I go to bed alone.
My first day off in a week is today.
You come to bed at 6 AM.
I wake up at 8:30 AM for the day.
You will be sleeping for a while longer.
Sleep while you can. Rest while you can.
I'm sleeping alone after a year and a half of marriage.
If this how marriage is supposed to go?
I try and try my hardest every day... but it doesn't feel like its ever enough.
I'm sorry I can't be the woman you want me to be..
So... I will sleep alone.
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 9:41 AM UTC
What would happen if I left my husband?
The stability of having someone would go away...
but is that such a bad thing?
What would happen if I left him?
What if... I met a man that sees more than just my face?
What if... a man found me attractive in a way my husband does not?
What if... I am being held back because I married the wrong person?
What if... all of my problems would go away if I left him?
I used to love you unconditionally, but I am worn down and tired.
I used to want you beside me when I slept, but things have changed.
I used to miss you when I was away from you, not matter how short the time, but now it is a welcome break.
My time away from you is when I feel prettiest.
What if.... I left you?
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 9:04 AM UTC
My husband married a woman that he does not find attractive.
He married a woman that loves him unconditionally, through his weight gain, through his overly sarcastic answers, through his laziness, through his depression, through his autism, through his unemployment, through it all... but he married a woman he doesn't find attractive.
He married me.
My husband doesn't find me attractive. He looks at me like a friend. He is in the routine of kissing me, but you can see its a chore. He has cheated on me, he has broken his marriage vows, he treats me like the dirt he walks on, but I love him anyway.
Other people tell me how pretty I am, on a daily basis... but I married a man that finds my personality brilliant, something to be treasured, but will not take care of my needs, will not help me around the house. I come home from work and I do the cooking, I clean the mess he has made while I was gone, I cook for his friends when they come over, I do the shopping... It feels like I do it all.. for a man who thinks I am less because I do not have a pretty face.
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 8:59 AM UTC
I dream of other men
Leaving you and being with them
It is new and exciting
They are loyal and new
I have their full attention
I dream of divorcing you
Of being set free from your grasp
Leaving this hell hole and
Finding someone that actually cares
Finding someone who finds me attractive
You look at me with disgust
Like I'm hard to look at
Like I'm grotesque
I know I'm not the best
But how can you marry someone
You don't find attractive?
I dream of being set free
Of being loved and adored
Just the way I am
I dream of romance and quality time
Of someone who is encouraging,
helpful, intentional, sentimental
I dream of someone who loves me
Loves me as I am, and how I will be
But it is only a dream...
Feb 10, 2019
Feb 10, 2019 at 11:58 AM UTC
I don't mean to sound selfish
and I'm sure I'll come across that way
but I wish I knew the exact moment
that you no longer glanced my way
I know I'll sound selfish
but what I say it true
I wish that you would do for me
as I do for you
I sound like a broken record
but I need to talk this through
I want to go back to the good
and just be me and you
Take away the pain we've been through
the words that we have said
take away the infidelity and cheating
I'm willing to let it all slide
We all have a past; things we are not proud of
I get that temptation is a *****
But please, give me my husband back
I give and give, but what about me?
Feb 10, 2019
Feb 10, 2019 at 11:52 AM UTC
I long for you once more
Oh, to feel your touch against my skin again
It's been so long, I must admit
I'm a bit... sensitive.
Lay me down beside you in bed
Give me this one night
To make me feel special to you again
Like I'm actually your one and only.
Press your skin against mine
Your hands traveling the curves of my body
Exploring the landscape as if this is a new journey
Shock waves travel through my body as you do so
You stop yourself, not going farther
Leaving me under these lonely sheets
You have more important matters to tend to
I'm no longer a priority
My needs are not met
only yours matter
I've set a dangerous standard
Please, fill me with your love once more.
Jan 27, 2019
Jan 27, 2019 at 10:25 AM UTC
This sickness inside me is ever growing
It is silent, deadly, and without my knowing
Has attacked me when I wasn't even looking
Cheap shot if you ask me
Draining my energy, my will to fight back
I'm drying up, lips beginning to crack
I can barely move, it turns to black
All I can do is sleep
Sleep, change position, rinse, repeat
It is challenging to compete
I just feel like a chunk of meat
Rotting as I lay here
This sickness is killing me.
Jan 27, 2019
Jan 27, 2019 at 10:16 AM UTC
The table is set
It's set for two
One plate for me
One plate for you
Food in the oven
Being Prepared
But where are you..
Nowhere
I'm all alone
While you sit on your throne
While my heart has become prone
To your harsh elements.
I eat all alone
Clean up, and move on
This has become our lives now.
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 3:04 PM UTC
At opposite ends of the couch, we sit
we sleep here too
we tell ourselves the bed is too small,
but what we really want is space from each other
why have things changed
we used to share the same bed
but things are different now
when all is said and done I know the real reason
you want to leave me, you do not love me,
you have not for a while
you want your distance.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 5:13 PM UTC
I might be in the red zone
unable to clear my head
I don't trust you anymore
your lied that I've been fed.
You call yourself a "God"
and make all these promises
but when a loyal follower has a need
you just make them beg
I begged and begged and begged for years
"Please let me have a child."
You dangled it right in my face
the child I will never have
My life now feels empty
so completely incomplete
its filled with overwhelming dread
can't get this out of my head.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 2:50 PM UTC