isabel-11 - Hello Poetry

You’re a vault right I ask, hoping that through all of the ugliness and toxicity that our trust still stands That all those nights in our shoebox of an apartment Filled with whispered secrets and hidden desires The adventures and moments too sacred to share The things I only felt with you Mean something That even though our love Has turned into something unrecognizable Stoic expressions cold like ice Tears and anger Loss I still see you behind it all And I believe that no matter what I can trust you Maybe that’s naive But I would rather be naive than Apathetic Thoughtless Cold (like you) It turns out The vault was a house of cards You toppled it I was stupid to still trust you Because in the ugliest of times You turned ugly too.

0

Dec 16, 2022

Dec 16, 2022 at 4:32 PM UTC

Vault

You’re a vault right I ask, hoping that through all of the ugliness and toxicity that our trust still stands That all those nights in our shoebox of an apartment Filled with whispered secrets and hidden desires The adventures and moments too sacred to share The things I only felt with you Mean something That even though our love Has turned into something unrecognizable Stoic expressions cold like ice Tears and anger Loss I still see you behind it all And I believe that no matter what I can trust you Maybe that’s naive But I would rather be naive than Apathetic Thoughtless Cold (like you) It turns out The vault was a house of cards You toppled it I was stupid to still trust you Because in the ugliest of times You turned ugly too.

26

I don’t know how it happened But I am the victim but I am also the caretaker I am the one wiping her tears and holding her an embrace Letting her know it’s going to be okay (will it?) Her tears falling into my hair like summer snow And some part of me feels comforted I get to hold her again I get to make her feel better My favorite feeling The pain Fades for a second For a second Everything is okay We are riding bikes through the streets laughing like little kids We are jumping in the icy December waters of the canals at midnight We are deliriously happy But then I snapped back Because in reality This short-lived love This short-lived fix Masks my pain The wounder uses the wounded in a twisted way I am the caretaker but I am the victim I tell her it’s going to be okay When its the mess she caused She expects me to pick up the pieces But I don’t even know the game she wants to play I tell her that I love her Even when every time before that wasn’t enough This time it’s all she needs to hear Somehow Even though I am the one crushed She needs me to make her feel better She needs me to give her solace How is that fair? When really All she brings me is pain

0

Dec 16, 2022

Dec 16, 2022 at 4:31 PM UTC

I am the victim but I am also the caretaker

I don’t know how it happened But I am the victim but I am also the caretaker I am the one wiping her tears and holding her an embrace Letting her know it’s going to be okay (will it?) Her tears falling into my hair like summer snow And some part of me feels comforted I get to hold her again I get to make her feel better My favorite feeling The pain Fades for a second For a second Everything is okay We are riding bikes through the streets laughing like little kids We are jumping in the icy December waters of the canals at midnight We are deliriously happy But then I snapped back Because in reality This short-lived love This short-lived fix Masks my pain The wounder uses the wounded in a twisted way I am the caretaker but I am the victim I tell her it’s going to be okay When its the mess she caused She expects me to pick up the pieces But I don’t even know the game she wants to play I tell her that I love her Even when every time before that wasn’t enough This time it’s all she needs to hear Somehow Even though I am the one crushed She needs me to make her feel better She needs me to give her solace How is that fair? When really All she brings me is pain

39

it was so hard to explain to people how much I loved you. it really messed with me that I couldn’t describe it. but honestly, I think I really just think you can do no wrong. sometimes I get upset at something you do or say but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because I love you. I love who you are and not what you do. And I have never left that way for someone... it was the craziest feeling of my life. I was subordinate to us. the greater good was our relationship and I would have done anything to protect it. by loving you i'm losing myself...

0

Oct 3, 2022

Oct 3, 2022 at 12:51 PM UTC

by loving you i'm losing myself

it was so hard to explain to people how much I loved you. it really messed with me that I couldn’t describe it. but honestly, I think I really just think you can do no wrong. sometimes I get upset at something you do or say but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because I love you. I love who you are and not what you do. And I have never left that way for someone... it was the craziest feeling of my life. I was subordinate to us. the greater good was our relationship and I would have done anything to protect it. by loving you i'm losing myself...

