Ironically
I've been thinking about you lately.
Not obsessively. Just
the way a song comes back
before you remember its name.
Bad Omens, a crowded room,
I asked you to put it on.
Nothing special.
Then we met again.
Same room.
Same people.
This time you played it first.
That's when I should have known.
We talked.
Shy at first,
then something opened
the kind of open
I'd stopped believing in.
Until the 13th.
we should break up sorry I don't see you that way
You could have said it sooner.
Before the kiss, at least.
But I wasn't honest either.
I told you
my heart belonged to the sky.
To no one.
And then I stayed.
So maybe the real lie wasn't yours
it was me,
pretending I knew how to leave.
Somewhere between a song
and a second meeting,
I forgot I was supposed to.
It wasn't just you.
It wasn't just me.
Just something neither of us
knew how to hold
or let go.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 4:08 AM UTC
Apparently,
I am too young
to know
if I can love someone,
but I am old enough
to choose
the career of my life.
No one ever told me
that I should use my free will
just to listen to the crowd.
Is that what it means to be human?
Just a copy of one another?
Nothing more?
I hope you are still believing
in hope and kindness,
without knowing
you are the lucky one.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 4:08 AM UTC
to be fair
I will never find the right words
to describe this feeling
like when a little kid
is asking you,
"are you an angel?"
and you obviously
say no,
because you know
you are nothing more
than a monster
and then the kid says,
"Of course you are. Mum said
that angels harm themselves
because they don't like life
on Earth.
This world is destroying them,
so they are trying to return
to paradise again.
they are too sensitive
to the pain of others
and their own."
I've wanted to say
that I don't believe in paradise,
and that the world is making
scars on your body
because the world is mean,
and this makes you
end up being mean to yourself.
but at the same time, the world
can be there for you
without you expecting it,
in the most beautiful way
so I just told him
that his mum is very wise
and I got,
"thank you.
she's also an angel,
but she already returned home.
Apr 29
Apr 29, 2026 at 4:07 AM UTC
Nobody tells you
that losing someone
can be heavier
than you ever thought
no one prepares you
for that moment
or how it lingers
without asking permission
that was when my father died
but this story
is not about that
or maybe it is
in a way I don’t fully admit
maybe it’s about how I ended up here
in Sacramento
with my aunt and my uncle
who are Jehovah’s Witnesses
that thing with paradise
and no birthdays or Christmas
sometime after I arrived
they suggested
I should go
to be fair
I didn’t really have a choice
we went to a meeting
I thought it would be boring
and to be fair
it was
until she caught my attention
red hair
and eyes
that looked like they had too much life in them
for a room like that
after the meeting
I thought we could go home
but no
people love to talk
so I went outside
and there she was
sitting beside me
her name was Marike
a strange name
for a girl like her
then we kept meeting
at school
at the library
and obviously
at the meetings
then one day
she asked me
if I wanted to come to dinner
with her family
and of course
why would I say no
and here I am
at her door
waiting
the dinner was great
but before it
they said a prayer
and I kept my eyes open
and so did she
after that
she said
what if I stayed over
without realizing
a feeling grew inside me
slowly
but I decided to stay
and the next morning
I found her
with my glasses
on her nose
I’m not going to say
I’ve never seen such beauty
it would sound too plastic
too unoriginal
so here’s what really happened
I just smiled like an idiot
and waited
for my glasses
for a while
our lives were good
you know
until people start noticing
you might have feelings for someone
before you even know it yourself
then the rules appeared
if I wanted to hang out with her
I had to do religious stuff
so I did
until one night
after the Bible study
we walked home together
and out of the blue
she asked me
if I wanted to pray with her
at first I said no
but something made me change my mind
so I listened
she held my hands
like they were something fragile
after she finished
slowly
she kissed me
so fast
I didn’t even realize
when it happened
I felt like
I could finally live
but like I said
when people start to notice
it only gets worse
the next few days
I didn’t see her
until the meeting
where my heart broke in pieces
because next year
she was supposed to get married
to some guy
she didn’t even know,
but was her choice,
after all,
all she ever wanted
was to keep me safe
so I left
back home
because my mom
was somehow feeling better
and the years passed
without me realizing it
but I knew
my heart was still in Sacramento
and somehow
life brought me back there
so I saw her again
but this time
she hugged me
and I asked
“not gonna let me go?”
