I must stop living within the feeling of this lie
That's why I'm here, to finally say Goodbye.
The lie: I am still in love with you
Deep down I know... that simply isn't true
Yes, I think about you every single day...
But you only exist in my mind, that's where you live, it's where you stay
Even further, it really isn't "you" that lives within me
A truth sometimes I force myself not to see
For you see, it can't be you that my emotions adore,
It has been over two years... I don't know "you" anymore
Although the you is so real in my head,
I understand the you I loved is long gone ... dead.
Therefore I can't love you Lindsey
Because "you" only exist in my head, as a memory
To be honest, I think I'm subconsciously afraid...
Giving you up means to become un-made
You are but just a memory
A memory that does not define me
Accepting this is the only way I can be free
Dec 17, 2018
Dec 17, 2018 at 8:31 AM UTC
It was a hot & sunny day in Arizona. Happily floating down a calm river, in between beautiful canyons & deep trenches, was Alex, Lindsey and her whole family. They had floats on their backs with water proof backpacks filled with camping gear, laughing, smiling and enjoying the ride down the natural blue waters, sliding through beautiful vibrant orange 100ft + Arizonian canyons surrounding them. It was coming to an end as their stop was approaching, Lindsey & Alex were trailing last behind Donny, Mrs. & Mr. Schuster, Lauren & even Tom. They approached a small crack in the orange wall, large enough for a few people to fit, where a meander of sand had formed from the cut banks of the river. At this meander, there was a wooden door on the wall. The rest of the family had already passed through the wooden door at this small island into an open green field. As Lindsey and Alex slowly washed up on the small orange shore, she dried herself off, and began to slowly open the door. Feeling oddly content, Alex came to a realization & stopped her with a question: “Lindsey?”… he asked as she slowly turned around and smiled at him. He sighed and calmly asked with a soft, almost defeated, tone of voice, “ … Is this a dream?” She then looked at him, subtly lost her smile, and began to open the door again. Alex slightly nodded his head up and down with understanding. He felt a great sadness but at the same time, a great acceptance of the situation. He got her attention one last time before she left and whispered "ok... I love you." She looked at him with a look of connection and grounded compassion and said "I love you too... goodbye Alex." "Goodbye Lindsey" Alex replied with a tone of finality in his voice. He held back his tears to watch her pass through the wooden door & happily jog through the grass field towards her friends & family & into the loving arms of Tom. He watched them walk away into the sun lit world that embodied the happy feelings he once felt. Once the wooden door shut on him, the temperature dropped & the river started to fill up the cave & wash away the meander. A devastating wave of tears and utmost despair overcame him, pulling his state of mind deep into an intense vortex of darkness within his own mind, destroying every sense of self, forcing his mind, body and soul to become one with infinite sadness.
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 12:36 PM UTC
How did I break your heart?
Did I pull your strings so hard that you fell apart?
Or was it I who showed you how to sew them from the start?
Did I break you so hard that you fell to pieces?
I folded you so much you have permanent creases?
Or was it I who helped you write your life thesis?
Spending countless hours showing you “what this is.”
Tell me, how did I break your heart?
Did I reject you, outcast you, ignore you, forget you?
Or was I the only one trying to unmask you, teach you, push you so you could see you?...
Did I stop loving you?
No, you stopped loving me.
So please, tell me, now that you are happy, free, without me...
How did I break your heart Lindsey.
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 5:26 PM UTC
It’s been two years since you asked me tostop loving you,
something I’m desperately still trying to learn how to do.
Yes, I’ve learned how to love someone new,
But still, there’s apparently no “getting over” you.
I’m trying to do what you did and “move on”
But it’s been very hard for me, it’s taking so long...
I wish I could convince myself that still loving you is wrong.
I just need to remember, that you are truly gone.
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 11:09 AM UTC
Two days before:
I leave to meet my biological sisters
In a different country
For the first time
I find out you are getting married.
For the last two years:
I have struggled
Attempting to learn how to live,
Instead of just survive
Without you.
Too often:
I feel as though I am just existing
Surviving...
Until the day I die.
Today:
I left the country
Now I am back.
Back to just existing
Waiting...
For death.
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 8:56 PM UTC
I remember when we first started developing patterns of awareness.
This phenomenon initiated our ever-evolving drive to expand and increase our different states of utility.
We would constantly experiment with different patterns of existence, just to see what would happen.
Now here we are, with a pretty decent quality of consciousness,
Still doing our best to evolve into pure love.
Apr 30, 2018
Apr 30, 2018 at 10:38 AM UTC
When I float,
I sink,
I dissolve,
Into the forgotten water,
Where you send your love
That lifts me out of,
The well of endless darkness
Mar 27, 2018
Mar 27, 2018 at 6:59 PM UTC
I live in fear, traumatized by the breathtaking love and beautiful memories we once shared together. How many more years will I be haunted by these flashbacks?
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 6:47 PM UTC
Deep in me, lies dark sadness, and he is begging to come out.
He shows himself through humor, poetry, or even the occasional pout.
He stays hidden from the world so that you don’t know what he is about.
But over time he's been growing, getting heavier… and the weight is reaching an unbearable amount.
Unfortunately, I want to **** him... but he is important to me… so this is a fact I must take into account.
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 21, 2017 at 1:45 PM UTC
I can create but also destroy,
They call me fate, but I'm sometimes used like a toy.
I am given, but I can not be taken
I undergo fission, and I'm constantly forsaken.
I am simple, but very complex
I tend to ******* when I'm abused for ***
I have many forms, but only one name
And I can transform, so you're never the same.
I am worshiped, but not a "God"
I'm misunderstood, I find that odd.
Yes I can manipulate, but it's not my intention
I often try to liberate, you don't pay attention.
Although I am young, I am centuries old...
Too often stretched... and strung... truth be told.
I am purest beyond the ego, way high above
I prefer to be incognito, I am simply _______
Dec 1, 2017
Dec 1, 2017 at 11:22 AM UTC