2

all i think about is you you consume my body and my soul my thoughts are morphed into yours it feels like you are an extension of my heart and without you I am broken every time we touch my lips quiver and butterflies dance in my stomach when Im with you, everything is heightened my nerves crackle like summer lightning on my skin flashes of heat stroke my body like a feather you make breathing more bearable and singing more sensational and laughter the music to my ears you are my fatal flaw my Achilles heel you are my best friend and my soul mate and my family all wrapped up into one package sometimes, I ask myself why you are the secret to my happiness you believe in me more than I could ever believe in myself with you, hope is in places I couldn't feel it before when I think about losing you my world becomes less beautiful the colors are dull everything is less electric sparks and glimmers of hope disappear into what could have been and then I wake up my heart pounding and my skin flushed for a second I don't remember that this is all a fantasy that you are still gone gone gone when you left you took a piece of my love there is a human-sized ache in my side where you were ripped away from me but then I remember I remember all the terrible fights and empty promises you slammed in my face I remember the bruises and the heavy hearts and the angry sighs I remember all the reasons I shouldn't love you but instead I begged you to stay but still I try and grasp and remember that fantasy of you that I dream about every night I wish to hold onto it and remember it forever because even on our worst days together life was still better with you but then it is gone forever just like you.

0

Apr 2, 2018

Apr 2, 2018 at 3:35 PM UTC

all i think about is you

all i think about is you you consume my body and my soul my thoughts are morphed into yours it feels like you are an extension of my heart and without you I am broken every time we touch my lips quiver and butterflies dance in my stomach when Im with you, everything is heightened my nerves crackle like summer lightning on my skin flashes of heat stroke my body like a feather you make breathing more bearable and singing more sensational and laughter the music to my ears you are my fatal flaw my Achilles heel you are my best friend and my soul mate and my family all wrapped up into one package sometimes, I ask myself why you are the secret to my happiness you believe in me more than I could ever believe in myself with you, hope is in places I couldn't feel it before when I think about losing you my world becomes less beautiful the colors are dull everything is less electric sparks and glimmers of hope disappear into what could have been and then I wake up my heart pounding and my skin flushed for a second I don't remember that this is all a fantasy that you are still gone gone gone when you left you took a piece of my love there is a human-sized ache in my side where you were ripped away from me but then I remember I remember all the terrible fights and empty promises you slammed in my face I remember the bruises and the heavy hearts and the angry sighs I remember all the reasons I shouldn't love you but instead I begged you to stay but still I try and grasp and remember that fantasy of you that I dream about every night I wish to hold onto it and remember it forever because even on our worst days together life was still better with you but then it is gone forever just like you.

41

someday we will be given more someday i won't wake up crying because of how much I miss you someday I won't constantly question why everyone continuously proves to let me down when every word I dictate and every action I muster is to make every person in my life happier than they were someday my parents will recognize the grin I plaster on my face everyday is fake and that hidden behind are shadows of loneliness and regret someday ill be happy when the sunrises because it means I've been granted another day and when the gentle whispers of dusk emerge ill be grateful for the stars that glimmer among the blackness someday we will be given what we deserve someday I will no longer be in a broken home filled with ugly words spewed at each other and twisted lies coursing through each room, poisoning relationships and love someday all the hours of hard work and those sleepless nights and days spent listening to the rain patter on the windows because that was the only solace to my pain will pay off someday the tunnel of blackness and the cloak of unhappiness with lift the days will feel longer and the sunlight will wash over you, succumbing you with the warmth the nights will be an endless stream of dreams of opportunity and friendship and laughter the future will be full of new discoveries and relationships someday you will recognize your own beauty to be the eighth wonder of the world we will always hope for someday, wait for someday, lust for someday, someday, will one day be today.

0

Nov 25, 2017

Nov 25, 2017 at 8:23 PM UTC

someday

someday we will be given more someday i won't wake up crying because of how much I miss you someday I won't constantly question why everyone continuously proves to let me down when every word I dictate and every action I muster is to make every person in my life happier than they were someday my parents will recognize the grin I plaster on my face everyday is fake and that hidden behind are shadows of loneliness and regret someday ill be happy when the sunrises because it means I've been granted another day and when the gentle whispers of dusk emerge ill be grateful for the stars that glimmer among the blackness someday we will be given what we deserve someday I will no longer be in a broken home filled with ugly words spewed at each other and twisted lies coursing through each room, poisoning relationships and love someday all the hours of hard work and those sleepless nights and days spent listening to the rain patter on the windows because that was the only solace to my pain will pay off someday the tunnel of blackness and the cloak of unhappiness with lift the days will feel longer and the sunlight will wash over you, succumbing you with the warmth the nights will be an endless stream of dreams of opportunity and friendship and laughter the future will be full of new discoveries and relationships someday you will recognize your own beauty to be the eighth wonder of the world we will always hope for someday, wait for someday, lust for someday, someday, will one day be today.

