Swimming in the river
I try to secure my belongings
My identity and my dreams
So close...almost within reach
Then I feel my legs pulling me back
A rope has caught my foot
My belongings are getting further and further away
I pray that the river would stop flowing
But it kept flowing...and it kept flowing
Now I can't see my belongings
The rope still has my foot
Dec 24, 2020
Dec 24, 2020 at 10:21 AM UTC
My consciousness flickers;
My eyes open and I see I'm still here;
Alive and breathing;
I brace myself for the onslaught;
The memories come;
They're always ready to greet me when I wake;
They whisper to me;
Ah...I lost her, didn't I.
They cling onto me;
Ah...I feel so heavy now;
They put their hands around my neck;
Ah...it's hard to breathe now;
I close my eyes and appeal to my consciousness;
"Die. There's no point to this."
My consciousness fades slowly;
The memories release their hold on me;
Maybe when I wake up again, the memories won't be there anymore.
Nov 13, 2020
Nov 13, 2020 at 8:50 AM UTC
I got stuff I need to do;
Typical productive stuff;
Gym, little projects, cleaning, whatever;
'But' I can't;
It's almost a full year since I lost you;
I mean we talked in the middle of that period sure but you weren't there;
Not the 'you' that I wanted anyway;
sigh
I gotta keep playing games and watch movies to keep my mind busy;
Freakin mind accepts those things as distractions but not the more productive stuff;
Who the heck designed my mind?;
I want a refund;
I did try...honestly I did;
I tried to be productive for a week;
You invaded my mind and kept replaying the worst moments over and over and over again;
I ended up not eating for over 48 hours...and I'm going on 49 right around now;
Haha;
I miss you;
I don't want to;
I hate you;
But I need you;
Others will say I don't actually need you...that includes my mind;
A 'need' is something you have to have in your life otherwise you'll die, right?;
Water, food, shelter, socializing - those are what you need, right?;
Well I dunno...cause it feels like I'm dying pretty slow;
It's like being unhappy with you is better than where I am now....crazy;
Maaaaan....I don't wanna die because of you;
That would really ****
Nov 11, 2020
Nov 11, 2020 at 8:50 AM UTC
It's quite simple really.
Months have passed since the day
I've fallen for you.
Such a shame that you couldn't tell.
Sorrow and hate fills me.
Yielding to the emotions of hostility.
Only the broken could've empathized with me.
Understand that I'm imperfect and forgive me.
Silence is the stake in my heart.
Over the months, it stabs deeper into me.
Maybe I've made the wrong decision.
Until I've seen what it reaps,
Carrying the burden of doubt is my trial.
Haunted by memories of you is my masochistic pleasure.
All this must have been quite a surprise.
Do realize that I'm just a man...perhaps lesser.
Imaginations are what feeds my needs now.
Told you I'm evil.
I love you, darling.
Mar 8, 2016
Mar 8, 2016 at 1:49 AM UTC