As it turns out,
You were just the cocoon which trapped and tested my willpower,
and you only succeeded in making me into a stronger,
more beautiful person
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 4:49 PM UTC
Without you,
I lost a part of myself.
It isn't bad in and of itself,
It left me in a place to rebuild.
Like a mildewed, forgotten bulb,
I will return with gentle care,
Shed my disease of despair,
And thrive.
Even the most seemingly damaged, dried, moldy bulb can bloom into a beautiful flower when the disease stopping it is removed.
It only took a seemingly hopeless amaryllis for me to learn this.
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 4:41 PM UTC
Too-big jean jackets,
Rolled up sleeves,
Cuffed pants,
You're all thieves.
Deliciously short hair,
Round glasses,
Soft skin,
Performing for the masses.
You're my big, lesbian, social media crush.
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 2:59 PM UTC
Why do you think that it's okay
To rip out my heart
and try to shove it back in
You were drunk?
No ******* ****
I haven't seen you sober in
6? entire years
**** you
"You're my kid, that's not an option"
Then why was it an option two years ago??
Why was it an option last Saturday?
You're not my ******* parent.
You never were.
Dec 10, 2020
Dec 10, 2020 at 12:28 PM UTC
I really didn't think that when you finally disowned me,
It would be so liberating.
Freeing.
Stress-melting.
Wonderful.
Thank you,
Jordan Matthew Jansen
**
Dec 5, 2020
Dec 5, 2020 at 9:48 PM UTC
Nighttime.
Cars light up my room.
I count.
The moon keeps me awake,
Beaconing.
I can hear you.
Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...
Everyone.
Thoughts SCREAMING.
Words begging to become actions.
I close my eyes.
Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.
Grounded.
Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.
It's quiet.
Dec 1, 2020
Dec 1, 2020 at 8:34 PM UTC
When I'm home alone,
I feel empty.
The circles under my eyes...
Bruises.
Wind carries through cracks,
Mice scratch scratch scratch scratch...
Something clatters.
Whispers?
Footsteps?!
And suddenly it's loud.
My heart pound pound pounds...
Adrenaline.
Anxiety.
Getting closer...
Quick! Grab a weapon!
I call out:
"Is someone there?!"
Silence.
And suddenly it is all quiet again.
Dec 1, 2020
Dec 1, 2020 at 8:30 PM UTC
It has only been a week since I've been out of school.
The anxiety of being alone is getting to me.
Nov 20, 2020
Nov 20, 2020 at 11:19 PM UTC
Feet on the pedals,
Crunchy Gravel.
Sunshine.
Cycling to nowhere,
Round and Round,
Without a care.
Fences and trees,
and paths and leaves.
Laughter. Joy.
Up and Down,
Back and forth,
A circular journey.
Round and round,
Over and over
and over and...
Beginning, middle, end.
Addiction, Recovery, Relapse.
OCD, Depression, Anxiety.
Cycling to nowhere.
Nov 19, 2020
Nov 19, 2020 at 12:59 PM UTC