The noise and messyness of life
Surrounding me constantly
I've learned to think in verse

The
Breaks
Between
The
Lines
Help
Me
So

To think in verse
oh
It is so not a curse

It makes the simplest things
Seem fascinating
And the biggest things
Less scary

Thinking in verse
Makes me merry

Ideas floating through my head
Making it less haunting for me when I'm in bed

I've learned to think in verse
It gives me such perspective

I've learned to think in verse
Making my thoughts branch out
And out
Into something crazy

I learned to think in verse
And it might be because my free time
Is poetry immersed

In and out
And out and in
Poetry made
And
Poetry forgotten

Thinking in verse
Pulls me away
And toward
This beautiful and treacherous world

When I see my bleeding skin
I think of you
How you did this too

When I cry
I think of you
How it's your fault

When I see a good father
I think of you
And how I'll never get that too

When I think of that big tree on what used to be my front yard
I think of you
And how you kicked me and my mom out

When I feel depressed and terrible
I think of you
And how you're proof that it doesn't always get better

There's this kid I know
Associated with making trouble
But quite wrongly so
Because before he even moves
They tell him to stop
As if they know squat

I don't wake up in time
My mom is yelling at me
Loudly
But she doesn't even notice what she's doing
Or she doesn't care

I can't be yelled at by her
My eyes are beginning to water
My chest is getting tight
My tired cold body gets tense
I can't go to school like this
Not now at least

"Mom, can I go to school a bit late today?"
"No"
She says
She yells some more
I still think she doesn't know that she's yelling
"Mom, you're yelling"
I say calmly as tears leak out of my tired eyes
All I hear is anger and
Disappointment because her daughter is acting like someone her age and not someone who seems especially mature

"Liana, if you need to go to school late
You need professional help"

She means a psych ward
And I know it

No, no, no
Fear spreads through me like a virus
It takes control
It makes me power off
My screen is glitching
I don't work anymore

If I want to act like someone my age who got 3 hours of sleep I need to go to a mental hospital where I won't go to school at all?

As I get up out of bed
Run to the bathroom
To cry

I brush my teeth
Wash my face from the tears
But new ones spill out
They won't stop coming
It's a thunderstorm
It's been brewing for a while

Come back to my room
My mom in there doing something
I step into my closet to change

What am I doing?
She's your mother
she's your sane parent.
So many would wish for one like her
I think

After arguing
Crying
Explaining
She says
"I'll take you to school after my shower"
And now I'm writing

I can't go to school like this
I'm a thin plate
Just waiting to break
And school likes throwing things like me
So I'll split into a million little pieces
And maybe never put me back together

There are few things in the world
That when you look at
You think
How could I ever have cried?
My favorite
Is when your sitting in your room
Writing
Painting
reading
Or stressing
And you look out the window
And you see the sunset
And everything suddenly
Feels alright

The pick and orange
Working together
Swirling together with all the other shades
The peace that comes when you look at it
Ever so beautiful
And ever so needed
Just
One of those few things in the world
Oh how I love it so

If we all different
That means we're all the same

If we are dumb
That means
Thinking we are smart and being wrong
Is easy

If we all think outside of the box
We all think inside the box

They say good always beats evil
So when we grow up
We get disappointed again and again

There are a dozen songs playing in my head
Melodies mixing together creating a mess of music
I am lying on my bed
Jumbled words like a sea without logic

Tears rolling down my cheek
For I left my heart open
It is strong but also weak
Things knocked it over and the glass is now broken

My ceiling fan stares down on me
Telling me all that needs to be done
I just need a moment in silence just to be
Things barely ever even seem fun

The whole day's energy
Was spent on keeping myself together
And now
I just need to be broken

To a stranger
I might look weak
Crying at 11:00pm
Outside in the cold
Headphones on

I might look crazy
Spinning
Reaching out to the far away stars
Standing on a tree stump in front of a random house
My favorite place to be
Waving at every passing airplane
Wondering if they're waving back to me

