I'm writing for the hell of it
for the sake of writing
for the sake of escape
from the begging ideas
taunting my already forsaken mind.
The brain,
or the mind?
One in the same.
One the center of my universe,
cause and effect,
motion, inertia,
creation of my entirety.
The other,
breaking me down,
with each passing thought.
My world on fire.
My spirit, my being, my reason for life.
My aching for death.
Yes,
one in the same.
Working together, to control each other.
forcing me into every god forsaken breath
that I've never wished to take.
Yet, building within me this
immense love.
Forcing me to contort my hideous face
into this god forsaken smile.
No idea what to feel.
Physically, or emotionally.
Hurts to breathe.
Hurts a lot more not to.
Hurts to love.
Hurts a lot more not to.
Simple solutions.
Love with all of my mind.
heart, body, and soul.
Live with all of my brain.
heart pumping, body moving, soul loving.
One in the same.
Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 12:31 AM UTC
Everlasting Love,
confined by time restrictions.
let me linger, please.
Jul 14, 2014
Jul 14, 2014 at 9:38 PM UTC
How have I become
the woman
sitting with tear welling eyes
reading bukowski
alone at the bar
ignoring the strippers
no matter how tempting
ignoring the presence
of your smile across the room
begging to see my own
because darling
i could love you
if i could see through these tears
Or past those naked *******
Jun 14, 2014
Jun 14, 2014 at 3:10 PM UTC
Every person
capable of love.
Yet we struggle
loving ourselves.
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 1:13 AM UTC
Made again to feel unworthy.
he tells me its no surprise.
Don't have expectations.
life is a murderous thing.
Trying so hard,
to keep my soul to myself.
Trying harder even
to convince you to share your own.
No explanations.
None needed, none deserved.
But heart wrenching guilt,
simply for being myself.
Knowing, daily, that I will Never earn
the love of a man of your caliber.
Flirting again. Your best friend.
outside, hope eludes me.
On the inside I cannot let go
of the ever crushing pain of hope.
Unanswered texts.
Wasted wishes of a wasted man.
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 1:34 AM UTC
I can still taste
last nights smokey kisses,
under the sturdy tree.
sitting on the front porch,
begging for a never ending night.
begging for more tonight.
wondering about the entirety
if still there is any reality.
assumptions,
finally proven wrong.
May 28, 2014
May 28, 2014 at 5:22 AM UTC
already promising life times,
fearless.
finally.
ready to let go.
May 24, 2014
May 24, 2014 at 1:06 AM UTC
here I am,
breaking every promise
I've made to myself.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 2:45 AM UTC
Why am I thinking of you,
in these moments.
Knowing, there is no chance.
smitten.
Infatuated.
dying for your attention.
Maybe if I dress up.
Curl my Hair.
Make up my face.
wear a dress to hug all of my curves.
Maybe if you look at me
and only see
the ****** thoughts
That have consumed me
for so long.
maybe,
you'll push me into
that wall
and slam your body into mine
Maybe the heat between our bodies
will be unbearable
and you'll finally
succumb to me.
or maybe,
I will show up in sweats,
with my hair thrown up,
and I'll cry on your bed
while you cook me some
Comfort foods.
and everything will
be like it always is.
While you think
I am still crying over him,
and not you.
May 16, 2014
May 16, 2014 at 8:53 PM UTC
Monsters, hiding in reality.
I see the face of jealousy.
Two dollar ******
your words, not mine.
but that's fine.
Cowering, hiding, whatever the word.
Men to save the day.
Bacon feeding,
"that was hot"
drinks on a later date.
Little things in life,
showing where I need to be.
Four in the morning.
Marlboro packs.
walk me home, please?
Building memories,
with new friends.
falling in love with life.
monsters.
not always a bad thing.
Not all bad, anyways.
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 9:13 PM UTC