cheyenne-bishop
I suffer from an anxiety disorder I take care of my little brother, sister and sick father while my mother works, my oldest brother is deployed and my other brother is married and gone. I'm a junior in high school and struggling with an eating disorder, depression, and my anxiety disorder. its hard but i'm learning how to get through it
Of course its hard
Me being here and you being there
But to know someone 4 states away from me can love me so much
I lay in bed at night with you on the phone next to me
All I think about is you physically holding me and kissing me
I would do anything to get you here with me
You say i saved you from so many things
If you only knew how many things you have saved me from
I love you with everything i have
Everything i can give i would give to you
My hearts been broken and yet you managed to put it back together
Babe, you're the one i want to spend the rest of my life with.
For better or worse,
For richer or for poor,
In sickness and in health
i will always love you.
i may not be able to touch you but to see your face every morning when you send me that picture and to hear you laugh every night on the phone is the comfort i need
It shows me how much you love me.
Not everyone will understand how we manage to do this,
But as long as me and you together can understand and love through the distance.
It'll be ok......
everything will be ok
Aug 15, 2015
Aug 15, 2015 at 10:57 PM UTC
Staring blankly at the wall
The words they say replaying
Its time
I try to fight but the pain is too much
Im done
u leave me stranded on an island with no where to go
Im alone
The pain the worry but you dont care you leave me
Im hurt
Im drowning in the words, the pain and the worries
It time to say goodbye
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 1:08 AM UTC
He sat there
I saw the sadness in his eyes
He looked at me straight in the eyes and said
"They bully me"
"Who bullies you?" I ask him
"My friends at school they call me names"
"What do you say back to them"
"Nothing I have to look strong or
They will call me a cry baby"
"Its ok to cry they are hurting you
When we hurt we cry" I say
"I do cry at night in my pillow
Where momy cant hear me"
With tears in my eyes
And speechless I think
What has this society came to?
A NINE YEAR OLD is crying in
His pillow where no one can hear him
To look stong infront of bullies
I tell him everything will be ok
And he look at me crying
"Sometimes I wish mommy never had me"
I lost it... how can this little boy
So passionate
So heartfelt
So quite
So sweet
Be going through something
so horrible
So tragic
So breaking?
This little boy goes through something
Something he hides so hes not
Bullied more
The worst part is....
Hes only nine.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 6:55 PM UTC
There's a knock on the door
I said don't come in
Anxiety lives beneath my skin
It sits on the couch
which is my heart
tearing my whole world apart
It never cares to wipe its feet
trailing my chest
with bright red streaks
Get out of my house
this isn't fun
oh my God my arm is numb
Pick up your **** I want you out
I can't even scream
I can't even shout
Close the door
behind you tight
I hate this ******* fight or flight
What did you steal what did you rob
I'm so confused
I'm in such a fog
It's all coming back now
I see it clear
Just exactly what I fear
...You've left the door cracked...
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 7:19 AM UTC
"Hello, remember me?"
Her anxiety says to her every single day.
"Hello, remember me?"
There it is again. It is an unwanted guest that always seems to come up at the worst times.
Anxiety.
It is like a bug.
An infestation deep inside her, with no way out and it controls her each an every day.
It controls her..
every thought she think..
every word she says..
But more importantly,
it controls every thought she DOESN'T think
and every word she DOESN'T say.
It keeps her from things, not even giving her the option to choose for herself.
Sep 11, 2014
Sep 11, 2014 at 7:09 AM UTC
where is the love?
the love shes been waiting for?
the love that will hold her when she cries
the one she can joke with
laugh with
act stupid with?
tell me where is he?
it seems he is nowhere
nowhere to be found
she wants that love
that love that understands he pain her last one caused
the struggle shes been through
she wants that love that when he says she beautiful she believes it
where is he?
where is that love?
as she waits and waits and looses hope
she starts realizing she doesn't understand where he is
she waits patiently in hopes he is going to show up
but shes only 17
shes rushing her life
she needs to realize that love will come one day
not right away but one day.
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 4:04 PM UTC
she wonders who she is
she looks in the mirror crying seeing those scars
from every single comment made
she watches as her makeup drains down her face
and her eyes swell from the tears
the tears that resemble all of her flaws
she sits there and says
why? Why cant I look like that?
her parents ask what she wants for dinner
but she refuses to eat in hopes she looks like
those models from the magazine
her friends tell her shes gorgeous
but yet she still looks in that mirror
and sees the girl she hates
the girl she never wanted to be
the girl she isn't
but yet she cant get past that because of society
we say its ok we understand
but yet if we did why do we still criticized people?
you say you see right through her but yet she is crying
and all you are doing is standing there watching.
her true beauty is shining through but nobody is looking
nobody see that she can be the happiest person
but with you sitting there pointing fingers
being a backstabber
bullying
causing all this pain and all she wants is to be happy
her true beauty is gorgeous she is the person people
want to be around
the girl that is goofy and smiles at everything
shes the person you can come to with any problem
shes the one you know you have a shoulder to cry on
but yet once again nobody realizes it
no one sees the pain
or the sadness in her eyes
all the see is a girl that strives for attention
a girl who wants to be thrown out there
someone who will spread her legs just to get guy to like her
but she isn't that girl
her true beauty is a girl who will give you the
shirt off her back just to help you
the girl who will answer her phone at 4 in the morning to talk
if you have a problem
she wishes people would see past the lies
see past the rumors and realize who she really is
the only problem is that girl is starting to disappear
she is loosing faith as much as shes loosing weight
as the tears hit her pillow she knows that girl she once was is
going down,
shes becoming someone she didn't want to be
the person she always hated
but she still see just a little bit
only a little bit
of her true beauty
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 3:52 PM UTC
He tells her he loves her
and hes telling the truth?
how does she know its true?
when he tells her shes stupid?
when he puts the bruises reminding her of that night?
when he screams in her face?
when he pushes her against the wall with the gun to her head
seconds from killing her?
when she cries at night and he tells her to shut up?
No
That is not love
Love is not cowardness
HE is cowardness
and THATS the truth..
Sep 10, 2014
Sep 10, 2014 at 6:34 AM UTC
she sits in the room wanting to be loved
she gets to her new house thinking she's loved
she takes the hits wishing she was loved
she's bullied at school waiting to be loved
she meets someone thinking she's loved
she screams no while being ***** still wanting to be loved
she takes the pills hoping someone will love her
she gets to the gates hoping she's loved
she looks at him and he says
stop waiting for love
stop thinking your loved stop wishing your loved
you ARE and always have been loved .
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 7:18 PM UTC
she cries hearing your name
she cries knowing your not there
she cries at night thinking about you
she cries when she sees your picture
she cries not knowing if your coming home
she cries when she smells your cologne
she cries reading your letters
she cries when she hears your getting deployed
she cries when she hears your going to be gone for a year
she is constantly crying
she is your little sister....
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 5:26 PM UTC