Distance yourself from me
But still say you want me
I'm trying to be happy now
I don't want you anymore
So don't say that I do
"You still think about me"
I do because you ruined me
I'm sorry your mistakes broke your heart and you blamed me
but you shattered me
through months of ignorance
on a year long journey to **** a girl
and keep your hands clean
When i put my faith in you
you were unfaithful
don't say you need me
when all i needed was you
and you ran away.
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 4:04 PM UTC