****** affliction of a lack of affection companion
Hand and hand strolling greater than syrupy plunging
and even sometimes buddy shrugging over wooden noisemakers
We whistle with their metal strings
and through the pasta soft ones in our throats
but no nest colored mares seem to hear
our flamboyant feather calls for future fondling
So I scribe slight implied short letters
invites to drink joints and nature jaunts
All too well thought out
hoping your advanced technology cannot trace
the time I spent to type
The overanalysis of our psych: her and I’s
wondering why she doesn’t have an inkling
for a cute fall date where we attempt to bake apple pies
It’s all too contrived, I know
I’ll strive for delusion
Accept a useful interpretation for our chemical inflammation
and let sparks pass it by
Like itsy bitsy flies laying eggs in a wound
for stagnant water maggots
They’ll eat away the thought well
where all my cranial zaps seem to dwell.

People say I'm intense and aggressive
Not camping, just scampering, rampant
I'm too quick to take care and I'm helping
The message is hell bent on answering
All of your questions so let up the pressure!

Chat, chat, chat and you think you're all that
Talk some smack just so you can get back
Launch an attack on the boy in black
That boy so sad he makes me mad
That boy is trash have you seen his raps?
He's so **** suss I really wanna clap
Left right, goodnight, put him in the spotlight
And scrutinise like I have that right

Aye, I bet you think you know me
When all you've seen is nothing really
Yeah, bet it turns you green
To know that I'm better than what you carelessly,
Push away, in rage, that's cute, so sweet
When you stay, enraged, by your own heartbeat.
When you fake til you make and that's why you grin
Guess you don't know that to lie is to sin

Yeah I was the kid who got left out and yes I was the kid who'd always doubt
I was the kid who had no friends and I was the kid who'd get left til the end
Chosen for games as the last called name,
If I couldnt be avoided like I carried black plague,
But look at me now, I stand so proud, and if you try to take this from me I will knock you down!

I bring the rain and you brought pain
So I gave it back like, keep the change
Hate it when you take it
Hypocritically making
Bad choices lately, despise me for saying

So you sneak like a snake and talk behind my back
But it never really cut me so I wouldn't say backstabbed
You never really mattered so I'll be fine
You can drown in your ball pit of lies

While I raise the storm and I right the wrong
While I pave the way and still remain calm
The black dog follows and hounds at my feet
But I am electric you can't bite me!

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

You could call me Zeus I'm lightning when I move

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

I'm a Godlike youth that you dream to pursue

Bolt from the clouds comes crashing down
Charging the air like a love affair
Handle with care? I was kicked down the stairs
They called me Zaps so be aware!

That's spaz backwards! Ha! So funny
Now that I'm electric I guess it means something
Now that I write hectic I guess it means cunning
Yeah I'm spastic with my bars but I'm shocking and I'm stunning

You wish you had the talent to grasp words with magnets
And have the power to change the charge like its only magic
And link negative to its own, and vice versa
Take a slasher of a song and make verbal ******

Call out the curses, fill them with hurt and close all your curtains, the sunlight is burning

Go outside and raise your head to the sky
Dark clouds race to claim it all as mine!

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

Was the reject now I'm relevant

Stormbringer,
Yeah, Stormbringer

It's no dead ringer I was always a winner

Call me a sinner, I eat y'all for dinner
Those who call me a quitter, make claims that I never
Will get any better, when I'm rising forever
When I'm using my head and I'm light as a feather

I told you my name, don't use it in vain,
I gave you my hand, you can't do the same
So trust is reversed and storms start to churn
When I raise my voice it's a third degree burn!

I gave it non-stop what more could you want
When voices persist I'm getting *******
Continual fights and TV highlights
It took me a while but now I realise

Now I realise,
Now I realise!

I'm the Stormbringer....

Stormbringer, your head's like a spinner
Gasping for air, I crushed your throat from a distance, so killer, killer, killer...

Killer, killer, killer...

I shout out and you twirl around
Rotating one-eighty like you're an owl
You look at me foul like a fowl out of bounds so
This is just something for which you're renowned
Back in the day when you used to clown
Now that I'm clowning you're the one running around
What have I done? This isn't fun!
Come at me strong, or come at me none

Back in your cage, the one that you made when you went insane and told me to stay,
Never have I ever followed in your ways
Never would I ever listen to you persuade

You'd need some skill, and not fumble your speech
I've seen examples, week after week
Calling me out saying that I'm a creep
When I used to feel to get by I must sneak

Now the tides turned, I'm friends with Poseidon
I'm a demigod and you're just a pirate
Plundering the ***** of your best mates
What? You don't like the **** I say?

Aww...

But I am no fraud
I am my own mob
I'm raising my head,
To inflict what I got!

I never liked biology.
Not because it was boring.
It was fascinating.
But everyday I was reminded
that I am nothing more than
layered tissue.
And I have so little control
over how wide my eyes open
My thoughts are nothing more than microscopic zaps
criss-crossing tirelessly around in my head
I can't stop
hearing and
seeing and
feeling
and
I'll never
see my own heart.
I liked it better
when life was magical.

the metal within the rock
attracted great lightning zaps
on the ironstone ridge mound
streaking flashes flew

Sixty degrees on solstice day.
An incubator.

