When skies flash and dark tides boil,
And the land’s set all aflame,
I’ll close my eyes and face the morrow,
To be a soldier born again.
Through shattered rock and broken stone,
Through vacant, barren squares ,
A curse upon who struggles on,
For on them the burden bares.
With ****** lip and battered bone,
The human treks the sand,
A victim to the past, not present,
Desolation of the land.
Those that find are left behind,
Can thank the stars they are.
But worser things than deathly sleep
Leave a different kind of scar.
If and when the 'end time' comes
For the untimely task to take,
A head held high, a glimpse of sky
Can freedom and hope make.
May 2, 2013
May 2, 2013 at 11:30 AM UTC
I remember
When I was younger
I used to think you looked just like John Smith
In that movie
I played over, and over
And I wanted to marry someone just like him
The world turns quickly
And troubled times make you tough
But when you turned to a cruel man
Your daughter stopped being good enough
Hey, Hey
What'cha doin', what'cha doin' now?
You stopped being a shelter, when the whole world howled
Ohh
What a day, to make a girl run away
A thousand miles
For safety, I ran
But to a little girl
You should have been Superman
I wonder
If you miss me
If you regret just what you did, and how?
If you ever
Think about me
Or care if I'm alive, or what I'm doing now?
And you let dust
Collect where my pictures used to be
And I'm not sorry
'Cause I wont be sorry for being free
Hey, hey
What'cha doin, What'cha doin now?
The sun is getting warmer, and I'm not sure how
Ohh
The longer I'm away, I know that all you caused was pain
Because of you
I had to be stronger, and
To a little girl,
You should have been Superman
It's been years now,
And I'm older
Old enough to see all you did and said were lies
Everyday
In the mirror
I see less and less of you behind my eyes
Now there's a man
And he loves what he sees in them
And it sure won't be you
To walk me down the aisle, when I marry him
Hey, Hey
What'cha doin', What'cha doin' now?
Without you, I still grew, now I'm strong and proud
Ohh
Someday, I'll have a baby with this good-hearted man
She'll be his whole world
And he'll hold her hand
In her eyes
He's gonna be Superman
Hey, hey,
I'm so happy with where my life is now
I made it, I changed it, and you'll never see how
Ohh
It makes me cry, when I think of how good
It's gonna be
With me and my man
Our little family
With my Superman
Mar 20, 2013
Mar 20, 2013 at 7:55 PM UTC
The warrior clings,
Claws, fights to fight
Still with bullets in her back
She crawls
The wind howls persistently,
Consistently blows
Against the trees
When they refuse to bow
The water beats and leaks,
Drips on stone
To wear it down, drown it
Even if it takes one hundred
Lives and paths around the Earth
The salmon leap dams
Until their silver flesh
Grows blue and bruised,
Their insides batter,
And still they climb
The birds fly south
A thousand miles from
All they know,
With the threat of frost
On their feathers
When they survive another year,
When the salmon bare children,
When the stone finally moves
And gives way to a new fresh spring,
When the trees crash,
And new life sprouts
From the deadened base,
When the soldier takes the final blow…
These helpless participants
In a world they didn't design
Become the catalyst, key
For a whole new world to blossom and bloom
They're not in it for the thrill
For their health,
While with broken, blackend bodies
They bleed onward
They don't do it
Because they want to
Or because they were encouraged
Or because it was commanded of them
They don't do it because law
And nature demands,
Or because they are programmed to
There's no wealth,
No thoughts of glory
In those moments at the end
When it is "succeed or fail"
They do it because they must.
Because not doing it isn't an option
Because a life without their deeds
Is not life
Because if they don't… their world will die.
It is for this same desire
Same perseverance,
Insistence
Tenacity
Relentlessness
With no option but to keep fighting
No other words but "fight",
No other thoughts but "do"
No other breaths
Than the small gasp of pain
Followed by the determined gulp of air
It is with the same breaths that I cannot cease
Cannot desist
Cannot resign
Cannot send in the white flag
Cannot accept the fate
Cannot let it be
That you are slipping away.
I must take the beatings, and keep fighting.
I must accept the wounds, the bullets,
And keep crawling for you.
I must succeed.
I must keep fighting.
I must keep fighting.
I must keep fighting.
I must keep fighting.
Because dying isn't an option.
The war was won
The new life bloomed
The salmon bred
The birds survived the season
And we will see the light again.
Because it must be.
