"I'm fine" won't do it anymore
I want to fall into his arms and weep
"Tired, that's all" isn't completely true
I want to walk for hours in the rain right now, not sleep
"I don't think anything's going on between us" is not exactly right
When I want to tell him that it's not just frogs and poetry that I like

How do you tell someone how you really feel?
I feel so naked
I'm scared, I've lost all protection from their knife

Telling myself

I am not my father
I am not my father
I am not my father
I am not my father

I am not the sound of my cry that sounds so similar to his
But every soul I touched

I am not my eyes that looked devastatingly like the ones he sees the world in his twisted ways through
I am every hug I've given

I am not all the disorders he passed on to me because he passed them on to me
Every scar that's mine is mine because I made it

I am not the nose that I took from him and see everytime I look at myself
I am every year I shed

I am not the slight accent he gave me
Or the curly hair I'm somewhat known for
I am every world I made even the slightest bit better

My genes cannot boss me around
I am not my father
I am not my father
Anything but my father
Please

Everyone needs to shut up
Too loud
Too loud
Too loud for my mind

I hear the lights buzzing
The talking
And the poisonous thoughts my head is feeding me on a sharp knife
I swear they could ****
Either way I don't feel stronger now

I'm too weak
Too weak
Too weak for this world
I don't know how much more I can handle
Before I implode

The air is too thick
Too thick
Too thick for my lungs
I can't breathe
Everything is too much

Looking around the
Giant room full of people
Not a friend in sight

Why I am I not allowed to be momentarily devastated by my mind?
Why must I smile and wave in the hallways when I need to collapse in their arms?
Why must I nod when I need to cry?
I want to run to someone
And embrace them
And weep
And scream
Why must I be expected to walk away?

Why am I not allowed to be broken for a little while?
Why must I hold myself together with the ****** glue that is the 4 hours of sleep I got?
I want to just be in an empty room
With one person who will hold my hand
Who will say it's okay to be devastated
And anxious
For a little while
So that I won't have to turn my assignment in with only poetry and doodles on it

Behind the darkest clouds
The sun can still shine
You just have to embrace the storm
Dance in the rain
And scream with the thunder
Until it passes
And then you can lie in the sun

So you know how sometimes when you start to give up on humanity
someone wonderful happens?
Like when you just walking somewhere and a stranger says that they like your outfit
Or someone that you've never before smiles and waves
And you think that maybe
People aren't so bad?

My idea of a successful life
Is to be that person
As many times as I can