I crave a mere touch
Whatever entices feeling
I’ve ran out of luck
No more nets to keep me from falling
I’m not waiting to be saved
Just looking for distractions
A kiss, an embrace, or a mere tickle
Oh my! I’m so lonely!
It’s making me fickle
These brick walls are starting to look warmer
The darkness is becoming more chatty
My hair keeps changing
My nails get longer and shorter
The light behind my eyes
Is steadily going
Out of order
Mar 22, 2021
Mar 22, 2021 at 2:30 AM UTC
I wish plants could speak
They’d tell me of horrid things they’d seen
Above them and next to them
Left and right
They’d speak of the rain that came after drought
And the joy they would have at that
They’d tell me about the loss when a flower got picked
and the fuss of it if anyone cared enough to get it fixed
for a new plant in its place
a new life replacing the old
a decade of silver instead of gold
With new existential questions (some are very bold)
would the sky get angry then and start raining coal?
for how dare a simple plant question the mighty clouds?
and have a voice to speak and make sounds?
while it is inferior, sickle, stuck in the same old grounds,
as it’s quiet predecessors
I wish plants could speak
they’d be full of wisdom I’d reckon
They’d be melancholy
they’d seldom speak
and sometimes,
Of hope a beacon
you’d think they might know the most of this earth
as their roots are intertwined with it
I’d say It unravels it’s secrets to them
For it knows for sure
That plants never speak.
Oct 20, 2020
Oct 20, 2020 at 9:51 AM UTC
love to love
But fear it too
sugarcoated with gloss
it eventually haunts you
love is fragile
Love is weak
love is easily tainted
like a white bedsheet
love is warm
love makes you feel
but it burns out like a candle
leaving hard wax to peel
love is glorious
oh I adore being loved!
but I put being numb above anything else
for it doesn’t feel worth it after being stung
so I walk on eggshells
and live this life alone
who would ever love me?
no one at all.
no one at all.
I tuck myself into bed
and imagine someone there
next to each other under blankets
filling the night with pointless stares
it is silly, I know
I can’t even look someone in the eye
but what if!
someone loved me? And saw through my disguise
all I feel is pain now
I’m riddled with bitterness and hurt
for I had dared to love once
and it only broke me in return.
Aug 12, 2020
Aug 12, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC
Is this what it’s like to be young?
The constant feeling of doom
the romanticization of finding a groom
the constant need to grow and bloom
Is this what it’s like to be young?
does it occur to other people?
the feeling of being imprisoned in your own mind
the silly reassurance you seek and hide behind
to have a sweet tooth for death every day in your life
trying to move in quicksand against the tide
It’s all fruitless
It’s all helpless
we all dream about the noose while we stand rope-less
Is this what it’s like to be young?
filled with rage confused with angst
demanding better & being ridiculed to rants
while we watch our lives slip through our hands
made to believe a better world is beyond our ranks
Is this what it’s like to be young?
existential dread at tender ages
beautiful minds locked up in cages
spilling our thoughts into endless pages
of books that no one will read.
Our years passing by as we bleed.
unable to think of a world with one good deed
when everyone has paid us dust.
we live in a world run by greed, power & lust
and so our steel will to live starts to rust
now I sit idly, waiting to turn to dust
Is this what it feels like to be young?
I may never know for sure
but I know that I’ve loved and fought in wars
that still exist from lifetimes ago
and I still can’t see justice or peace.
Jun 19, 2020
Jun 19, 2020 at 3:03 PM UTC
I dream in pink
I dream in comforting colors
I dream big and I dream hard
Trying to escape this world and depart
The pink I dream of is now on my dress,
with stitched white flowers I try to impress
On my birthday with a smile & stare
would I be happy with lungs devoid of air?
what if I decay and become one with the soil?
that should be enough to end my turmoil
Tearing me in half between life and death
Oh, little birds, I wish I was in your stead
I dream in black and, sometimes, in blue
it really just depends on my heart and its rue
for all the times I let it break apart and bruise
then patched it up, with some parts loose
I will blow a candle,
Officiate a new year
just like every time,
with a smile & a tear
For a year has passed,
And I’m still just as torn,
between wanting to be here
& wishing I was never born.