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:17 PM UTC
I lie awake in empty space
Unable to escape your lingering face
I close my eyes and feel myself fly
Across the soulless miles to where you are
Your window lets the moonlight in
Like an ethereal glow it lines your skin
Sweet and welcoming like summer
When I've known no other than ice
I have never before heard of
A pull like you have, my love
I have no choice but to answer your call
My body is determined to touch and feel
Please stay asleep dearest
As long as you are nearest
To me, I can remember how to breathe
Remember what it means to feel safe
Entranced by contented dreaming lips
I brush back your hair with fingertips
Wondering where you find such solace
And if you ever miss me in ways you shouldn't
I feel this ache inside my soul
Longing for the life that this world stole
Your arms are my cradle, your breathing
Sweet lullabies of sunshine and butterflies
Only here can I find rest
Tucked inside your sleeping breast
I can almost forget my body lies
Trembling, so far away when my heart is here
The cruelty of stern reality
Calls me back, it's time to leave
But I cannot move from you
Can't I stay with Butterflies and Sun?
I know you're not real or close
But **** it, I do know those
Dreams belong to us
Will we ever see the day when this is not mere wish?
Back alone, the air is still
My breath fogs against the chill
I turn over, and you are not there
I only allow myself one tear
For all the times I said 'I love you', and you couldn't hear it.
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:16 PM UTC
At one time, I had a secret place.
Full of mystery, of light, of grace,
An architecture of stone, wrapped
In silken vines and flowers
Clovered rock and broken pew
Abandoned but innocent, anew
It bloomed from the destruction
It had been carved from, to peace
To serenity, a dark past forgotten,
A new hope in silence, begotten
Yes, peace, serenity, new life,
Of these traits it sparkled through streaming sunlight
Last time I was there however,
I thought it to be the last, forever.
The rain had pounded relentless
And when I went to take shelter there
I found no soothing safety.
No evidence of serenity.
The clear beige stone painted then
With the blood of fifty bullets.
I dropped to my knees,
A new pain unleashed
A dark past repeated, the devastation,
Of what had once been good there.
Broken stone that had held
Warmth, life and strength; melds
Into cold, hard stone
Hewn from pillars with the bodies broken against it
War happened there, brutal and complete
And I crumbled with the walls, as sleet
Plundered down through the halls
And upon my shoulders, pinning me there
This place, my best friend, my escape
Had turned into a place of pain, even hate
Of self torture, of visions of blood
To relive the beheading of all that was good.
I ran from that place, I tried to never look back.
I let the home fade with the light- to black.
I made a new place, small, quiet and safe
Hidden from the world, forsaking my place.
Today, while staying in that hiding hole,
One day of now months, alone, but whole,
Used to this new refuge, safety in solitude
Secured in darkness no one can find
I heard the smallest of whispers, a flute
On the wind, familiar, but frightening,
Coming from within, a place I knew silenced
By gunfire and rain, I stood from my shelter, and I walked again
I left the dark safety, as if caught in a trance
Feet following a path, I once had tread with dance
That way was becoming overgrown, from so long unused
But I knew the way, naturally following the muse
Every step forward, quickened my breath
Do I dare go back and look, at the life turned to death?
Would it hurt all over again? It was cold when I left…
But that sound if coming from somewhere… if I just look-
Look! There… beyond the last turn
A glance of sunlight on stone wall, and my heart starts to yearn
My pace rushes with my pulse, to see the place still standing
In my thoughts, since leaving, I'd only dreamt of it crumbling
Through the forest, and onto the stone,
My best friend is wounded but… no longer alone.
The pain is still here, and I still want to cry
The blood stains are browning, fading since 'goodbye'
But I still see them, I remember the first
I remember seeing the blooms when they'd been dying of thirst
Bullet shells and broken chairs still litter the floor
Glinting in the sunlight, revealing even more
Pain, yes, but as I cross to the middle, a change
Something different, something new, something little.
The center of the courtyard, broken cobblestone had been torn
From the fighting, the battle, the tantrums, the storm
It had ripped away the stone and structure, busted it to bits
But here, in the middle, where it was laid bare… it's..
Growing. Something new, something persistent, green life
In the middle of what was born out of only weapons, lightning strike
Again, brought to my knees, I kneel at its side
I see the highlight of light, along the edges of leaves, and inside
Young still, fragile, but full of promise
Full of hope, and home, and a reminder of what was lost.
These same vines once curved around columns,
And as the glow of life returns to my eyes, I see, here they still do
Here it is growing in the new places
To mend, and stitch the new holes, and to close the old wounds.
Maybe this place… it can't be what it was.
You can't reforge stone, or simply paint over blood
But nature has a way, of doing its part
It will take what's left of this core, what was torn apart
And make a new place, with the same memories as the old
The same whispers of peace and serenity retold.
