Blow the on the dandelion
I pick from the ground
Watch my wish fly away
Going everywhere
Landing all around

It's the same wish I've always had

I wish while I blow out birthday candles
On 11:11

So many wishes wasted
On an impossible thing
On an impossible person

I wish my wishes wouldn't be wasted
On you

I could watch the fire forever
It wraps itself around the wood
And they sing together
A beautiful, crackling song
Just hearing it
Makes you calm

Fire is something people yell in their last minutes
And something that eliminates all feelings wrong

It is hypnotizing
But in a way that you still feel in control
It makes you warm
Inside and out
It's sad that it's also a result of drought

Nevertheless,
I could watch it dance
Forever

I look out the window
Of my room
I see the dark night sky
Houses with people making memories inside
Tress
poles of light

I wonder
How many other people
Are like me
Looking outside
Just watching time go by
Maybe they're thinking
And wondering
The same thing
As I

On my nighttime walks
I always see planes flying by
Soaring up ever so high in the sky

I think about the
Many, many people
up there in that plane
going somewhere
for some reason

And how
whenever I leave a place on a plane
I wave goodbye

maybe I wave goodbye to the country
or state
but I think
I'm waving goodbye to the theoretical stranger
who's waving bye back at me

So when I see the plane
soaring up in the sky

I lift my hand as high as I can
and wave
jumping up and down

I wonder if they're wondering
if someone is waving back

anyhow,
I know that they don't know
it's me

I am the only one who knows
But I guess not anymore
because now you do too

So,
If you're ever flying over NJ
Just know
That there's a chance I'm waving at you

There are 8,191,420,825 people as of now
And we are all thinking
We are all breathing
And we are all feeling
As long as we are alive

Some are happy right now
Just got married
Just made a friend

And some at their saddest
For their parents just died
Or they found out their partner lied

Some think about life and death
And some about what they're eating for breakfast

But all of us are thinking
Its insane

The happiest poem
But underneath it
A one full of despair

The happiest person
But next to it
One losing hope

We are so different
Yet the same
We all have names
Names and beliefs
Beliefs and truths
Truths and weaknesses
Weaknesses and strengths

It's crazy to think about it
Honestly

People
We are all the same
You know
In some way
And we are also different

We are all alive
Though some don't feel that way
We all have fears
Different in many ways
We feel emotions
Some happy, some melancholy
We all cry sometimes
For different reasons, of course
We all want to be happy
Though some don't get to be, and think the result would be accomplished differently
We all want to be loved
But some don't get to be

And despite those difference
We should remember
We are all connected
Somehow
some way
So maybe
Let's not hate one another

We humans
We love to compare and contrast
But
We often forget
We don't all have the same denominator

I am in a hot air balloon with my whole class
We are eating sandwiches
A ****** is on top of it
Pop!
The ****** bit it
The balloon crashes
No one is hurt except for my best friend
She is dead

We start running from the ******
My friend trips and falls
She is dead

We arrived to a school bus
A nice classmate drives
It crashes
She dies

I now realize
People are dying on the order of who I like most to least
I keep escaping the ******

Killed by a lion
Falls down the stairs
Faints
Etc
Until they are all dead

I am the only one left
The ****** was mad at me
Said it took too long to get me
I die last

I wake up to my alarm screaming at me
I sigh in relief
And wow
That was a weird dream

Dear Friend,
I hope this website will save you
Just as it has saved me

The souls, so kind
The words are ever beautiful
And the poetry, so incredibly feeling

I hope you will find the strength
To keep on writing
And maybe share some
With this wonderful, wonderful community

"I don't know what to do!"
You cry
So I cut some warm carrot cake and make some tea
And we figure it out
If that's crying
Talking
Laughing
Making pro and con lists
Or just sitting their in silence
Eating

"I don't want to think about this right now!"
You cry
So we go outside
And I play some happy music
To dance to in the backyard to
And I make you run because it's hard and makes him not your biggest problem anymore

Oh, but me?
You have no idea what goes on in my mind
Or my life
Never once saw me cry
And you don't ask anything
You never thought to ask why

For I am there for you
And that's all you need it to be
But what about me?
What about when I need to talk, or dance?
Why should I have to do that alone?

I do not exist
Everyone thinks I do
But I don't

I am an idea
A *****
I am a construct
(That you people are dependent on)

I am an imaginary, non-physical, number on a screen
I am a piece of paper
A card
A circular piece of copper
That is often the determining factor
Between life and death;
Survival in this cruel world

There are ones with much of me
And lucky ones they are
They have access to services
And being treated with the common needs that should come with being here
And being alive

And there are some that are unlucky
And lack me
They live hard lives working and tiring
Even though I don't exist
Who will tell them
That this should be pointless?

