"I want to go home,"
                                                                   she thinks
                                                                   while lying in her bed.
She moves through life,
                                                                   a marionette,
never actually living
anywhere outside her head.
Her mind is fully consumed
by dreams of a true home
          this
              mythological
                               place
which she's heard of
but has yet to know.
A quarter century of life
             crawls by
          before she notices.
The search for her home
         falls
               by
                  the
                    wayside,
                                                                   pushed aside.
In its place, the struggle for
mere survival.
But every night,
lying alone in her bed
as she sleepily sighs
it crosses her mind,
                                                                   "I want to go home."
Where is this "home" place
                                                                   she wonders?
Houses are not homes,
she knows this too **** well.
A thunderstorm gathers
within her soul
                                                                   until
finally, she crashes.
                                                                   "I can't take this hell."
A symbolic breakaway and
          a
           home
                    is
                     found
           suddenly,
                  quickly,
without so much as a warning sound.
It is not realized within any dwelling,
but a much simpler place:
            the fit beneath a chin,
            arms she's encircled within.
                                                                   "Home."
It takes on a higher meaning,
a more profound definition.
And there is simply
               no way, no way
she could have known,
had any premonition of the
                                                                   home
that would so easily grow
between their two souls
and make her, for once,
                                                                   at last,
                                                                   feel whole.
            "Sir, I feel at home with you,"
                        she sighs.
            "You are," he replies.
And she knows
                                                                   it's true.

She waits to be picked
I mean
Picked up
Across 27
She knows "Arduous journey" is a trek
But she doesn't know
They're talking about us.
She's not going to make it in one piece
Sorry, Doll

I remember how
I just wanted to touch it
Then I wanted to taste it
soft and so between my fingers
press down
brown prints
Into her peach skin

Who's trek are we on again?
"Was it mine?" She asks
I take another bite
Yes, she loves me
"Ours, Doll."
Down 39
"Designed to fall apart"
All too easily

despite what you may think,
you do bring me happiness
but I was born an unhappy human
and I do not blame you
if that makes you want to leave me
you will tire of lifting me up
and holding me when I cry too often
you will grow bored of seeing me
with tears in my eyes and shaky hands
breakdown after breakdown
you will find yourself wanting to breakaway, so don't be afraid to do so
because I am afraid
I will be sad for a
long,
long
time.

-a.f.

I don't know anymore,
What is right,
What is wrong,
Totally blinded by fear and confusion.

I dont't know anymore,
Nothing seems right,
Nothing makes sense,
Totally carried away by hatred and anger.

But I do know,
That it's time,
To break away.

I thought I could stay,
But the sun gave me signs to breakaway,
I didn't want to stay,
Wanted to sway,
Then I went away.

For a moment, I sat still,
Another moment, looked for thrill,
Wondered about a whole life to fill,
Just couldn't find the time to ****.

Got a car with pedals I couldn't reach to drive,
Like a bee stuck in a hive,
Felt like a swimmer that has lost the desire to dive,
I was just struggling, fighting, and climbing to strive.

The wind was the greatest tempest,
It could even topple down an empress,
They didn't let me rest,
They left me helpless,
The torture was endless,
So I don't think that leaving's reckless,
If I stayed I wouldn't be here in Venice.

little billy ****** he got bored one day
decided he would take a weekend breakaway
he headed for the beach for some sand and sun
just to have a change and have lots of fun

he packed up his tent for his weekend home
then along the beach the ****** took a roam
****** saw a dolphin swimming in the sea
****** swam to join him for some company

they began to play together in the sea
both were very happy and so full of glee
dolphin had a ball and tossed with his nose
and the ****** caught it in between his toes

they were having fun as they played away
happy and content passing on the day
when the sun went down  dolphin swam away
he waved goodbye to ****** and swam across the bay