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:31 PM UTC
it’s hard to be brave enough
not just for me, or you,
but for life itself
to be ready for it
because you stopped believing
in yourself,
in people,
in fate
becoming noise in a crowd
nothing special
but are we ever special at all?
they say
let your soul speak
then what would mine say?
that I’m good,
a dreamer, a believer,
kind?
or the cruel truth
that I’m selfish, a hypocrite,
something unbelievable
maybe I’ll never know
how to be more
than just human
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:29 PM UTC
one day you will meet someone
that will talk about the world
as if they lived thousands of lives
and they will show you
another perspective,
making you question
everything you know
they will describe
things in words
you’ve never heard before,
but it will sound so beautiful
coming from them
then someday you will look up
at the stars
and then at them,
discovering that
everybody else is so different
feeling something
you’ve never felt,
knowing your mind
lost control
learning new things,
and maybe that person
will come sooner or later,
changing what you were before
like a feral rose
blooming in a garden
Apr 23
Apr 23, 2026 at 1:29 PM UTC
I am lost
because all I have is nothing.
Even my soul ran away
from being.
I don’t know who,
what, or where
I am supposed to be.
Just living
without a purpose.
Am I lost?
Where have you been?
“Just find it
and end it.”
And the voices are back,
but I am scared of them.
Or is it just me
that I am scared of,
for what I’ve done?
Let mercy come
and give me another
chance...
just one...
to live one more time,
for the last time.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 11:22 AM UTC
we pick the stars
to guide us somewhere,
or to make a wish,
building hope
but to be fair,
i am hopeless
neither the stars nor i
ever make a decision
until, some time ago,
not long ago,
when i was on my own
she found me
the night was bright,
my soul was lost,
and she was beautiful, shining,
almost enough to give me hope
almost
i didn’t know she was waiting for me,
so i pushed her away
and still, she followed
i was surprised
knowing that
i am everyone’s option,
but never chosen
and still, she chose me
why?
great question
i don’t know either
but since then,
i’ve found a direction
in the unknown
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 11:22 AM UTC
the story I am going to tell
has been told before,
too many times to count,
and every time it changes shape,
like it remembers itself wrong on purpose.
I never knew how to start this properly,
so I’ll start with Kit.
Some would call Kit young and reckless.
I would call Kit too aware
for a world that prefers people a little blind.
Still, just a teenager
with ordinary dreams
and the usual quiet hope
that things might actually mean something.
Then Kit met Iris.
People said her eyes looked like they held too much sky in them,
like blue wasn’t enough word for it.
At first, they were just two names in the same space.
Then they became something else
without noticing when it happened.
For a while, it was simple.
Almost unfairly so.
Then Iris changed.
Not suddenly. Not loudly.
Just slowly, like light leaving a room
when no one is watching closely enough.
And Kit noticed too late.
After that, time started breaking.
Kit woke up again and again
in versions of the same life.
Same faces, same moments, same ending
wearing different details.
Every time, Iris slipped away anyway.
At first, Kit fought it.
Then begged it.
Then learned the pattern.
And in the end, Kit stopped trying to win.
One night, Kit wrote a letter.
“Iris,
If you’re reading this, it means I failed again.
Or maybe I finally understood.
I don’t know if you will remember me,
or if I was ever meant to be remembered at all.
But I loved you in every version of this life.
And in every version, you moved further away from me.
I tried to change it. I really did.
Every time, something worse followed.
So I stopped trying to hold on.
Not because I stopped loving you,
but because I couldn’t keep surviving the cost of it.
If there is a version where you are safe,
where you can live without the world breaking around you,
then I choose that.
Even if it means I don’t stay.”
Kit
Kit was gone before morning arrived.
And somewhere, the letter still reached Iris.
She read it like a memory she couldn’t fully access.
Like something important had been lost
before she ever had the chance to hold it properly.
And the world kept going anyway.
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 11:22 AM UTC
you know
sometimes people grow apart
without noticing it
or worse, not even realizing it at all
am I right?
then that happened to us
now, and maybe forever?
like, are we done?
already?
after so much time
who am I trying to lie to?
8 months doesn't mean that much
or maybe it did mean something
the moments when I thought
we were happy
we laughed
or we were just together
I know I am not easy,
trust
I know I am a horrible person
you don't have to say it
and to be fair, I am not kind at all
I am selfish and
maybe too much
but here I am
with voices in my head
louder and louder
just because of me
"what can I say?"
a sentence with so many memories
that I can't say out loud
I want to be honest, but I can't
I tried to be brave
but I can't do that
because all I do
is push people away
in different ways
or maybe I am just scared
because I can't handle
anything at all
I am sorry that I can't be the right way
sorry for avoiding being with you when you needed me
sorry for the stupid things I said when you needed support
I try to find the right words
and maybe even that is not enough
because I want to say so many things
but none of them feels right
but one question is still in my mind
are you still my friend at all?
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 11:19 AM UTC