i hate you and your stupid expectations
the way you make me feel like a liability
i'm constantly restrained by your obligations
that you're making me feel like i have to live by them when i'm twenty
you hate me because i let myself be free
i don't let the intrusive thoughts and ocd get to me
i can actually be a teenager
go out and drink, flirt and find new people
then find a good internship and pull an all nighter very next day
so **** you for making me feel like i'm smaller than you
just because i don't have a monotone schedule
or i refuse to live like a tradwife
you can't put dirt on me for how i choose to live
even my mom and dad don't put any blame on me
1d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 3:52 PM UTC
just a few words
i didn't know they would affect me that much
some thoughts you had been holding back
and a confirmation of how much i changed
trying to confirm how i wanted these for years
but i don't know if it was the change i needed
"you changed- and you know what kind of people i hate"
i'll break down inside and go to bed early tonight
just a little nod before i put on my headphone
i barely hear that you didn't mean to hurt me
now i see clearly why you didn't wanna see me
and you had been avoiding me even in the room we shared
it's fine- i have other friends anyway.
i still care for you.
but i can't promise tomorrow.
good night.
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 3:26 PM UTC
i can feel my old friends slipping
and i'm becoming more distant to my family
in every phone call that we make
it's nobody's fault but mine
in every flaw exists i know i'm to blame
you can't cover it up calling me "whimsical"
i'm not pretty enough for my mistakes to be forgiven
i cant shake my existential guilt off
and i'm acting like a crybaby all the time
when my life is perfect and i still lack a backbone
May 19
May 19, 2026 at 5:59 AM UTC
no one haunts me with a scar anymore
not even a scratch the moment one of us leaves
there is nothing holding me grounded
i’m like the jupiter
pretty view with no surface to catch your fall
never been so free and alive
floating in my own mind
catching a glimpse of whose passing time to time
May 1
May 1, 2026 at 8:13 AM UTC
i'm not saying i dont't enjoy your company
but i will never be 'in love' with you
the way you want me to
it's nothing you can say to convince
or no trauma anyone can fix
i had told my lovers before like i've told you
that I don't see myself ever being like this
the mold just doesn't fit
you joked about me being too much like 'summer'
but i'll never end up being somebody's wife
that's not what i was born for
i feel more comfortable when nobody's son
is there to occupy my dreams
i fear i'll have a panic attack
if you say you like me
Apr 9
Apr 9, 2026 at 5:36 PM UTC
someone's stepping on my chest
jumping and jumping and jumping
heavy and violent
like he's trying to send me right into the deep end
i've been feeling the heat on my skin
since i woke up this morning
it's not the weather,
it's not the sickness
the thought of happiness is so scary
i think my nerves are trying to burn me alive
i'll pick up the fork and the knife
because hopefully my hunger is causing
the nausea
that hasn't gone away for the last few years.
keep the portions small,
or i'll excuse myself with a smile to the bathroom.
five things i see-
but i close my eyes
then all i can hear is you.
set the door on fire,
let the room burn slowly
i'll smell the carbon
i'll feel the flames
i'll taste that bitter copper
the blood i can't seem to spit out
smoke is filling my lungs
there is no room for oxygen.
i won't even feel it,
i haven't breathed in a while.
i'd call my friends
but they'll tell me it's just alcohol poisioning.
sure, let's talk about basic biology
and i'll be thrilled to explain how a glimpse of serotonin
triggers all of this adrenaline to kick in.
