All humans do
Is to result in happiness
We do everything in our power
“Once I get __ I will finally be happy”
We think
Then after a while
we get it
And we may be happy for a bit
Then it's over
And we want something else
“If only I had it!”
And it starts all over again

My father will never change
Though I need him to
People still feel like they are in a cage
But it's 2024
The world is going down hill
We should be getting better
We discriminating still
I thought we were over that already
Wars are a current problem
Though it's studied in history notebooks
So many people feel numb
Children and adults
We are destroying the earth
Though we claim to love it
Some people think that they don't have worth
But they are the most precious ones

These are just some unfortunate truths

You know it's really bad again
When all I can do
Is sit on my floor
Staring at sharp things I can't have
And putting a pencil between my teeth
Desperate

They say to respect our elders
But they don't respect the trees hundreds of years old
Tall in the sky
Watching all of us

They say to respect our elders
Yet
They don't respect our mother earth who
Aged rather beautifully
Billions of years more than them

Poetry is like when you're listening to music
And you suddenly remember there's a volume button
So you make it louder
Everything just seems better
And more exiting

The simplest thing
Like a leaf falling from a tree
Or a smile
Is now fascinating
And all you can think of that day

The biggest, scariest things
Like trauma, abuse, and loss
Are validated
And take up less space in your mind

You start to think differently
Or more
You start to really think


People are different
People have different problems
After you read their poem
You can start to understand them
Or maybe yourself
It makes you love words
And the way it helps us empathize with eachother
And really see eachother

Poetry is for the things we struggle to say outloud
Our deepest thoughts
What we believe is up with the world now
It's another way of communication
For those of us who have thoughts we can't speak
Or we don't even realize we have

My eyes are wide
From every terrible thought that comes to mind

My eyes are filled with tears
From holding them in

My eyes are red
From barely any sleep

And my eyes are tired
Because they have to make it through the day and again

I'm glad it's dark
So no one can see them

If we all different
That means we're all the same

If we are dumb
That means
Thinking we are smart and being wrong
Is easy

If we all think outside of the box
We all think inside the box

They say good always beats evil
So when we grow up
We get disappointed again and again

A prompt in ELA
"Perfect Day"
While everyone started their paragraphs about what their perfect days would look like
With watching TV
And going to the mall
I wrote a poem about how they don't exist
Because she didn't say not to

It went something kind of like this:


There is no such thing as a perfect day
Even if everything goes your way
And you get to sleep in
You eat your favorite food
The sky is blue
Not it's usual gray
And all of your morbid thoughts
Put away

Even if you
Spend the day alone in solitude and peace
Or with your friends
And loved ones
And if you buy a pony
Or win the lottery
Or just smile the whole day
It will never be a perfect day

Because as you lie in bed that night
Or maybe you think about it the whole day
Tomorrow will not be the same
And the sky will return to its gray
And the thoughts flooding back in
And the peace--gone

I told him I never wanted to see him again
Which I guess was true
I mean that's the logical thing
It's not safe or pleasant
But some part of me is still devastated I suppose
I mean after all he has always existed with me
Even since I was born
He's always technically been there
Even if he was there hurting me

I'm afraid
I'm afraid
I'm afraid of the suicide note he'll leave
"Because of Liana" it will say
Whether it's true or not those words will echo my insides
And later appear as blood pouring down my arm

And part of me is sad too
I wish
**** I wish on every star that he would just be okay
Be there to protect me
A shoulder to cry on
Be a father
Not someone I may need a restraining order for

I carry it around with me everywhere
It chokes me
Wraps it's boney arms around me
Makes my body weak
And makes me not be able to eat

I told him I never wanted to see him again
And I know that it sounds cruel
"Oh, but he's your father!"
But he never was
I wish
Oh how I wish I would never have to utter those words

I want it to be normal that I miss him
Because part of my heart throbs
I want that if I said that those who knew what he'd done would get it
That it would be acceptable
Because right now I do miss him
Or maybe I miss what never was

Shove those feelings
Deep inside you
Dance
Remember to smile
Is it okay to look down?

Fear? Anxiety? Doubt?
Save it for later
Can't let it out now

Just so what she does
She seems to know
Hands up then
Hands low now

Shove it all down
Save it for later
Now it's just bubbling
But I know soon
It will boil over

Do you know that feeling(less)
Where you feel all the emotions at once
But yet
Feel none at all

Like you can't cry
But are choking back tears

Like you never want to open your mouth
But you do want to scream

And like you want to curl up and die
But also get out of the house and live?

