We were creating a rose garden
We spent seven months working tirelessly towards it.
Just as the seeds we planted were about to bloom,you decided you didn't like roses anymore.
My love alone wasn't enough to water them.
I write this,sitting in the ruins of what could have been our garden.
All our roses have wilted.
How I would have done anything for 7 more days. Months. Years with you. To see our garden through. To water & grow it till our hearts didn't beat anymore.
It could've been beautiful.
We could've been beautiful.
Feb 6, 2018
Feb 6, 2018 at 6:19 PM UTC
I'm sorry I give you so little love that you have to be satisfied with the little scraps people give you.
I'm sorry I beat you up for your imperfections instead of embracing them.
I'm sorry for all the times I've stayed up all night being horrible to you. Calling you stupid,ugly and unworthy.
I'm sorry for all the times I told you you deserve to die and that nobody would even notice if you were to disappear.
I'm sorry I have nothing but these words to offer you.
I pray that you will forgive me someday,Thami.
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 12:31 AM UTC
It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.
I still remember the exact time it was,
The feeling I got in my chest as I lay there reading your text,
The flood of tears that followed afterwards,
The amount of "you'll be fine"s I whispered to myself that night.
I remember it all.
It's been a month since you left, but it still feels like yesterday to me.
Nov 10, 2017
Nov 10, 2017 at 5:58 PM UTC
I haven't done half the things I wanted to do with you.
Haven't made half the memories I wanted us to
And now you're gone and it hurts to know I'll never get to do the simple things like
Lie on the grass & gaze at the stars with you
I wish we had more time.
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 4:32 PM UTC
You occupy my thoughts day and night.
All my days are wasted daydreaming about you finally giving me my fairytale ending
& you again,visit me in my dreams. There's no escaping you. It's torturous.
Oct 12, 2017
Oct 12, 2017 at 6:55 AM UTC
Just as I had predicted,you finally got tired.
Tired of trying to carry my problems & not being able to.
Tired of constantly having to talk me out of suicide attempts.
Tired of reminding me that it'll all get better.
Tired of trying to convince me to get out of bed,when the last thing I wanted to do was face the world.
I don't blame you though,I'd also walk away from myself if I could. Pity I'm stuck with me for life.
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 5:49 PM UTC
I wish my illness was physical.
Maybe then I'd be more forgiving of myself.
I can't help but think of myself as weak for being brought down to my knees by my own mind.
And it would also mean I wouldn't have to deal with the occasional "Hey,but you look fine" or "just get over it".
Get over it how?
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 5:37 PM UTC
I have a friend,
he utters no words,
he passes no judgements.
He is my companion through the darkest of nights,
and in my most joyous delights.
He's stable,
dependable,
even as the world retreats, often abhorred by the essence of me
he keeps his place,
he is pen and paper,
he is poetry.
Sep 6, 2017
Sep 6, 2017 at 3:05 PM UTC
See I have to ignore what you say,
because I'd never be happy if my happiness was tied to your opinion of me.
You don't think too highly of me ,do you?
The loudness of your voice when you speak,
You don't think me too bright,do you?
I finally realise that it's pointless trying to be the best of me,
you don't want me.
You fell in love with the idea of me,
an illusion of what I could be, an illusion of my own creation fabricated with long nails, perfect make up and clothes to match.
I hid my imperfections,
foolishly thinking you'd dig until you found my truth,
that you'd see beyond my mask and heal my scars,
but now that your love is gone,
it's clear to me that the only person I should learn to love is me.
Jul 25, 2017
Jul 25, 2017 at 3:02 AM UTC
Bright and vibrant friend of mine,I plead for mercy on your behalf.
From the sidelines I watch as within you,a thousand battles are fought and lost,your spirit low,almost broken,but everyday you rise above,you survive. How do you do it?
My heart is heavy,the feeling of helplessness almost consumes me
Because I swear,I want to be more than just a bystander to your pain.
How I wish I was strong enough to be your salvation.
I hate that I am weak,that I have no such power,that I have to stand aside,watch you brave the full current of the wave,and hope to God you don't drown-Bongiwe Ntsuntsha
May 31, 2017
May 31, 2017 at 10:18 AM UTC