ObscuredRendition - Hello Poetry

I hold my breath a minute too long  Waiting for that crash to come  Instinct takes over  Ignoring my heart  Working against me  As I'm falling apart  Why can't I let this lifetime go  And simply float away  Removing myself from my body  Never living another day.  If suffocation cannot save me  Then perhaps I cannot die  I'll lay here for eternity  As the world just passes by.  The days are now a dull black and white  Sometimes awful shades of grey  Yet no matter how I beg for it  I cannot slip away  If only I could close my eyes  And will my heart to stop  This battle would be quickly over  My victory on top  When everything is dark and quiet  I'll hold my breath again  And pray for mercy on my heart  That the pain will finally end.

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Mar 24, 2022

Mar 24, 2022 at 8:22 PM UTC

Silent Suffocation

I hold my breath a minute too long  Waiting for that crash to come  Instinct takes over  Ignoring my heart  Working against me  As I'm falling apart  Why can't I let this lifetime go  And simply float away  Removing myself from my body  Never living another day.  If suffocation cannot save me  Then perhaps I cannot die  I'll lay here for eternity  As the world just passes by.  The days are now a dull black and white  Sometimes awful shades of grey  Yet no matter how I beg for it  I cannot slip away  If only I could close my eyes  And will my heart to stop  This battle would be quickly over  My victory on top  When everything is dark and quiet  I'll hold my breath again  And pray for mercy on my heart  That the pain will finally end.

26

Years ago I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love again.  Betrayed.  How can you trust anyone if you're unable to yourself?  I cannot catch my breath anymore  watching from the window as you go about your life  holding hands and dancing  smiling and laughing  I brought you flowers this time...   I'll just leave them here on your front step.  You are happy.  Who am I to ruin that with my sad eyes?

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Oct 29, 2018

Oct 29, 2018 at 3:13 PM UTC

Sad Eyes

Years ago I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love again.  Betrayed.  How can you trust anyone if you're unable to yourself?  I cannot catch my breath anymore  watching from the window as you go about your life  holding hands and dancing  smiling and laughing  I brought you flowers this time...   I'll just leave them here on your front step.  You are happy.  Who am I to ruin that with my sad eyes?

11

Its always an eventuality  Ripped from fantasy into reality  I've come to expect the certainty  That forever I will be lonely  Standards are lowered  More to give, less to take  Back to the way it was  Forever just another mistake  Perhaps one day  I'll consider this logically  An acid trip  through my destroyed psyche  I lived a nice high temporarily  Before it ended so promptly  Leaving me feeling quite queasy  Curled on the floor remembering vaguely  Simply insignificant  In the bigger scheme of things  Worthless and unimportant  Lost in my own  writhings. I fit the mold perfectly  drugged up and hung daintly  upside down to view plainly  On display so painfully  One heartstring  played beautifully  Another conspiring  quite loudly  An eventuality  From fantasy to reality  Expecting the certainty  Forever  Lonely.

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Oct 28, 2018

Oct 28, 2018 at 11:48 PM UTC

Drugged

Its always an eventuality  Ripped from fantasy into reality  I've come to expect the certainty  That forever I will be lonely  Standards are lowered  More to give, less to take  Back to the way it was  Forever just another mistake  Perhaps one day  I'll consider this logically  An acid trip  through my destroyed psyche  I lived a nice high temporarily  Before it ended so promptly  Leaving me feeling quite queasy  Curled on the floor remembering vaguely  Simply insignificant  In the bigger scheme of things  Worthless and unimportant  Lost in my own  writhings. I fit the mold perfectly  drugged up and hung daintly  upside down to view plainly  On display so painfully  One heartstring  played beautifully  Another conspiring  quite loudly  An eventuality  From fantasy to reality  Expecting the certainty  Forever  Lonely.

