Grasping for those I love
Holding on for dear life
To the people who are good
What is good?
When those who you’re supposed to trust
Betray
What then?
How do you move forward?
How do I move forward?
Dont lean into fear
Lean into love
Trust
Hope
But how.
My world uprooted
My rock tumbling down a cliffside
What was good is bad, and what was bad
is worse
There is no black and white, no pure, no good, no bad, no right, no wrong
Magnetic arrow north no longer
It’s only direction driven by the wind
The invisible map stripped away
When the voice who has served as the conscience in my head
My Jiminy Cricket
The first one to teach me the difference between right and wrong
Good and bad
Does wrong
How can i trust my inner voice?
Pinocchio lost to his own devices
Tumbling in darkness
Nov 28, 2023
Nov 28, 2023 at 5:03 PM UTC
I like my life
I love to watch the sun as it shines over the mountains
I love the smell of the lilacs as spring blooms into the world
I love the rain as it falls on my cheeks
And wakes me up into reality
i love holding your hand
I love holding your hand
This is what i tell myself
When i forget
When i forget who i am
When i forget what i care about
Because the thoughts take over my mind
When the thoughts creep in
I forget who i am
I forget what i care about
Because all that consumes me
Are these words in my mind
These monsters that spin lies
Shout into my ears
And i cannot
I cannot remember why
i deserve to be here
So i cry
And i remember the sunlight over the mountains
And i remember the smell of the lilacs in the spring
And i try to remember what it feels like when i sing
Because sometimes i cant remember
all i remember is that dont deserve anything
Sometimes these words in my mind are all that i hear
all that i can feel inside of me
And its not me
Its NOT me
i try to push them away
Far away from my mind
And sometimes i can
And sometimes i cant
they tell me to let it all disappear
To run away
To get away from this world I’ve created
From the things that i need to do that i never can
From the things that i know i dont deserve
From the joy and the happiness
That Isn’t mine to keep
And i remember the sunlight over the mountains
And i remember the smell of the lilacs in the spring
And i soothe my shaking hands with the thought of holding yours in mine
And i can stand
And take another step until tomorrow
Until tomorrow
- May 2023
May 30, 2023
May 30, 2023 at 1:43 AM UTC
I still remember the first time our fingertips touched
Brushing across with the wind and the leaves in my hair
My heart was aflame and melted all at once
I felt home, I was home
I still remember the first time I looked in your eyes
Snowflakes were falling and sunlight was shining through
Suddenly there was only the two of us there
I felt home, I was home
When two stars collide
Gravity shifts
A beacon of light erupts from their cores
And ripples through the universe
The cosmos forever changed
I still remember the first time I knew you were mine
You soothed me and said whats a few years apart in the end
Love, we have a lifetime together waiting for us
I felt home, I was home
When two stars collide
Gravity shifts
A beacon of light erupts from their cores
And ripples through the universe
The cosmos forever changed
I felt home, I was home
I am home
- October 2022
Oct 15, 2022
Oct 15, 2022 at 2:24 AM UTC
Who is she
This little sprite
Who floats and flits around
For she has magic on her wings
And lifts up off the ground
Who is she
Who sings aloud
What does the world then say?
Be quiet little chickadee
And let the others play
Who is she
This silent sprite
Who’s colors fade to grey
She settles down upon the earth
And softly fades away
- January 2022
Jan 10, 2022
Jan 10, 2022 at 2:22 AM UTC
Shadowed face shielded eyes
Burning consumes a troubled mind
Caves collapse, cold, dark
lost
I sprinted, desperation
a soft tiptoe
across the galaxy
To reach your mind
I love you,
Will you say it too?
Leave me alone.
Leave.
Me.
Alone.
To sleep, the impossible task
Aimless, spinning into darkness
The sun disappears
The jarring drop
as a seesaw strikes the ground
Leave me alone.
Tonight
If I should not return
To wake with the light
If you do not come back to me,
What would our last memory be?
