Instrumental Instrumental, Please entertain my mental. The sounds I hear and feelings I portray, all affected by the mood I’m experiencing today.
Give me the ****** & help me imagine. Conjured by despair while suffering sadness, or rather aroused with the sensation of happiness.
So, Instrumental Instrumental, Will you be my nudge? Your budge I so yearn for, to move forward & into this unknown “love.”
You guide me into bliss & conquer my despair. Lead me to become one with light so I’ll be liberated from this wear & tear. Please be truthful, are my wishes so unfair? Isn’t above what we hope for, after the lifelong battle to escape from the Devil’s stare?
Contemplate my offer, & continue to be my chime. Let me reiterate that I don’t want you to feel pressured by my limited time. Nonetheless, expect that my flowing thoughts will continue until I die. Until dark day becomes reality, you’ll continue to be my sublime.
With the above in mind, I have a second question. If answered yes, you’ll enter past my dark circled eyes & into my brain section. If no, the access into my brain I’ll forevermore deny. & maybe worse, you’ll leave me vulnerable along my self-collaborated life stride.
So, Instrumental Instrumental, the third question is, will you judge? It takes a peculiar set of skills to recognize the pain I feel, & love. You must dig into all trials & tribulations & keep my innocence in mind. After all, don’t you remember the requests I mentioned in the earlier lines?
Let me know if my requirements weigh too much, & if so, I’ll let go & travel towards the sound of God’s trust. After all, who am I to deny this most natural ride? I question will it be enough, & your answer determines what I’ll find.
I ask because you provide relief for me, whether my soul be temporarily pierced or pure. Our friendship is enough to suffice, & at times I’m passionately reassured.
Instrumental Instrumental, I hope we come to agree. Come to terms with my requests, & shortly the real me you’ll see. I’ll guide you to my strengths if you’re compassionate for my weaknesses, but my final question stems from my worry on whether you’ll become a grievance.
For if we transition from friendship & into love, I dream you’ll help guide my circumventing mind away from suffering and towards lack thereof. As my age evolves continually, my days are anything but infinity. I hope you’ll be present while understanding that death is my destiny.
Instrumental Instrumental, hopefully I haven’t bothered your mental. Together my peculiar questions form a long list of stanzas, systematically aligned to help guide you to your answer.
Please understand I know the deal’s unfair, especially when we compare the benefits as individuals of this pair. The payoff for you runs short, for when I leave you’ll have to be a good sport. I believe your purpose is to help those uncover the secret of surviving life’s court.
Jul 29, 2017
Jul 29, 2017 at 12:21 PM UTC
Days like today bring me to reminisce,
of the life we shared, now an abyss.
Recent life has been testing,
this lonely Mother’s Day solidifies your resting.
Today it feels more like you were never here,
what type of life is it that I’m now investing?
Posed with the question of happiness.
what is this meaning without you?
living today admonishes the truth,
only former memories allow me your bliss.
Mixed feelings of love and hatred,
circumvent in this current conquest.
As I contemplate reaching out I'm reminded,
that your remains are all that is left.
Be at peace with the truth,
is the message you conveyed well.
I question God about this new reality,
a life filled with constant duality.
Your loss is permanent,
& recognizing this is pertinent.
This daily battle without you,
I cope because your gift of a DNA armament.
“Time brings perspective”,
were the words that escaped from your soul.
You are still my everything,
and today I escape into your memory.
May 14, 2017
May 14, 2017 at 7:35 PM UTC
A series of thoughts transcend into a tough day;
Me without you, due to the day your life drifted away.
Flushed down anxiety pills to forbade myself from suicidal decay,
Because eternity without you is something I can't stand to say.
My raw heart collapses each day, while pretending I'm okay.
And I’m entrapped, demanding to penetrate through foreplay.
My shocked sense of love remains as your body withers & grays.
When I come to visit, I sit six feet over where you lay.
What family now? What remains I’m unused to.
This new normal is not what I planned to seek reassurance through.
