Car rides, blowing smoke, ignorance is bliss, so is smoking dope.
Keep watch, tuck below. Take a **** you said you'd be right back and i'm still holding this **** in since we last spoke.
City lights, plane flights. Breathe some air, keep chill.
Take a chill pill just relax, keep still here's some lax.
This town overdosed, kids missing found dead. Vision blurry, getting red.
Pay attention to the Feds.
Their just fiends, they're not your friends.
This life I know
This life I was drug into
Gotta watch yourself, gotta watch your back.
They do it for the high, they do it for the cash.
Quick to getting your cards stolen for a free stash.
Steady steady, think outside the box.
They will yank you, yes they're called the cops.
Take it easy. Do what they say.
Or you'll be in handcuffs, wishing you were praying.
Prison is where the dogs go. Jail is where the ****** go.
Guns in the Trunk, gloves on my hands.
Leave no evidence, I'm not punk.
Those around you, will impact your reputation,
Those around you may impact your temptation.
Bring my bag, bring a change of clothes.
Put these on, you're tagging along.
The faces and cases of all the **** and it's users.
You might run into one while with your folks.
Or you might be running from your family to find a ****
Don't poke, edits aren't good.
Easy to catch a case,
hard to come up on a empty parking space
It will remain forever, never let you free
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:30 AM UTC
To all my sober friends,
If you were one of my friends during my addiction that I left behind
please forgive me I am sorry.
I wasn't in the right frame of mind
I was too focused on my chaotic life,
I wasn't available to be there for you
please don't judge me based on who I became and what I had to do
Some of you may not understand what it's like on Satan's dance floor
before the devil found me,
remember who I was before
Some of you know the combination to unlock the demon's vaults
knowing the secret to walk away instead of being in a never-ending waltz
To all my sober friends, you possess a strength that I admire
some of you found joy in life again, some of you never fell into the fire
Just don't blame yourself for my actions, I made my own choices
I knew the game, I took the risks and listened to the evil voices
I was once that sober friend who was always getting left out
I could never grasp what hold the drugs had and what they were all about
Embarrassed by the slave I'd become there was only me to blame
I knew all this but still I took his hand and walked right into the flame
It wasn't a conscious decision it was one that was vexed
It was based on who can inflate your ego and where to score next
I could ask anyone who's felt the flames to listen to what I have to say
But addicts hearts won't listen, they always need to learn the hard way
We need proof that it will ruin our lives to the darkest parts of our souls
we need to see it with our own eyes, we need to feel the holes
We broke our promises that we made and took his hand to dance
even though we wanted to rest the devil continued to prance
Dragging us through every waltz, tango and two-step
when we fall he comforts us like a friend he's always kept
All along it was us, we were the ones who needed to let go
I hope you never dance with him, i hope you never know
I pray you never understand, I pray you see me for who I use to be
when I let go of his hand I hope you'll be there waiting for me
Hold out a hand for me, be someone
that makes the bad things run and hide
not someone that I allow to drag me, be someone who walks beside
You give me the hope that I can be strong and let go of the devil's hand
there is a better life than dancing to the devil's evil band
You're my prayer I say each night before I go to sleep
please know that you crossed my mind when I was in too deep
I didn't want to be embarrassed, if we didn't talk you wouldn't know
if i didn't see you then there would be nothing I had to show
I wouldn't let you down like I let myself down every day
thank you for being who you are, it's for you I pray
Continue being the light because one day I won't be at his command
I will see you again even if you choose not to take my hand
Even if you're not there waiting know that with your help i grew
I hold no loathing towards you, you just did what i could never do
It's not the life I wanted, it's one I wouldn't have picked
with kind regards, from yours sincerely, your friend the drug addict
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:29 AM UTC
If I can’t set free
Our love will leave
Like my life
Addiction ruined everything
I’m aware
That everything I love
turns to dirt
took my spirit & happiness
Drained out my life
Replacing it with emptiness
I’m so tired of trying
Of running & hiding
From the urges to Get High
Believing to feel like the 1st Time
I’m Tired Of Fighting
Battling and dying all times
I’m sick of working so hard
To fall back each time
I’m tired of accepting
But yet denying
I feel sad sober
I feel numb High
Both ways I’m hating my life
It’s the Of Relapse
That I’m losing more hope
Breathing .