17

there are a million reasons not to love you but all i can think about is how empty i am without you everything you have done to me has made me lose myself just a little bit more all the compromises of my moral compass and changing my plans to accommodate your needs and your words hit me like killer rain, tumbling down on me, sending me into a spiral of self-deprecation and insecurity now when i see myself in the mirror i wonder who am i without you because suddenly the girl with the brown hair and her eyes a little too far apart and her smile a bit wobbly doesn’t satisfy the mirror anymore without you on my arm you have given me a thousand empty promises and forgotten kisses and words that hit like punches that should have made me turn around and slam the door but instead i just stay and stay and stay, my apologies getting caught in my throat like a bullet, suffocating me until i forget how to be happy without you in the first place my heart throbs because the fingers you have wrapped so tightly around my heart are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and my head feels like a giant is sitting on it because suddenly i can’t think about anything but how sad i am. how hurt i am. how lost i am and somehow no one can lead me back to my sanity except for you but you are the root of my destruction all of my problems lead back to you but somehow in some twisted-messedup-tangled-type of way you are the only person who can solve them there are a million reasons not to love you but instead everything i do is to make sure you stay.

0

Sep 14, 2017

Sep 14, 2017 at 11:18 PM UTC

a million reasons

there are a million reasons not to love you but all i can think about is how empty i am without you everything you have done to me has made me lose myself just a little bit more all the compromises of my moral compass and changing my plans to accommodate your needs and your words hit me like killer rain, tumbling down on me, sending me into a spiral of self-deprecation and insecurity now when i see myself in the mirror i wonder who am i without you because suddenly the girl with the brown hair and her eyes a little too far apart and her smile a bit wobbly doesn’t satisfy the mirror anymore without you on my arm you have given me a thousand empty promises and forgotten kisses and words that hit like punches that should have made me turn around and slam the door but instead i just stay and stay and stay, my apologies getting caught in my throat like a bullet, suffocating me until i forget how to be happy without you in the first place my heart throbs because the fingers you have wrapped so tightly around my heart are squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and my head feels like a giant is sitting on it because suddenly i can’t think about anything but how sad i am. how hurt i am. how lost i am and somehow no one can lead me back to my sanity except for you but you are the root of my destruction all of my problems lead back to you but somehow in some twisted-messedup-tangled-type of way you are the only person who can solve them there are a million reasons not to love you but instead everything i do is to make sure you stay.

13

how do i measure my love for you? i measure my love for you in the number of sunrises and sunsets i watch with you i count the number of deep belly laughs that reverberate around the room when I'm with you i measure my love for you in the countless dreams I've had about the future we will have together and the possibilities for a lifetime of happiness and family and friends i measure my love for you every time i feel your slender fingers intertwined with mine and your breath whispering in my ears i measure my love for you when we dance in the rain in our pajamas playing 80s jazz on the stereo, when we lie on the cool sand late at night drinking lukewarm coffee from the 7/11, when we go ice skating on the pond in the depths of the winter, clutching onto each other, giggling like school girls as we slip around when we wake up on the couch Sunday mornings with the credits from the movie we fell asleep to rolling in the background and the hazy light of the TV flickering i measure my love for you in a thousand ways i can't even describe because all the words i dictate are promises to protect you and all the actions i perform are to do everything in my power to make you happy... ...even our worst days together are still an infinite amount better than they would be if I didn't have you

0

Aug 8, 2017

Aug 8, 2017 at 10:41 AM UTC

how do i measure my love for you?

how do i measure my love for you? i measure my love for you in the number of sunrises and sunsets i watch with you i count the number of deep belly laughs that reverberate around the room when I'm with you i measure my love for you in the countless dreams I've had about the future we will have together and the possibilities for a lifetime of happiness and family and friends i measure my love for you every time i feel your slender fingers intertwined with mine and your breath whispering in my ears i measure my love for you when we dance in the rain in our pajamas playing 80s jazz on the stereo, when we lie on the cool sand late at night drinking lukewarm coffee from the 7/11, when we go ice skating on the pond in the depths of the winter, clutching onto each other, giggling like school girls as we slip around when we wake up on the couch Sunday mornings with the credits from the movie we fell asleep to rolling in the background and the hazy light of the TV flickering i measure my love for you in a thousand ways i can't even describe because all the words i dictate are promises to protect you and all the actions i perform are to do everything in my power to make you happy... ...even our worst days together are still an infinite amount better than they would be if I didn't have you

