When you left, I didn't feel it,
I didn't feel a thing but sweet, sweet relief
and the breath I had been holding since you said "I love you"
left my body all at once.
All at once.
That's how it hit me.
The pain didn't creep up on me.
It hit me.
All.
at.
once.
full force at my throat
into my lungs, chasing the oxygen I had left
through my blood stream and out of my throat.
all.
at.
once.
It smelt like our first kiss.
Sloppy.
Awkward.
and *****
not because we we're being ***** ourselves,
but we were, quite literally, ***** on the ground, next to the lake.
I wonder if anyone ate that pizza we left because we were so full of each other, we didn't have room to eat it.
Last week,
I couldn't breathe. I was walking home from work,
and it smelt like you.
It smelt like late nights in your car,
it smelt like Sunday mornings in your bed
when neither of us wanted to get up but your parents were going to be home soon.
it smelt like my high school parking lot, where you asked me to be your girlfriend, and I barely responded because I could not stop smiling.
it smelt like hello and sunshine and summer.
it smelt like goodbye and cold and winter.
and it smelt like you and it hit me,
all.
at.
once.
and it's over.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 7:42 PM UTC
i stopped reading your horoscopes
i stopped telling you every little detail of my day
and started telling you how rude and ignorant the world is
i don't think i ever actually loved you.
i don't look at you like you put the stars in the sky
i don't study ever fine line on your face
i don't kiss your hands
i don't hold you to make you feel okay
i don't watch how your eye color changes in the sunset
I've never kissed you the way i kiss her
i read her horoscopes
i tell her about my day
and she tells me what she has planned for the future
shes starts placing stars in my sky
carefully and individually
i look at the lines on her face
i kiss her hands
i hold her as if she is a fond memory trying to escape my mind
i watch the way her eyes change from rich chocolate to creamy coffee in the sun
i kiss her like its the last time i'll ever see her
i think i love her and i now know that I've never loved you.
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 7:01 PM UTC
Coffee stains and cigarette burns
I don't know how to feel, my head kinda hurts
Sweet seventeen and the pain has just began
Drown yourself in alcohol, it'll help you feel numb
Your body is so ***** the night is far from done
Everybody can come over, my mom and dad are gone
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 2:59 PM UTC
you drink to fight off the world
i get high to forget what life has done to my soul
everybody has an escape from what they fear
dragons have dug their talons into me, dragging and ripping away my flesh
leaving new scars
lightning struck you, leaving a beautiful disaster in its wake
a disaster that has altered my view on breathing the air i do
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 2:58 PM UTC
i am cancer
i am death caked in makeup
i am the creaky floor boards in the attic
i am the foul words that leave your mothers lips
and the stench of the alcohol that rolls off your fathers tongue
i creep through the walls at night
looking for a light heart to help with the demons that haunt my every move
i am torturous laughter and pitiful silence
dont not get close to me
i will burn everything you own
leaving you bitter and weeping
gasping for fresh air
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 2:55 PM UTC
YOU CAN SEE THE PAIN
ETCHED INTO HER SKIN
THE SORROW
BURNED INTO HER CORE
MOURN AND LOSS OVER YOUR CORPSE
YOU DIDN'T THINK TWICE
MAYBE I WONT EITHER.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 8:01 PM UTC