you hurt me
like no one else has
you were the last person
i thought would ever do this
I've been hurt before
but not by you
until now
until this
you're just like them
and i hate saying that
but i hate what you did more
you are my love
my life
my everything
the one i was going to spend my life with
but you ****** up
oh man did you **** up
so bad
and now i don't know what to do
with myself
or you
with us
i take myself out of the situation
and i have my answer
but i am in it
and so my answer changes
i think if this were a movie
id be yelling at the girl to leave
but its me
and so I'm saying stay
i am in love with you
but i know my worth
you say you're sorry
i don't know what to believe
you lied to my face
and broke my heart
you broke my trust
and all i could do was cry in your arms
lemonade album is on repeat
and i can't get you out of my mind
or my sight
i have never been so confused
on which path to take
what will i regret doing
leaving
or staying
i regret introducing you to my family
i regret showing you my heart and mind
i regret moving in with you
i regret our love
you broke my heart
and i don't know what to do
you're just like them
"it won't happen again"
"I'm sorry"
"i don't know what i was thinking"
but they were never the ones
you were the one
but i don't think you can be the one
anymore
you ****** up
more than you think
and no one even knows
no one knows the tears i cry
the notes i make
the pages i fill
the mind i attack
the heart I'm trying to rebuild
everything you did
turned to ****
i walk alone now
something i thought id never have to do again
i stand alone
and i will rise alone
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 6:51 PM UTC
why do you write
to float.
to soar
to explore my own thoughts
to explore the skies
the grass
the corners
and alleys
every crevice of my mind.
i write to learn
i write to be happy
i write to let off steam
i write to float off
and dream
of skies that are purple and pink
the grass that is blue and brown
the people that are pink
the skin that is changing
i write to create new things
create new worlds
create new rules
i write all the rules away
i write all my fears away
i write to choose my world
the one that is chosen for me
cannot control what i write
they cannot influence what i write
i write
and write
because I can
I can do whatever I want when I write
I can float
And writing is the only thing that can lift me
And that is why I write
Nov 15, 2018
Nov 15, 2018 at 2:07 AM UTC
it makes me feel
it makes me float
and discover new things
i see the world in a new light
maybe the right one
where everything is a theory
everything is not as it seems
everything is your mind
you see things
that you didn't see before
you think about life
like you have never thought about it before
you reflect
and imagine
and laugh
and each room is a different world
universe
galaxy
you're awake
forever
you drift to different lands
you're peaceful
you think you're enlightened
until its been 12 hours
and you come back down
you're placed back into your room
and its just four walls painted a sand colour
with your textbooks and laptop on your desk
and your laundry sitting on the floor
the floor that is still
and hard
and isn't going anywhere
you're back
in this "life"
thats so dead, you wonder why it would ever be called life
so you sit on your desk chair
open your laptop
do your assignments
and continue on with this pre assigned path
with pre assigned ideals
you can't veer off
unless you decide
to take a trip
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 12:42 PM UTC
he's the one
i know he is
the way he makes me feel
the way he cares for not only be but for everyone else
hes smart
he's happy
he's healthy
funny
inspiring
cute
athletic
i miss him the second he leaves
but I'm happy knowing he's living his best life
i find comfort in him even when he's not around
we're silly together
we laugh
we dance
we sing
we argue but we work through it
we understand the other persons point of view
we respect each other
i know his family
he knows mine
and i hope someday our families merge
and then we create our own new family
i don't know exactly what i want in life
but i know who i want to share it with
its only been a year and a half
but when you know, you know
if things keep going this way,
i know i will always be happy
he takes care of me
he loves my nieces
and i hope one day they get to call him uncle
he is one of a kind
and it makes me cry of happiness to know that i found him
he is everything to me
i hope he is always happy
and healthy
and i hope he gets his dream job
and always has days with the boys
we're on a journey
together
there are bumpy roads
smooth roads
rain
sunshine
hills
and suburban roads
but the music is always on full blast
and our tone deaf singing is even louder
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 12:56 AM UTC
I'm sad again
and sometimes i think i know why
but other times i really have no clue
i could write a list of all the things going wrong in my life
but i could write a longer list of all the things going right in my life
yet i want to crawl into bed
and cry
and cry
and cry
and never come out
i want to hibernate
i want to swear at the world
and go axe throwing to let off some steam
at the same time
i want to hug all my loved ones
get together with them and eat cake
i want to go out to a paint night
and laugh with all of my friends
i want to travel
explore
find myself
and smile so much that my cheeks begin to hurt
but I'm still sad
and i don't want to leave my room
i do
but i don't
i don't know what i want
i don't know why I'm like this
i don't know how ill ever accomplish anything
if i don't even know what I'm doing right now
which is nothing
Sep 11, 2018
Sep 11, 2018 at 3:38 PM UTC
i miss you so much
and it bothers me
that you will never be able to meet him
the man of my dreams
the one who restored my faith
the one i am in love with
it bothers me that you can't meet him
you won't be there for my wedding
you won't be there to see your grandkids
its hard not having you around
i want to share all these moments with you
but i can't
ever.
