This heart.
Is dark.
It's full.
But empty.
It pumps.
Steady.
Its worried.
And worried.
And Worried.
Anxious.
Anxious.
Anxious.
Depressed.
Depressed.
Depress­ed.
So Depressed.
It pumps.
For what.
It wants to stop.
Stop.
Stop.
But it's scared.
Because.
If, it stops.
Then what.
Darkness, flows through it.
This heart.
Flows, barely.
Darkness.
My best friend.
This heart.
Is dead.
Full.
But empty.
If it stops beating.
There's no difference.
It's dead.
Already.

I hate this life. If anyone could understand. The feeling that you’re  the only one who suffers inside. Everyone lives there normal lives. But you’re trapped inside yourself. With feelings of hopelessness. When there’s no reason to feel how you feel. Everything is good but you feel like everything is falling apart. Nobody has a clue. I wonder if people I interact with on a daily basis feel the same. I can’t interact like regular people. Something holds me down. I wish there was someone who understood. If people had any idea what suffering is really like. They are so lucky. They are able to live regular lives and be happy. When for me everyday feels like an eternity. Like I’m swimming In an ocean, and my arms are tired of swimming. And I just want to drown. But I keep swimming in hope of seeing land. When you go to sleep in hope that you will stay sleeping. When you wake up wanting It to be night already. Everything people chase after seem meaningless to me. Nothing can fill me. There’s no point in chasing anything because everything is meaningless. If there’s anybody that feels the same. Please don’t give up. You arnt the only one. Please. It will get better. Have faith. You may feel like no one can compare to what you go through. Like everybody’s pain doesn’t compare to yours.  Have faith. What has helped me is having faith. That I can’t do it alone. But with God I can. I still have theses feelings. But I turn to God. I get comforted with reading the Bible. Any doubts I have God answers. He says don’t worry about your life, what you shall eat or drink. Look at the birds of the air. They neither sow nor reap. Yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. How much more you whom the father loves. He says before the creation of the universe he had planned you. He had you in mind and new every day of your life and had it planned. He cares so much for you that he knows how many individual hairs are on your head. He is in love with you and he loves you like if you were the only person alive. You are his treasure. Knowing this helps me when I feel hopeless. Because I know God loves me and he will take care of me. I fail him so many times. And I feel like the worst person ever. I feel like I do everything wrong. But He still loves me.
When I worry about the future or think how worthless I am because I can’t function like regular people. I turn to him. And he lets me know everything is okay.  He sent His only Son to die for me. That’s how much he loves me. I used to cut my arms and now I have been wearing long sleeves for 4 years. I am self conscious about my ears because I used to get bullied and I have long hair because of that, to cover my ears. I feel like I can’t do life like regular people because of my anxiety and depression. God is either gonna change my confidence to where I love myself how I am. Or he’s gonna help me through it. And right now he’s helping me through. Wake up knowing God has your back, even if sometimes you don’t believe it. Trust that He knows what he is doing with you. He made you, so He knows better. Dont lean on your own understanding, but trust God. And don’t give up please.

You won’t ever be famous for your poetry. Your poetry isn’t great. Not even you would purchase your own words.

With youu everyday is summerr. Your warmmth is my sun, in winter. Your smile,, is my reason. If i thirst in the desert,, one drop of you is enough. My starlight in darkness.  You have  no. idea.

Im an ocean. Im the sea. I feel everything. In your eyes. Theres a light that tells me everything. Where you've been. Where you are and where you want to be. You think you're lost and alone. Darling i know EVERYTHING. How you talk, how you walk. How you EVERYTHING. Darling you think you're lost and alone. I know EVERYTHING. Im the ocean. I feel you, And all your emotions. You are the sand and im the ocean. Your world is my world. You cant hide it. You are my portion.

I invited a girl out to go out to eat. It was a girl i hadnt seen in a long time. I was planning to see what we could do. I wanted to take her out to eat, get some ice cream and then go to a park and see a sunset. But she hadnt replied. I called her and she didnt answer. I was starting to feel bad. When i found the perfect park and place to see the sunset I saw a dog and it was her dog. I called her and she didnt answer. I called and called until her dad answered. She said she didn't feel good. I said i found their dog at a park. He said bring it over. When i got there. I saw her. She was depressed. She had cut both here wrists. When i saw her i hugged her and we both started crying. She said she wanted to **** herself. I told her im here. I will never let you go. I will be next to you forever and ever. I will be next to you for the rest of my life. We hugged longer. She hugged me harder and put herself on me. She was mine and i was hers. No matter what. And then i woke up.

Lets. Me and you. Lets go. Lets fly. Lets dream. Lets together. Lets lets LETS. Me and you. Me and YOU. Lets. TOGETHER. Forever and ever. Me and YOU. Hold my hand tight. Grip it tight. Don't let go ever.  Lets go far. Far away. Where nobody is. Deep in space me and you forever. Next to each other. Warmth and love. An endless dream. Where we dont wake up. Ever. Me and YOU. Forever and ever.