Eeeeeverybody thought they could handle it. scoffs Remember those teenage dreams, the ones where you' re out partying and heavy drinking with friends? I mean, we all wanted to be "cool" right? Look at y' all ***** now.
You got a license to sip but surprise...I' m spicy as ****
But nevermind me
just over here sittin' brown and pretty.
Who would' ve thought it' ll be me
to leave 'em down in pity?
It' s a funny thing really...
They taste just an itty-bitty
and just like that...
their minds change really quickly.
THE BAR ISN' T FOR YOU BLUFFING BOZOS!!
Pretentious patronizing peacocks.
Posing like you' re prepared to partake in these shots.
THESE SHOTS ??!
Oh baby...
I may be cool to the touch
but I go down real hot.
They call me Whiskey!
I' m nothing from your teapot.
I guess that' s why they treat me like
I' m toxin.
But how can you blame me??
'Cause I can cut through your ********
and I just happen to be as strong as an oxen?
You want water...drink water.
You have that option.
But nooo...
you insist on trying to water me down to make some new concoction.
BUT I' M MR.WHISKEY BABY AND I DON' T NEED NO **** INTRODUCTION!
Why would I?
When you can just get to know me.
How you gon' claim you family
when you ain' even tried to be the homie?
Let me take you to the School of Hard Knocks.
Free enrolling.
See, we work on standing tall
while you work on your pretty posing.
For all the ******** we bulldozin'.
No pulpits but toolkits for what' s broken.
Broken news for the snakes in the grass...
we lawn mowin'.
See,
there' s included
and there' s Chosen.
Having a lot to say
doesn' t mean you' re outspoken.
Yet,
it is so quiet in this lane...
you can hear the pins drop.
Let' s get to bowling.
Spare me
all those fairy...tales
of being treated fairly.
You barely
flex that muscle yourself...
must not lift heavy.
You' re scary.
Too afraid to leave that zone of comfort
and be daring.
You feel the walls nearing,
closing in on ya'.
So tight, they touch your earrings.
Let' s raise our glasses.
Here' s to pretending.
Pretending to uphold the truth
hoping no one notices the bending.
Here' s to our roots.
Pointless traditions
with no signs of ending.
To those tiff-splitting relationships
that' ll take too much time mending.
And last but certainly not least,
to our prides
that we hold onto like a prize,
may you stay strong
and may you stay defending.
Salute.
Mar 24
Mar 24, 2026 at 11:56 AM UTC
Shh...
Hear that echo in the wind ?
Of course you don' t
because you keep it alive within
Carrying the sorrow of your losses
as you strive to win.
This time is borrowed
need I remind my friend ?
You smile...
bend, break and then smile again.
Feeling the pressure in your pipes
still you got' s to always get it right
cause no one ever get' s it twice
in this life of sin.
Bellow Brother, Bellow.
Like the voice was snatched
and carried far away,
what was once easy to express
is now hard to say.
Fallen soft at work
you lean in hard at play.
The cost will always hurt
when you choose the harshes wage.
And what does caution say ?
"Be careful"
More like
"Be dreadful"
as if it' ll all fall today.
You chose to be fearful
somehow along the way.
BUT FEAR IS NOT YO' COLOR, BROTHA'.
Who you got castin' all this shade ?
Hidin' under overcast skies
wearin' all this grey.
I know shade is safe
but safe is played.
Nevermind swimming.
Waves gon' be waves.
So if you ain' t gon' walk on this water...
***** you better wade.
Bellow Brother, Bellow.
Psst.
Your elephant in the room is showing.
And just as evident,
the fumes and resonance
of your inner feud is flowing
like a breath of, not so fresh air blowing.
Show up and start showing.
Show God the pain
and the disdain
making it hard to keep growing.
And the strain
of what you maintained
has it hard to keep going.
And the stains of wearing all their blame,
your soil is drained.
And as far as seeds...
He Knows it' s hard to keep sewing.
But in the meantime...
and in between time...
Bellow Brother, Bellow.