You were the one and only, and you were taken like theft.
Everyday I'm taken adrift thinking of what you there is left.
A battle for faith while walking through this living hell.
For while I endure this pain, I imagine you released from life's spell.
Selfishly I want you back, although you’re finally in peace.
You endured everyday painfully and you've earned your release.
If there is One, tell the apparition to help.
For none that I know can comprehend what depth of pain I've felt.
Felt or feel, the ambiguity blends,
As the difference in meanings escapes from life's natural mends.
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 2:23 PM UTC
Is maturity a thing,
as we wither old?
Do we really learn our lesson,
and finally do as we are told?
I do not.
I refuse.
I will be smart and taught,
yet gleefully confused.
Never content,
never sold.
Always enthused,
and always boozed.
Life can't be seen as seriously real,
as we are all just playing a living game.
We can pierce our own Achilles heel,
or stand tall to pronounce all you overcame.
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 2:48 PM UTC
So this is the end
The bitter conclusion
No playing pretend
Maintains this illusion
Distance is dread
Time equates fear
Hope hung by a thread
Now we find ourselves here
Giving up we accept
Giving in we agree
To allow disconnect
To set ourselves free
Nights of constant regret
Days of endless rain
Bring forth the onset
Of perpetual pain
One last time we shall stare
Into fading hope eyes
One last time we shall share
Such heartbroken cries
So now it has ended
We sever accord
This love we have tended
Now dies by the sword
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 9:31 AM UTC
Holding on tight to the things we love,
Never to fly away and become history like a romantic dove.
If we lose what is close we feel broken inside,
When in reality we are fighting with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Never fear the unknown and go into the darkness,
Holding onto materialism until you see a sky that is starless.
Don’t be blinded by greed and power,
True happiness lies in greener pastures.
Internal happiness to avoid third party disasters.
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 7:28 PM UTC
Two weeks blended in & past,
With the shock withered away.
I now wake up to feel numbness,
From my life that took a turn on dark day.
Your being subsists away from me now;
This drapes down a dramatically dark cloud.
Black showers pour down relentlessly;
the pelts purposely piercing with intention to take me down.
Then I wake up & enjoy the stare,
Directly into the Devil's eye.
Yelling at the ******* to **** off & go,
My hardened look shows it’s not my turn to die.
I made you a promise on dark day,
As my tears poured down on your corpse.
With each forehead kiss I formed my everlasting promise,
& this promise will help fill the void.
Now I'm expected to move on,
from the hell-stain on dark day.
Assumed to presume society's game,
& To pretend I want to be here to stay.
The distance between us feels like an eternity.
From my insight I've come to see,
That all forms of communication are cut off,
As I feel seclusion thereof from she.
I never thought this reality could be true.
Stuck with a vivid comprehension of what used to be you.
Mesmerized from what I could have done,
While hoping I could still help you push on through.
Yet here we are today,
Entirely & forevermore.
The unsettled truth that dark day provided,
Has left me in wonderment and severely sore.
I'm sad to say this really is good-bye.
The last time I saw you alive we met with each other in the eye,
I cried with you to get help;
Although in that moment I knew you were going to soon die.
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 10:15 AM UTC
"Under the tree sat Buddha, meditating with his fear.
He grew to understand how to face Mara, less his habitual red ears.
The red ears of resentment,
The red ears from fright,
The red ears that pushed him from tranquility to fight or flight.
A similar story comes to mind,
One I know all too well.
The story of mine is a tale to tell,
As long as judgements forever set sail.
Leaving the moment for the past, I see a hateful boy.
Distant from the world around me, so confused & annoyed.
Transformed from my façade of impersonation, to the feeling of being lost.
Stemming from the monotonous & everlasting worriment in thought.
From mediation I understand, what red ears did to me.
The red ears transformed my thought process,
Into someone I'd grow to see.
From growth came lessons, and new habits from within.
To sit with perceived problems patiently takes courage & a half Buddha grin.
A smile to acknowledge,
An acknowledgment of growth.
