You said now it gets complicated
You gave me that look
Your face twisted as your mind ran
What next
What if
Why now

I sat there and stared at you
My mind still and quiet
Staring at you
Wondering how I was so lucky

You lay there still
Mind running like a steam roller
Stopping only for a refill of kisses
Before barreling away once again

My trains still warming up
Questions slowly churning out
But none of it seems to matter
Not in the grand scheme of things

What would you do if you knew...
Knew all the questions you asked...
Would you stay would you go?
Do you really want to know?

Id tell you if you asked
But I don't really want you to
I want to keep remembering your giggles between kisses
The naughty smile on your face
The passion as you hold me close
The comfort of your hand in mine

I don't know what comes next
I dont know what to do
But im here with you
Together
We will find a way through

Well she asked
My heart nearly stopped
Was this it...
Was this the start...

Writing and rewriting
A response that could make or break...

I should be safe right?
She asked right?
So put it out there...
See what happens..

But alas it was not too be
She was just confused by me
The way I act
Showing I care

So let's see what is to be
Just friends it would seem
Not as good as I had hoped
But better than lost with no hope.

Do I try
Do I risk it all
Do I take the chance
On the girl who's smile I adore.

What if im wrong
What if it doesnt work out
What if it's all for nothing
A life now without.

Do I risk the pain
Do I risk the change
What if I lose her
Screams my brain.

I want to chance it.
I want to try.
Just wish I knew
A good reason why.

I feel it inside
When she walks in the room
The worries of the day
Seem pale and grey

It is worth risking
The chance worth taking.
I want to... I should...
But I don't know if I could ...

You know it doesnt hurt anymore
The distance I mean
The constant brain drain
As my mind wandered...
And as my mind wonders...

The pains not so shrill anymore.
Cutting like a blunt knife
Dulled by the smiles
Of the new found lives
I call my friends

The loves still there though
Suppressed
Compressed
Caring what happens
But always from a distance.

It's not my place
It's not my race
Most importantly
I'm no longer here in case

In case you change your mind
My minds made up.
What we had was had.
No going back

No bridge to cross
Nothing to rebuild
We just wave from the river banks
Friends... from a distance....

Always there...
Trying to be fair....
But no longer intertwined
Like vines..
Giving supporting
At every twist in the line.

More like sunflowers
Looking forward
Faces reflecting the sun's rays
Alone
Side by side...

I miss your smile
I miss your laugh
I miss the times we couldn't help but laugh...

I miss the passed out nights
I miss the awake all nights
I miss the conversations about life

I miss the feeling
Of you by my side
The smile that grew from deep down inside

I miss the happiness
Painted across your face
Your smile my weakness
My knees I had to brace

But now your walking away
No smile upon your face
Disheartened and afraid
Of what future awaits

But yet a rainbow remains still
On the far distant shores
Your smile and your happiness
Awaits for you still.

With love in his heart
And hope in his hands
He'll sweep you off your feet
To a far away land

You'll smile all day
And laugh all night
Pausing only to kiss your children goodnight.

With a giggle and a wink
They'll nod off to sleep
And you'll be happy
At least that's what I think...

Oh how things change
Life built up around it
All torn down
Im surrounded..

I cant get out
The pains all about...
Im dying
Im crying...
Please just let me out...

Trust, rust
Laying all around
Pieces shattered and scattered
Around like dust

Ruins of a building
Standing proud and tall...
Now just rubble all over the floor

Foundations collapsed
Metals all twisted and cracked
Harsh realities
Of life's cruel rap

But I stay here and scream
Tears running in a steady stream
Begging to be let out
So I can be free from this bad dream

But my heart still hopes
Rebuilds, reforms
Don't let set backs bind you.
To a path with less thorns

My brain knows the truth
I think my heart does to.
That projects over.
Just waiting on the clean up crew.

But till that day
I lay here still..
Crying, dreaming
That you were here still...