These many years, I've felt aloof,
Though I've never lacked a roof.
My roots, cast down, refuse to hold.
They find the solid dead and cold.
So while I always have a house,
And heap praise on it with my mouth,
My heart's not there. It's off, alone.
I am a man without a home.
Mar 20, 2014
Mar 20, 2014 at 7:53 AM UTC
I locked you away where you wouldn't disturb
my thoughts and my dreams, because you can't perturb
what you can't see. Memories Fade and dim;
their accompanying feelings can't last this grim
arrangement. So, into the dark I sent you.
My feelings became colors. First, I was blue;
my sorrow was complete, and I thought this: "Yes.
This is the pain of a broken heart." I guess
I didn't realize the pain of emotions
under duress. The chest, in this commotion,
can feel pain that no doctor can hope to heal
(So, I wondered if that meant my pain was real?
It felt it. Oh, yes.). And then I was green.
My envy was deep and complete; so profound
I became sick with it. I would pound the ground
with my fists, hating he who was yours; not me.
Then, hating myself for this hate I made free.
I hated the hate and, so too, the envy,
but, try as I might, they were all I could be.
The green in my cheeks turned pink, and the pink red.
It was anger rising when thoughts of the dead
possibilities crept in. I was angry
at my place, at him, at me, at history
itself (not the individual events,
but the simple concept of things came and went.
If "past" was past, if "history" history,
it might be us, today, instead of just me.).
Rage raged within me, directed at nothing
and anything at all. Fists clenched; teeth grinding.
I was angry at everyone. Except you.
For you, there was only love. Though it is true
that I tried to taint, to poison, memories
of you and I so that I could strike and seize
the advantage of a weakened foundation,
eroded and corroded. My salvation
would be found as the mental palace I built
for you crumbled to ash. My heart met the tilt.
Time after time I tried and failed, and I cried
out in frustrated anguish before I sighed
in resigned defeat. Finally, I was gray.
I was lost. I had nothing at all to say.
A shadow, an empty shell. I crept along
in an agonizingly dull world all wrong.
The color was gone. The days were white; the nights
were black; the rainbows, just shades of gray. No bite
in the wind could match that in my heart. I looked
for every - for any - way out. So I booked
you a flight. Found a car. I chartered a ship.
I sent you away. It was a one way trip.
I locked you away; I wanted to be free
of this curse your indifference cast on me.
Mar 1, 2014
Mar 1, 2014 at 5:24 PM UTC
What will you become, paper?
Possibilities not finite
Pure and full of opportunity
This brings attention and that brings use
The people who use you leave marks
Those that can't be erased scar
Not every tear can be repaired
Mistakes of others leave you crumpled
And once crumpled you're quickly cast aside
These things done without second thought
Become what and who you are
Tell of doors closed and options lost
Drift on the wind and float through the street
For perfection eludes us all
Purification is not possible
Wandering, search for your rest
Feb 28, 2014
Feb 28, 2014 at 9:02 AM UTC
Don’t try to see me in my words.
they are nothing more than thoughts
that struck me in an absurd
way, or ideas that I brought
forth to play with, like toys. I can
not say that what I felt while writing
them still applies. Like all man,
fickle I am; some feelings
last only in that instant
they’re first felt. These words are no
more than snapshots and I can’t
say they did not turn and go
with the next wind. So while some
may indeed apply, do this
favor for me: What thoughts come
to your mind, spare me the list.
Assume and presume, but do
not think that these thoughts are me.
I am not here. I tore through
this page and I am now free.
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 5:09 AM UTC
I saw a light
That shined so bright
But it was not for me
I would be shamed
To try to claim
That illustrious beauty
I'm sad to say
I turned away
And strained my eyes to see
A light as fair
That could compare
And would be all for me
I looked so far
By foot and car
But everywhere I went
Though they weren't few
It's sad but true
The lights were dull or spent
I took them away
By light of day
Though they were far from grand
But come the night
My many lights
Did not work as I planned
Oh, they did shine
And were all mine
But still they brought no joy
Did what I could
And thought I should
But they were naught but toys
And so my thoughts
Turn to what brought
Me to this desperate plan
A lonesome tale
And doomed to fail
As do all the works of man
Light so far gone
It's been so long
Yet still I turn to you
I shouldn't care
But life's not fair
So what now can I do?
There is no light but you
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 7:45 PM UTC