No it won't look the same, but if this continues to grow
A structure will turn into a Garden of Eden… and a new home.
With green glow back in my eyes, and strength back in my heart
I stand again, and I will do my own part
I will rebuild what I can, and create new for the rest,
And make it even better than it was before the test.
No matter how many gunmen, come knocking on the door
I will stand between them, and the place I adore
There is too much beauty still, and I will forsake us both never
This is my home. And I will protect it forever.
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:15 PM UTC
"The Ocean," she describes,
"Is unlike all else
A second, thriving world
Hidden in itself,
"A universe, an entity,
Stronger than most,
It can't be captured,
Confined, upon any one coast
"It's a playmate, a home,
A source of life,
A breathtaking beauty-
When seen from the side…
"But in the middle of its core
With no land in sight,
The Ocean is treacherous
Even when right
"At any one moment
In the calmest of seas,
A storm can arise
That brings you to your knees
"Tears, screams, fighting,
It won't turn the tides
The Sea churns its own way
Once you are inside
"You can't stop the waves from rolling,
No one can;
You can't cage the currents
Or hold them in your hand,
"The Ocean claims the lives
Of those that dare cross it
And should you look for land
You'll find you've had lost it
"It pulls you in mercilessly,
Cradling, and clawing,
A little of both
In each breath you are drawing,
"It's a life force, and death
The honesty of nature,
Hidden in every shell
Each reef, every fissure
"To be respected, and feared,
A power like no other,"
She looked at her hands,
And she started to shudder.
"Never to be controlled,
But will control us in turn,
The fury of water can scorch us,
Can burn…
"You're never the same,
After you swim,"
She took a breath from explaining,
Conflict, and turmoil, within.
"It's eighty percent of our world,
To some even more,
It gives us all life,
But commands even more
"The only force yet
To be tamed by man,
He doesn't understand
It's path over the sand
"The Ocean," she whispered,
"Is a terrible thing,
Beautiful, miraculous,
But a dangerous dream…
"No hostages, no quarter…
To withstand the journey,
You must have sheer will,
And be just enough crazy
"The Ocean," she said,
"Makes you feel small,
It's bigger than prejudice,
Than reason, than law
"The Ocean," she shivered,
"I only just found,
Is the only thing in this life
As equally profound…
"As love," she breathed,
"And here, as I sit,
Describing its powers,
Am I realizing it…
"So wild, so thrilling,
So dark, so beautiful,
So twisted, so intense,
So 'winner takes all',
"The Ocean is vast,
And as fickle as the heart
And once it catches you
It won't let you part
"Even if you want to…"
A drop of water spills from her eye
Her own bit of Ocean,
Falling from lidded green sky
"Love and the Ocean,
I understand now…
We don't choose how we feel
Nor how the storm howls..."
She describes all this,
On the edge of her boat
If she were to jump
Would she sink… or float?
Would the Sea deem her worthy,
And shelter her from strife?
Or would diving in be the final
Forfeit of her life?
Tear after tear
Fell into the waves
Love flowing,
No cry does she save
"It doesn't matter," she decides,
Falling inside
The coolness, and warmth
Wraps her into the tides
Yes, the Ocean is a force,
Not to be careless of,
But so is the force
Of a woman in love
What happens to her now,
Only the Ocean can say
But until it chooses
Here, she will stay.
And she, nor no one else
Can ever hope to tame…
The wild churning, deep within,
Caused just by his name…
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:15 PM UTC
Ropes and chains
Twine and twigs
Every ounce of burden
Straining, straining
Step again, drag my feet
Too heavy, it's too heavy
Crumple like paper
Knees in the mud
Weight on my shoulders
Sinking, sinking
Shouts and screams
Fall deaf on my ear
All I've ever heard
Now as silence
Spit while I'm down
Useless, I'm useless
Selfish for want of freedom
I owe you this
You insist I owe you this
Slaves do not dream
Do not think on things
Other than the master's approval
This is what you've done
This is why I am
To serve, to serve
Faithful, without question
To validate your own life
That, you say is my purpose
I'm crawling
But you add more weight
Sinking, sinking
You tell me to stay
Trap me with your ropes and chains
I slip, you threaten
To cast me out
To wolves and beasts
And vicious criminals
To cast me out of these walls
You scream
To leave me to fend for myself
In an existence of terror
"No!" I beg, I try harder
"Please, strike again!"
