What is God, to me?
Not any transparent spiritual body,
Residing in the heavens,
no.
In our minds.
It’s the power
Of the human experience
Our love for beauty
And our need for love
Our need to show someone, somewhere
Even if they are invisible to us
Our need to say,
“I am here.”
Yet it’s also our fear.
Fear of the unknown
And being alone.
Fear of being unwanted,
Unloved,
Undesirable.
It’s the human races’ insecurity
Shame, humiliation
Of it’s own evil.
Fear that we will never have justice
For what was taken from us.
Love.
Honor.
Innocence.
Yet it is our desire
To rid the world of these evils,
These sins.
It’s the love and generosity
That is within
Each and every one of us
The comfort, the excitement, the beauty
Of minds coming together
As one.
So what is God, to me?
It is undeniably, utterly,
Human.
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 12:56 AM UTC
Crimson red
Embedded
In my head
With thoughts
Never said
On paper
never read
with water
too deep
I weep
A shroud of black
Seizing my eyes
Bringing back
Repeated Lies
Once heard
Yet never said
Leaving crimson red
Buried in my head
Feb 21, 2014
Feb 21, 2014 at 12:54 AM UTC
I feel a slime creeping into my bones, it makes them shiver.
It slides with sleek movement into nooks and crannies
And I sometimes don’t notice it inhabits my flesh.
But there are times when it grips my insides with unrelenting force
And causes me to heave with agony.
Then there are times when it tickles my brain, and chokes me,
So I might laugh uncontrollably;
When really the need for death is truly unbearable,
And my lungs crave to be emptied of breath
With a scream of terror and pain.
The slime sticks onto my skull,
Pervading all sense of reality.
It tells me that I am worthless,
Even when he tells me otherwise.
It whispers secrets of my past
Into my ear
That I’d rather not hear.
I‘d rather not see.
Those memories of sorrow and fear haunt me.
Of worry.
Agony.
Leaving me nothing
When now
I have everything.
Jul 12, 2013
Jul 12, 2013 at 3:12 AM UTC
Faltering with feet
So small I cannot
Stand, my ashen knees
Lift from jagged points
Of blood-stained rocks. I
Climb the bark of
The slender birch and
Hope its supple limb
Does not break.
My eyes sting as if
They are crowned with thorns.
The blood of once pure
Flesh has stained the earth
That I inhabit.
Yet the delicate
Pain of existence
Caresses me like
A new mother does
For her newborn babe.
I flounder through brush
And foliage, still
Eyeless, but not yet
Aware of how blind
I truly have been.
I feel the frigid
Drops of rain hammer
My translucent skin.
I see indigo veins
Underneath pallid
Skin. I feel my lungs
Exhaust my breath and
I collapse to the
Mercy of the soft
Ebony earth. Then
I wait for the jade
Leaves to swallow me
And ensnare what is
Left of my forlorn
Spirit. But I see
A light peeking through
The copse of emerald
Trees.
But then it fades and
I shift my downcast
Eye to the trail I
Must forever trek
Upon.
Then I stay.
Feb 27, 2013
Feb 27, 2013 at 7:33 PM UTC
A pulse quivering
beneath translucent skin
I feel my heart waver
I claw at the steel
on the edges of my sanity
My soul is aching
My heart vacant
forever wandering the desolate waste
of a solitary existence
forever creating the fantasies of love and companionship
to fill the void I must forever tread
Then an illuminating glow
splinters this grotesque nightmare
unchained from shackles of my own fabrication
Following the aurora
My heart ablaze with passionate love
the feeling euphoric
enraptured by beauty and brilliance
Such exquisiteness is unparalleled
The light
and beauty
and I
combine in harmony.........
and I am liberated.
Jan 2, 2013
Jan 2, 2013 at 10:45 PM UTC
I feel so cold…
Satin waters caress my body
Skin licked by a cold flame
Sinking deeper into oblivion
Eyes colored ebony
What a sweet song…
The memory of a life once lived
My breath floats away
The color and beauty of the world
Is carried with it
The music begins a crescendo
And in this moment
I am unified
Gazing with starlit eyes
I say goodbye to the world I live in
To the harmonies of love and suffering
To the chorus of nature
I say adieu to the wonder of the world
To curiosity
My essence trapped in tiny buoyant bubbles
I realize this moment I feared for so long
Is the most breathtaking moment of life
I feel life ending in a triumphant symphony
In a swift dance, a waltz, a lullaby
With a gracious gesture
I wave my hand goodbye
I close my eyes
I am devoid of pain
I am finally whole
Dec 27, 2012
Dec 27, 2012 at 11:43 PM UTC
I wake up in a haze,
Dazed, wondering through a fog of
People, faces, voices
Breath, laughter
Clusters of long forgotten memories
Opening up those scars
That have twice healed over
Exposing them once again
Bleeding, dark droplets
And the dream deepens
As the essence flows
Through a stained body
A stained existence
Yearning for self redemption
I know not pity
To Caress me down
Sweet silk decadence
A flower known as a child
The petals buried deep
Into the earth
Awakened again
When the nostalgia ceases
When poison desires are expunged
The candle lit
When I am free
From myself
The laughter excavated
From the hollows of my soul
Memories of a willow,
Willow, willow
Widowed
Though I know not
Of a bond of gold
And silver, it is love
That I know of
And it was taken
And poisoned
With sweet elixirs
And gentle caresses
Laid to rest
Beautiful eyes
Beautiful lips
Memorized in their extravagance
But never known the same
As when she closed them
Forever lost
With distorted memories
In a world
That I cannot touch
With my crumbling hands
Left to wonder
If those eyes can be seen again,
Sweet deity of Venus
Golden locks that soothed
My troubles
I’ll fall asleep
Hoping to wake up
From this nightmare
Of this nothingness
And I
Will
Remember
What
Love
Was
Dec 27, 2012
Dec 27, 2012 at 11:36 PM UTC