Mar 23
Mar 23, 2026 at 9:29 PM UTC
"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." Ecclesiastes 1:18
****
My eyes may be dry
but boy do I have a heart full of tears.
I use to cry a lot too
It was easy to access.
Now ?
Man...takes effort.
Which is strange because
I feel the sadness.
I feel the pains.
I feel the sorrow.
...I carry it.
Look man,
I spent GOOD time...
a good amount of time
in the unknown relying...
on the All Knowing.
You don' t think that just maybe,
I' ll be coming back with something?
That I would' ve learned a thing or Three?
Pick a side.
You can' t under estimate me
while having high expectations.
Y' all just see the man,
like he' s seperated from the me.
Or maybe the me who' s seperate from the man.
I don' t know.
At this point I can' t even tell.
All I know is,
they' re are some weird
and quite frankly...
offensive expectations of me.
Crazy how the person who' s built a life around piecing people back together,
isn' t allowed to break.
Look I know things.
This ain' t even ego talking.
I just know, what I know.
And there' s this burden
that feels stitched to me,
that I must share this knowledge.
It' s knowledge but really,
I see it as direction.
Y' all can pretend all you want,
we need direction.
smt ***** that,
Y' ALL need direction!
What am I talking about ?!?
Better question;
Why is everyone, copying everyone?
So I try to serve as a...beacon so to speak.
A beacon who' s willing to be in the dark WITH you.
And it' s not even for an imposed agenda.
That' s the wild part!
Y' all KNOW y' all WANT
to feel better about yourselves.
To be better TO yourselves.
Think better.
Respond better.
Relationship better.
Life...better.
I' m on your side. Always have been.
But somehow,
I' m treated like the cancer.
No,
Let me say it plainly...
I' m treated like the problem.
And as badly as I' d want to advocated for myself,
I' d only do it aggressively...
and that never ends well.
So I' m quiet and I go and break in silence.
And honestly,
I want to be more quiet
but people want me to speak.
THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT THIS...
but they respect the weight of my words.
THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT THIS...
They know it' s sound judgement with me.
THEY WILL NEVER ADMIT THIS...
It' s always honesty with me.
They' ll never admit,
they think I know what I' m talking about.
I' m not in it for the glory man.
Ironically, this "beacon"
doesn' t like the spotlight.
I' m not in it for the glory.
But I' m ALSO not in it for the disrespect and the abuse.
But
there' s a service that' s needed
and then again...
John 15:18-21
Mar 18
Mar 18, 2026 at 9:43 AM UTC
This is the hard part.
Knowing that in a moment ,
my living determines who dies next.
When there' s no "blood thirst"
that' s the real danger
...considering context.
This is the hard part.
Being reminded of those claims.
'A ferocious Marksman'
somehow scared to take aim.
Whether the prey is ready or not
what will it change ?
When I should be set to ****
I fret the pain.
IT HAS TO DIE.
Now this...THIS is the hard part.
Now He' s talking to you.
Let it be known
there' s no way out of it...only through.
Nevermind all that was done
be inclined to know what you' ll do.
If the guess is that you' ll walk away
and wait for another day...
will it be true ?
What if another day never comes
and you don' t even get a clue ?
And now all is dark , so dark
you can' t feel Me
and I don' t see you.
That will be the hardest part.
Being amongst the dead
but none of which I' ve killed.
Regretting the one time
I should' ve taken a life
and a shackle kept me still.
This is no painkiller
but
very much a tough pill...
I am now the prey
and they ,
hunt for thrill.
This one here...
this is REALLY the hardest part.
In comparison ,
all the other parts seem fine.
Grappling with this question...
I' ve spent a lot of time.
A lot of time.
Hypothetically ,
if I never win the hunt ,
if I never take it' s life ,
when it' s all done...
My Lord , Will You Claim Mine ?
Nov 24, 2024
Nov 24, 2024 at 11:13 PM UTC
He felt the Sun before the Shade.
First came the Ripening...
then came the Realization.
Pome fruits are not the same
as Citrus fruits.
So an Apple ,
will never be an Orange.