I hate that I’m weak.
I’m not strong and Can’t think
I hate that I don’t View things Easy
I love my love
My love is him
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:27 AM UTC
You are gone,
yet everywhere
that I touch,
breathe,
see, with my sensitive eyes
and heart.
You are gone,
Yet we never stop looking.
We know you're out there.
Each morning we call the
hospitals,
morgues
the jails.
You are gone.
Day after day
we hear nothing.
We wonder,
we hope,
we pray that you
are alive.
That no one has hurt you too badly through the night.
That you've not hurt yourself too much to come back from.
You are gone.
Yet the shadow of you is here.
It is everywhere.
Your shadow floats down from the
moon light,
and at night
covers such deep sadness
we know then that we miss you beyond the stars.
The You
that was You..
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:22 AM UTC
No way to breathe
No way to find myself
Out of this sorrow
of you
I hear rumors
Sleeping In laundry mats
Dumpsers next
to the river
At night
Under freeway passes
Alone
The **** owns you
Knowing you
are so vulnerable
Breaks my heart
Even more
I am isolated
in your aloneness
I am lost in
your lost-ness
I miss you deeply
Yet am afraid
Of all you
come with
How do I find solace
When there is none
When the
silver lining has
become tarnished
My Sparkle Girl
Gone Girl Gone
Even if I found you
You would deny me
You would deny
me because
I am the voice
of reason
That you run from
I am so very alone
in your aloneness
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:21 AM UTC
powder in her nose,
drink in hand.
head in a faraway land,
tears in her eyes.
Memories of mumbled goodbyes,
heart beats in and out of sync.
Relapse with the beat,
game with her feet.
wispy black hair and loose limps,
forgetting everything except the feel of her body,
losing control.
how could she fall so surely to her rock bottom,
when she was with him she was higher than a kite.
so why must she say good bye to that high,
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:20 AM UTC
Gravity seems to cease in mid air,
Time began to rewind like the VHS tapes we used to peruse.
Lost to the hopelessness of remembering all that was spoken,
Still trying to grasp what I was destined to lose,
Hungry for that which will fill the emptiness,
Clandestine decisions create all the rules.
A black hole type of control,
I went maniacal and shortly afterward became betrothed; enthroned though alone.
The bigger picture will soon unfold,
That night on the country road,
Driving the whip-it was an evening so cold.
Fairy Tales told in the fool's forest sparked
Demons perverse and sordid.
Fight or flight was being sorted,
The plight was horrid, closely courted,
Shield and sword defended horror.
Pretend to mend the chip on your shoulder,
Put up those walls around your border.
In short, the more you fake your disposition,
The closer your back gets to the corner.
Tire tracks in the grass led to the tree line,
Screams transcended smoke and steel,
Like hot steam rising from a forsaken teapot.
I wish facts weren't so ossified,
Because the force behind discourse and pride
Is hacked, controlled, and lost to time.
But truth remains in purest rhyme.
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:19 AM UTC
today
I sat very still
the kind where you can almost hear the silence. I could feel my heart alive in my chest. beating.
walk on. walk on. walk on.
it wasn’t easy
I had to crawl to get here.
a lot of time spent tip toeing
through easily depressing situations
I don’t do well with emotional upsets
slit wrists
like please don’t hurt me
palms curled to a fist
but I couldn’t seem to
escape
his body weight
some things you just can’t
undo
unlike a knot tied
and pulled tightly
straight like a line
testing for sobriety
I AM NOT
linear
but you are
just like how you
think the past
shouldn’t
bother
me
and how recovery
should be me
getting over
it all
can you really call
yourself a professional
if you have never
walked the line?
so.
please- try mine.
Jul 19, 2019
Jul 19, 2019 at 12:18 AM UTC
Come touch my soul
Cut me open
Break my ribs with your bare hands
Pure strength
Hold my heart
Feel it pulsing, beating, in your hands
Feel the blood trickle past your fingers
Do you like the way my eyes stare up at you?
My blue and lifeless eyes
The windows into my mind
Do you feel better now?
You finally have all my heart
But look what you had to do
Keep it forever
Leave me here to rot
Leave me here to become one with the earth
I dont need my heart anymore.
I hope you’re satisfied with me now
I’m the perfect dead girl
I’m your perfect dead girl
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018 at 9:34 AM UTC