a phantom grip
around my vocal chords
and a fear
crawling from my stomach
too scared to break
the sanctity of silence
all for the opinion
of a silly little girl

i
regret
telling
You
everything.

i am a culmination
of sad eyes
goodbyes
and self hatred
rooted since
youth

i'm glad i could
be of help
in the process
of boosting
your
self confidence

i wonder
if others
look at me
with jealousy
or pity

no please,
i like it when you speak to me as if i were, god forbid, human.
i didn't ask for this to happen to me
and i didn't ask for people
to waltz around broken glass and eggshells
as if i were the most delicate of them all

i don't need
hushed whispers and words
stuck between oblivion and physical sound waves
because fear of offending me
clutched at your vocal cords

i know what it feels to be missing a part of myself
and what it means to be holding onto something
that isn't promised to me

i know what it means
to be hiding a part of yourself
for the sake of others

and i plead that you
save yourself the trouble
i've had enough self pity

because now i realize
alopecia
holds you back
from being who you are

it's a safety blanket

it's wishing that you had green eyes
when you were born with brown.

it's as simple as that.

one
two
three
 
three red cars on the street
one
two
three
three kisses
for her dear papa
one
two
three
three red cars on the street

one
two
three
four
four kisses
for her dear papa
three for the red cars
and one stolen
 
because *******,
she was a papa’s girl
wasn’t she?