- May 2021
Jun 5, 2021
Jun 5, 2021 at 3:47 AM UTC
The never-ending ladder
and the ground that always grows
The cloud that always rises
and the climb that never slows
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 8:20 PM UTC
Powerful and sinuous
Their tender roughness
Ever so controlled
Ever so cautious
Ever so compassionate
Ever so kind
The kind that are always steady, always sure
With the essence of your soul visible
In their elegant motions
I see you
Long before
We ever spoke
I watched your majestic hands
Your wise eyes of oak hidden behind your hair
Your lips of pearl concealed from my gaze
In watching your hands, I knew you
And I knew
someday
they would be holding mine
Feb 6, 2015
Feb 6, 2015 at 12:29 AM UTC
If my thoughts are my eyes and my mind is Paris,
then you are my Tour Eiffel
penetrating that flat sky line of the buildings all the same uniform height, without change or dynamics,
you protrude out of the flatness, the beautiful change of scene, the epicenter, of wonder.
my wandering eyes always find you
no matter where I am, who I am with,
or what I am doing,
I can always find you above the bustling city
a separate entity
Of hope, and love, and change
Before, Paris did not have the tour Eiffel, but continued to bustle as any city does
still the city of love,
It was missing it's determining factor, it's monument that stood out from all the rest
The landmark that completed the city, that created a place of wonder to surmount all the world, a watching over every building, every garden,
every thought
The last thing I see when rest my head on my pillow,
your shining light fills me with wonder and inspiration as the moon rises in the sky: creating wishes and hope for the future
You always penetrate the corners of my mind
My shining Tour Eiffel
Jul 14, 2014
Jul 14, 2014 at 10:39 AM UTC
If you had been a musician, it would be impossible for me to tear my heart away from yours
However you still managed to play my heart strings,
You innocent fingers unintentionally plucking, prodding, pulling my heart in so that it could never be separated again
They say that heartbreak is when a part of your heart is broken, however
I think that when people are in love, the heart melds completely with that of the other person.
I am him and he is me.
When we lose them, our hearts are torn apart
leaving them raw,
gasping for the other half
Pumping
Pumping harder and faster
Pumping
Like my brain when I can't sleep pouring out the memories of you
Pumping
like a faucet running clear and pure then becoming ***** so no one will drink it's filthy waters
Pumping
Like the fiery engine on a train heaving burning embers, whistling, whisking it's passengers far away from home
Pumping
Like the thick blood throbbing through my thin veins, every time I think of those eyes
Pumping
Like the ghost of the beat in your chest next to my ear drums beating,
beating
as I fall asleep
My blood is pumping out of my body with no second heart to hold it, my love pumping out of me, wasted and forgotten
Pumping from an infinite pool of love for you that will continue rushing
If only, you would care to accept it
If only you could be mine and I could be yours and we would hold each other under the stars and see their lights in our eyes, the universe above, around, and in us, filling our entire beings
If only you would hold me.
Your lips on mine my hands in your hair your hands on my waist forever entwining
like two vines
Growing
The longer they grow, the more entangled they become, the harder it is to tell where one starts and one begins
I have forgotten where I end and you begin.
But you are gone, your vines have slithered through my soul, disappearing
leaving empty tunnels
creating crevices until one day it will finally
collapse
But for now, your invisible vines remain, and I convince myself I am whole
Jan 12, 2014
Jan 12, 2014 at 11:45 PM UTC
is it Jesus that saved us all
did Moses make seas rise and fall
is heaven above and hell below
is god the only way to go
do we return after we die
is wisdom gained through our third eye
there’s eternal force in all
noble truths should we recall
does He choose what’s right and wrong
or even care for our lives so long
insignificant to the earth's course
one trillion spins since its source
what is it, that these books say
love, care, give, and pray
fights repeat, pray-ers ****
is this truly the holy will
unending journeys through dark and dawn
human minds have travelled along
across the decades, our breed has searched
for the answer, our souls besmirched
for now I strive to do what’s right
to make my path a heavenly light
unknown is he who does belong
I hope to sing my godly song
for all I do, I do for love
judgment and deceit we must rise above
all who love and all who give
I believe are right to live
--September 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013
Sep 29, 2013 at 11:50 AM UTC