Tell me about your problems
Not that serious but I listen
Glad to of course
Honerd that you wanted to speak to me

But then you went and ruined it

I wanted to say something about myself and you said
"But it doesn't relate to me "

They tell me I'm mature
That they forget I am a young teen when they talk to me
Or look at me
That I think far too much
And far too deeply
For someone just in middle school

And though
I know that they say it with love
But it is sad to me
For I was not born this way
Things had to shape me
And make me grow up quicker than I should have

I had to be the responsible person
Way too often
I had to comfort my father as if he was my child
I had to learn to analyze people
To keep myself safe

I have always wished I was older
So this wouldn't be weird
But I also wished I would be younger
So I could be carefree for once

Self awareness kills me slowly
I fear I have too much

Something I did
When I was younger
While I was feeling good
Was I would send my future self love
For when I needed it most
For when things were just too much
I would tap the back of hand
And it was sent
And to receive it
I just had to tap again
And though there's no way
That a little movement of hand could do so much
But it really felt that way
At least I was there for me
And that was a comfort

The year is almost over
The worst one I ever had

The year is almost finished
And it will never again make me mad

The year will fly away soon
And it will never come back

I hope that when it leaves
It takes my sorrow with it too
And it makes my life get back on track

Walking in the crowded hallways
The teens yelling
Banging
Talking
Shouting
All of these sounds
Coming from all directions
Making me feel small
And claustrophobic
Suddenly my clothes are too tight and too loose
And my hair is itchy on my neck
Overwhelming urge to scream and run away
To be alone in my bedroom
Where its quiet at least
But no
I need to go to my next class
That I'll forget about as soon as the test is finished
Or maybe before
I don't know

In my old house
In my backyard
Is a tree
My tree

I used to go to it
Whenever I needed to
It was always there
Strong
Sturdy
Comforting
And I could always hug it
When I needed a hug
I could always speak to it
When I needed to talk
And it was always there
To make me feel less alone
It knew
I needed to hear a heartbeat next to me
One that I knew's blood wasn't pumping anger
Fear
But just beauty
Just peace
And so I would put my head to it
Feel it's bark in my forehead
The texture, so familiar
And hear the tree's heartbeat
My tree's heartbeat

No one else heard it
I made my friends try
The tree only let me hear it
It knew I needed it
I suppose

I crave to hear the beating once again
To feel the texture of the bark on my face
To sit by it and gaze up at the sky
But I can't anymore

Just the fact that it exists though
That I know it does
That I know that it's heart is still beating there
Just for me
That itself
Can relax me a little bit
Even if I can't go up and hug it

I am like a broken glass
Super glue doesn't hold
Peices missing
A mess

I am like a broken glass
Made to look somewhat together
With ****** clear tape

I stay on the shelf
Because most people don't know how broken I am
Most people don't realize it when they look at me
But I know

I am like a broken glass
But just wait until they fill me
That's what I should be able to handle, right?
That's what glasses do
Just wait until they try to take a sip
And then feel water sliding down their body
And down to the floor

So I just sit on the shelf
Knowing I'm broken
And feeling bad for anyone that tries to pick me up

Some people let themselves see the world black and white and I understand why
Good, or bad person is easy to say
But a scientific fact is that there are 65,534 shades of gray
Take a moment to think of that if you may

So when I go in the that therapy office and one of the first things I hear is
“You know your dad isn't a **** person, Ay?”
What I want to say is he is one of those shades of gray
Only what I do is a polite smile and nod, waving it away

Some things can't even be measured
No matter the time and effort
So is he even a shade of gray?
To wrack your brain out, in addition to the tiresome day

Some people let themselves see the world black and white, and I understand why
Saves so much energy and confusion
And maybe they were partially right
For the ones who can save themselves, this might be the best way

I lie in the darkness of my bedroom
Silence
Except for my mind
Peace
Except for my heart
I listen to the silence
Let the peace spread
And wish to sleep
Though it may take hours of this

There are 8,191,420,825 people as of now
And we are all thinking
We are all breathing
And we are all feeling
As long as we are alive

Some are happy right now
Just got married
Just made a friend

And some at their saddest
For their parents just died
Or they found out their partner lied

Some think about life and death
And some about what they're eating for breakfast

But all of us are thinking
Its insane

The happiest poem
But underneath it
A one full of despair

The happiest person
But next to it
One losing hope

We are so different
Yet the same
We all have names
Names and beliefs
Beliefs and truths
Truths and weaknesses
Weaknesses and strengths