33

Drown the sound of the outside world  Play your music loud   In my head we dance  Like there's no one else around  I can feel your hands placed upon my hips  The beat is fast, but our feet are quick  Seperated we move to a different drum  No rhythm inside, mindless and numb   Together as one, a Rockstar explodes  Breaking the stereotypical molds.  Hearts pounding, exhausted we'll fall...  Together we'll dance  The greatest dance of all...

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Oct 28, 2018

Oct 28, 2018 at 8:03 PM UTC

Like a Rockstar

Drown the sound of the outside world  Play your music loud   In my head we dance  Like there's no one else around  I can feel your hands placed upon my hips  The beat is fast, but our feet are quick  Seperated we move to a different drum  No rhythm inside, mindless and numb   Together as one, a Rockstar explodes  Breaking the stereotypical molds.  Hearts pounding, exhausted we'll fall...  Together we'll dance  The greatest dance of all...

13

This is not a game.  Not just some whim of -what ever the **** you feel like-  This is real. Unreal.  Yet so real.  Is my trigger finger shaky? Are these suicidal thoughts of the irregular kind?  It is not death I face... ...at least only inevitably.  How could one irrational decision hold so much weight?   Why is it even a decision when logic should be erased from the start?  This is not a game. So why do I feel like a pawn?

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Oct 27, 2018

Oct 27, 2018 at 12:47 PM UTC

Not a game...

This is not a game.  Not just some whim of -what ever the **** you feel like-  This is real. Unreal.  Yet so real.  Is my trigger finger shaky? Are these suicidal thoughts of the irregular kind?  It is not death I face... ...at least only inevitably.  How could one irrational decision hold so much weight?   Why is it even a decision when logic should be erased from the start?  This is not a game. So why do I feel like a pawn?

13

Can you hear me scream these words?  Am I coming through loud and clear?  The answers are insignificant.  The questions are what I fear.  I'll keep my sorrow to myself  Don't worry I won't intrude  I am not here to impose upon  Or ask you to uproot.  A little time and patience  Some carefully considered words  A moment just to have each other  To find all there is to learn  Perhaps some more will come of this  We'll fall for each other entirely  But for now, I'll take just what we have  And cherish each moment completely

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Oct 21, 2018

Oct 21, 2018 at 10:18 AM UTC

Completely

Can you hear me scream these words?  Am I coming through loud and clear?  The answers are insignificant.  The questions are what I fear.  I'll keep my sorrow to myself  Don't worry I won't intrude  I am not here to impose upon  Or ask you to uproot.  A little time and patience  Some carefully considered words  A moment just to have each other  To find all there is to learn  Perhaps some more will come of this  We'll fall for each other entirely  But for now, I'll take just what we have  And cherish each moment completely

16

Headstrong  versus  Heart-song  waging war upon my senses  What I want  and what I need  A battle of great proportions  Almost as though I had you in my grasp  I lost it  Almost just as fast  The weapons used  hand made and raw  the most brutal of devices  most painful of them all.  None will survive  the blood will stain my skin  I am forever trapped inside  my walls  no longer thin.  With one last option  The destroyed lifeforce reacts  A last ditch effort  There is no turning back  Saliva dripping from my lips  Brain rendered useless by the heart broken battleships  The end of pains  An empty vessel  A heartless soul  A mindless body  all that remains

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Oct 16, 2018

Oct 16, 2018 at 6:40 PM UTC

The Almighty Battle

Headstrong  versus  Heart-song  waging war upon my senses  What I want  and what I need  A battle of great proportions  Almost as though I had you in my grasp  I lost it  Almost just as fast  The weapons used  hand made and raw  the most brutal of devices  most painful of them all.  None will survive  the blood will stain my skin  I am forever trapped inside  my walls  no longer thin.  With one last option  The destroyed lifeforce reacts  A last ditch effort  There is no turning back  Saliva dripping from my lips  Brain rendered useless by the heart broken battleships  The end of pains  An empty vessel  A heartless soul  A mindless body  all that remains

30

When one falls in Love, we must be careful of our reasoning.  Are we falling for their gorgeous eyes?  ...the iridescent barrier to their soul...  Is it their smooth skin drawing us in?  ...the touch we crave continueously...  Does their body control our sensations?  ...the shapely curves or sharp features...  So what happens when those dissapear? Will Love suddenly be something we must have mistaken something else to be?  Through the looking glass, I see your face.  I hear your voice.  I feel your soul.  Breathless when you smile  The risk we take.  The thrill of the ride.  The end of NOTHING...  ...that NEVER was.

