Words don’t do you justice

They don’t capture how I sit and wait.
A foggy window,
Looking,
Always waiting,
Still wanting A glimmer of hope,
For this storm to end.

It
never
does.

How my throat closes when I think of you.
Tight and strong
A door not waiting to open
Or glue clogged in my voice
My body crawls,
And itches
As I feel the needles embedding into my skin.

“Truths,” you called them

I want to hack it off
Your touch-

Rub it raw
Until I see beads of blood dance,
Strip my skin to its bone
See the patches of flesh fall on the floor
Maybe if I washed it.
Drowned it.
Engulf it with bleach and Hydrogen peroxide
Throw it in the fire with ice and coal
***** this sticky ink I feel inside
So it would get off

I’d do anything
For it to
stop


But here I am
closer to the line
Making myself walk into an electric shock.
because you're on the other side
Disgusting pain is all the “love”
I’ve ever felt.

I need you gone

But I need you here
The toxic venom I sip from your lips
And let take over
Makes me feel high
An addiction I can never truly satisfy.
I need you

Words can’t describe how I’ve begged for a savior.

But only you came.
So I put you on a pedestal
Crowning you as my hero.
You have yet to save me
But harm me,
You have done plenty.
Stained my heart
And barbed a wire around my wrists and feet.

But you're coming back
Right..?
Please

I can’t let go.

I wish you would leave..
But you have

Yet you still haunt me.

I try to run
But you know where to look.
broken glass
Is always where you left it...

You’re always here
In me
A part of my Speech, Thoughts, and Dreams
I can’t get you out

I want you out..


I still don’t know how to explain this to someone.
Words don’t do it justice


My pain

And when I try to put it into words. They don’t understand what I mean and just call me crazy

So when someone asks what's wrong
I remain..
Silent.

There is a small man,
wrapping steel wire around my brain.
He steers my body,
My breath,
My thoughts...
He plucks them carefully,
Precisely.
Telling me when to move,
Act,
Think–

How to Disappear.

He takes control with his reins
Blurring me into a stranger
That my reflection doesn’t recognize

The wire stays invisible,
But they’ve slipped,
from my mind,
to my wrists,
My feet.

They bind me..
tightening, twisting me
Forcing me into a body not for me

But I found the blade.
not of steel,
But truth.

And I will cut the strings.
Then, I will be free

I will finally
be
me

Do you hear me?
You don’t seem to
Perhaps I'm just a lingering echo
Tiny
Insgenfiget

I see your ears twitch when I scream
No answer
Nothing
Always nothing.

I know you can hear me.
You’re ignoring me.

You’ve never liked listening
Why would you?
You’d dive into acid
Bleach your bones
Grate your skin
At the sight of familiarity,
Of routine

You won’t change.
You never have.

I’ve seen you chase pain
Dragging it close to you
Holding it with caged fingers

I told you to let go,
But you ignored me,
Yourself.

Words can’t hear
Sound can’t see
Lies don’t know
Promise don’t keep

You can’t see me
And you never have

To see me
Is to hear my words
But to hear me is to see me
And you don’t see me

You see her
Not him

So I will never let you see me
Because you only see her.