It's crazy to think about it
Honestly

There are few things in the world
That when you look at
You think
How could I ever have cried?
My favorite
Is when your sitting in your room
Writing
Painting
reading
Or stressing
And you look out the window
And you see the sunset
And everything suddenly
Feels alright

The pick and orange
Working together
Swirling together with all the other shades
The peace that comes when you look at it
Ever so beautiful
And ever so needed
Just
One of those few things in the world
Oh how I love it so

One of my friends asked me
"Do you think I'm a good person"
My first instinct was to tell her
"Yes, of course!"
But then I remembered
There's no such thing
I explained to her that I believed
In bad actions
Bad intentions
But not bad people
Because who knows who they would have been if raised even slightly differently
And if it's not because of that
And they're simply born that way
It isn't their fault they are like that
Just bad luck

I say that her intentions are usually good
And so because of that
She should feel that way too

I am not a psychic
But I have common sense

Before the idea of getting a dog was in your head
I knew you would lose it

Before we even knew you would kick us out of the house
I know it would turn into a junkyard in your hands

Before the divorce was even official
I knew you would have a girlfriend the first year after or already had one before (still figuring that out)

Before we went on that last trip
I dreamed this would all happen

Before you went to meet your therapist
I already know you fed her lies

And people tell me not to worry when I say I know what happens next
And it's not pleasant

I can't sleep
Could it just be that I needed to weep?
I've tried that
It should have worked

I can't sleep
Could it be that I needed to eat?
Ill throw up if I do that
That won't work

I can't sleep
Could it just be that my body hates me?
It won't let me sleep
What can I do to let my mind make it work?

I can't sleep
Could it just be that too much is worrying me?
I can't let myself think that
Others have it worse

I can't sleep
Could it be that I need to run?
I miss the moments of day where I can, but don't
I know there's no way that could work now

I can't sleep
The day will take me
Swallow me whole
Please let it be kind

I can't sleep
I can't even ryme
Let the day give me peace of mind
Please let it work so I won't appear to be blind

That fact that you don't feel like it
Or are too scared to do it
Just shows
How much more you need to

Go for a walk?
You should
Take  a shower?
You should
Text your friend?
You should
Get out of bed?
You should
Create.... anything?
You absolutely should

I think as a society we should talk about death more
Because I'd rather be comforted by it
Instead of letting it have so much power

"Life is eventual death"
I wrote on the inside of my locker
It was a nice reminder for me
Relaxing
But people don't think about it that much
How it takes the pressure off
How comforting the idea is
They don't understand why
And so they look at me
And see broken
Sharp edges
But it's because we haven't talked about how wonderful the idea is that we can see the other side even if there's something in the way
I just want it to be okay that I'm broken glass
And that death will welcome us all one day

All they said was that they care
Something a lot of people hear a lot
But for me
Every time
I start to sob
Grateful tears
For once not ones of deep, unending pain
But ones as if to say
"Really? Wow, finally"

And they roll down my cheeks
In a different way
A way that seems peaceful
It reminds me of when
You're gazing up into the sky
Waiting for a cloud to move
To reveal something
Anything to make it better
Soothe the uncertainty and melancholy
The heartwrenching pain
And at last it does move
And the star behind it is more extraordinary than you'd imagined
And you can do nothing but watch it for a while
Marvel at it
Take a race around your mind
Trying to truly believe
That it really was indeed finally there after all this time
Beautiful

When they say they care
They care about ME
Of all people
Me
In all my brokenness
In all my strangeness
My intensity

They care
And that's just crazy to me
So I'll look at the text
Over and over
Making sure my mind didn't make it up

I'll replay the moment
Again and again
Confirming it actually happened
Remembering it is capable of happening to me
Happening to broken glass

And everytime I do
The tears start again
Grateful
And in absolute awe

It's crazy what words can do

To call someone autistic
Is to call someone stupid

To be unique
Is to be weird

To talk a lot
Is to yap

To not talk at all
Is to be emo
As is to wear anything black

To get good grades
Is to be a teachers pet and nerd

To get bad grades
Is to be "special" and slow

To like to read
Is a crime

To like to write
Is a felony

To hate your teachers
Is to be a trouble maker

To like your teachers
Is too be one's pet

To eat lunch
Is to be big

To not eat lunch
Is to be to be flesh and bone

To have OCD
Is to like to keep things neat

To be bipolar
Is the occasional mood swing

Bad
Means good

And Gay
Means bad

These days
Everything's ****** up
It's 2024
Things should be like this anymore

Every day before school
I'd pick up a dandelion
Hold it gently,
Carefully,
the whole day
To feel a little less alone
Because at least it was there

When no one else noticed
Or cared
There was comfort in knowing that the dandelion was alone in this world too
Called a ****
Unwanted
Annoying
But that it was beautiful and so lovable
It made me wonder if
Maybe there was a chance I was too?