****** he was happy and his heart content
then he fell fast asleep in his little tent.

the *** needs stirring,
the stitches have been
removed, or melted,
and the scars fainter,
daily…but, my words
have been clogged,
swallowing difficult,

and heartbreak is
non-curable and
the sad songs
combine the exercise
of crying and dying,
you can feel it piecemeal,
chips of you breakaway,
and you are just lessened…

all the variations of less,
redound cross my lips, but
there is no one here, no one
in my life…and yes he’s gone,
the one who lived faraway
but was intrepid in his love,
and solid in his affection,

but ardor cooled, distance
intervened, but I still have
that short skirt he adored
and close eyed images in
my cerebral cortex, and how

I wish someone would write
a poem
exclusively for me, selfishly,
and my mom calls less frequently,
she,
doesn’t know new words
to instigate healing, to break
me open and let positivity
return…butI having learned
much,

and my selective mode
is different, crap it’s true,
been made over into a sad sack,
incurable romantic…and that
part tarnished is the only part
of me that is growing by leaps
and winks and sighs and…

makes
the sadbad move aside…perhaps,
you’ll write me a poem, soothing,
gel cooling, and… no mas…

I get her, she writes me,
so eloquently,
”the nub of me; gist, manifested poetic”

one of the many poets I have never met,
one of the many poets, by whom,
I have been suchly, justly, richly and correctly
accused

this mesmerizing judgement,
her-over-easy, mini-essay so succinctly
assaying an accidental ability mine

explodes
a happy passageway to my brain,
a new aperture, the neurons firing at will,
the tormented inquisitor’s unasked question,
how did this happen to me?

rocking the Sunday morn cradle’s calm,
ok, ok, write me, write me,
demands my no longer free will,
utilize the free wi-fi of we fidelty

the bay, surgically barely treading water,
its surface of multitude of small waves
but now an entire ****** expression bidding welcome

the breezeways genteel,
smilingly
invites and push us into its
directionless & tideless soothful embrace,
to the shoreline we goeth,
to watch the occasional crossing vessel intruder,
woking the waters gentle

its white path residual wake foam-formed,
then almost instantaneously absorbed, bubbly bursting,
a history of a million moments awakened,
then, instantly returned to restful sleep,
akin to a newborn’s gurgling happy dreaming,
wiped clean away off to
Peter Pan’s it-never-happened-land

this carnival trick sideline of deep tissue knowingness,
sensing the essence of the who and the whom within,
with no data to go on other than their poetic collection,
the hidden meanings of the spaces and places between
the gene sequencing of their wondrous word-fullness
DNA poetic children, freely given,
and well taken
by me

I cannot explain it well enough, but then
a strayer thought breakaway,
a prehensile comprehension insertion
proffers itself as an explanation
intruded,
and here,
extruded

the perfect world exterior before me observable
thrusts itself through picture windows onto my demeanor,
a ****** addiction of mine, my soul enslaved,
cannot bear to be taken away from

this vista,

which begs me,
bring all those you know!
here, to share, this precious precise nook
where eye insightful incisions elicit poems-by-command

but I cannot, bring you here,

so I see~imagine it better through
your eyes, then
your
gist
is in my stubbed pencil nub, it is
your
poem’s destiny manifesting,
penciled through my scruff edged fingertips,
which-when-then transcribed to paper, to history,
‘tis all you
who writes,
not I

for now
you
are the solitary vessel waterborne,
you,
you
are the captain and I

but a
Samson-nite, burdened, baggaged and blinded stowaway,
hopeless, yet still see-worthy,
with your guiding eyes,  
keeping me to keep
your copyright righted,
onto its course true


7-14-19 9:43am
in shelter, on the isle

When you want to learn something,
Learn it all the way;
And if something is worth doing,
Do it in the best way;
It isn't enough for wishful thinking,
And not just enough to pray;
Believing should always come first,
faith and work is also the way;
If success is what you admire,
There is a huge price to pay;
There might be difficulties as you go on,
Be resilient come what may;
Practice always makes perfect,
Keep practicing everyday;
But remember not to start a thing,
And eventually end up halfway;
Do not feel too comfortable on top,
Learn something new each day;
The end of growth as we know it,
Is the beginning of decay;
Do not despise others as you grow,
You might need them someday;
if a relationship intends to pull you down,
Do not hesitate to breakaway;
Remember also the contributions of others,
And be willing to repay;
Also do not rely solely on others,
Try making your own headway;
There are many who have so done,
But were led astray;
As you spend your time working hard,
Reserve a little time to play;
So that you don't loose loved ones,
And leaving your mind in disarray;
So get on with what you ought to do,
There is no time to delay;
Because ideas left under utilized,
Can quietly slip away.

