Skin,
Can we not look past it?

When you look at someone,
is that all you see, and think?

Their skin.

My skin.

I am more than my skin.

We are more than this skin.

More than its melanin
I am not my skin.

I am so much more.

More than this colored skin.

Peeved
Unsupported
and
Confused
All these are trapped in my throat
In my lungs, making it hard to breathe
I cough, cough, and cough, yet nothing comes up
The gunk of emotion stuck in my body as a sickness
At night, I cough, cough, and cough
Yet nothing comes out
My throat red and sore from this
I break into cold sweat trying to sleep
But these emotions hold me captive
Peeved
Unsupported
And
Confused

I don’t love you romantically,
Though longing pulls me apart.

We aren’t together, and that’s not so bad.

When we’re not talking, I wonder
Where you are, what fills your day.

If I picture the future’s canvas,
I don’t see us side by side.

Still, I ache for you to know
My love for you is real inside.

I’d rather see you happy—even if
It means you’re with someone new.

Jealousy bites, but in truth remains:
I want the best for you.

You are cherished, deeply cared for.

I love you, just not like that,
My heart is yours, nothing more.

It reminds me of you,
mint chocolate chip
Cold.

Soft.

Sweet on the tongue-

Just like you.

I said yes.

Yes again and again,
only a whisper, not loud enough to hear for everything “yes”
I didn’t want you to leave—

But like sweetness melting, you did.

Even after the promise, you could not keep.

Faith.

My faith,
Sometimes it gets scratched or cracked.

But it never shatters.

Nothing can shatter my faith.

My faith can move mountains.

My faith can walk on water.

And even parts seas
My faith is firm.

Even when it gets scratched or cracked.
It’s always there.

Even if you can't see.

You say, “act like an adult,” Then treat me like a kid. You say, “speak like an adult,” Then shut me up when I have opinions.

If anyone needs to act and talk like an adult, it's you, not me. Stop chasing the need to control me, I’m a person, just like you.

Before you think to say, “Like an adult,” think— Are you being a good adult? Are you showing me what it means to “Act like an adult,” “Speak like an adult”?

Or are you acting how you see me— A kid when I no longer am. I think of that little kid you like to control.

I’m independent and no longer need you to say, “I'm proud of you.” I’m proud of myself, so I no longer need you.
I am an adult— Unlike you.

I hate you, but,
I hate that I hate you.

I hate that I can’t stop the hate because of something you did,
I hate how it still hurts and bothers till nothing is left.

I hate that I want you to hurt like I do.

I hate that I wish bad on you,
I hate that everywhere and anything I do reminds me of you.

I hate that it’s keeping me from growing.

I hate that it makes me lose my mind.

I hate how my hurt doesn’t affect you.

I hate that I allowed what happened to happen.

I hate how you hurt me so long ago, yet I'm still hurting, and you're okay.

I hate how I can't forgive.

Or maybe I don’t want to,
But I still hate you all the same.

I'm sorry,
a word trapped in my mouth,
wanting to escape,
but what is its meaning,
with no change?

Empty words

(I'm sorry)

All I want to say is.

(I'm sorry)

But it holds no weight without action,
yet here I stand,

(I'm sorry)

I can’t promise it won’t happen again.
That’s me not trusting myself,
I fear breaking promises,
So, I stayed silent instead.

(I'm sorry)

I long to be there,
but yet I’m still only silent,
as if my lips were sewn shut from birth by my makers.

I feel a shift on the inside,
Yet nothing comes out.

So, have I truly changed?

You stay my only constant,
Yet I'm ruining that too.

(I'm sorry)

Lying here,
Like my mother,
a fate I do not wish for,
but each day it gets closer,
hurting the one I cherish most,
the one I wish to protect.

I lack the courage.

I so desperately seek.

Failing to shield
The very one who guards me.

My one true peace,
a delicate thing I shatter,
After all he’s given.

(I'm sorry)

Maybe things would be different.

if I weren’t like this,
if I weren’t weak,
if I was more careful,
if our paths hadn’t crossed,
if I weren’t here,
if I had chosen differently that night.

All these “ifs”
running wild in my mind,
no clear answer in sight,
An answer I’ve chased,
just as tirelessly,
As my heart whispers,
“I’m sorry.”

I want to know what to do—
I’m waiting for you to tell me,
Because that’s what I’m used to.

Now you’re gone, you left,
We said our goodbyes—
Something I didn’t expect.

I’m waiting to hear from you,
But I’m left on read instead.

“I miss you,”
“I love you”—
Those are the words
I want to hear.

I know you hate me
Though you won't admit it
I'm fine with that
At least we met, and now I know...