Maybe a bit strange
For most teens don't go outside to walk
Especially so late at night
Alone
For that

But I know
If I was the stranger
Looking out their bedroom window
Watching
I would smile

All humans do
Is to result in happiness
We do everything in our power
“Once I get __ I will finally be happy”
We think
Then after a while
we get it
And we may be happy for a bit
Then it's over
And we want something else
“If only I had it!”
And it starts all over again

Today
I just listened
Today
She didn't hear about my insignificant problems
Today
I can't sleep after hearing these things she told me
Today
I want to scream
Today
I feel that the world has no hope
Today
I don't know if I can hug her
Today
I want to fix all her problems
Today
I want to tell her I understand more than she thinks
Today
I feel like crying, just from hearing her woes

Why are we the way we are?
Fighting eachother
When we're all the same

We should be one
No more blame
War
Unnecessary hate
Or fame
We are all humans
Just people
And we will all die one day

We need conflict
But our brains do that for us
Why do we need to do it for each other?

We should be together
Fighting the internal monsters
Not judging if they have four eyes or green scales

We should be together
In our anger
And our confusion

We should be together
In our complexities
And beautiful strangeness

We should be together
Even when we don't like everyone
Because that's normal
While staying kind

We should be together

Tomorrow
begins the end
Tomorrow
I sit alone again
Tomorrow
I pretend I care what I'm learning about
Tomorrow
I wake up early exhausted
Tomorrow
I spend hours doing busywork
Tomorrow
I have to keep myself together the whole day
Tomorrow
The struggle to keep my tears in continues
Tomorrow
I feel so lonely always
Tomorrow
Begins a whole week of this

Its a rough night tonight
My head feels like it's exploding
My asthma won't let me breathe
Along with my anxiety

My thumbs hurt like hell
I feel much less when well
Nausea cause by none other than my thoughts
Just wanting to go to sleep

Going to sleep tonight
Knowing tomorrow will be hell
Over and over again

Suicide
Parents dying
Crying
Crying
Crying

We're too young for this

Scissors cutting into skin
Not eating or eating too much
Kids raising parents

We're too young for this

Panic attacks
Everlasting loneliness
I pull off skin
They pull out hair

We're too young for this

Body dysmorphia eating so many alive
Social media getting them addicted and ruining their limited time
Feeling empty inside

We're too young for this

Psych wards
Abuse
People killed from war
War is old but it continues to destroy homes

We're too young for this

Sleepless nights
Death is a joke now
And so is autism

We're too young for this

Drug prevention lessons every week
It started in 6th grade
They don't help though at all

We're too young for this

Barely even teens
What happened to us?

Each brush stroke
A part of my soul
Blending
Mixing
Bleeding into eachother

Colors combining
Overlapping
Kind of like my thoughts

They make something interesting
Maybe messy
But calming
At least to me

.

                                                               I    ­  
  I                                                          am      Tired
Am so tired all is wish to do is to sleep
Trying hard to sleep though deprived
To sleep is hard and I hate it so much
Sleep                                                 ,yes

I wish on 11:11
Not because I believe that will make it come true
But because it makes me wish

Poor young girl
I dared to cry
Little did I know
my dad would
“Try to make me feel better”

He would pull his shirt over his face
So I wouldn’t see his expressions
The things that make him human
But I would see his stomach
And I would see him chasing me around the house

“No!”
I would shout
I didn’t want the hug
I didn’t want the hug
I didn’t want the hug
He was scary

But I was little
And not so fast
So he would grab me

I was trapped
In my mind
In the house
And in his arms clutched against his bare, hairy chest

And maybe I never truly left there
Trying hard to believe that he was truly trying to help me
Trying to be okay
Trying to stop what he was doing from hurting me constantly
Trying
Trying
Trying

I have since recovered slightly
With meds, poetry, and therapy
but I still feel the squeeze of his hands sometimes
I still his chest hair against my neck
I still feel the fear of a switch
The fear that someone will get angry