What if i just left this house

took the car and drove downtown

and watched the lights glow all around

the sleepless, dreamless city?



what if i just cut the cord

left this land and stepped aboard

a ship just as it left its port

not knowing where i'm going



and what if you were next to me

as i drove through the quiet city?

and what if you were holding my hand

as i departed from the corrupted land?



what if i just moved away

a sudden, risky getaway

so i could maybe breakaway

from the life i'm sick of living



what if i just said goodbye?

would you miss me, would you cry?

would a single tear drop from your eye?

would you hug me one last time?



and what if you were still next to me

like you were back when the air wasn't misty

and what if you hadn't let me run away

what if you had kissed me?

.
Settled in days of wine without rose
And forever nows we trudged along,
Making our way to the ordinary
Greeting of the always new.
For we always knew, our time
Together was but a means,
Of make believes and almost
Alrights, a travelogue to nos
In destinations of plain, we spoke
To each other as if then never was,
We drank coffee in meeting places,
Where grown ups frequent as they
Barter to themselves, in cursory
Smiles and similes unsaid, for they,
As us, knew that no future would arrive                                                
As we numbered to each in numbness
Searching for one breakaway day,
Seeking to blind ourselves looking
For what was already, maybe there.
How timeless is a child in fantasy?
What play dates we revel in,
With others we do not know?
This is a song we played, we played
At being joined, as if our lives
Depended on it.

Sometimes I get a feeling
That the walls are closing in
Look around me and there isn't a way out
The light above starts to dim and shrink

Escape doesn't seem to be in my future
Death seems to just be on my doorstep
Then it all disappears in a flash
Like nothing ever happened

Cross paths with someone you hate!
Kick their ***, it was always in their fate
Give someone what they deserve
I'm no cop, but I'm here to protect and serve!

Let's go!

Escape doesn't seem to be in my future
Death seems to just be on my doorstep
Then it all disappears in a flash
Like nothing ever happened

Breakaway, from the status quo
Stray off, the beaten path below
Hear and see me now
Am I still that disrespectful clown?

Escape! From this god awful place
Escape! Live life at a new pace
Escape! Just ******* escape!

listening out for the catch, through the ordered lines
then running into familiar counter-melodies
that hit the gut like surprise meetings with old friends

pushing against the current
you write the soul’s ebb and flow of discovering
break and breakaway, meet again

figuring it out along the way, slipping back,
humble, soft vulnerability of emitting,
rolling out in music and codes interior landscapes

Settled in days of wine without rose
And forever nows we trudged along,
Making our way to the ordinary
Greeting of the always new.
For we always knew, our time
Together was but a means,
Of make believes and almost
Alrights, a travelogue to nos
In destinations of plain, we spoke
To each other as if then never was,
We drank coffee in meeting places,
Where grown ups frequent as they
Barter to themselves, in cursory
Smiles and similes unsaid, for they,
As us, knew that no future would arrive                                                
As we numbered to each in numbness
Searching for one breakaway day,
Seeking to blind ourselves looking
For what was already, maybe there.
How timeless is a child in fantasy?
What play dates we revel in,
With others we do not know?
This is a song we played, we played
At being joined, as if our lives
Depended on it.

