Mgonz24 - Hello Poetry

I write because I hate the sound of my voice My mind sounds better I can scream I can yell I can do the impossible in my head My words can be read louder than any spoken word So just shut up and write I write because I can't speak My opinions are usually seen as minuscule, unorthodox, and pointless but when I write I have meaning I'm attempting to cultivate the perfect group of terms to move an audience I can't see To show someone a thousand miles away from me that there not alone I write to express myself I write to allow my emotions to spew on to digitized pixels on a computer screen I write to appease my need to let go I write because I know no one is going to care I write because it's my life and I do as I please

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Nov 17, 2017

Nov 17, 2017 at 3:25 PM UTC

Mgonz24

Why I write?

I write because I hate the sound of my voice My mind sounds better I can scream I can yell I can do the impossible in my head My words can be read louder than any spoken word So just shut up and write I write because I can't speak My opinions are usually seen as minuscule, unorthodox, and pointless but when I write I have meaning I'm attempting to cultivate the perfect group of terms to move an audience I can't see To show someone a thousand miles away from me that there not alone I write to express myself I write to allow my emotions to spew on to digitized pixels on a computer screen I write to appease my need to let go I write because I know no one is going to care I write because it's my life and I do as I please

20

You’re ******* me off You’re acting like I’m the only one at fault Though you play a wonderful victim Cut the ******** I mean I’ve dated some ******** I’ve made plenty of mistakes, But don’t act like you haven’t You’re boyfriend is ******* me off The fact that you’re that ******* blind To not realize how toxic Stupid Irresponsible Unappreciative And just a plain ******* ******* is your loss If you were in my shoes You’d be dying to leave too, But instead you just focus on the fact that I want to leave You don’t take time to see the full story You ask me to open up and talk, But you don’t listen If he’s around, I’m no longer relevant I’m just the child who’s around And to be fair, I’m just starting to know who you are. You never acted this way around dad. Then again I guess you were depressed. I sympathized with you. I let you spread your wings. Never thought you would put me in the same position as him… It’s hard okay I can’t talk about things as easily as everyone else can I choke up So I don’t talk I like to fester Then it leads to stories like these pathetic ones. Another reason why I keep my emails personal I just find it pretty ******* pathetic that you couldn’t notice that I don’t act like normal teenagers Or that I don’t talk as much as others Or that I don’t express myself as much as other It took you 17 ******* years to figure that out Now you wanna try and act ****** towards me So honestly just **** off And honestly it hurt cutting dad out I was ****** and upset for days I was legitimately depressed for those fews days You acted like it was ******* nothing So yeah I’m ready to get the **** out of here. I wish I would have left with Noah or anyone really… Cause right now I feel like the only guy I really loved was noah He was there for me at the very least He knew if I wasn’t okay He doesn’t have much, but he tries. So anyways Thank You Thank You Very ******* Much For Giving Me Another Reason To REALIZE My Life Is ******* **** THANKS FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER REASON TO WANT TO MOVE OUT EVEN MORE THANKS FOR MAKING ME NOT WANT TO COME TO HOME EVER AGAIN CAUSE THIS PLACE IS JUST ******* PROBLEMS YOU’RE A ******* PROBLEM SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS THAT ONE MISCARRIAGE Rant over.