I can be stolen
Inherited
Hoarded
And broken

I am manipulated like a game
No one enjoys to play me

I'm supposed to measure
What someone's labor is worth
But I don't

Factors slip by me
Such as garbage men
Almost the same as doctors
Being needed in society

I breed selfishness
And greed
There are so many families I do not feed

I make you feel trapped and worthless
I am cause for death
I should be abolished

What am I?

I wake up in the morning
I go downstairs
I wonder
Why is no one there?
I check every room
Call out my mother's name
Only to find out it was in vain
I put on my shoes and run outside
The streets are empty
There is no one to find
At first I go back home
And I start to cry
I can't even find my dog
She's my comfort in hard times

Soon
I realize
I can do anything now
Still a melancholy day
I cry and cry
But for the first time ever
I also drive
I eat all the sweets I want
And I realize I can fly

I drive
Fly
Eat
And with the the guilt of doing that
I cry

Then I wake up in the morning to my mom telling me to hurry up
I sigh in relief
What a weird dream that was

Walking in the crowded hallways
The teens yelling
Banging
Talking
Shouting
All of these sounds
Coming from all directions
Making me feel small
And claustrophobic
Suddenly my clothes are too tight and too loose
And my hair is itchy on my neck
Overwhelming urge to scream and run away
To be alone in my bedroom
Where its quiet at least
But no
I need to go to my next class
That I'll forget about as soon as the test is finished
Or maybe before
I don't know

I don't need a father
To call in the middle of school
When he's feeling like ****
And he wants to bring that on to me

I care that he's crying
Even though I don't want to
Either way
I don't need this from him

He takes your kindness
Empathy
Compassion
And uses it against you

It's not something I can deal with anymore
I'll simply not talk to him

I need a father
To make me feel comforted
And supported
And loved unconditionally

Not so I can be manipulated
And forced to grow up quickly

She came over
And we had fun with friends
Then they left
And we started talking

At first, all light and funny stuff
Until she started opening up
Telling me about such terrors
No one should ever have to experience
And me
Trying to have good, thoughtful responses
Making sure she feels safe
I don't know if it worked

I feel bad
For ever feeling bad
About anything
When she had it so much worse

I wish I could fix all the problems
That her heart holds
So many
She once had to go to a phyc ward

I wish that I would know whether it was okay to hug her
Because I really wanted to
At that moment

So many problems
She is just a girl
This shouldn't be a thing
This shouldn't be real

The world is so ****** up
These shouldn't be problems
People have to face
Now I can't sleep
Simply for hearing them

I breathe anxiety
I cry panic
And I carry bombs just waiting to burst all of it out

My dad asks me
Why I don't want to go eat out with him

I want to say
"Do you not know?"

I say
"Because I can't leave if I want to"
Which is also true

Then he starts arguing with me
Yelling
Crying
Manipulating

So I say
"You know
What's great about
Phone calls?
...
There's a big
Beautiful red button
That makes them end"

Then I proceeded to use it

Felt good

Trying to tell
If the glimmer in their eye
Is the beginning of a tear
They are choking back,
Their wonder,
A yawn,
Or dust

My mom
Is music
watching Gilmore girls with takeout thai food
and comfort

My Dad
Is loudness
Uncontrollable anger
And reluctant love

My cat
Is laying in bed with me when I cry
Stealing my food
And making me laugh even when I don't want to

My friends
Are eating orange peels
Singing let it go as loud as we can at 2am
And walking at 11pm to Walgreens

My extended family
Is 13 hour plane rides
Friday night dinners
And having ice cream on the balcony

Look what you're doin',
I'm feeling blue and lonely
Would it be to much to ask of you
What you're doin' to me?

You got me cryin'
And there's no fun in it
Why should it be to much to ask of you
What you're doin' to me?

That first night
When I lost him
I went to my backyard
Looked up at the stars
Picked one and decided
That was my dog Sandy

On my hands and knees
I cried to it hours
Outside in the cold
Asking why he left me
To face this world
Alone

I told him
How id never forgive him
But please come back
I miss you so much
It's all I ask

I made sure he knew
That I was sorry I didn't walk him that day
That I wish he would be there on my bed
Lying next to me
That I miss his bad breath
And even his high-pitched barks

My mom comes to get me
Also in tears
"What can I do?"
She asks
"Bring him back"
I answer

And now
Whenever I miss him
I pick a star
And using my mind
I talk to him again
Knowing that he doesn't actually hear me
But still taking comfort in it

Whenever I walk across the street
The person in the car has to stop
I think about how
In just a slight movement of their foot
The person in that car
Could end my life
And all that I know would be effected
And everyone who knows them will be effected
And it may or may not
Go on and on

We trust eachother so much
And so little

If you look at me in school
You wonder
Why is she so quiet?
What is she even looking at?