Let out my ego and sense of order this comes from beyond this comes from the me between me if I listen I may hear it speaking, it's sleeping but talking and rocking, not still, and perhaps it awakens, perhaps it will open its eye but we mustn't depend on the idea that once he has opened his eye the whole dream of the world will just fade like my dream tomorrow morning which I already know I'll forget, like specific angles and perspectives of specific places in space and time that have slipped away but once in a while break through to consciousness
Like the sliding breakaway walls of Timber Drive elementary school
Or the rippling pond into which I fell and the old smile and laugh of my flesh and blood rescued me and held my body afloat in the air for a moment; and once I was the proud owner of a wind powered hovercraft, another invention spilling out onto the table of attention like the actual pig intestines the popular girl's parents used in her science fair project, the one that dragged on until the last monkey refusing to be locked up with the windows 98s in the archaic computer lab was tranquilized and convulsed on the gym/cafeteria floor in front of the PTA, who'd peed blood all down the front of their sweatpants; he was firing wildly hoping to commit suicide by zookeeper
Not knowing that humanitarian laws would prevent him from achieving his bliss, for the monkey knew as the Gnostics did that to bring a child into this black iron prison is a sin.
Did the Jonestown Kool-aid free them from the prison? Do they now walk among gods within the kingdom of the heavenly spirit? None shall know until the 13 crystal skulls are re-assembled and total gnosis emanates to the people in globe-spanning shockwaves.

There are no ways to safeword out of this life.
I know, I’ve tried them all.
Elephant, apple, Alaska, amen.
Tried screaming anything into the pillow my face is pushed down into,
Whiskey, tango, foxtrot, stop
Exhausted my vocabulary against the blanket my fists are balled into fists against,
Anything to make the beatings stop
But they just
Keep
Coming.
In ****, having a safeword is like wearing a seatbelt.
There are rules about having one
And the ones who choose to do without
Are taking risks.
We are born without lifejackets, without seatbelts and safecut scissors
Without breakaway glass or rubberized mats
Without any way to make the world slow down
Let us catch our breath,
And jump back in.
There are no hard limits in the real world.
So we bite into our gags and wait for the session to end.
Elephant, apple, Alaska, amen.

Sprinkles of light beam down on the crumbled sheets.
It was just a mistake.
We both just wanted to Take
I lie, In this bed.
I'm sorry but this no longer will last
as the night happened too fast....
We will soon breakaway after we feast
As you devour me like a beast.


Just leave.
Leave me


suffocation...

i
"It's over, isn't it?" You ask,
Unsure of what to do. Bask
In the glory of forgetting a
Fight, fulfilling what I would say,
Night coming to take me away,
For I cannot stay. Breakaway, nay,
My mind will not sway. Play
For the day I will say
And pray that I must get
Away. Away. Away. And never ask
In what way I did bask.

ii
But the words are cut short.

 iii
And someone else will die tonight,
This is simply the human plight.
We do not control, or know,
How we'll react to Death's scythe.*
Running up from behind, poked sides?
Charging headlong, blind, and teeth bright?
Or a chase, running shorts chafing?
But I have not finished wri-

iv
The fever is the cure, no?

v
I do not suffer, or
Make others suffer, yet
I am told that I am
Heartless, lack empathy,
Am mean. My rage speaks truth,
And the truth can help you.

vi
It's all in your head, right?

Nights, days and in betweens
Crazy thoughts, confusing dreams
Revelations don't come to me
As I lay awake in reverie
There are no pictures to memorize
Only absence to criticize
Round and round spinning away
Maybe it's time to breakaway

little billy ****** he got bored one day
decided he would take a trip a weekend breakaway
he headed for the beach for some sand and sun
just to have a change and have lots of fun

he packed up his tent for his weekend home
then along the beach the ****** took a roam
****** saw a dolphin swimming in the sea
****** swam to join him for some company

they began to play together in the sea
both were very happy and so full of glee
dolphin had a ball and tossed with his nose
and the ****** caught it in between his toes

they were having fun as they played away
happy and content passing on the day
when the sun went down  dolphin swam away
he waved goodbye to ****** and swam across the bay

****** he was happy and his heart content
then he fell fast asleep in his little tent.

I have to do you better because
Its what you deserve for all you've done
Bringing me into and up in this world
For raising me right and teaching me well
But despite my best efforts and intentions
We both know that I cannot make that happen
As I quest to release my inner me
This thing that's built up so deep sown inside
And I will drive you as crazy
As I drive my car down this dark highway
Unseeing and alone with only my headlights here
Spotting none ahead and catching no sight behind
And still on I drive
Until it comes upon me that he is free
That day you will know I have made the most of me
And even though it will sadden you
You will see that it was needed for the best