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Nov 15, 2017

Nov 15, 2017 at 8:39 PM UTC

Mgonz24

Rant

You’re ******* me off You’re acting like I’m the only one at fault Though you play a wonderful victim Cut the ******** I mean I’ve dated some ******** I’ve made plenty of mistakes, But don’t act like you haven’t You’re boyfriend is ******* me off The fact that you’re that ******* blind To not realize how toxic Stupid Irresponsible Unappreciative And just a plain ******* ******* is your loss If you were in my shoes You’d be dying to leave too, But instead you just focus on the fact that I want to leave You don’t take time to see the full story You ask me to open up and talk, But you don’t listen If he’s around, I’m no longer relevant I’m just the child who’s around And to be fair, I’m just starting to know who you are. You never acted this way around dad. Then again I guess you were depressed. I sympathized with you. I let you spread your wings. Never thought you would put me in the same position as him… It’s hard okay I can’t talk about things as easily as everyone else can I choke up So I don’t talk I like to fester Then it leads to stories like these pathetic ones. Another reason why I keep my emails personal I just find it pretty ******* pathetic that you couldn’t notice that I don’t act like normal teenagers Or that I don’t talk as much as others Or that I don’t express myself as much as other It took you 17 ******* years to figure that out Now you wanna try and act ****** towards me So honestly just **** off And honestly it hurt cutting dad out I was ****** and upset for days I was legitimately depressed for those fews days You acted like it was ******* nothing So yeah I’m ready to get the **** out of here. I wish I would have left with Noah or anyone really… Cause right now I feel like the only guy I really loved was noah He was there for me at the very least He knew if I wasn’t okay He doesn’t have much, but he tries. So anyways Thank You Thank You Very ******* Much For Giving Me Another Reason To REALIZE My Life Is ******* **** THANKS FOR GIVING ME ANOTHER REASON TO WANT TO MOVE OUT EVEN MORE THANKS FOR MAKING ME NOT WANT TO COME TO HOME EVER AGAIN CAUSE THIS PLACE IS JUST ******* PROBLEMS YOU’RE A ******* PROBLEM SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS THAT ONE MISCARRIAGE Rant over.

59

It was like I had been attached for so long I didn't know how to let go Our stability was our drug test You were my drug I was your victim Everyday, Mornings, Afternoons, and Nights If I didn't get my fix I'd panic My anxiety would kick in Palms sweating Heart racing Breathes shortening Paranoia at it's finest "You're temporary" "You need it, it doesn't need you" "You're replaceable" It gave me a high A high that covered any feelings from the past I'd be completely invested in it A warm memory of nights forgotten Either way I ignored the dangers for my own pleasures It was still a drug Still hazardous Still tempting It covered up my scars My deep wounds of narcotics before I played it off Deep down the withdrawal was driving me insane To nervous ticks Degrading myself To finally moving on You found a new customer And I finally quit

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Nov 14, 2017

Nov 14, 2017 at 12:55 AM UTC

Mgonz24

Addiction

It was like I had been attached for so long I didn't know how to let go Our stability was our drug test You were my drug I was your victim Everyday, Mornings, Afternoons, and Nights If I didn't get my fix I'd panic My anxiety would kick in Palms sweating Heart racing Breathes shortening Paranoia at it's finest "You're temporary" "You need it, it doesn't need you" "You're replaceable" It gave me a high A high that covered any feelings from the past I'd be completely invested in it A warm memory of nights forgotten Either way I ignored the dangers for my own pleasures It was still a drug Still hazardous Still tempting It covered up my scars My deep wounds of narcotics before I played it off Deep down the withdrawal was driving me insane To nervous ticks Degrading myself To finally moving on You found a new customer And I finally quit

32

3:51 A.M. Still awake Contemplating Everything happened so quick Yet slow at the same time It’s like I’m still dreaming I’ll wake up Eventually Did I dream up the whole day? Did I really go out at night who knows where just to make sure my friend comes home safe? Did I really love him? Did I really see you? Walking out the door way Off to the car Not knowing I was so close I could just yell your name I could have had your attention You could have been mine again But I didn’t I was stunned I hadn’t heard from you in so long I forgot what you sounded like I miss your voicemail Sometime I want to call it when I know you’re asleep So I can hear your voice So I can remember Little memories pop up here and there I can still smell the smoke from our bonfires I can still smell the exhaust from your truck I can still smell the pigs’ **** I can still smell your coffee in the mornings even though now you sit with no one I don’t know if you still feel alone…. You were never alone then You always had me But you said you were alone Maybe you were crazy Maybe you didn’t want to **** her Maybe I’m crazy Maybe this is just some twisted fantasy and I’m still sound asleep waiting to get up for another day of school But that can’t be my reality, right? You said you were alone so much I believed it Shocking thing was You were the one I always had No matter what I thought you would always have me I guess I was wrong Eventually I stopped visiting I guess that was my fault Eventually I stopped calling I guess that was my fault Eventually I stopped any form of contact with you That was my fault I never wanted to let you go I never planned for it I did anyways Now I stay up 4:32 A.M. Contemplating Thinking Did you see me? Did you recognize me? Are you having the same feeling right now? Are you wondering where your little girl went? Are you wondering why she changed so much that she doesn’t recognize who she is anymore? Or did you just grab your stuff and go? Did you even notice me, or did you just hurry up before you were late to work? I’m sorry this is my fault I miss you.. Happy Late Father’s Day ...

