I hold my breath a minute too long
Waiting for that crash to come
Instinct takes over
Ignoring my heart
Working against me
As I'm falling apart
Why can't I let this lifetime go
And simply float away
Removing myself from my body
Never living another day.
If suffocation cannot save me
Then perhaps I cannot die
I'll lay here for eternity
As the world just passes by.
The days are now a dull black and white
Sometimes awful shades of grey
Yet no matter how I beg for it
I cannot slip away
If only I could close my eyes
And will my heart to stop
This battle would be quickly over
My victory on top
When everything is dark and quiet
I'll hold my breath again
And pray for mercy on my heart
That the pain will finally end.
Mar 24, 2022
Mar 24, 2022 at 8:22 PM UTC
Years ago I swore to myself that I'd never fall in love again.
Betrayed.
How can you trust anyone if you're unable to yourself?
I cannot catch my breath anymore
watching from the window as you go about your life
holding hands and dancing
smiling and laughing
I brought you flowers this time...
I'll just leave them here on your front step.
You are happy.
Who am I to ruin that with my sad eyes?
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 3:13 PM UTC
Its always an eventuality
Ripped from fantasy into reality
I've come to expect the certainty
That forever I will be lonely
Standards are lowered
More to give, less to take
Back to the way it was
Forever just another mistake
Perhaps one day
I'll consider this logically
An acid trip
through my destroyed psyche
I lived a nice high temporarily
Before it ended so promptly
Leaving me feeling quite queasy
Curled on the floor remembering vaguely
Simply insignificant
In the bigger scheme of things
Worthless and unimportant
Lost in my own
writhings.
I fit the mold perfectly
drugged up and hung daintly
upside down to view plainly
On display so painfully
One heartstring
played beautifully
Another conspiring
quite loudly
An eventuality
From fantasy to reality
Expecting the certainty
Forever
Lonely.
Oct 28, 2018
Oct 28, 2018 at 11:48 PM UTC
Drown the sound of the outside world
Play your music loud
In my head we dance
Like there's no one else around
I can feel your hands placed upon my hips
The beat is fast, but our feet are quick
Seperated we move to a different drum
No rhythm inside, mindless and numb
Together as one, a Rockstar explodes
Breaking the stereotypical molds.
Hearts pounding, exhausted we'll fall...
Together we'll dance
The greatest dance of all...
Oct 28, 2018
Oct 28, 2018 at 8:03 PM UTC
This is not a game.
Not just some whim of
-what ever the **** you feel like-
This is real.
Unreal.
Yet so real.
Is my trigger finger shaky?
Are these suicidal thoughts of the irregular kind?
It is not death I face...
...at least only inevitably.
How could one irrational decision hold so much weight?
Why is it even a decision when logic should be erased from the start?
This is not a game.
So why do I feel like a pawn?
Oct 27, 2018
Oct 27, 2018 at 12:47 PM UTC
Can you hear me scream these words?
Am I coming through loud and clear?
The answers are insignificant.
The questions are what I fear.
I'll keep my sorrow to myself
Don't worry I won't intrude
I am not here to impose upon
Or ask you to uproot.
A little time and patience
Some carefully considered words
A moment just to have each other
To find all there is to learn
Perhaps some more will come of this
We'll fall for each other entirely
But for now, I'll take just what we have
And cherish each moment completely
Oct 21, 2018
Oct 21, 2018 at 10:18 AM UTC
Headstrong
versus
Heart-song
waging war upon my senses
What I want
and what I need
A battle of great proportions
Almost as though I had you in my grasp
I lost it
Almost just as fast
The weapons used
hand made and raw
the most brutal of devices
most painful of them all.
None will survive
the blood will stain my skin
I am forever trapped inside
my walls
no longer thin.
With one last option
The destroyed lifeforce reacts
A last ditch effort
There is no turning back
Saliva dripping from my lips
Brain rendered useless by the heart broken battleships
The end of pains
An empty vessel
A heartless soul
A mindless body
all that remains
Oct 16, 2018
Oct 16, 2018 at 6:40 PM UTC
When one falls in Love, we must be careful of our reasoning.
Are we falling for their gorgeous eyes?
...the iridescent barrier to their soul...
Is it their smooth skin drawing us in?
...the touch we crave continueously...
Does their body control our sensations?
...the shapely curves or sharp features...
So what happens when those dissapear?
Will Love suddenly be something we must have mistaken something else to be?
Through the looking glass,
I see your face.
I hear your voice.
I feel your soul.
Breathless when you smile
The risk we take.
The thrill of the ride.
The end of NOTHING...
...that NEVER was.
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 8:53 AM UTC
Oh what I'd give...
to live in my dreams
where everything's perfect
and just as it seems
There are no hidden meanings
or broken hearts
nothing left unanswered
straight forward from the start
but...
Here in reality
I can barely breathe
my heart has stopped beating
and I no longer believe
There is no hope
no cure for this cause
Just a heartbroken misfit
holding onto love that once was
Oh what I'd give...
to live in my dreams
where everything's perfect
and just as it seems
If I could sleep forever
In my dreams I'd be a queen
In a castle on a hillside
covered in flowers amongst green
I'd have the King I’d always dreamt of
His love I'd never question
with a smile there would be no doubt
I am the object of his affection
yet...
Forever is impossible
Reality has it's hold
I am alive and wide awake
fearing the untold
I share a world with others
some surviving just fine
Those who can't handle it
simply give up and resign
I've written my resignation
and several times thrown it away
wasted sheets of apologies
never knowing how to explain
Oh what I'd give...
to live in my dreams
where everything's perfect
and just as it seems
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 1:12 AM UTC
I yearn to lay naked before you
Exposed for all that I am
Covered in scars
Bruises, a deep green
Swollen eyes
...
and a broken heart
Clothed in fear instead, I stand before you
my smile, my shield
laughing to hide the pain
refusing to admit blame
Behind closed doors I cry outloud
Craving your shelter
Beaten and bound
Please accept my confessions
my truth and my sorrow
...and I pray that you will still forever
love me tomorrow.
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 9:33 PM UTC