It's not my
Heart
that's broken
it's my
Soul
unwinding itself
into millions
of decaying pieces
seeping out of my skin like
broken glass
starving my lungs and
killing my mind
slowly burning my blood away
until I'm nothing
but a wilted shell of rotten flesh
and shattered bones
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 1:56 PM UTC
Oh, how I miss you
You still cast a shadow
In the back of my brain, I feel the sting
Oh, what I'd give to kiss you
And tell you you're forgiven,
I cannot sleep, I cannot eat at all
But I try to force it down,
The memories I'm left with,
But they crawl up through my throat
And knock out all my teeth
So I can't enunciate the words
"I'm not over you"
I've given up on letting go
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 1:56 PM UTC
I have seen her a stealthily frail
flower walking with its fellows in the death
of light,against whose enormous curves of flesh
exactly cubes of tiny fragrance try;
i have watched certain petals rapidly wish
in the corners of her youth;whom,fiercely shy
and gently brutal, the prettiest wrath
of blossoms dishevelling made a pale
fracas upon the accurate moon….
Across the important gardens her body
will come toward me with its hurting ****** smell
of lilies….beyond night’s silken immense swoon
the moon is like a floating silver hell
a song of adolescent ivory.
Jan 13, 2015
Jan 13, 2015 at 7:33 AM UTC
if i believe
in death be sure
of this
it is
because you have loved me,
moon and sunset
stars and flowers
gold crescendo and silver muting
of seatides
i trusted not,
one night
when in my fingers
drooped your shining body
when my heart
sang between your perfect
*******
darkness and beauty of stars
was on my mouth petals danced
against my eyes
and down
the singing reaches of
my soul
spoke
the green-
greeting pale-
departing irrevocable
sea
i knew thee death.
and when
i have offered up each fragrant
night,when all my days
shall have before a certain
face become
white
perfume
only,
from the ashes
then
thou wilt rise and thou
wilt come to her and brush
the mischief from her eyes and fold
her
mouth the new
flower with
thy unimaginable
wings,where dwells the breath
of all persisting stars
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 2:29 PM UTC
If my depression were human, like myself, it would possess no gender.
Astonishingly impatient, it would easily upset;
Every little detail, from meal times to dress,
Could trigger a hate-storm of words and fists
Plummeting down upon my body, its own little punching bag.
If my depression were human,
it would adhere to my side without consent
Mirroring that bi-polar, abusive “relative”
A step-mother with clenching claws much too close to my neck one minute
Then handing over claims of caring and loving me the next.
I am forced to face hell whenever it visits,
But if gone for too long,
I begin to miss its presence.
And if my depression were human, it would live restlessly.
Through exercise it could relax a while, but
with its unruly schedule, the time may never surface.
It tries to sleep often and I try my best to assist
--tea and music to calm the mind--
but most often insomnia
leaves it beside me for hours, burning on and on
this flame eating at my insides:
A voice I cannot ignore.
The lack of sleep driving its nerves and emotions
On even less stable ground.
Sleeping pills no longer work to calm its overactive mind
And this throat-burning ***** works for only a few hours
Sitting in the shadows with only the bottle to numb the pain
For us both.
If my depression were human,
it would force its way between myself and others,
destroying every potential relationship,
friendship and otherwise,
before even a chance at an emotional connection arises;
driving even the most persistent ones to give up in exhaustion.
I would live alone with it
And it with me
It would tell me that it loves me, but turn
And stab at my wrists
At my arms
At my legs
Shedding blood and claiming that
That would prove my devotion.
If my depression were human,
life would not be life,
I would not be me.
Eventually I could no longer hide behind a fabricated smile:
to pretend would pain my damaged mind past its tolerance
and my body would begin to lose hope as well.
I could try to run away,
with substances or therapy,
but the effects only fade and leave me alone
with it
Once more.
And unfortunately,
Depression is human.
A parasitic one
Living in and draining the mind of its host.
Slowly killing every emotion,
Until even pain loses its effects.
Dominating relationship after relationship.
Birthing 350 million loners.
Ending 350 million lives,
Whether literally, or emotionally.
Those who survive and learn to file it away
may never know themselves again.
Forced to worship pills that eat their true selves,
all for this demonic being
that leaves them numb,
cold,
and empty.
*As I stand now, face to face
with my own demons,
no longer lurking in the shadows,
I realize
I have lost the war,
as my throat counts the blue bullets
leading to my sanity.*
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 6:56 PM UTC
Wide eyes plead, tell me you love me,
Little hands held out,
Can you show me the way?
Before the serpent whispers,
Before hands and words can distort,
Fully dependent, an unbroken dreamer, A heart wide open.
Little heart full of love,
Little mind,unashamed.
I wish you could stay, little one.
To never know life's sting,
Never know how much it hurts.
Will you find the Sun, in this dark, cold place?
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 7:19 PM UTC
A broken heart.
No one to hold on to,
nothing to mend it
or bring it back.
A million pieces,
fallen to the ground.
Sad and alone
in a dark empty space,
Left to cry,
in a cold, forgotten place.
Left to die.
Jumbled up in a scattered soul.
A broken dream,
no hope to reach it,
nothing to keep it alive
or help it breathe.
A thousand tries,
failed to reach anything.
Dead but never died,
scared but never tried.
In a place I've never known,
Left alone
in my own empty mind,
on the borderline,
left to fall off the edge
No where to go
with a broken heart
and a broken soul.
Walking all alone
into the unknown.
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 7:17 PM UTC
the scent of you would be my favorite perfume. I'd walk to your doorstep,
as early as two. Because I want to feel that indescribable feeling. I wan't to be with you.
and it's not *** or desire that I'm looking for. it's the warmth from your hair, the fire from the blanket we both share.
but for now, I can only absorb my dreams. Pretend it's my only reality. only. why can't it be? See the struggle that is approaching me?
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 7:15 PM UTC