I’m still a little trapped
And a little afraid to cry

Flash cards
Headaches
Studying for hours
Trying so hard
Just to be heard

Trying to make friends
Trying to be social
So difficult when your not normal
The things you have to tell yourself
To keep yourself together
"It's okay
Your okay
Everything's okay"
All lies

Concerned looks from your mother
As you say that yes, today was the same
You can tell she's trying not to cry
Guilty

Procrastination
Lack of motivation
Working so hard for this presentation
And for everything else
Even when it all gets deleted in my head immediately after

The crowded hallways
You can barely squeeze your way through
They're so loud
And full of people
Most yelling
Some banging on lockers
Jammed
Like my head

Painted spirals on the wall
Not as real as mine

My father will never change
Though I need him to
People still feel like they are in a cage
But it's 2024
The world is going down hill
We should be getting better
We discriminating still
I thought we were over that already
Wars are a current problem
Though it's studied in history notebooks
So many people feel numb
Children and adults
We are destroying the earth
Though we claim to love it
Some people think that they don't have worth
But they are the most precious ones

These are just some unfortunate truths

Razor
To
Skin

Pain
Pain
Pain

I am alive
I am screaming for help
It is silent
Like my cry

Why
Why
Why

I think it’s gotten to the point
Where only poetry can save me

You say good day sunshine

I say bad day and now it's nighttime

I still have so much to get done
And I'm angry
At myself
My teachers
My "friends"
My "dad"
And the world

I know it won't take long
I know he might be okay this time
I know it's supposed to be nice
I know that's what they want me to do

But I know it might be painful for me too

"What's the worst that could happen?"
You have no idea, and trust me, you don't even want to

I know your just asking me
To spend a couple hours with my father
But I really don't want to

Apparently it's "my decision"
But I can't say no to you
I'm used to pleasing you
What can I do?

Take your dominant hand
And put it on your heart
Say to yourself
"You're not alone"
Because you aren't

Think about how many other people
From all around the world
Who did this while reading this very poem
How they came to it
How they came to this website
And wonder what's going on in their world

In and out
Out and in
Trying to catch my breath
Stop my momentary calm from flying away
But they escape me

I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay
I tell myself
But I can't breathe
And tears are rolling down my cheeks
I don't feel that way at all

My head will explode soon
Or collapse in on itself
I don't know what to do
And this was all just caused by living
And doing the simple things it requires
Why can't I seem to do them?
I everyone else do it
It shouldn't be this hard

I can't breathe

Help
But don't look at me
Hear me
Or tell me lies
Actually
Just go away

Disconnected families
With cellphones at dinner
So many girls starving themselves
Just to get thinner

I wonder how many people
Wish they were never born
I wonder how many people
Love the person that makes their heart torn

Why did the world make it so that
The people who are so kind
Have to get hurt from the fall from heaven?
Why must it make the people with cold hearts
Not be the ones to get frozen?

Everyone feels alone
Even though there are 8 billion of us
I feel right in between emotional
And emotionless

Maybe that’s just life
For there is no such thing as Utopia

Now though,
All we can do is exist
And then not
Be happy sometimes
But let ourselves also be distraught

I just want someone to love me enough
That the scars seem just as beautiful as my eyes to them

Thoughtswhat'sarewrongpilingwithover,mystopheadnow

The words are bleeding out of me
I just feel so bad
All of these feelings bubbling up and boiling
I want to throw them in their faces
So they can burn
All the people who made the world so bad
I know it's a lot of them
But so be it
I don't care
My million feelings taking over
Why is the world so bad?

Why couldn't things be that way more often?

I know it's easier said than done,
But maybe instead of deporting children with brain cancer to Mexico to die
And depriving the depressed and suicidal meds
We just

Don't?

Instead of misgendering Trans people's passports
And denying people health care
We just

Love?

Could we possibly
Not encourage ******
And not cut down millions of trees in forests and parks
But just

Not ****?