Aug 24, 2018
Aug 24, 2018 at 4:48 PM UTC
i wonder what your reaction would be
if you really knew
if you really truly knew
i wonder if you would be closer to me
or further away
would she bring us closer
or tear us apart
maybe i don’t tell you
because deep down i already know
maybe i already know what would happen
but it doesn’t matter anymore anyways
its too late
she’s already here
under this roof
in my moms room
on my moms deck
drinking from my moms mugs
sitting on my moms chair
theres nothing i can do
but wallow
and have self pity
but of course that doesn’t help anyone
except maybe give me a bit of release
but at the same time i feel like I’m a guest
in my own house
i don’t feel like this is a home anymore
i feel like i don’t have a home
i don’t feel that i am at home for the summer months
i feel as though
i am visiting
and you are patiently
or impatiently
waiting for me to leave in september
i feel like a burden
but at the same time
i am the only one who cares about anything
and you wonder why i cry
every night
and refuse to talk about it with you
how can i
when the person who makes me cry
is the person you put infront of me
what would you say
if i told you
the one tearing your daughter down
is the one person you give everything to
Aug 24, 2018
Aug 24, 2018 at 4:40 PM UTC
I'm sad
but i don't know why
thats a lie
i do know why
but i don't know why today
why is it bothering me
today
this is not something new
nor necessarily old
it just is
and today is just today
i don't know where i am
in my mind
i don't know who to talk to
about what i feel
and why i feel it
today
and not yesterday
i am sad
for many reasons
reasons that i keep to myself
reasons that make me feel empty
i want to scream
but at the same time
i want to lay on my back
and not make a sound
i want to cry
but also laugh
i want to run my car into a ditch
and be admitted into the hospital
so that i can still walk out
days later
and act as if nothing happened
i don't know what to do
i don't know anything
i don't know what i want
or who i want
i just don't know anymore
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018 at 10:23 PM UTC
i feel trapped
kind of like rapunzel
but this is my choice
i choose to not leave my room
not because i like staying in my room all day
without any food
or human interaction
but thats exactly it
i would rather starve and cry in my room all day
than go downstairs
to see her face
in my moms house
in my moms kitchen
id rather cry
in my room
alone
staring at my grey and burgundy walls
than see her
ever
id rather starve
in my room
than go see my dad treat her better
than he ever treated my mom
id rather be alone in my room
than see him erase my mom from the house
by painting the walls a different colour
by misplacing things in the cupboards permanently
by taking down all of her photos
by putting in new furniture to us that is familiar with that one
id rather go unheard
in my room
in my house
while my head implodes
Jul 7, 2018
Jul 7, 2018 at 1:12 PM UTC
i wanted to go back to my old room so bad.
because of the colours of the walls,
the view from the window,
and the memories of my mom.
the memories are the exact reason why i should never go back into that room.
its my past self.
never go back.
always move forward.
that room holds secrets.
secrets i cannot tell and secrets that have been told.
i was suicidal in that room.
i even attempted suicide in that room.
i wrote my suicide notes and cried myself to sleep in that room.
i was physically and emotionally abused by my father in that room.
my current room is when i shed a layer of myself
and began to see that i needed more help than i thought.
and thats really the first step.
the most important step.
the hardest and tallest step.
realizing you're more ****** up than you ever thought you were. but realizing it in a way that makes you want to change for the better.
May 24, 2018
May 24, 2018 at 12:20 AM UTC