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Oct 11, 2018

Oct 11, 2018 at 8:53 AM UTC

Unreal emotions

When one falls in Love, we must be careful of our reasoning.  Are we falling for their gorgeous eyes?  ...the iridescent barrier to their soul...  Is it their smooth skin drawing us in?  ...the touch we crave continueously...  Does their body control our sensations?  ...the shapely curves or sharp features...  So what happens when those dissapear? Will Love suddenly be something we must have mistaken something else to be?  Through the looking glass, I see your face.  I hear your voice.  I feel your soul.  Breathless when you smile  The risk we take.  The thrill of the ride.  The end of NOTHING...  ...that NEVER was.

18

Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems  There are no hidden meanings  or broken hearts  nothing left unanswered  straight forward from the start  but...  Here in reality  I can barely breathe  my heart has stopped beating  and I no longer believe  There is no hope  no cure for this cause  Just a heartbroken misfit  holding onto love that once was  Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems  If I could sleep forever  In my dreams I'd be a queen  In a castle on a hillside  covered in flowers amongst green  I'd have the King I’d always dreamt of  His love I'd never question  with a smile there would be no doubt  I am the object of his affection  yet...  Forever is impossible  Reality has it's hold  I am alive and wide awake  fearing the untold  I share a world with others  some surviving just fine  Those who can't handle it  simply give up and resign  I've written my resignation  and several times thrown it away  wasted sheets of apologies  never knowing how to explain  Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems

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Oct 9, 2018

Oct 9, 2018 at 1:12 AM UTC

Fairytale Resignation

Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems  There are no hidden meanings  or broken hearts  nothing left unanswered  straight forward from the start  but...  Here in reality  I can barely breathe  my heart has stopped beating  and I no longer believe  There is no hope  no cure for this cause  Just a heartbroken misfit  holding onto love that once was  Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems  If I could sleep forever  In my dreams I'd be a queen  In a castle on a hillside  covered in flowers amongst green  I'd have the King I’d always dreamt of  His love I'd never question  with a smile there would be no doubt  I am the object of his affection  yet...  Forever is impossible  Reality has it's hold  I am alive and wide awake  fearing the untold  I share a world with others  some surviving just fine  Those who can't handle it  simply give up and resign  I've written my resignation  and several times thrown it away  wasted sheets of apologies  never knowing how to explain  Oh what I'd give...  to live in my dreams  where everything's perfect  and just as it seems

46

I yearn to lay naked before you  Exposed for all that I am  Covered in scars  Bruises, a deep green  Swollen eyes ... and a broken heart  Clothed in fear instead, I stand before you  my smile, my shield  laughing to hide the pain  refusing to admit blame  Behind closed doors I cry outloud  Craving your shelter  Beaten and bound  Please accept my confessions  my truth and my sorrow  ...and I pray that you will still forever love me tomorrow.

0

Oct 7, 2018

Oct 7, 2018 at 9:33 PM UTC

Confessions

I yearn to lay naked before you  Exposed for all that I am  Covered in scars  Bruises, a deep green  Swollen eyes ... and a broken heart  Clothed in fear instead, I stand before you  my smile, my shield  laughing to hide the pain  refusing to admit blame  Behind closed doors I cry outloud  Craving your shelter  Beaten and bound  Please accept my confessions  my truth and my sorrow  ...and I pray that you will still forever love me tomorrow.

17