She said she felt bad for my father
Because I wasn't speaking to him anymore

Then she read my poems

"give"
They say
And I have
But I can't anymore
All I have left
Is hurt
And my shattered pieces
I refuse to make them bleed

I'm so ******* sorry I'm so broken

Oh for ***** sake
I just want a hug

Red lines could have been deeper
They should leave long lasting scars
These aren't enough
They will fade
They have before
And now I just want more
More
More
Deeper
More painful
Again
I can't let them heal

Please don't leave
Don't leave the world to spin without you
All ****** up and beautiful
Because Daisy needs you to scratch her ****
With it's majestic hair
And the little twirl at the end of it
Many more times

Don't leave this stunning disaster
Because there are so many queerphobs
Left un-twerked on
Without your **** in their stupid little faces

Yes, your mother will miss you
Yes, the people who caused the very pain you're experiencing will make some sappy fake Snapchat post about how they hope you rest in peace
Yes, your dog will be confused
I know you know that

I know you have heard the phrase
"It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
Everyone has
They shove it in your face as soon as they show you the word
"Suicide"
But yet
720,000 people are taken by it each year
So clearly these words are to no avail
Because when you're sitting in front of everything deadly you own
Feeling so much yet nothing at all
What they told you at a school function that one time that was kind of obvious may not come to mind
But anything that helps you put them away
Or at least save them for another day
Means everything

So can you stay
To stroke your horse again?
To finish your sketchbook?
To burn your math work?

Can you stay simply because firefighters with abs exist?
Because of the free **** website that's somehow not blocked on school computers?
To take a run and finally get the relief of feeling it all?

****
"You're too young to die"
If that doesn't do **** for you
Can you please stay here because you have the free will to go on Amazon and look at the reviews for speedos?

It's selfish to keep you here for me
I know I'm not enough
I can't help you as much as I wish I could
Though if you left me to spin on this **** globe without you
I can say that there's a good chance
in the end there will be more than one tragedy

You're right
Maybe laughing might not make you less tired of living
But what if
Like you said
We could just sit there and feel hurt
Because we deserve to after everything

When I'm in that place
Of such deep, strong pain
The last thing I want
Is to search my brain for people that love me
And see that I'm alone in the world
I don't want you to ever have to

I wish I could steal your pain
But I can't
All I can do is pull more words out of my ***
And if you let me,
Hug you

You are such an great friend
And if you ever want more
I have so many words
And I will write you more poems
1000 more if that's what it takes
Because you need to stay

You deserve to live
Really live
I wish you believed me
Please
Please
Stay

I know I'm not enough to keep you here
But I will keep on trying anyways
Because even though you may not care about yourself anymore
I do

It's not enough I know
I'm sorry
I wish I could do more
But every little thing that helps you matters
So can you please maybe just stay
Because sometimes when people laugh they do the thing where they hold the other person momentarily?
That beautiful human thing

Can you stay because the clouds are still moving?
Because even in daylight the stars are there?
Because your dog's ******* expands when he barks?
Because when you're drowning
I promise to always help you out of the water?

Can you stay simply because of trees?
Because your heart beats?
Because the show you're watching has a new season coming out?

Stay because life does this thing
Where is pushes you right to the edge
And then shows you something wonderful
That is just enough to keep you here?

For me that has been poetry, you, the person I told you about in Oklahoma, walking with music, and dancing in the rain
And I know that there will be more
If I let there be
And same goes for you
There will be wonderful things you have yet to see
Wonderful people you have yet to love
People that have yet to love you
Please let them
Stay

Dear friend,
Yes I'm being intense I know
Yes I'm writing a pathetic *** poem for you
Yes I know that these words probably don't mean anything
But I need to anyways
And I will continue for as long as I live if it helps you even the slightest bit
Because you need to stay
Okay?
Please stay

Pinching my arm
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't let them see
Ow
Not enough
Don't cry
Don't cry
Pinch
Harder
Harder
Something interrupts me

"You okay?"
She asked
Didn't believe me when I said I was
She wrapped her arm around me
It fell at my waist
She held it
As if to say "It's okay now, I've got you"
Gently
Finally someone gentle

Room dark
Only midnight
I usually wait a few hours to sleep
But it was different
I didn't need to do anything
I could just be there
Let myself be held

For the first few minutes
I was tense
Thinking about how sleep seemed so far
And how the monsters were too close
But then I realized
I was okay now
I can exist in someone's arms

No one was trying to hurt me
But it was hard to believe at first
For the only touch I know is aggressive
Angry
But this one was safe
And I just let myself be there
By the end
I just enjoyed the fact someone cared
Someone didn't hate me
At least enough to be so close

This wasn't threatening
This was safe
This was kind
This was gentle