So a lonely Apple
amongst many Oranges ,
will forever feel foreign.
Maturing through
droughts , drudgery and
fate-filled storms without warning...
a fruitfulness was forming
as the distant Tree
stood dormant.
With no other fruit
hanging from it' s branches ,
it seemed growing Apples
was no longer important.
As to "Why ?"
One can only assume
what reasons are in assortment.
But what IS clear ,
considering
the field where it landed ,
years away
from the Tree that formed it.....
The apple , does fall far from the tree.
Nov 7, 2024
Nov 7, 2024 at 2:53 PM UTC
"Hey there, Mr.Polished !
Look I know you' re all modest
and don' t like the extra attention.
I' m just stopping by to pay homage."
"Acknowlegded. Thanks."
"I haven' t said anything yet.
How' ve my compliments already been abolished ??
Can you at least hear them out please...
I mean they' re all honest."
"Look I don' t wanna come off as snobbish I' m just not interested.
I don' t really want it."
"Naaah man...something' s wrong.
That was a typical response but something about it feels uncommon.
Are you okay ?
You don' t seem so...solid."
"I' m cool."
"And I' m Fool.
Tone...c' mon man.
I' m just trying to provide some solace.
I' ve learned how important support is
...cause YOU taught it.
Honesty too.
And you just lied and I caught it.
I' m not asking you to be flawless man.
Just be honest.
Just be honest.
Whatever it is you' re thinking
I wanna know what that thought is."
"You first."
"Fine.
You seem...hollow.
Like...you' re out of thrill and you just had a really tough pill to swallow."
"Hmm. Almost."
"What' re you carrying man ?
What' s the cargo ?
Are you using again ?
Emptying more wine bottles ?"
"No. No empty bottles."
"Then why do you look like this ?"
"Look like what ? A role model ?"
"Funny.
More like the "old" model.
Don' t treat me like I need goggles.
I can see just fine
and I can read too...YOU...
just like a novel.
And what I' ve read so far...
is that there may be a problem.
And if YOU have problems...
then I have problems.
So I' d appreciate it
if you' d help me solve em.
Start talking."
"I' m not exactly...star-struck when I look in the mirror. It has nothing to do with looks. I think it' s fear."
"Fear ??
Do know what you made it through
that past year ??
And you sittin here talkin to me about "fear" ??"
"I' m glad I made myself clear."
"Toni ? YOU...scared ??"
***** Yes."
Jul 29, 2024
Jul 29, 2024 at 4:14 AM UTC
I had a crazy thought...
not like **** someone" crazy
but it' s still somewhat crazy.
Like ,
I' d probably have more visitors if I went to jail
but I' m here alone in this apartment with not one friend to stop by just to hail.
Hmm.
I had a crazy thought...
not like "suicide" crazy
but like "What would they do if I die ?" crazy.
Like ,
They' ll probably cry cause I' m gone
but they won' t smile cause I' m here.
Reminisce on the "times that we had"
but what time did we share ?
Probably say things like
"You' ll never be forgotten"
with a cry so tender.
I' ll never forget all those years wondering
if I' ll ever be remembered.
Hmm.
I had a crazy thought...
Not like "revenge" crazy
but like "Then again..." crazy.
Like ,
what would it do to you
you know...
everything that was done to me ?
What if I made you think
your life was in my hands
cause it was fun for me ?
Or
make your battles seem not so tough
and even with your efforts supreme
I' ll make sure of this theme;
"It' s still not enough."
Hmm.
I had a crazy thought...
not exactly
"they' re all the same" crazy
but
I DO recall this pain.
Crazy.
Like ,
you left cause I hurt you.
And yes ,
I AM sorry I did.
But how come you couldn' t stay cause I helped heal you ?
Because I' m sure that I did.
Is there a better man for you than me
ya know one who' s...
"safer" ?
Someone who can fulfill your "Nows"
cause you just can' t wait for later.
What happens when your "Nows"
are gone ?
Will I come to mind ?
Will you be reminded that man
you' ve always wanted
was in me the entire time ?
