One morning I held a funeral for no one else to see;
Laying in my full sized coffin I mourned the loss of me.
When I left my body and I scrubbed away my sin;
Took one last look down at my shell- now tired, worn, and thin.
I'm lost now in an empty hall of a haunting memory;
An in between, my own little hell, of his smile following me.
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 9:41 PM UTC
I know it's hard for you.
I know you try but you can't possibly understand what it's like to have the weight of someone else hold you down and pull consent from your lips like the lyrics of their favorite song.
I sat in the shower until my skin itched and burned a smoldering red and the water ran cold because all I wanted was to feel CLEAN again.
I packed up everything I loved and drove hundreds of miles to feel SAFE again.
I will not lie to you...... both of those things have yet to happen.
And I know it's hard for you.
Because you are strong and people believe what you say.
You have never had to defend your innocence and purity.
You never had to defend what you were wearing. Even to bed.
So I understand what you mean when you tell me it gets better.
But YOU don't actually know this.
You don't know what it's like to wake up every night from the same nightmare.
Sweating and crying because for some reason yo think he's still there.
The weight of his body holding you down and drawing consent from your lips like his favorite song.
I know it's hard for you.
But have you ever considered that it's harder for me?
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 9:20 PM UTC
You
Loud, Happy
Walking, Talking, Laughing
Talking to your friends, Waiting for no one
Reading, Thinking, Smiling
Quiet, Content,
Me.
Oct 6, 2016
Oct 6, 2016 at 1:00 PM UTC
I crave
you in the most
innocent of ways, you
do not understand the way you make
me feel
Oct 6, 2016
Oct 6, 2016 at 12:44 PM UTC
it hurts that you're so far away
and you don't need me
and you're so busy living
and i'm left behind,
forgotten,
something to be dealt with
on a rainy, quiet day
May 2, 2016
May 2, 2016 at 7:20 AM UTC
all those promises of forever,
and the words whispered.
the shared secrets, the glances,
the looks when we knew what
the other was thinking.
the days spent pretending
that the rest of the world didn't
exist and the nights of talking.
the mornings of tired silence,
the random texts that were only
half a thought, and the brokenness
that we share but refuse to acknowledge
Apr 18, 2016
Apr 18, 2016 at 11:14 PM UTC
I can hear it louder now,
Its ticking once again.
I can hear my watching screaming
"Time is up for you my friend"
See poetry is not a gift
Nor a way of life
Poetry is gushing blood
When pulling out a knife
That knife was burrowed deep inside
It felt like it was the end
then he said, i take that back
Time is up for you my friend
The gushing blood screamed out to me
You cannot make this right
You can kick and you can scream
But this is not your fight
This is on his shoulders now
The weight does make him sick
Still he does not care on bit
That your watch no longer tics
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 10:53 AM UTC
"You're a liar!" He said
"You fueled the fire that burned our house down but i am not afraid to build from the ashes. Hang scorched pictures of us on my walls and tuck the noose you tied for me under the bed with the other things we pretend never happened" and so he did.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 10:50 AM UTC
I close my eyes and watch the streetlights pass through the sunroof
Day
Night
Day
Night
Passing quicker than i couldve ever imagined
I hope deep inside that it takes me to an alternate universe
Where he is not driving this car
I hope it takes me somewhere nice
When i open my eyes
I am a princess riding in my carriage to the park
I am still 4 years old
And the park is my courtyard
But i close my eyes
As the sunlight peaks through the branches
Day
Night
Day
Night
I find it wondrous that time can move so quickly but nothing has yet to change
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 10:49 AM UTC
He does not think he is beautiful
He does not speak when my hands travel the mapwork of his body under mine.
I mark my favorite places with my lips, several times to be sure theyre real.
Lips
Eyes
Nose
Bellybutton
Arms
Hands
Lips
Eyes
Nose
Bellybutton
Arms
Hands
Lips
Eyes
Nose
Bellybutton
Arms
Hands
Again and again I want to show him he is loved
But he does not believe me
He does not believe me because
They are telling him no
Dont look in the mirror yet
But this morning you look beautiful
But you look so sad
So i try to kiss my favorite parts of you
But youre not here
Lips
Eyes
Nose
Bellybutton
Arms
Hands
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing but air.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 10:48 AM UTC