Apr 6, 2020
Apr 6, 2020 at 9:17 PM UTC
Can I keep my heart in here a bit longer?
my arm is weary from having it on my sleeve
In times like these I wish I was stronger
Maybe that would put my mind at ease
But now it’s thrown back into my face,
Dare I say it is unscathed?
perhaps it never needed mending at all
Just a few throws to put it back into its place.
Oh I am hurting beyond belief!
For something that never was,
& never will be
but maybe letting go has it’s bitter relief
Can I drown in an ocean of tears? Or is that a bit dramatic?
Guess my love never reached where it was supposed to,
Guess my love got lost in the static.
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 4:02 PM UTC
Happiness is foreign
Dare I say bleak?
The path to it is harsh
The climb to it steep
A taste of it makes me worried
Fragile that it makes me unwell
I wish I could live without sadness
I wish I could be sound and swell
It’s a feeling simmering above my chest
Buzzing with optimism for the unknown
Knowing that it burns out quickly
Keeps me alert for what is shown
I’m starting to think of sadness as a clutch
Without it, I won’t amount to much
and with that fizzled happiness inevitably gone
I will remain empty and hollow
with a bitter revelation;
“Happiness is nothing but a con.”
Feb 11, 2020
Feb 11, 2020 at 5:23 PM UTC
Air is overwhelming
when I try so hard to breathe
With not so much as a warning
My life’s passed me by like a sneeze
for the life of me I can’t remember
a time where I was at ease
A time where I lived for myself
not people I’m trying to please
I am a vessel
Empty and hollow
& it seems I’ve run out of tears
Why is it so hard to think of tomorrow?
Why can’t I just shift the gears?
I’m hitting walls left and right
My blood is warm
I’m out of sight
Isn’t it weird how it’s always bright?
When you’re drowning in your deepest sorrows.
Dec 7, 2019
Dec 7, 2019 at 3:26 PM UTC
I’m scared of falling
off a bike
In an ice rink
And in the arms of a stranger
Would it take so much out of me to finally surrender to the ways of the heart?
I’d hate to go into a field blindfolded and come back with pieces missing.
Should I hug myself tighter to hold my broken pieces together? Or let the arms of another hold me to let them breathe
Would I loose too much of myself when I’m at ease?
Because happiness is short-lived. It’s bound to end.
will it be worth it when I’m left with a broken heart to mend?
I go round & round
The clock ticks on
I’m none the wiser
These questions make me want to test the waters
Or try the appetizer
For I have never known what love is
And I don’t think I ever will
I guess I’m back to bottling things up
forgetting to close the lid
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 4:35 PM UTC
Things aren’t looking so great. I’m sorry you can’t change your fate. I’m sorry you hold a lot at stake. I’m sorry that you don’t seem to catch a break. I’m sorry to say that you don’t have what it takes to be alive.
I’m sorry that all you have to keep you going is the guilt of causing grief to the ones you love.
I’m sorry that all that you seem to do is lose.
I don’t know what will become of you in six years time. Quite frankly, I don’t see you living to see them. You have no consolation but a dear friend who’s just the same as you, you want to give her the world yet you can’t manage to lift a finger. You’ve lived to see another winter, you’ve lived to see 18. I think that’s more than enough, don’t you?
Time is a loop of events that keep reoccurring, not necessarily the same but they all make you feel the same hopelessness, desperation, and misery.
I’d love to see you yearning to live, not hanging to a hope of dying everyday.
Maybe that day will never come,
The light at the end doesn’t feel real.
I’m sorry that you still don’t have a proper way to cope and deal.
You hate to see yourself this weak and you often wish that were made of steel.
So life could cause you no wounds,
And you wouldn’t have to feel pain to heal.
Be good, be kind, if you live to see this in a few years time.
But if you don’t then that’s okay, because heaven knows how hard you tried to be fine.
Uncertainly,
Aysha
Nov 24, 2019
Nov 24, 2019 at 2:57 PM UTC