Love, please find me, I am waiting with open arms
The butterflies in my belly are ready to flutter
No eyes for another, deep breath... reach for the hand of my lover
Delicate, slender, fingers, wrapped around mine
Signifies our feelings are intertwined
Excuse my daydream, it abuses my heart
Off gallivanting in my imagination for a lark
Be at the start of something beautiful
Love, please find me, I am waiting with bated breath
Wishing to be adept at the depths of love
Savor a shared kiss, to later reminisce on the flavour of your lips
To twist & turn, to learn & grow, to love & never let go
Alas, I have been shunned, left out in the cold, where I will wither, growing old
Love deems me no sight to behold
Scolded by your intensity, my propensity is to scamper from your light
There is no warmth in darkness but it is all I have known
By Axton Rupp
Jan 31, 2019
Jan 31, 2019 at 3:42 AM UTC
I reside in my feelings
Classify myself as soft
Tender is my ego from my tinder experience
On bumble I was stung, only to be left stumbling
No fresh coffee wants to meet a day old bagel
I create fables with my imagination
The open wound on my sleeve festers
Causing thoughts to manifest
They get the best of me, so y'all get the worst
My lifelong curse
I could listen to every song about love
Never finding a verse to relate to
It's late as I write this too, or early based on perspective
I need a Detective, to locate my innocence
Where in then, I might find the man I am supposed to be
Sought out affection from the wrong places
Chasing those that fear being caught
Weary from the pursuit, I become a mute
Ask me to speak up but the point is moot
Run along, practice your shoot dance
Romance, that induces a trance, is an intoxicating aroma
Pity that my presence is nauseating
There is no debating, I know my history
I am no mystery, just misguided by my own hand
I write because I am left with reading between the lines
I'll stand the test of time
Sands through the hourglass
This is the daze that is my life
By Axton Rupp
Jan 22, 2019
Jan 22, 2019 at 1:19 AM UTC
My family hates me & I have no friends
I be myself, it's not good enough
Reflect, make changes, it's not good enough
Call my bluff
Ask me your fluff questions
Tell me I'm wrong
Pointing out qualities that are good
I'll counter with the facts of my life
Show you the lack of love, I have for myself
How I have dealt with guilt
Attempting to outrun shame
Embarrassed by my thoughts
Tootie ought to sit down for an hour session
My ‘how to ****** your life lessons’
I count my blessings
They never amount to happiness
I'm in a place where joy is fleeting
While your all celebrating with festive cheer
I'll be over here, in my familiar sunken place
Once a pillar of strength, on the outside
Is a mere shell, mimicking the motions of perceived normality
To those that think I am a friend or consider me family
There's still time for me to prove you wrong
It will dawn upon you & you'll question…
What was I ever drawn to?
You'll cast away your heavy dark shadow
While I wrap myself it's embrace
Lonely is my mind, heart & soul
With no family or friends to fill that hole
Behold, my inner honest thoughts
By Axton Rupp
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 4:01 AM UTC
Searching for balance
Equality within one's self
Battles rage between
Survival
Gratitude
Purity
And sinister behaviors
Are they merely excuses
For my greed?
For my self-indulgence?
For security?
For relationships both friendly & otherwise?
I know I'm doing wrong to live right
Everybody has a hustle
Crooked or straight
On this life's wander
I've encountered forks
Try to take the righteous
Drawn to the lure of the shadows
Eventually, make my own path
In the grey, diagonal
Until I'm presented with the next opportunity
Never knowing
When it'll spring upon me
Believe me or not
I'm a good person
Even if I'm unsure at moments myself
**** the cards I was dealt
I'm a chess player
Think
Risk
Win
Despite my means
I do my dirt all by my lonely
Maintain being humble & true
With unwavering loyalty
To those that reciprocate
By Axton Rupp
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 4:26 AM UTC
A lifelong loner, with the dawn of each day, keeps one promise, more sadness & agony
Father abandoned me, mother too high to visit me, leaves me with an abuser, to show me their ways
To this day, I think of you & all you have taught me
How to live in fear, not being myself, become a character to please those that may fear me
People skills non-existent, however, I stayed resilient, through the insults & feeling unworthy
Surely, someone will see a light in me, or is it too dim? Oh, that's right, you view me as glib
Back in my place, with a lid put on it
Did I do something to offend? Merely being born in this world of sin, forgive me where is the gun?