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 6:41 PM UTC
disco ball
with red and purple lights on top of us
none of the those kisses were real
too drunk for my own good
not even remembering your face
or remembering which brand you smoked
makes me feel so cheap
not my love, but my lips
i don't wanna be kissed in the dark
at the back of a bar
like some ***** little secret
or at your bedroom
and it's four in the morning
where we keep quiet
not to wake up your parents
we were just kids anyway
i want to be held in the daylight
where i can see the light behind their eyes
and the flush of their cheek
when you offer me that
i will refuse and avoid
like i never wanted you in the first place
you'll smile like an old friend
when i see you around the campus
and i will say hi, embarrassingly
because i never knew how to reply back
i'll never see the sun
if i'd rather stay trapped on the dance floor
and let a five year old ghost haunt me
if i'll let you get close when only
i know you can't give me your soul
Mar 23
Mar 23, 2026 at 1:56 PM UTC
i've painted my nails today.
tried to keep my hand from shaking
so that the paint would fit perfect.
it didnt cover up the black polish underneath well.
then i put another coat of red
the french tip is still showing from the sides.
then i went out on my own.
had a cup of coffee.
im getting bored from the cafe on the corner.
same faces i see everyday
same people i meet
and same ****** taste in my mouth
i don't think it's the coffee that tastes bad.
i'd rather be somewhere else
maybe manhattan
maybe brooklyn
are they far away from you enough?
or should i move into mars to get over
you and your boyfriend's perfect little apartment
i think you stay in a dorm
but that's what i pictured in my head
a cozy minimalistic apartment
a dog barks happily
while your boy laughs and kiss your lips
you brew coffee
have a little side with that
i think you eat now and don't rush to bathroom
like you thought me how to
i'm not sitting on the bench
where you, me and your ex boyfriend sat that summer day
i've moved cities not to see that bench even
but whenever i'm back in our hometown
i take a quick peek at that park
i've bought polish remover
several times actually
but whenever i put it out with a piece cotton
i've thrown them away
and my hands must be shaking
because of all my caffeine intake
maybe i'll get a coffee machine for myself.
and see if the ****** taste is your laughter
or the beans from colombia
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 12:31 PM UTC
mom,
i don’t want to come home on the break.
i notice how coldly dad talks to me now—
he just says "whatever" and lets me be.
i think he’s tired of me.
mom,
i don’t think my brother likes me anymore.
he hasn’t spoken to me much since he had a girlfriend anyway.
we used to be best friends.
why aren’t you mad that he’s in paris with her,
but you throw a fit about me not saving?
mom,
you and i used to be best friends.
now it feels like the times i was anorexic
and you threatened to jump off from the eleventh floor.
i don't know why things don't go back to normal.
i know you love me,
but i don’t think you like me anymore.
you’re mourning the girl i used to be,
but i’ve never felt so me.
mom,
i feel like i’m slipping away from you and dad.
i don’t know how to come back.
i heard you shouting in the background when dad called me today.
i don’t want you to hate me anymore,
when i had just begun to like myself.
mom,
i’m scared,
and i feel so guilty all the time now.
i’m sorry you’re working this much.
i think you see me as a lost cause.
i don’t know what more i am supposed to be doing.
i don’t know how to satisfy you.
mom,
you had wondered why i lost my mind
when i stopped talking to my best friend.
you tried so hard to deny the weight of it,
and i can never tell you the truth—
but did you know my girl taught me how to puke?
my brother said you’re afraid i’ll throw my life away,
but i’ve spent my food money on pilates classes this month.
i don’t feel like eating anyway.
i swear i’m not smoking and drinking anymore.
i’m so scared of losing control again.
mom,
i’m buying a ticket for next week.
can you pick me up from the airport?
Mar 15
Mar 15, 2026 at 4:26 PM UTC
i had never been a hater
but i hate your new norwegian boyfriend.
i hate to think you laying beside him
telling about your old life back at the place we grew up.
he'll never know the version of you
that watched movies til dawn with me.
that kissed me soft and slow.
i hate that he gets the polished version of you
grown up and mature.
i hate to think that you found your person
when all i get is un-intimate *** with guys i picked up from bars.
even when i say that i can't stay mad at you
a part of me knows i will never wish you the best.
i bet he pronounces your name wrong
and he picks you up like you weight nothing
and you're dancing in the snow to ed sheeran
like we used to did at your back garden.
whatever you do
whoever you're with
just don't tell me
if you're back in the city.
Mar 14
Mar 14, 2026 at 7:26 PM UTC