For the one I was to who I've become had to happen, as if renewal were a must.
The change was essential, & shall stand the test of time,
from the old wondering & circumventing rollercoaster thought ride.
The form of wonder we know all too well, that steals us from here & now.
I wish we could all learn how to live presently & apart from the modern crowd.
Tranquility was foreign to me, however the possession of is a must.
A must that changes a boy to man, which should happen before skin to dust.
While undergoing transformation, a man will come to see,
That who he wanted to be is he, while listening under the tree.
As I sit back to reflect, I can now understand.
I understand how the test of time transformed me from boy to man."
May 31, 2016
May 31, 2016 at 9:56 AM UTC
The itch that demands,
the strong impulse which shall never end.
This battle is a constant one,
this I formulate from within.
You tore up my family,
you tore up my heart.
You destroyed the one I love most,
& you've made her want to depart.
Depart from vibrancy,
the will to live soberly.
You destructed her far past a breaking point,
& now she's a reflection of brutality.
Separated from the one who raised me;
I perceived you as so strong.
You made numerous examples of heroism,
before you let yourself fall apart.
Now your but a frail,
a withered example.
Of the one you used to be,
your present image I'm unable to handle.
Handle the transformation,
that time has made apparent.
Now I'm forced to raise you,
because your brain has deteriorated.
The pain drains my energy,
the devil steals from my soul.
I know this demand all to well,
I've had this feeling since a boy.
Now here I stand,
& I'll attempt to stay strong.
For what you've done to my family,
I'll remember until my days fail to start.
Tears come and go,
but the pain remains constant.
The child-view of life left us long ago;
after this read, its apparent.
Now here we stand,
torn apart from what we had.
You reach out to me and I grit my teeth,
attempting to forget that I'm sad.
I hope I'll able to forgive,
your selfish quest for departure.
Right now its so hard to apprehend,
& the effects feel like deep acupuncture.
The one you married can't see past,
past your current image of decadence.
The combined hatred creates your impulse to disaster,
& your destructive cycle is boundless.
You meant everything to me,
and this has not changed.
However my view of you is in shame,
and alcohol is to blame.
What you've done I can't apprehend,
and I hate myself for the same impulse.
I wonder if one day I'll give up,
because my efforts never penetrated your mental.
Days turn to months, months into years.
Your time is limited here,
from the effects of all the shears.
Your shears are permanent,
Your liver is due to fail.
However every-time you hear this,
you never seem to care.
Back to the cycle,
of your every day misery.
The alcohol has driven everyone away,
And yes mom, this is scrutiny.
May 26, 2016
May 26, 2016 at 10:09 AM UTC
How much love you gave,
I can't comprehend.
To me and for me,
Your happiness you were willing to give.
As a selfless soul would;
You stood for unconditional love.
You'd drop everything in a heartbeat,
Just to help me rise above.
Rise above my pain,
& Overcome my sorrow.
You did everything for me mom,
I wish our past moments could be borrowed.
You trained me how to interpret fear,
Your grit formed my strong back.
False Evidence Appearing Real;
The acronym is opposite in fact.
You stood up to those;
The few foolish to stand in your way.
These figures turned into your obstacles,
& your mental fortitude made them obey.
To see the big picture,
Is the mission you'd convey.
Interpreting small aspects of life as miracles,
Your belief system made me want to stay.
Stay by your side,
I never wanted to leave.
You reassured me of your vitality;
& This helped me momentarily go away.
Away to form my life,
Constantly looking to you for advice.
Your wisdom gave me strength,
& this I'll never deny.
Last night was the time,
For your moment of truth.
For once I was glad to be woken up,
As your soul passed along through.
Now there’s no you, because you are me too.
We became one last night,
The night your pain dissolved out of the blue.
God has an angel,
He must have needed you so.
He knows my love for you is irreplaceable;
& the hurt will forever show.
The shell shock is real,
& no one can be ready.
I want you to know I love you mom,
& this feeling will remain permanently steady.
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 8:13 PM UTC