I don't know,
Just a dream I guess

The things I do
For your approval
And your excitement
For my accomplishments
Usually aren't healthy
Or good
For me

The things I lose
For your happiness
And your calmness
Usually are the things that make me feel that way

The things I cover up
For your agreement
And support
Usually are the things I care about most

Don't tell me
I'm being disrespectful
When it's simply impossible for you to stay pleased for more than a few moments
I try
And I try
To no avail
I am done trying

I have opinions
Thoughts
Feelings
If you don't like it
Don't see me
That's what I wanted
To begin with

When I feel depressed
And want to do nothing
Feeling so stressed about everything
I get up
Get dressed
Pack my bag
And walk
Walk for hours and hours
In the sun or in rain
Until I feel better
And in the end
And I always do

I do not
Fit into any of the groups

I am a color not found on the puzzle
Or maybe visible by the human eye

But I am constantly on the watch
For other wanderers

Blow the on the dandelion
I pick from the ground
Watch my wish fly away
Going everywhere
Landing all around

It's the same wish I've always had

I wish while I blow out birthday candles
On 11:11

So many wishes wasted
On an impossible thing
On an impossible person

I wish my wishes wouldn't be wasted
On you

I could watch the fire forever
It wraps itself around the wood
And they sing together
A beautiful, crackling song
Just hearing it
Makes you calm

Fire is something people yell in their last minutes
And something that eliminates all feelings wrong

It is hypnotizing
But in a way that you still feel in control
It makes you warm
Inside and out
It's sad that it's also a result of drought

Nevertheless,
I could watch it dance
Forever

I look out the window
Of my room
I see the dark night sky
Houses with people making memories inside
Tress
poles of light

I wonder
How many other people
Are like me
Looking outside
Just watching time go by
Maybe they're thinking
And wondering
The same thing
As I

On my nighttime walks
I always see planes flying by
Soaring up ever so high in the sky

I think about the
Many, many people
up there in that plane
going somewhere
for some reason

And how
whenever I leave a place on a plane
I wave goodbye

maybe I wave goodbye to the country
or state
but I think
I'm waving goodbye to the theoretical stranger
who's waving bye back at me

So when I see the plane
soaring up in the sky

I lift my hand as high as I can
and wave
jumping up and down

I wonder if they're wondering
if someone is waving back

anyhow,
I know that they don't know
it's me

I am the only one who knows
But I guess not anymore
because now you do too

So,
If you're ever flying over NJ
Just know
That there's a chance I'm waving at you

There are 8,191,420,825 people as of now
And we are all thinking
We are all breathing
And we are all feeling
As long as we are alive

Some are happy right now
Just got married
Just made a friend

And some at their saddest
For their parents just died
Or they found out their partner lied

Some think about life and death
And some about what they're eating for breakfast

But all of us are thinking
Its insane

The happiest poem
But underneath it
A one full of despair

The happiest person
But next to it
One losing hope

We are so different
Yet the same
We all have names
Names and beliefs
Beliefs and truths
Truths and weaknesses
Weaknesses and strengths

It's crazy to think about it
Honestly

People
We are all the same
You know
In some way
And we are also different

We are all alive
Though some don't feel that way
We all have fears
Different in many ways
We feel emotions
Some happy, some melancholy
We all cry sometimes
For different reasons, of course
We all want to be happy
Though some don't get to be, and think the result would be accomplished differently
We all want to be loved
But some don't get to be

And despite those difference
We should remember
We are all connected
Somehow
some way
So maybe
Let's not hate one another

We humans
We love to compare and contrast
But
We often forget
We don't all have the same denominator

I am in a hot air balloon with my whole class
We are eating sandwiches
A ****** is on top of it
Pop!
The ****** bit it
The balloon crashes
No one is hurt except for my best friend
She is dead

We start running from the ******
My friend trips and falls
She is dead

We arrived to a school bus
A nice classmate drives
It crashes
She dies

I now realize
People are dying on the order of who I like most to least
I keep escaping the ******