Did you forget something
or
even a few things ?
Like
the plight
from all these fights
last all these nights
and yet
in spite of
the fright of
this traumitized man...
he' s still trying.
He was barely surviving when
life ,
friends and family
all went by him.
Frightened for his life
cause he was dying.
Crying
cause the heart inside him
was now divided.
Emotional chaos.
Mental riots.
It was never quiet.
****** sleep.
******** diet.
He should speak but he' s silent.
No confidence in confiding
In there mind
"He' s too big ! He' s a giant
there' s no need to pacify him."
They deny that they denied him...
Hmm.
I had a crazy thought...
None of this is surprising.
May 7, 2023
May 7, 2023 at 1:58 AM UTC
L ike a thief in the night ,
I t came.
F aint entry yet fierce intention.
E veryone is at stake.
I' m
S cared.
W eary from our woes we all share
A deep need for...
R escue.
L ook at your guns and ammunition.
I t' s all primitive.
F or what' s really out there
E ven the strongest calibre is no match.
I' m
S ad.
W hen will rescue come ?
A nd what will it bring ?
R ather , who will it leave ?
L ong is the battle.
I njured are many....uncountable.
F rightened we should all be because
E vacuation is not up to us.
I' m
S tuck.
W ade in the warfare.
A bide by it' s laws.
R each the end.
L and of the Living.
I 've heard stories of such a place.
F inding It is the mystery , yet
E xistence of such a place is the pursuit.
I' ll
S tride.
W e' re all in danger and desperate.
A bsolution is a gift.
R ealize and remember that gift.
Imagine what' s hidden in the shadows and the sounds buried beneathe the earth. What if you saw it all ? What if you heard it all ? What would you care about then ? The world is a big place with mighty mysteries. It' s scary to think of what we haven' t experienced...but can. It' s scary to know , how "easy to **** we all can be and it' s even more intimidating to realize what we' re all afraid of is all afraid of something else. Something mysterious.
Apr 22, 2023
Apr 22, 2023 at 8:29 PM UTC
Sitting as close as I could
watching you
as if I' m stalking you
as you' re going and going
like the clock is too.
You sedate me.
**** near make me
feel somewhat like a baby...
small and under control
and less crazy.
You' re like a chief
Heavily respected in these streets
or a cup of tea
something to enjoy as you read.
Big and small
at the same time.
Only few can be.
As cool as the breeze
something to enjoy as you breathe.
Thank you
for making things feel fair.
As it relates to me
having a shared experience
seems rare.
You help me feel like everyone else
here.
Cause if you ask me
"Do you ever get tired of being different?"
Yeah.
Mar 14, 2023
Mar 14, 2023 at 3:21 PM UTC
"Suicide just may be easier if you' re able do it twice." - Passenger
What if death feels , good ?
Not euphoric....just good.
No state of ecstasy ,
not that kind of novelty.
Think of laying down ,
on a freshly-made bed , after a tiresome day.
Think of that first sigh of relief.
Envision the back of your eyelids
as all noise becomes no noise.
Feel your aching bones and stressed muscles softening against your comforting linen sheets.
Who knew , nothingness , could be so rewarding ?
Now ,
imagine your reality.
Is it against comforting linen ?
Mine feels swaddled in hand-me-downs.
In case of an emergency ,
hope.
Hope , that the "emergency" was just a false alarm.
In case of an emergency ,
pray...
then wait.
"Patience is a virtue"
but patience brought pain....
addiction
depression
questions.
I never could accept emergencies.
My mother having a minor stroke as I watched helplessly....
Finding my father ,
collapsed in pain unable to move...
Having a gun aimed at my head as I slept....
STD's....
Going broke.
Losing.
Hoping.
Crying.
Dying.
My heart stopped a few times ,
in a few ways.
There' s always some unfair compromise
with the promise of anxiety.
What' s the first thing you' ll do if you found out there' s no remedy for your emergency ?
I' d really like to lay down.
Oh by the way ,
I' m a Christian.
Mar 10, 2023
Mar 10, 2023 at 3:06 PM UTC