12

the thing is i hate that i still love you i hate that i still want your opinion and need to tell you everything and care about what you have to say because the truth is I deserve so much better than you. you are terrible to me. i hate that i miss you and i feel like ill die with you i wish i didn’t care about your happiness because the truth is you’re a bad friend and an even worse person and you don’t deserve to be happy you don’t deserve redemption or a chance at happiness i hate you because you made me hate myself all those sleepless nights and minutes spent picking myself apart in front of the mirror and moments i spent rocking myself in bed at night because i was too heartbroken and insecure is because of you for one second of your narcissistic life i wish you took a good hard look in the mirror and realized the terrible person you’ve become. you’ve destroyed all the good things in your life and you don’t even care one day you’ll be drunk and alone surrounded by people who don’t love you as much as we did and realize that your life is meaningless and the empty solo cups around you are held by people who really don’t give a **** about you, but by then we will have moved onto bigger and better things i don’t know how you live with yourself knowing that your heart has turned to ice and no matter how many times I bang on it trying to get through to you it never thaws and I’m the one left wondering what I did to make you forget about me… i don’t want to see you because of how much it hurts my heart and I don’t want to hear you because it reminds me of how much you took from me and I don’t want to think about you because you don’t deserve me. i wish i could hate you but i can’t i’m sorry you **** so much because i really wish you didn’t … i love u so...

0

Aug 1, 2017

Aug 1, 2017 at 11:28 PM UTC

i hate that i still love you

the thing is i hate that i still love you i hate that i still want your opinion and need to tell you everything and care about what you have to say because the truth is I deserve so much better than you. you are terrible to me. i hate that i miss you and i feel like ill die with you i wish i didn’t care about your happiness because the truth is you’re a bad friend and an even worse person and you don’t deserve to be happy you don’t deserve redemption or a chance at happiness i hate you because you made me hate myself all those sleepless nights and minutes spent picking myself apart in front of the mirror and moments i spent rocking myself in bed at night because i was too heartbroken and insecure is because of you for one second of your narcissistic life i wish you took a good hard look in the mirror and realized the terrible person you’ve become. you’ve destroyed all the good things in your life and you don’t even care one day you’ll be drunk and alone surrounded by people who don’t love you as much as we did and realize that your life is meaningless and the empty solo cups around you are held by people who really don’t give a **** about you, but by then we will have moved onto bigger and better things i don’t know how you live with yourself knowing that your heart has turned to ice and no matter how many times I bang on it trying to get through to you it never thaws and I’m the one left wondering what I did to make you forget about me… i don’t want to see you because of how much it hurts my heart and I don’t want to hear you because it reminds me of how much you took from me and I don’t want to think about you because you don’t deserve me. i wish i could hate you but i can’t i’m sorry you **** so much because i really wish you didn’t … i love u so...

16

you are my best friend i couldn’t live without you and every breath i take is better when its with you when I’m around you my stomach twists into knots and my tongue ties up and my face flushes because you make me nervous and excited all at once i can imagine your smile without closing my eyes and i can trace the crinkles on your face in an instant my heart quickens when I’m with you and when we go without talking i can’t focus when I’m not with you i crave to be and when I’m with you i can’t control myself because I’m so utterly in love with you i would move mountains to make you happy the words don’t exist yet to describe the way you make my nerves jolt and my arms to shiver and my thoughts to be so jumbled with even the thought of you, beautiful you, because you are my everything the magnitude of my love for you bursts through the spectrum of the universe leaving me to contemplate how i can explain to you the way you make me feel i long for when we talk because you make me laugh and my heart fills with joy you know me better than i know myself and i don’t know what id do without you my life is more beautiful with you in it id rather die than live in a world without you..

0

Aug 1, 2017

Aug 1, 2017 at 10:50 PM UTC

you

you are my best friend i couldn’t live without you and every breath i take is better when its with you when I’m around you my stomach twists into knots and my tongue ties up and my face flushes because you make me nervous and excited all at once i can imagine your smile without closing my eyes and i can trace the crinkles on your face in an instant my heart quickens when I’m with you and when we go without talking i can’t focus when I’m not with you i crave to be and when I’m with you i can’t control myself because I’m so utterly in love with you i would move mountains to make you happy the words don’t exist yet to describe the way you make my nerves jolt and my arms to shiver and my thoughts to be so jumbled with even the thought of you, beautiful you, because you are my everything the magnitude of my love for you bursts through the spectrum of the universe leaving me to contemplate how i can explain to you the way you make me feel i long for when we talk because you make me laugh and my heart fills with joy you know me better than i know myself and i don’t know what id do without you my life is more beautiful with you in it id rather die than live in a world without you..

16