That's what I should have done, many moons ago, end it all before I knew better
Since I know better, when will I become better? Never is the answer
I am a cancer, that has stricken two families
Cut me out, lump removed, it behooves you, but you knew this
Then there are the "friendships" I attempted to wedge myself in
Unknowing of how to be a friend, I'd watch, learn, mimic & pretend
Now I'll surely fit in?
Nah loser, another sad talespin, leaves me Baloo
I continue to watch & learn, this time from afar
With the bar set to a new low, by my own hand, I stand in a shadow, from the lights sight
Darkness is my home, the ground is my throne
I sit in a mess of my own making, quaking, with a handout
I am a man down & many days out
Yet, no one knows the depths of my pain
All the snickers, pushed me towards the snickers, elevating the bar
Inward scars become visible on the outside, stretched across my skin
Another attempt at a "normal" life in an abnormal society
Taking all the lessons learned to craft a new me
Authentically, unapologetically, me
Wishing you well, wayward son of no one
By Axton Rupp
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 2:54 AM UTC
Where am I going?
I want to see it all
The four corners
The heart of the motherland
What is missing?
The beat to my heart
A kindred light
Hand in hand
Will, I ever witness a periwinkle sky?
Near the border of Shanghai
Certify our pleasure
Flying high together
By Axton Rupp
Dec 5, 2018
Dec 5, 2018 at 4:25 AM UTC
How vein & narcissistic can I be?
Always sad & lonely yet I think women could be interested in me?
This is left field, not a representation of reality
Is my somber attitude a formality?
Hidden from public view behind my frowning veil?
Obese, with odd thoughts
Striving to be normal or recognized as such
Drunk on my own pity & arrogance, I'm quite the lush
Complex? No... merely a mutt, that's the **** of life's jokes
Mush, mush, I'm a foolish hound
In here, there is not a sound
Hollow as an empty gym with a bouncing rebound
This is me announcing to the world
I'm full of myself, how absurd
I perturb yours truly
A running tab of my thoughts
Scattered among my bruised & battered memories
Confused is who I'll always be
No matter, until I find my next heartache
Or perhaps a sullen place?
By Axton Rupp
Dec 1, 2018
Dec 1, 2018 at 2:21 AM UTC
Alone, my familiar home, with only my thoughts to keep me company
Four hours ago, everything was lovely with you beside me
I revere your essence, your presence, your grin coupled with your laugh of delight
Each night working together, my fondness for you flourishes, it nourishes my soul
One evening it almost slipped, during one of our quips, but I bit my lip
In fear not to lose a glimmer of potential friendship
I like the way your skin glistens in the fluorescent glow from above
You have me misted to the point I wish we could share kisses
Another lost one
Trying to hide inward feelings, leaves me with scars buried inside
Attempts to take it in stride, abide by self-imposed rules
Tools used to contain inane thinking
By Axton Rupp
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 12:56 AM UTC
How many more times can I write about love...or the lack thereof?
Endless streams of couples, bursting with passion
Wrapped in affection
This lonely pain intensifies each sunrise
By the time the sun sets I am ready to lament
I wish each cry washed away the heartache
If all my sighs could open up a ladies eyes
The classic nice guy that's even worst off, because I'm shy
In my feelings, over thinking, WHY!?!
How many more time can I write about a feeling I know nothing about?
Endless streams of couples, viewed from my rose coloured lens
Wrapped in a sham
By Axton Rupp
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 2:14 AM UTC
Co-Authors of tale between two
Illustrations by our imagination
Credit to our love
Purely in my mind
Accentuated from thoughts
Wishful thinking in abundance
All I have is honesty in my heart
Now, wherefore art thou courage?
The ending is never new
There will be me
Without you
By Axton Rupp
Oct 25, 2018
Oct 25, 2018 at 4:00 AM UTC