I tried
I’m so sorry
But I couldn’t do it
I failed
I couldn’t keep my promise
And that’s not fair to you
I’m sorry
I’m sorry
I’m so ******* sorry

Pinching my arm
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't let them see
Ow
Not enough
Don't cry
Don't cry
Pinch
Harder
Harder
Something interrupts me

"You okay?"
She asked
Didn't believe me when I said I was
She wrapped her arm around me
It fell at my waist
She held it
As if to say "It's okay now, I've got you"
Gently
Finally someone gentle

Room dark
Only midnight
I usually wait a few hours to sleep
But it was different
I didn't need to do anything
I could just be there
Let myself be held

For the first few minutes
I was tense
Thinking about how sleep seemed so far
And how the monsters were too close
But then I realized
I was okay now
I can exist in someone's arms

No one was trying to hurt me
But it was hard to believe at first
For the only touch I know is aggressive
Angry
But this one was safe
And I just let myself be there
By the end
I just enjoyed the fact someone cared
Someone didn't hate me
At least enough to be so close

This wasn't threatening
This was safe
This was kind
This was gentle

How can a world of
Hugging good books
Walking and listening to music
Dancing in the rain
Collecting shells at the beach and leaves in autumn
Helping someone get through an anxiety attack
Just smiling when there's nothing to say

Also have

Crying yourself to sleep at night
Sitting alone at lunch
Parents who aren't supportive of who their kids are
Parents that mentally insane and not good to be around
Ones that aren't even there
Homelessness
poverty
And war

Focus harder!
If I could I-
Try harder!
If I could I-
Start talking to people more!
If I could I-
Stop crying!
If I could I-
Stop doing that!
If I could I-
Be more productive!
If I could I-
Stop picking your skin
I really wish I could but-

Smile-
form one's features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

But it is so much more. Imagine this:

You're waiting in line for lunch at school
you've had a really bad day
Your friends aren't talking to you
You failed a major test
your dad just left

The thoughts in your brain are taking over
You search the room for something to make it better
On the left is someone talking
On the right is someone talking
You look behind you, someone talking
But when you look at this person they do something different
They look at you kindly
And they smile

A smile is pointless if only polite
But this smile was beautiful, mouth open wide
How could she knows that you needed it so much?
Such a small action made your heart touched
But she didn't know
She just did it because she could
So you smile back
Somehow brighter than hers?
And suddenly your sadness has been cured

So you go to your table at lunch after getting the food
Feeling lighter and more than cured
You are happy, somehow
It doesn't last long
But now you can remember the kindness of one

The rest of your classes go by easier
After school you go out with a friend instead of eating food from the freezer
You get an okay night sleep
And this time you don't weep

More days go by, still feeling lighter
You don't even remember the smile
But now you have these habits from the days before
And you like your life more

It's crazy what one smile can do it's so easy but impactful if it's true

You arrive at the second-hand store
You try some things on
You have no idea who has worn them before
It could have been a devil
It could have been a saint
But it doesn't matter
You take it anyway

You wear it for some time
Maybe years maybe days
It could be too small now
Or maybe stained
Maybe you throw it out
Or return to its place
At the second-hand store
Where the next person
has no idea who has worn it before
But it doesn't matter
They buy it anyway

Write
Just write
You might make a masterpiece

Smile
Just smile
You don't know what it could do

Walk
Just walk
You don't know what you'll see

Be
Just be
You might just learn to be happy

Not every smile will change a life
Not a every walk will be inspiring
Not every poem will touch a heart
And being is a complicated thing to be

And though these things are simple
I know they may be challenging
But all of them together
Have the potential to make the world
Just a little bit more loving

Red lines could have been deeper
They should leave long lasting scars
These aren't enough
They will fade
They have before
And now I just want more
More
More
Deeper
More painful
Again
I can't let them heal

It hurts the most when it's the people who were supposed to bandage the wounds
Protect you from the monsters
And be a rock for you
Unconditionally
And forever
to lean on
End up being one
That just falls on you
Again and again
Until each bone is broken
And you can't move
Not dead yet
But you are just
Bleeding out slowly

Ever since I was little I always knew that I had a soul to fragile for this world
I felt so much
So deeply
All the time

And everyone else just wanted things light
Constantly
But all the things they looked at as light
I saw my through
And felt as heavy

Maybe that's why I don't have all that many friends
Most people want things joyful all the time
And I can't help but even find darkness in that very thought
And so I collapse
Because that darkness swallows me
And everyone just thinks to themselves
"There's something seriously wrong with her"
And they're right

I'm a deep thinker
In school I am distracted
Questioning too much
Asking why it is that we're doing what we're doing
That we have to listen to what we are blindly listening to
But asking why there
Is considered arguing
So I become a "problem"

In the outside world,
I overthink everything
Wave to theoretical strangers in planes flying above
People are embarrassed to be seen next to me
"Why is that girl holding her head to a tree?"

