sometimes when people say that they're empty, it sounds cliche to me.

an oracle
is what you are
to me
until you're
not.

what happens then?

to think that i would never be the best version of myself.

here i am, the better version of me, yet still very tired.

to set a goal, to become the newness that i strive for will most definitely be the thing that hold me back.
to know that i am the me that is pinning the soul down and stapling it to the ground is the factor that i choose to ignore.

then again, i strive for unlimited greatness
with passion and enlightenment, again, for the better

i want to be hollowed out and put together with every soft feeling and brave movements tired to me once again

i want to be the better me,
the me with the big smile
or the crazy mind filled with things i have yet to explore
and the promise that i will one day be
- as i've said-
the best version of myself.

i want to be the light in the dark again
with bright eyes and no regrets
nothing to fear and nowhere to run,
for i am in this body and will never leave
due to a karmic cycle of what i must learn
so again, i will dream
to be
the best version of me

god, i wish i was capable of feeling
a little more and
a lot less

god, i wish i believed in you
but you're about as real as i feel
while considering the possibility
that this life is simply
a Wes Anderson movie

what could i possibly do
to be able to keep looking at you
without inching too close
to your burning surface

and what could i keep doing
to stay in your good grace
so i can watch you like a movie
and re-read you like my favorite ballad
on a cold winter night

you would be the one to share your blanket


i felt so incapable of feeling

Sometimes I wish that I could keep every promise I've made.

When i told you that i was gonna give you the world and nothing less, i gave you MY world. And the realization that my world was too much and not enough at the same time has just hit me so hard that it makes me ache inside. I just feel like you’re gone for a reason. You’re gone because you can’t stand the person that i used to be and probably still am, but that’s okay. I can’t change how you feel, I can only tell you how i feel… and man.. What i would do to get you back..

It’s almost been 11 months and I am just so full of doubt that i’m ever going to get better. Because wow. All i ever wanted was for the both of us to be happy, but i guess we’re both not. Or at least that’s what i want to believe. I really want my baby back. I want to be able to call you and talk to you and hear you breathe. I want to know that you’re okay and that you’re mentally functioning in a stable way. I just want to be able to look you in your eyes again. That is all.

To be able to constantly feel like trash. To be able to constantly feel like just straight garbage because I know that deep down, me giving you MY world is what ruined us. Me, showing you my life and all that it had to offer just weighed you down. It’s crazy how you go insane over the fact that my life ruined you, but how do you think it’s treating me if we almost think the same. We couldn’t be any different for facing things as they came. Where are you now, though? Still with me, probably. Because the person in your body right now is not who you are or should be. That is not my baby. And i want my baby back to me.

All I could think about was you

The day you left, I felt uneasy and sick to my stomach,
and the only thing that stayed was your smell and your name floating around my head

so i sing your name in the most humble way i can so i can cherish every single vowel and note.