I’m not supposed to miss you, I shouldn’t. But how can I not when you were my best friend.. My everything, and now I’m nothing to you. Sometimes I swear I see you in front of me, with me, laughing, like we used to. Laughing over the most stupid stuff either of us had ever heard.. I remember that day when you told me that out of our group you felt like you were the “Last choice” and ever since that day I had favored you, went to you first, made sure you didn’t feel left out. But nothing is forever, I try my hardest not to cry, and to let you go.. To let you walk out of my life without even looking back. You said that you wish me the best, but is this what you wished for me..? Sadness and heartbreak? An empty feeling in my chest? I’m mad at myself for not reaching back out, apologizing and trying to make things right. But I’m scared of making things worse than they already are.. Scared of getting re-attached, just for you to leave once again.. So although I miss you more than anyone in the world, I’ll hide it, and spare myself the pain.. That way my injured heart doesn’t take another punch. Because I may not be able to handle it, one more punch and I might start bleeding out.. It’ll slowly puddle up beneath me, the puddle growing larger and larger.. As more and more blood comes out.. The blood reaches my hands and I pull my hand up to my face to look at it, my fingers and palm a dark red.. And as I’m staring at my hand, the blood drips down onto my shirt where a giant blood stain lays, and my vision blurs. The blood on my hands just a blob of red now.. Until finally.. Everything goes dark, and I’ve finally died. Except even in this abyss, I see your face.. Staring right back at me.. Is this what you wanted..?
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:51 PM UTC
I miss the way we smiled and the way we laughed like nothing else in the whole world mattered. I miss the way I went to you first for everything and now I walk past you like we don’t know each other. Like we were never friends in the first place. I remember our memories, and hours worth of calls.. We’d talk about everything.. What we wanted to do when we were older, the guys we liked, how we’d be friends “forever”. What I didn’t know was that none of that can be promised, because unexpectedly you can lose people.. And that scares me the most, I thought we’d be friends forever and now I'm wishing I still had them.. Wishing that things were better, like they were before. But now, all I can do is sit in my bedroom, my head leaned up against the wall as I sob, thinking about how every time I see you you look so happy.. Without me.. And I wonder if it was my fault, if that now that I’m gone they’re happier. That they’re better off without me because maybe all I brought them was pain..
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:48 PM UTC
I scratch and scratch and scratch until my arm is red.. I’ve never known why, maybe it's to feel something. It’s sick of me to think I enjoy the pain, but if I say I didn’t I wouldn’t be telling the complete truth. I ache to do it, I feel the urge, the need, the itch to scratch and scratch until it's just bone. Until there’s nothing left.. Nothing left for me to itch, nothing left to bleed or feel. But maybe I’ll find happiness in that nothingness? The happiness I’ve been searching for my whole life, it could be waiting for me.. Calling me. I itch and itch and itch until it burns, a slight tingly painful feeling flooding my arm like a wildfire, like an avalanche, hitting me all at once. I wince a little with every scratch.. It hurts.. But I want more.. I scratch and scratch and scratch, like I'm scratching a lottery ticket and hoping for a prize. It hurts more with every scratch, and I find myself pausing, holding my arm for a moment, feeling the way it's warm from the friction. And as I zone out, as I clench my jaw while I think about anything, and everything, and nothing at all, I itch again.. And again.. And again, it still hurts.. But I feel like I can’t stop.. Like I need more. Like I want more.. I look down at my arm, red, with hundreds of scratches lined up from my wrist to my elbow. It burns badly now.. It feels like I’d be bleeding but when I look there's nothing, just the redness and irritation of my skin. But for now, I'll cover them up, hiding them from others' eyes. I don’t want their sympathy, their pity, I hide how much I want to roll my sleeve back up and itch again and again.. And the cycle always repeats itself, again.. And again.. And again. Until I feel satisfied.. Except, I never do..
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:45 PM UTC
If crying was a sport I'd have 100 gold metals. I’d have an olympic swimming pool, filled with others who cry just as much as I do, but their tears cause the pool to overflow. Filling up the room further, until the room is almost completely filled with their pain. And just as the last bit of air at the top of the ceiling disappears, I take a deep breath, the water surrounding me entirely now. Fully submerged. And the others? They’re calmly accepting their fate, wanting it.. I can feel my air starting to run out.. And I finally realize that this is it.. No way out, only to death.. But I panic, thinking “PLEASE THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED! I TAKE IT ALL BACK!!” But it’s too late.. Your mind, your thoughts, your pain and suffering they all pushed you over the edge. Pushing you to what you thought you wanted, but regret floods over you, you would redo it all over again if you could.. But your lungs are empty now, and it hurts.. Your body instinctively gasps for air.. except you're in water.. And there's nothing left to breathe. And slowly, as you drown, as you sink to the bottom, it gets darker and darker.. This is what you had always wished for right? This is what you wanted. And when everything goes black, and you can’t see anything.. You’re jolted awake.. Looking around like none of this feels real.. And you realize that that was all just a dream.. That you’re okay.. But a dark reminder of what could happen if you let it win.. If You let it take over you.. Let it push you over the edge. It might happen all over again.. Except this time.. You don’t wake up.
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:28 PM UTC
Everyone seems so happy with their lives, constantly smiling, laughing, having fun. But what about me..? Am I happy with my life? No. I hate almost everything in my life.. But most of all, I hate that I hate my life so badly that I want out of it, but then I’m too scared to end it.. Too scared to pull that trigger or grip that knife a little harder. Too scared to tie that knot or stay underwater a little longer.. Too scared to do anything but sit here and continue to suffer. But that’s my life, living in constant fear. Today, tomorrow, always.. Forever.
Jan 21
Jan 21, 2026 at 8:24 PM UTC