In relationships,
I'm called intense
I speak too much of what I think
And I see the slightest change in the pattern of the way that they blink
I feel too deeply

In life,
I'm feeling too much too
I say it's just solitude
But it's more than that
I'm lonely
Because lonely means unseen
Not alone

At parties,
Everyone wants things to be light
They enjoy being asleep
But no matter how much I want join them sometimes
I was born with a mind always racing
Never stopping
Always asking
Always feeling
So so much
And I can see all the problems
They're everywhere from
Problems they see just as reality
But i can't tell them
If I don't want to be met with looks of displeasure and disgust
Silence,
And worst of them all
"Anywayssss"

Is of world out order the
Children raising Parents
Schools making kids like learning less

Is of world out order the
Instead of trying to protect ourselves we hurt ourselves
Instead of protecting each other we **** each other

Is of world out order the
We're going back in time with rights
Safe spaces are scary

Is of world out order the
Kids are making the parent’s money
People starve themselves on purpose

Let's around switch it

That moment when the plane is departing
It is zooming out on everything
The huge houses now the size of your thumb
If your close enough you might be able to see the cars
Cars full of people
Family
Friends
Enemies
All going somewhere
All human beings
Every car has at least one person
Every person has its problems
Every person is thinking
Every person has their own life
Their own soul
Beliefs
Qualities
Passions
Fears
And I am zooming out on all of them
I get to see them all so small

I don't really know how luck works
But I go and pick a car
And I wish them health
I wish them love
I wish them peace
And I wish them luck
On the rest of this journey
And when I'm done
Well
I pick another one
Until I can't see anymore
And then I close my eyes
And think about the terrible flight food I’m eating for lunch

I am in a hot air balloon with my whole class
We are eating sandwiches
A ****** is on top of it
Pop!
The ****** bit it
The balloon crashes
No one is hurt except for my best friend
She is dead

We start running from the ******
My friend trips and falls
She is dead

We arrived to a school bus
A nice classmate drives
It crashes
She dies

I now realize
People are dying on the order of who I like most to least
I keep escaping the ******

Killed by a lion
Falls down the stairs
Faints
Etc
Until they are all dead

I am the only one left
The ****** was mad at me
Said it took too long to get me
I die last

I wake up to my alarm screaming at me
I sigh in relief
And wow
That was a weird dream

Why do we do everything we do?

Why do we smile at strangers?
Why do we tell our friends we care?
Why do we try not to stare?
Why do we like to make people happy?
Why do we love when we something we say that leaves people laughing?
Why do we when playing board games let the little kids win?

But then again

Why do we pick at our skin?
Why do we do everything we can just to look thin?
Why do we cry every night?
Why do we fight?
Why do we want to see the light?

"you don't really get angry, I do"
He says

And he's right
Right now I find myself unable to be so full of rage
I feel as though I just can't afford to be
But
There was a point in my life
Where anger ran through my veins
It filled my entire body
Every fiber
Every breathe I took
It consumed me

Mad
I didn't get what the other kids got
Mad
My dad just had to ruin it all
Mad
Everyone thought I was okay
Mad
Everyone said he was acting okay
Mad
I had to exist in this world

"No one loves an angry girl"
"Don't be angry"
"Anger is ugly"
"Anger is like your father"
They said as a clenched my fists

Now
When he does something unacceptable
The anger instead appears as blood pouring down my arm
Out of my body

Now
I am no longer angry
Just exhausted
Done with it
Again and again
It doesn't surprise me
It just ***** out my livelihood
And leaves me one inch closer
To giving up
Everytime

I don't get angry now
I get even more broken

Oh for ***** sake
I just want a hug

Why do we do everything we do?

Why do we smile at strangers?
Why do we tell our friends we care?
Why do we try not to stare?
Why do we like to make people happy?
Why do we love when we something we say that leaves people laughing?

Why do we let little kids win?

But then again

Why do we pick at our skin?
Why do we do everything we can just to look thin?
Why do we cry every night?
Why do we fight?
Why do we want to see the light?