Behind closed doors I see the world
Others look, but cannot see...
To look into the pain of a beating heart
To see the cape of black surrounding love
Why must I hide?
Why must I live in fear?
I want to feel brave,
But it’s not possible.
I’ve been locked away, behind closed doors.
Alone in the dark,
Thoughts rush through my head.
I want to express my feelings,
I want to be myself
But life has cursed me.
Am I a slave of love?
I’m forced to watch its powers
But never feel for myself.
My heart is locked away with the rest of me.
It still has the urges
To reach out...
to love.
But if I reach out, I will be attacked.
If I reach out, I will be hurt.
If I reach out, the world will see me bare.
If the world sees me, I’m doomed.
I’m forced to watch love, and never experience it.
Is this what the world is supposed to be?
Am I supposed to be locked behind closed doors?
Am I meant to just be a prop in this silly game of God?
Why aren’t there answers?
Why can’t I be cured?
Why can’t the world see ME?
Alas, this is what I wonder
As the darkness draws me back in,
As my heart is draped with a black curtain,
I must stay here.
Locked behind closed doors.
Locked from the world.
Locked from me.
Maybe one day I can eventually leave this darkness...
But sadly once I leave this barren space,
I believe there is only more darkness to come
The darkness to come won’t be caused by me however,
Others will cause it.
So I guess the question to answer is, “which darkness is lighter?”
My darkness?
Or the world’s?
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:16 PM UTC
If I fall asleep
I won't have to think anymore
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:14 PM UTC
I'll take whatever comes my way.
No longer happy with myself.
Although you've taken my pride away.
I believe these drugs will help.
The devil's sitting on my shoulder.
Angel's nowhere in sight.
I pray that when I get much older, everything will come to light.
When it comes to the end of day.
My demons will come out to play.
What I thought was happiness isn't true.
Look at the stars, they shine for you.
The storm has come and I can't see them.
Don't want to be here, I'd rather be them.
Do you ever feel like your world's at end?
Desensitize my mind and all that is meant.
How can I believe that my heart is heaven sent?
Repeatedly convinced that I am not who I dreamt.
Wish I could see what I saw when I slept.
My heart in his palm, that he kept.
Optimus Prime on a pretty orange pill.
Swallow my pride and my body stands still.
Numbing every emotion that I could possibly feel.
Seems as if I don't know what's real.
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:13 PM UTC
a slit I promise
soon it becomes a deep cut
blades of the menacing knife pierces through the cold skin
blood oozes
you wish your grief would be gone with the pain but it lasts temporarily
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:10 PM UTC
you shrivel in fear
afraid of the bleak future that lies ahead of you
every day you await for death
but life lurks around you
and keeps you from jumping off the building
you were given hope yet you wished hope would be with someone else
death is all you're looking forward to
death brings you hope
in a strange way
no one understands
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:08 PM UTC
sometimes you have to accept
that you just can't sleep
as the memories begin to creep
and trickle into your heart
reminding you of company
you still long to keep
Jun 13, 2015
Jun 13, 2015 at 12:05 PM UTC
*i could ****
myself
or
my mind
but either way
i will be
dead*
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 6:40 AM UTC
Depression is the teddy bear you get as a little kid that you still seem to keep around as a bed decoration no matter how old you are
You sleep on it
Cry on it
Squeeze it
You're never able to let it go
It clings to you like an old memory that you never want to forget
You feel sick for loving it because you feel you've moved on
But you haven't and you think about it every day and you can't sleep because it stares at you in the eyes every time you try and whispers "no one cares" and you eat it up like your favorite left overs
Anxiety is the spine you carry in your back that bends and twists in ways you never thought
You feel agile and alive but other times it's a burden that weighs you down and you feel you could snap at any second
People try to help you but you bend over backwards trying to fix yourself but it just never ******* works so you blame yourself thinking you cannot be saved
Paranoia is the constant fear I have that all my friends aren't my friends
It's the feeling that all the right people hate me and all the wrong ones praise me
That looking at him and his friends makes me so jealous, I believe that he never wants to talk to me again that I'm just a problem, a text that he rolls his eyes at whenever he sees it's me messaging him
And the worst part is that it feels like home
When I'm engulfed in the thoughts I have when I'm alone I can't help but smile because my problems are all I know
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 6:39 AM UTC
she gazed at the dazzling stars
and wondered if she could be one of them
burning in the day
sparkling at night
bringing light to others
Jun 12, 2015
Jun 12, 2015 at 6:32 AM UTC