I am sitting in a pool of my own confliction
wondering if losing you
is worth gaining the love I desperately crave
I've spent so long
debating on taking the leap that
I haven't noticed the water
has reached my mouth
now I am drowning
and unable to say anything at all
Oct 6, 2020
Oct 6, 2020 at 11:52 PM UTC
Wall to wall and ceiling to floor
They bounce and shake their sheltered home
My thoughts whirl in a whirlwind of smoke
One after the other, there they go
Chasing after one another innocently
My mind enjoys the play of tag
One moment its thinking of this
Another of thinking of that
My A.D.D. Is getting out of hand
Words that are spoken to me
Go over my head
My mind would rather dream instead
Work is a chore for my focus,
It wavers and is forgetful
My mind doesn't care if it is important
Sleeping is pitiful
For the dreams are bursting in
My mind that cannot rest
Getting up is a joke
The midnight dreams want to be relived
My mind is too nice to reject them
A shower takes hours
The water is so nice for a daydream to run wild
My mind gets clouded with the steam
Everyday task gets overwhelming
When my attention runs in the opposite direction
My mind decided to go and wander
A.D.D. Has left me insane
It had given birth to depression and anxiety
My mind is in shambles
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 7:51 PM UTC
Little fireflies flowing through the wind,
Twirling, swirling all the way in,
Through seep settled fog,
And a brief counter bog,
They shine a temporary light,
That makes the night seem bright;
Little butterflies flowing through the wind,
Up and down, and up and down they go flying in,
Bringing nectar to flowers and a show for others,
They go on and never bring bothers,
Instead they give the gift of colors,
To show the world the true making of their collars;
Little birdies flowing through the wind,
Twisting and turning through the passage of the bend,
They do not pay mind to the watching souls,
They rather bring joy to the newborn foals,
This proves their life has power,
Never do they have to show their cower;
Little gifts of life flowing through the wind,
Plowing through the sunny sky out of their whim,
Providing their bodies as a source of show,
Continuing their flights for the peoples bow,
Filling themselves with joyful laughter,
That we shall not bring to shatter.
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 12:00 PM UTC
Find me
Fine my heart
Find my pain
Find my sanity
Please
I beg of you
For I have gone
Too far without it
It has left an emptiness
A loneliness so deep
A numbness that spreads through me
That it boils over inside of me
I miss myself
I miss my heart
I miss the pain
I miss my sane
Just please
Find these things I need
I don't know how long I'll last
Without them here
With me
Sep 27, 2018
Sep 27, 2018 at 9:23 PM UTC
We didn't see the wind
We didn't see the rain
We didn't see the way
His eyes were sinking in
We didn't hear the storm
We didn't hear the thunder
We didn't hear the way
His voice grew vacant
We didn't feel the humidity
We didn't feel the cold
We didn't feel the way
His hands gripped ours
We didn't taste the water
We didn't taste the salt
We didn't taste the way
His words that were meant to invoke
We didn't smell the air
We didn't smell the tang
We didn't smell the way
He didn't take a shower
We didn't see him heal
We didn't hear him cry
We didn't feel him here
We didn't taste his pain
We didn't smell his self-hate
We didn't want to look
That far into him
Sep 27, 2018
Sep 27, 2018 at 8:27 PM UTC
Somehow I do not feel safe
In this big life of mine
I do not feel secure
Within these bonds of love
I do not know
Who I'm suppose to be
Or what I want to do
With this impending future I have
I feel so fake
In this world that people say
I'm accomplished in,
That I succeeded in
Yet, I've never felt more like a failure
In the entirety of my life
By preparing for college
And trying to live life
I cannot help but wonder
What my future holds for me
Or how I shall shape it
And I am in constant fear
Of making the wrong decisions
Of ******** away all of my best possibilities in life
There is so many roads to choose from
And I may not choose one at all
I may end the road I am already on
Will they call me a success then?
Will they still believe in my abilities in living life?
Would they still see me as their daughter, friend, and sister?
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
.
I'm slipping...
Winds from the past had blown hard.
Heavy clouds have returned.
Bearing gifts of broken shards,
memories discarded and mementos burnt.
I'm falling...
Footfalls fail as they sink in clay.
Fingers tremble as they grab at nothing.
The words are lost and the voice couldn't say.
The pills seem to have stopped working.
I'm regressing...
Into an all familiar territory.
A place I thought I had left far behind.
But I feel reconnected to a mirrored me.
The part I've missed since a new state of mind.
.
Aug 19, 2017
Aug 19, 2017 at 10:04 PM UTC
Where am I?
I don’t recognize this dark place,
Where cold arms have embraced me,
Clutching at my heart. My body’s inner-most core.
I have issues breathing,
This simple action I did without thought before has now become a painful challenge.
It feels as though I am drowning, being pulled deeper and deeper, where the water just gets progressively colder.
My chest is tight, my lungs are straining.
Once things were so simple.
Where have I been brought to?
I don’t remember heading for this place,
Nor even have the slightest memory of wanting to travel here.
No, not the smallest fleeting memory.
Tears are a constant threat now.
Always there, ready to burst free from their bleary prison.
My throat, being squeezed from some unknown source,
Gives me hardship when I attempt to speak.
To say out loud what it is that ails me.
Instead, I am unable to,
I refuse,
To allow someone in.
The fear of being ridiculed at the tip of my mind,
While forbidden thoughts and longings are stored in the back.
There are no words, can be no words,
To express this immense confusion.
This lack of direction…
Where…am I?
May 12, 2017
May 12, 2017 at 2:00 PM UTC