If you meet me out of school you wonder
Why won't she stop talking?
Why does she not take anything seriously?

But the thing is
If you know me
The real me
I promise you
If you ask
Or sometimes don't
I'll tell you
The truth
So you won't have
To wonder
Anymore

While I'm here
Lying in bed
Shivering from the cold of night
And writing with all my might
I hear the noises from outside

Motorcycles roaring
Large groups if people laughing
Random fireworks launching
And planes soaring

They're doing things
Being alive and awake
While I try to sleep
And to calm down
They run around

I wish I would be out there
Running too
But I have to lie here
Cold and anxious
And just hear you

Why do we do everything we do?

Why do we smile at strangers?
Why do we tell our friends we care?
Why do we try not to stare?
Why do we like to make people happy?
Why do we love when we something we say that leaves people laughing?
Why do we when playing board games let the little kids win?

But then again

Why do we pick at our skin?
Why do we do everything we can just to look thin?
Why do we cry every night?
Why do we fight?
Why do we want to see the light?

Why do we do everything we do?

Why do we smile at strangers?
Why do we tell our friends we care?
Why do we try not to stare?
Why do we like to make people happy?
Why do we love when we something we say that leaves people laughing?

Why do we let little kids win?

But then again

Why do we pick at our skin?
Why do we do everything we can just to look thin?
Why do we cry every night?
Why do we fight?
Why do we want to see the light?

My mother,
She claims that I need it
Because I
"Have a lot going on"
But I'm quite clear on my thoughts
And I pretty sure I know what I want
And that she won't tell me anything I don't know
She is nice and all
But I don't believe she can help me with squat
My therapy is poetry
And long walks
Not an old lady writing notes in an office

I am aware of my problems
I know my mistakes
And I know how deal with the ones
I didn't even make
How?
Years of experience

Plus, when I ask her questions
She just asks me ones back
When I needed answers

It might be helpful for some
Which is great
But for me
It doesn't work that way

I am aware of what's going on in my head
I think I even know too much about it honestly

I make art
Because the brush strokes
Poems
And notes
Can explain my pain
With much more brevity and depth
Than anything I could ever say outloud

***** pretty flowers
And sunsets
If they don't make you feel anything
For perfection isn't realistic

I do not make art those who seek Impressiveness and the showing of skills
I make art for myself
My heart
My soul
And others who seek feeling deep feelings with me

The messyness
Chaos
Abstractness
Weirdness
Beauty
Says a lot more about me
Than the grade on the paper
Or the comment I heard one girl say under her breathe

I make art
Because without it
I don't think
I would be

People ask me
Why I don't believe them
Why I can't trust that they won't lie

The reality is
I used to believe it all
That he would change
And that he won't the battle
With his drugs
And his anger
But then I saw it
I felt it
And that's why I cry

This is why
I refuse to hope
And I can't believe

I want to
I really do
I promise
I try

We often ask ourselves
Why we are even crying
And I promise you that the answer is not that we are babys
pathetic
Or stupid
It's that we are human
It's we're made to do
Though it's painful and cruel

Okay, you think I'm pretty
But will you walk in rivers barefoot with me?
Will you just sit there in silence and pick flowers with me?
Will you be there even when I don't want to be anywhere?
Will you stay after you see what I've done to my ankles?
Will you dance in the rain with me?
Will you hold my hand when something reminds me?
Will you understand when I want to be alone?
Will you be okay with not being okay?
Will you love me even when I hate myself?

I know it's unrealistic
And that the books I read set the expectations high
But I can dream

I don't like winter for one reason
Because I leave for school before sunrise
And come back
When the sun has almost set
I see no light
And I can't walk
Winter has taken away my walks
They keep me sane
And now they're gone
And so is my wonder
And my joy

I tell myself
That I'm okay without them
I've done it most of my life anyhow
But sometimes now
I start to feel lonely

Either way
The people at lunch who I sit with
They don't count
Because I don't talk to them
Or even look up at them
I am in my own world

Maybe because
It has been this way forever
I've come to live with the fact
I will be without them
That at school
I am a loner
Sitting there
Staring into space
Tolerated

I still hope though
Which like it does with everything else
With this it makes me disappointed again
For I am still left
Without them

It's not often
That I can't find words for something

Though often
I see them
Except I can't pick them up and order them
There's a glass barrier in the way

When I can't use words
Is when there something big to say

I just need a moment to contemplate
And order my brain
To find the best tool
To smash the glass getting in the way

I have always loved words
They have always comforted me

And you
You never have

So I'll just stick to writing
And not going on the terribly scary rollercoaster
That is life with you in it
It makes me throw up constantly

You don't deserve to be written about
But I deserve to let the anger go
And that's all I can do as of now
So here we are
And you find yourself in another poem of mine