I beg for the pain
The pain is love
The whip is love
The shouting is love
These walls, these chains,
Love and protection,
Protection
Tie me down
To a place of expectations
That are self serving
To a world of rules
Of certainty
I trusted you
I believed in you
Believed I was doing the right thing
Blinded by your ignorance
As you taught it to me
Trapped, trapped
I can't move
You taught me
To not want to
Those wolves,
I can hear them
Laughing behind you
Laughing is wicked
You taught me that
Laughter is delusion
Is cruel
This is real,
This is certain,
This is safe
That is what you said
I look to that laughter
In disgust
What is that garish brightness?
It must be one of their tricks,
One of their deceptions
"It is light,"
Someone calls from
Behind your wall of safety
What is light?
It must be bad
There is none here,
And things not here are not good
It must mean lies
Light must be
Deception
You hit again
For looking
I should not look
It will lead me astray
Please, let me stay I beg
But it haunts me
That curious light
I do not know what it is
You do not know what it is
I want to see
What is that light?
That star behind you
Do stars exist?
In what is that, air?
My eyes sneak past you
Past the door
You yell at me for looking
But you always yell
I don't hear
But I see
For the first time, I see
Is that green stuff on the ground?
Not mud, not unyielding stone
Something soft, something gentle
Do such things exist?
"Grass," the distant voice names
Grass… it is something
Can something so different be?
What does it do?
What is its purpose?
To serve?
"No, not to serve,"
Then what?
Why does it exist, if not to serve?
To serve…
You add more weight,
To remind me
Remind me,
Of my place
There is familiarity,
Familiarity in rock and stone
And pain
I could ask you to strike me
One more time
So I could feel the love
You taught me
That is what pain means
Grass is scary
Flowers are scary
Sun, wind, sea,
These pleasantries that are
Evil in your eyes
But they beckon to me
I shift in the mud
Of this home
Restless
Restlessness is new
Restlessness is dangerous
HALT! You do not want me
Looking that way
Halt, stay,
Obey, obey,
Head down
More weight
I don't think to question
But I look
I look to see
Something different
Something so soft,
Something so sweet
How does it taste?
How does it feel?
Like evil, you say
Like the destruction of certainty
And society
And all that makes us strong
I almost believe
You sound so sure
You taught me never to question
And for so long I knew it was right
But… that light…
I take step forward
You scream and snap your whips
Dishonor, dishonor
They are like hugs
As you have taught
Out of love
I open my mouth to ask
"Disrespect, Disrespect!"
Anger, fury
I am disobeying
I dare question,
This world you have built
Out of rules and ignorance
Another step,
The burden is slipping
Disappointment,
Disappointment
That light ahead
Feels good
Feels warm
Feels right
So strange that
There be happiness
Outside of certainty
Outside of law
"Stop stop!
I will cast you out
I will disown you
And you will never return!"
You shame me
With claims of hate
Of betrayal
I betrayed, I betrayed
Your orders
Are the orders
Of nature, you say
And I disobey them
"Betrayal, Betrayal"
But the 'wolves' say "Courage"
What is courage?
Courage is good? Or bad?
What do those smiles mean?
Can a face truly be that way?
How can this exist, if it is
Against nature
No,
It is against
Your nature
Something, something
Outside of your world
Exists
I am in awe
Fascination, imagination
There is color, there is life
All of these things I never knew
It draws me forward
This world outside of my own
Things I cannot name
Warmth and faith
"Betrayal, betrayal,"
But you
You dare not follow
You lock the gate behind me
"Never return,
Never return"
You growl,
You threaten
You turn your back on me
On one you claimed to love
Through slaps and whips
I am scared
Of not knowing
These soft colored
Blossoms
But you…
I realize,
I think,
For myself
You… you instead are afraid of knowing of them.
Your walls, I see now
I can see
Built with rules
Built with eyes closed
So you can feel safe
You protect yourself
You shut me out
I am contaminated
I am evil
I am not you,
Betrayal, Betrayal
I disappointed you
I am not welcome
There are fingers through my hand
There is softness in this touch
If pain means love, does this mean hate?
I don't understand
An embrace
This is soft
This is good
This light is the world
And to look back on yours
Yours is small, is closed, narrow
Cold and dense as stone
Unyielding, Unyielding
So small, so dark
"So safe"
You would argue
But I pity you
You feel strong
You command those beneath you
As little as they are
You feel safe
But I walk away
And see sky
See possibility
I feel fear, I feel uncertainty
But I feel freedom
I feel grass,
I feel light,
I feel love,
I feel life, I feel life.
Mar 1, 2013
Mar 1, 2013 at 3:12 PM UTC