This is how the road has to be
If it was simple and easy
And I followed the path that you intended
I will never breakout and find who
And more importantly what I am meant to be
So for the time being embrace the insanity
Its for the best
It truly is
Its for the best
And know that for all of this
For each and every little thing I have done
I love you
For each and every little thing you have done
So very much
Remember it well
And when this world of hell is at its darkest
Know that the dawn is not far off
And despite the nature you see of that world
Its only one moment, one speck in time
And that I love you all the same

I sit here, brood
a twisted mood
think how
to forward move
how to undo
a tricky tightrope wobble
people pulling me
I cannot walk straight
need time to deflate
lose these traps
want to break free
of the need
want to find me
really love me
please go away
you cannot touch me
cannot know me
or go with me
cannot show me
anything I need
from you
I am the juice
the fire
the truth
the liar
you are reflecting
back to me
places I do not desire
I am feeling
dismayed
afraid
of the price
I've paid
now is the breakaway
the reckoning day
no plane
no train
no half insane
free to go
free to assail
derail myself
from you
far and
gone.

Oh Atlantis where art thou?
Deep within the abyss, far beyond the maze of madness,
bewildered in the wilderness, hungry 40 days.
Hidden from thine eyes are journeys unexplored
where life begins within.

How do I summarize what lies within the mind of your mankind,
being of a kind, man in kind.
Concealed in the center of your mental’s universe,
dictating life’s travesties and endeavors.
Stories unfold, as the ages pass unfolding reality, unraveling the mystery
of the conscious deep inside.
For what hath thou experienced?
And what doth thou have to give?
Wisdom forever disputes thine intellects irregularities.
Forewarning us
of the days to come
embracing the adventures that lie ahead.

Trial dare not stop us
hinder us
or beget us.
We must fight through the mystery of your history
overcoming adversity and demise,
triumphantly striving.

Many uncharted paths lie ahead
therefore unlock your iron gates, which gives us vision.
Bid us to come in.
Release what the pulse knows true.
Breakaway from the pain that has you chained, hiding beneath,
aiding and abetting prophesy,
so that those beyond will see…

Oh Atlantis…Where art thou?

I don’t think the possibility of the emptiness of unfulfilled passions changes the magnetism that radiates from the same possibility of the joy in their fruition.

Is the confidence foolish,
Is the necessity folly?
But no, all the incantations of my past have yet to ruin me.
And despite all of the pain, it doesn’t ruin the lover’s prophecy.

So take my hand,
Even if it’s just to examine.
So take my eyes,
Even if they’re deceived
So take my heart,
Because I rather have you crush it, then to never see it bend or fold.

But I don’t see your heart the same,
No, I want you to be protected with the utmost security,
To be free of heart ache even if ruining my name.
But I know this doesn’t make sense.
The fullness of your heart would experience pain to find the greatest love beyond our game.
And the fact that I helped you get there,
Well I hope I can find joy through that.
Cause all I feel now is an undeserved shame fueled by you...

By:D.E.T

She was terrified
But she made up a lie
Telling the world she's fine

What a surprise
That she's still alive
That's what everyone says
But she has already counted the days

Before she fades away
She's gonna breakaway
The cage that she is trap in
She won't let nobody win
Cuz now she is playing hurtin'
So, every time they breathe in

Their going to feel their skin burn
Yeah, is their turn
To payback
Now they are gonna be the ones hiding underneath their mask

When she would cried
They all stepped aside
Acting like her sobs was a piece of music
To click
Play
All the weekends
She would spent on her room to healing the bruises

Now she finds it pointless
Cuz she has noiced
And focuse
That it's worthless
To show her emotions
Cuz she can see
That the people only made her bleed

When she would cried
They all act like here tears where some joke
She choke
As she sow how cruel
This world was yeah it's time to play cool

But this game
Has a list a name
Where you are gonna feel her pain
Yeah, she gonna play it cool

But when she would cried
She stepped aside
And hide
The feelin' felt like she wanted to die
But she took a ride
Where she took
And hook
Her heart
No, her heart no longer feels electrified

Cuz when she would cried
No, one cares if she was terrified