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Nov 13, 2017

Nov 13, 2017 at 12:49 AM UTC

Mgonz24

Happy Father's Day

3:51 A.M. Still awake Contemplating Everything happened so quick Yet slow at the same time It’s like I’m still dreaming I’ll wake up Eventually Did I dream up the whole day? Did I really go out at night who knows where just to make sure my friend comes home safe? Did I really love him? Did I really see you? Walking out the door way Off to the car Not knowing I was so close I could just yell your name I could have had your attention You could have been mine again But I didn’t I was stunned I hadn’t heard from you in so long I forgot what you sounded like I miss your voicemail Sometime I want to call it when I know you’re asleep So I can hear your voice So I can remember Little memories pop up here and there I can still smell the smoke from our bonfires I can still smell the exhaust from your truck I can still smell the pigs’ **** I can still smell your coffee in the mornings even though now you sit with no one I don’t know if you still feel alone…. You were never alone then You always had me But you said you were alone Maybe you were crazy Maybe you didn’t want to **** her Maybe I’m crazy Maybe this is just some twisted fantasy and I’m still sound asleep waiting to get up for another day of school But that can’t be my reality, right? You said you were alone so much I believed it Shocking thing was You were the one I always had No matter what I thought you would always have me I guess I was wrong Eventually I stopped visiting I guess that was my fault Eventually I stopped calling I guess that was my fault Eventually I stopped any form of contact with you That was my fault I never wanted to let you go I never planned for it I did anyways Now I stay up 4:32 A.M. Contemplating Thinking Did you see me? Did you recognize me? Are you having the same feeling right now? Are you wondering where your little girl went? Are you wondering why she changed so much that she doesn’t recognize who she is anymore? Or did you just grab your stuff and go? Did you even notice me, or did you just hurry up before you were late to work? I’m sorry this is my fault I miss you.. Happy Late Father’s Day ...

70

I like to be like the ocean. Its free Its endless Its unpredictable Its scary It moves in its own rhythm It has secrets My hair reminds me of the ocean First a bright blue and blonde Its shows the shoreline and the shallow sand bar As the days go by I make my hair darker I like to go deeper even though I can’t swim I live to drown myself in my thoughts I still keep quiet disregarding how others see me I don’t smile on the inside Every once in awhile I go to the surface For a breath of air before I dive deeper Realizing I suffocate on the surface Loved one smothering me as I ascend to the surface The Anxiety The Questions The Love It’s not for me It’s too much My solitude My peace My tranquility That’s me The loud crash of waves on the surface sound different

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Nov 12, 2017

Nov 12, 2017 at 6:04 PM UTC

Mgonz24

Mermaid Hair

I like to be like the ocean. Its free Its endless Its unpredictable Its scary It moves in its own rhythm It has secrets My hair reminds me of the ocean First a bright blue and blonde Its shows the shoreline and the shallow sand bar As the days go by I make my hair darker I like to go deeper even though I can’t swim I live to drown myself in my thoughts I still keep quiet disregarding how others see me I don’t smile on the inside Every once in awhile I go to the surface For a breath of air before I dive deeper Realizing I suffocate on the surface Loved one smothering me as I ascend to the surface The Anxiety The Questions The Love It’s not for me It’s too much My solitude My peace My tranquility That’s me The loud crash of waves on the surface sound different

30