I like pens that bleed
Ink that smears
Girls with scars
Broken parts
***** clothes
Stained sheets
The hint of blood
The taste of lust
The smells of love
Nights through morning
Mornings to night
Suns that sleep
Moons that dream
And all the pretty
You hide underneath
Those pretty
Pretty
Pretty things
Jul 27, 2016
Jul 27, 2016 at 6:13 PM UTC
The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.
I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.
I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.
And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.
Jul 9, 2016
Jul 9, 2016 at 10:16 AM UTC
I miss your face
The way your lips curl in when you smile
And your eyes light up when you speak
Each word you utter falls gently on my skin
Lightly caressing me, touching me
Leaving me.
I miss your voice
I've called your mobile phone
So many times, just to hear it once more
Your voicemail saying "please call back"
And I do, over and over, waiting patiently for you
But there's still no answer.
I miss your love
You embraced me on the bad days
And fought away memories of my mistakes
Loved me through the times I destroyed myself
You saved me from jumping in front of a train
And let me cry in your arms.
I miss your presence
They say ghosts never leave you
If they have unfinished business
But our love isn't over, so where are you hiding
Between the time of death and the goodbyes I said
I still remember your lips replying, "I love you".
I'm sitting at your grave
Missing every inch of you,
Even the parts of you that you left in me
Have gone missing and I feel like an Incompleted jigsaw
I have found it so hard to keep living,
My heart stopped beating the moment yours did
So why am I still living in a world without you
I miss every part of you, so **** much.
Jun 22, 2016
Jun 22, 2016 at 2:19 AM UTC
I recognize
this ground
laced with stones
and poisoned barbs
hike barefoot here
unafraid
a barren desert
feels like home
when there is nothing
to be lost or gained
I have been here
many times before
stripped down naked
in the noonday sun
watching vultures
wheel and dive
as I dangle
twist and spin
ever the enabler
enabling
Jun 21, 2016
Jun 21, 2016 at 4:14 PM UTC
It absorbs me, you know?
Like a black hole
I fall into a recess,
A void in my mind.
It's like my insides dig their way out,
Surround me,
Dragging the puppet show smile
Into the center,
Hiding it like a bad gift.
I twist out of myself,
The darkest parts come center stage,
The spotlight a stark contrast.
The cold spot of my dreams
Drinking up the light
Turning into every lucid thought
we push aside.
I marry it
Like a death sentence,
Both prey and predator,
A battle along the seams of my skin.
They have to drag me out of it
Like a grave:
I want it badly,
Permanent and aching.
Jun 8, 2016
Jun 8, 2016 at 2:45 AM UTC
I cut myself again tonight
And my skin parted like the Red Sea
I am Moses.
I cut open my inside thigh
Hiding my disease, so no one could see,
Looks can be deceiving.
I covered my wounds with plasters;
Envying the way plasters hid pain,
Much Better than I did.
I took care of my wounds
Incase of infection, so I would never have to explain
Why my thighs cracked like volcanoes.
I drew thick safety lines
Thick enough to block out feelings
This is apathy.
I became reborn every morning
After baptising in my holy tears
God will receive me.
I had no faith to walk over the waters
Terrified that the waters would drown me
I am Peter.
I keep self sacrificing, hanging myself on the cross
For my sins that I can't stop committing
I am Jesus,
Or is this blasphemy?
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 5:55 AM UTC
Drawing blank pages when my thoughts are crowded
Every step I take, the same person will doubt it
It's God's gift when I put my pain to paper
But these days, The mirror reveals a stranger
Had the Midas touch now it's writer's block
Hard to guard my heart when i'm fighting lust
Every face I gaze, I have no mind to trust
Every girl that I loved is every bridge that I burned
Time is a jewel that you lose or keep precious
My times now are more sins and less confessions
My dreams are silhouettes, only dark thoughts
My mind fears what the heart wants
To live and die young, If only I could help it
take these as my last words, the eulogy's poetic.
May 16, 2016
May 16, 2016 at 11:53 AM UTC
Recognise me when my face can't fantom a smile.
Recognise me when I pull my sleeves down.
Recognise me when I hide behind baggy clothes.
Recognise me when my mood changes too quickly to be normal.
Recognise me when I'm drowning without water.
Recognise me when I'm crying deeper, spiritual tears.
Recognise me when I'm hurting, hurting even myself.
Recognise me when I'm tired, almost everyday.
Recognise me when I don't care anymore.
Recognise me, recognise the help I need.
Help me.
Feb 22, 2016
Feb 22, 2016 at 12:32 PM UTC
Heavenly Father we drop to our knees,
Lord please pertain to our needs.
Save us, love us, cleanse us of our sins.
Bless us abundantly and remain with us.
Humbly we ask, watch over us.
As we walk through the shadow of death,
Father guide us with your light.
If ever we reach a point where darkness fills our sight.
Jesus, son of God, show us which way is right.
Even in the times of trouble, sweet redeemer, wipe our tears
For blessed are those who mourn, because we shall be comforted.
As your promises are said, God comfort us in this time of need.
Ashes to ashes, till death do us part, God be our guide.
Lover of our soul, comfort us.
Feb 18, 2016
Feb 18, 2016 at 3:45 PM UTC