i looked up at you,
and it was freezing,
but you didn’t care and
the sun shone on your face,
and you were golden,
nothing but light,
and my love,
i was in awe of you,
i loved you so much
it hurt,
i fell in love with you in that moment,
never realising i could never
actually get out,
and honestly, i don’t even think
you looked at me,
but that was okay,
because i knew there was something there.

she doesn’t think
she just talks,
with nothing important to say,
on an important subject, she knows
nothing about,
she sits there and laughs at jokes
that aren’t funny
and she cries at things that aren’t
even sad,
she makes her own remarks that
aren’t even mean,
and she wears an invisible crown,
pretending to be a queen,
she’s a plague on my mind,
with secrets on her body and so
many to hide,
she smiles all the pain away
like there’s even anything wrong,
an attention seeker,
and when she cries
i’m expected to be there,
even though she knows,
i don’t even care,
manipulative, selfish,
and a little bit thick,
we all know,
she’s nothing important.

i know what you thought of me

i’m meant to be able to do it,
for a long time
it’s been the only thing i’m good at,
i never felt inferior when learning it,
and getting my grades back,
was like a dream come true
finally some As in the bag,
for someone who truly,
only, ever really got Cs
and when i did my GCSEs
the questions flowed through me,
and the words placed themselves
on the page without me
barely even thinking,

i knew what i was doing then,

and now, well, i sit and stare
at the poems without a thought in my mind,
and i read Dr Faustus
and pretend like i don’t care, that
i can’t conjure a single, original point
and i can’t analyse the words
because i don’t know what they mean
and i can’t write my essays with that
familiar confidence i used to contain,
now i sit and i struggle,
without structure or form
and no context at all,
then i’m surprised when it comes back as a D,
the As are gone, and so are the Cs.