but it wasn't just losing you
it was losing out on all the memories to-be
like your mother's fortieth birthday
your baby cousin's first day at school
your uncle's wedding (i'd already picked out my clothes)
it meant missing you at my graduation
and you never seeing my little sister grow
never tasted the fresh morning brew my dad makes
or listening to my mom recite
losing you wasn't just losing you
it was losing everything around you
and in a way,
it meant losing myself too.
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 8:32 AM UTC
If i’d let you do me damage
i’d disguise my blood as paint
in a portrait I’d do of you
crimson with an ochre taint.
It’d be hung on a wall
that’d fall with the wind
aside an aged tree,
solemnly, sparsely limbed.
The rubble and soil
would finish the brawl,
for my fists would be
scathed by nightfall.
For your eyes
i’d mistake two plumbs.
The unknown is always shadowed
by a foliage blessed by it’s sons.
If I’d let you do me damage,
turn me over to abstraction,
it’d end more sullen than stone.
More than the moon waxen.
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:33 PM UTC
She wore a weak leg,
two hands of grievance
That would often beg
Baptists bowl creedence
Slept with the sons,
whispered to the daughters
Voices like kitchen crumbs
Mumbles I never bothered
Her voice carried
In a clammy palm
That at once buried
An ancestor embalmed
Many spectators to this
This great deterioration
Out of her mouth a hiss
I hold none, no adoration
To her I owe
Many things unsaid
We live in a shivered home
In hallways she treads
But none the less
She is my lady
My skull hers to caress
My only, lovely baby
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:32 PM UTC
Kissing you and drinking tea
Hands that quiver unsteadily
Sunlight revealing your flowery home,
and awakening my love of thee.
In my thoughts you go to roam,
proceeding so,
******* gracefully.
A cup of porcelain too light
To hold anything but two mice
My hands in the morning;
weaker than my knees last night,
and softer than the tile flooring.
Wet stones of white.
Venturing back to your room
The dusty air, turpentine fumes
Your body a formed question mark;
wanting an answer, I presumed.
The sheets over washed and harsh
Softer than the foreboding gloom
Awaiting my fated reply,
I look into my lovers eye,
then dropped my gaze in such a way
that conveyed a true lie.
In the doorway I swayed, and
began to cry.
For one has never been in such
a situation so rushed.
I said goodbye and left you
Afraid otherwise it might be too much
Bidding you adieu, and
Forever missing your touch
My breaths would become fewer
For I held an unknown future
in which death outweighed survival.
I would not allow a single viewer
to watch the heavens await my arrival
and not the wrongdoers’
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:32 PM UTC
Last night’s stains
Forever engrained
A treasured recollection
24 hours pure perfection
Sweaters dry and dull
Resulting from a washing lull
I know you from sight
That dusty night
A sweet exhalation escaping
Clothesline laundry draping
Words sweet and fuzzy
Warmth behind eyes, dustly
I know you from touch
A little linger never clutch
I finish the basket folding
Thoughts already molding
And think of tomorrow
All the other days not a sorrow
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:31 PM UTC
Gravedigger of my innocence
Weeping mother grieves
Thoughtless and dressed in black
Irises no more than two little thieves
Poking out under a hat
His physique held greater than I
Hadn’t an intention of innocence
Hands stole more than eyes
And his grasp had a certain brittleness
I’m soup accompanied by bread
Catering his needs
My cauldron body *****
Read the recipe he didn’t read
Allowing myself harm
So I wouldn’t be furthered
Myself I disarm
I beg, I won’t be murdered
A grand feast after a laboring day
I was neither deserved nor greatly enjoyed
Whether he earned me or not
He didn’t care, I was still destroyed
His eyes poor people not to pity
He hadn’t any grub to fill his gut
I was so unwilling I left his teeth gritty
He had me howling like a mutt!
The gaze of a man
Holds no intention of innocence
But of vile thievery
Telling of our ignobleness
A robbery of faux passion
He finished his vegetables, indeed
Next time i’ll be aware of my fashion
He only left me a nosebleed
This world is wild, I quit!
As for desert, he devoured
I was a scared banana split
His hands sticky like a coward
A female alone
Only use was his disposal
Wish I would have known
Why the hell was I so hopeful
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:29 PM UTC
step one.
you close your eyes.
you close them tight.
then you press your palms
against your
closed eyelids,
until
you start seeing red spots that remind you
of a song you wrote
for someone so long ago.
that someone doesn't matter anymore,
not really, so eventually,
neither will he.
step two.
you wear a nightgown.
the one with the lacy v neck, the one
that exposes your thighs,
the one with the vintage roses.
you wear it to bed to remind yourself
that you don't have to wear his attention
like a perfume
to feel ****
step three.
you listen to those songs.
you know which ones.
you listen to them and sing or rap along
until your throat is sore, until
your chest hurts. do it
until you don't know why you're crying,
then write a song about why
you are crying,
so that when you look back,
you can see that it doesn't matter.
heartache fades.
step four.
dive into a body of water in only
your under garments.
force yourself
to swim,
no matter how much
you want
to drown.
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 11:45 AM UTC
The pitter patter of your whisper
Warmer than vegetables in the crisper
Flat skin between my ear and cheek
The bandana preferred me not speak
You make me feel lovely
Lavender in the air around thee
You make me think rudely
Back of scratches would allude to me
The stupid roses you got
Standing there, a complete geek
Something poetic you said i forgot
A dozen kisses never got to speak
The fan disappointed, even on high
Listening to Whole Lotta Love
This fahrenheit oh my!
My dear I held everything above
******* on my ear
My eye landed on thy dear
Fingers rubbing through my hair
Merely so, a sly affair
The night was stained with wine
Hand washed the morning after
In cold water specifically
A silk robe clung to me, quite fittingly
On my motorola I dialed
An electrician would come tomorrow
I look at the love letters compiled
And notice my coffee, grown mild
Going over the night at least seven times
Thoughts dirtier than eleven crimes
Above my head floating, like tethered astronauts
Thinking all of my treasured afterthoughts
Eventually dreamt up my fantasies of you
On the end table sat my gloves, quite blue
I made sure always keep track of the two
I spent my whole life looking for you
And finally turning fake memories into real ones
In terms of weight and emotions, I feel tons
Until the weight of the night anchors my lids shut
I will spend the night thinking of who forbids what
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 9:27 AM UTC
Not one to push an opinion
Not one to take a stance
Show me your definition
and upon it I would dance
Concerning others business
I’m anything but engrossed
Just because i should be
I’m not the one who knows most
My hand covers my mouth
To others affairs i am deaf
My lips declare not a thing
I’m introverted af
At no time do my teeth
part to speak with foul tongue
If I were to do so
The bitter i would be among
Wish i spoke in Beatles lyrics
Cause the intent of my words
Is apart from what i say
Remaining silent like sleeping birds
Cold sheets of applause
Lungs clenching in trepidation
At least that's how i interpret
The way it folds out in damnation
I’m told my hands mold worthy things
Of mind blowing things alone
Vacant voice but blistered palms
My hands I do not own
Incapable to explain with mastery
Can't communicate ideas accurately
Leave lookers perplexed and spaced out
Confusion comes to me naturally
Never meant to be arrogant
Nor brash nor bold
Declaring these things a sin
Let the rosemary blushing begin
Left misunderstood and misinterpreted
Hopelessness held at the end of my brush
All my energy mixed into the paint
An oil can only say so much
Aug 5, 2016
Aug 5, 2016 at 8:22 AM UTC