Killed by a lion
Falls down the stairs
Faints
Etc
Until they are all dead

I am the only one left
The ****** was mad at me
Said it took too long to get me
I die last

I wake up to my alarm screaming at me
I sigh in relief
And wow
That was a weird dream

"I don't know what to do!"
You cry
So I cut some warm carrot cake and make some tea
And we figure it out
If that's crying
Talking
Laughing
Making pro and con lists
Or just sitting their in silence
Eating

"I don't want to think about this right now!"
You cry
So we go outside
And I play some happy music
To dance to in the backyard to
And I make you run because it's hard and makes him not your biggest problem anymore

Oh, but me?
You have no idea what goes on in my mind
Or my life
Never once saw me cry
And you don't ask anything
You never thought to ask why

For I am there for you
And that's all you need it to be
But what about me?
What about when I need to talk, or dance?
Why should I have to do that alone?

I do not exist
Everyone thinks I do
But I don't

I am an idea
A *****
I am a construct
(That you people are dependent on)

I am an imaginary, non-physical, number on a screen
I am a piece of paper
A card
A circular piece of copper
That is often the determining factor
Between life and death;
Survival in this cruel world

There are ones with much of me
And lucky ones they are
They have access to services
And being treated with the common needs that should come with being here
And being alive

And there are some that are unlucky
And lack me
They live hard lives working and tiring
Even though I don't exist
Who will tell them
That this should be pointless?

I can be stolen
Inherited
Hoarded
And broken

I am manipulated like a game
No one enjoys to play me

I'm supposed to measure
What someone's labor is worth
But I don't

Factors slip by me
Such as garbage men
Almost the same as doctors
Being needed in society

I breed selfishness
And greed
There are so many families I do not feed

I make you feel trapped and worthless
I am cause for death
I should be abolished

What am I?

I wake up in the morning
I go downstairs
I wonder
Why is no one there?
I check every room
Call out my mother's name
Only to find out it was in vain
I put on my shoes and run outside
The streets are empty
There is no one to find
At first I go back home
And I start to cry
I can't even find my dog
She's my comfort in hard times

Soon
I realize
I can do anything now
Still a melancholy day
I cry and cry
But for the first time ever
I also drive
I eat all the sweets I want
And I realize I can fly

I drive
Fly
Eat
And with the the guilt of doing that
I cry

Then I wake up in the morning to my mom telling me to hurry up
I sigh in relief
What a weird dream that was

Walking in the crowded hallways
The teens yelling
Banging
Talking
Shouting
All of these sounds
Coming from all directions
Making me feel small
And claustrophobic
Suddenly my clothes are too tight and too loose
And my hair is itchy on my neck
Overwhelming urge to scream and run away
To be alone in my bedroom
Where its quiet at least
But no
I need to go to my next class
That I'll forget about as soon as the test is finished
Or maybe before
I don't know

I don't need a father
To call in the middle of school
When he's feeling like ****
And he wants to bring that on to me

I care that he's crying
Even though I don't want to
Either way
I don't need this from him

He takes your kindness
Empathy
Compassion
And uses it against you

It's not something I can deal with anymore
I'll simply not talk to him

I need a father
To make me feel comforted
And supported
And loved unconditionally

Not so I can be manipulated
And forced to grow up quickly

She came over
And we had fun with friends
Then they left
And we started talking

At first, all light and funny stuff
Until she started opening up
Telling me about such terrors
No one should ever have to experience
And me
Trying to have good, thoughtful responses
Making sure she feels safe
I don't know if it worked

I feel bad
For ever feeling bad
About anything
When she had it so much worse

I wish I could fix all the problems
That her heart holds
So many
She once had to go to a phyc ward

I wish that I would know whether it was okay to hug her
Because I really wanted to
At that moment

So many problems
She is just a girl
This shouldn't be a thing
This shouldn't be real

The world is so ****** up
These shouldn't be problems
People have to face
Now I can't sleep
Simply for hearing them