I will be trying to forgive
Not because deserve to be forgiven
You haven't apologized
But because I need that peace in my heart

Don't worry though
I'll never
Forget
I'll make sure of it
I need to remember
So I don't get this hurt again

I want to write something beautiful
But my thoughts and my heart aren't there right now
And that's where I write from

So everything I write is messy and weird

And probably a little unhealthy

Maybe a little stuck too

Pen
To paper
Words flooding out
Ones I could never be able
To say outloud

My feelings are rain
Pouring down
Messing up plans
Gloomy things they are
The raindrops build
Coming together
More and more
Until they start to flood the city of my mind
And then I write
And it's like suddenly
A sewer has appeared

Row
Row
Row your boat
Gently
Down the stream
Sadly
Angry
Unsurely
Merely
Life
Is but a dream

The year is almost over
The worst one I ever had

The year is almost finished
And it will never again make me mad

The year will fly away soon
And it will never come back

I hope that when it leaves
It takes my sorrow with it too
And it makes my life get back on track

We were at a dinner table
Yes a dinner table
It's crazy
And as I sat there laughing
My heart felt a sharp pain looking around;
Two kids
A mom
A dad
They called eachother babe
They loved eachother

And I know things are so far from perfect there too
But at that moment I wished that would be my life
But then they drove me back home
To my empty house
Where I cried alone

I don't know what I did to deserve this

the clock ticks forward
you think it's too fast
you want to slow it down
somehow make it last

Your voice wants to be heard
To be more than just air to no avail
Because it speaks truth
It is beautiful

sometimes you swallow your words
you forget to be loud
but your optimism shines through
even the darkest cloud

It makes people realize
That maybe
They're not the only ones

Make them look to the left and see you
Struggling too
Living
And laughing and crying

Those words are more than air
Because air can't possibly feel this much like a hug
Like the feeling when you finally find a tree
And you just embrace it

You're that tree Elena
Like the one from your poem
It was swaying in the wind
Letting life move it beautifully

You reach up like the tree too
And you dare to say that there is a way
Always

And are trees just gray?
No
They are so beautiful
And their colors are so vibrant and beautiful and poetry

you are a burst of color
amidst clouds of gray
your words bring joy
to people every day

You are not just gray, Elena, like you said
I think they're right there, always
Even if they're hard to spot
They appear at every smile you make possible
And every beautiful word you write

you give your advice
to people you don't know
you brighten their days
but forget to go slow

But it isn't your responsibility, dear
You don't always have to be the tree for everyone
Eventually it gets claustrophobic when there are so many things
That you don't get sunlight for yourself

you are an amazing soul
with a wondrous light
when life kicks you down
you put up a fight

dearest girl,
You deserve it
You deserve all of it
The sun
And rich soil
The love
The warmth of the hug
And a break from it

You deserve it all

Stay with me here,
You have just died
…
Take a moment to acknowledge that
And think about it
Think about how it’s all over

You will never speak to a loved one
cry uncontrollably
Or throw up as your mother caresses your back

You will never compliment another stranger
Or have a silent panic attack

You will never get a bad grade
Or lose a friend
For you are now dead

Congratulations, you made it this far
Was what I thought
Crying and jumping outside in the rain of New Year’s Day
As if I would never step into my house again

I was not nearly as happy that I got an A on that essay
Or that I’d exercised that one day

I was the most happy that I survived that one bad day
that I felt sad
I felt overcome with rage
Or overwhelming happy

I was alive
That was life
And it was everything
While simultaneously being nothing

We live to die
But we live to live on

Just enjoy now
Or don’t

Be positive
Or don’t

Play the piano that is our life to the fullest and
Most beautiful song;
The one with black keys too
But they don’t feel right in their own, do they?


I can only remember though
I suppose
Because we are both dead right now
Busy looking from a different point of view

Sure
I may be young
But I still have memories

Sure
I may be young
But I'm not stupid

Sure
I may be young
But I understand so much more than you think

Sure
I may be young
But the horrors of the world no longer shock me

Sure
I may be young
But I've seen a lot

Sure
I may be young
But that doesn't mean
I need to respect you
and you can't respect me

Even when
The world seems down
Your dog
Will always jump up
To greet you at the door
Happy to see see you
And loving you unconditionally

And currently
That is the biggest comfort
In the world

You say you hate your body
Many people do
But the human body is art
And nature
Which means that so is everything we hate about it

It's okay to have scars
The trees have them too
And they're still beautiful

The stretch marks on your skin
Are but the lightings in the sky
The beautiful, beautiful lighting
And those bumps are the stars

The fat, extra skin, cellulite are just the beautiful ocean water
And our hair is grass in an open field

And all of this is Art
Magic
Poetry
Nature
All of this is beautiful
So are you