If we go to the beach we can find all the bones of the dead animals
that are supposed to be buried in the snow
and throw them in the lake.
We can dip our heads in the cold water
to wash away these nasty thoughts
growing on our brains like bacteria in the warm weather,
send them into the lake with the bones and the souls of the dead animals
that are supposed to be buried in the snow.

The supercharged atmosphere
zaps my fingers when I open the car door.
Static electricity.

If I collect all that ecstatic magic
I'll let you hold it in your hands
in a jar
and we can watch it dance.
A hundred million fireflies
that should have died on the lips of
December.

Barely Walks.
And does not sleep

day squinting
night in trance;

Moonblinked


& Anomie doesn’t speak 
What she thinks
Until she drink
Apart; life projector spreads in sheets




Anomie not loveable
so off she goes
with dogs in sheets
that bark and bones

& in the padded womb
zaps milky-Light
synthetic-filtered-bright
A spotlight for the bees
Getting Drunk between her Knees

Confusion explodes confetti
disorientation takes the plow
*** the only how
An ******; or a fake hopeless meow
She lives in mental corners
watching window borders
They push in; she falls out

Brand new day
Teeth on pillows crack
Anomie's mind
has to react
She's fast to split-
Spit out a rebuttal
method witty-tactix kit

No one tells her time to go
But when Bee's belly full
She-goes - Self-loathes
Morning Glories still shriveled in their pods
They own the glory of her story and her song

Hiding in sarcastic retreat for clean feet
under ***** water bathes
wipes off the meat

Not your friend
She's trouble to love
The dirtiest dove

Anomie is naked and she's hated
Take away the curtain glove
eye slit under sunlit
She recovers

Don't judge
it's all her love
but you ****** Anomie anyways
just because
The Thrill

adrenaline rushes up
zaps between empty synapse
for a minute, a light
Then darkness expansive

hush
talking, whispers
"she's just an alternate"
sleep, wake
white boards scraped pure with
blood red markers and oceans of blue
spinning numbers pretty letters
awful alphabet designating destinies
how ****** up is that
responsibilities dragging down dreams
dreams crash dreams down dreams drown
darkness

adrenaline rushes up
zaps between empty synapse
for a minute, a light
then darkness expands

I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea
His eyes glazed over like a dead fish
                      Death is a form of knowledge

She was a storm
        He never knew he was in her eye(s)
But Tempest is, as Tempest does

He was lured by Siren song

Coral reefs,
                  Hands, with nails too long
I swear bees lived in them
              Jellyfish like flowers
              Pollen from their electrical Zaps!
And they burrowed deep

Messages in a bottle were collected
        by the Hermit crab, not some mermaid
His library ancient like the ones in the desert
                                                          ­  Or the CIA

ii.
I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea

He was swallowed by a Plastic Whale
(He did try to escape Media & Capitalism &...)
A(t)las he was in the wrong Hemisphere
    More like Pinocchio
Just really good at telling lies

Nets from old volleyball games
                   from the Future
dance like river sprites
            far from home

Volcanoes are failing
                             At making new land
Wolves become whales
Pyramids sink and are like cheap motels of Atlantis
We're all just gambling on one Apocalypse or another

iii.
I'm thinking...bubble..bubble
            He's drowning
Or maybe he forgot how to breathe

Suddenly hooks catch his ankles
        Harpoons & Atomic bombs melt
     the plastic right of the bones                            of the whale
Like a WWII fighter jet and target practice

Blood limps in currents
Jaws plays in his peripheral of his hippocampus
The Great White passes him by
Because he's not seen as important, we're not talking about ego here

He takes off the anchors from his shoe laces,
He was just trying to stay grounded
But now he was just a Bad Pun
with his Lungs the punchline

His airhead carries him to the surface
He's just a boy

He can breathe
This lost boy at Sea
He makes a raft from his memories
      And ties them together with ropes of trauma
The kind of things you don't forget

Like your name,
         your parents
that time you were a piece of wood split in two and later when the splinters finally settle       you're thrown into the fire
The kinds of things you don't forget

He floats towards mirages
Typical, it's not paradise
Ships and planes
           A Sunkyard
As if we built a factory in the sea
            And it got sick  
Coughing up decades of gears and
pieces of a time machine
             Oil and blood being same thing
             Of course
And Seagulls melting into toxins
         Like the new, like mini dinosaurs
A cycle of Fossil Food

iv.
Amelia,
          The reason this boy was lost
                                      at sea
Looking for a woman real mythology
But it should've been Lockhart
Because unrequited is easy to come by

The compass was made from his blind love
It was obvious, this misdirection
A Bermuda Triangle kind of affection

So...he explores the ruins
   Of Japan
Tsunami and temples
Cute girls and dimples
Fish food only made the news for so long

Sometimes when you put a seashell to your ear
you can hear Shōnagon
             or the screams of little girls in Sailor uniforms
Their own uniforms like an arranged marriage

               Tectonic plates roll the Earth
                                into Sushi  
Last week California
                   took a swim
She was feeling a little Hot

v.
I'm thinking about that boy
                       Lost at Sea
And he's trying to walk on the waves
                       Like a Savior
He can't even save himself from his own ego
      It's like the Mariana trench
If she didn't have all that depth

She was just Another girl. His lust was vast, that compass might as well                                        
                    ­                                                                 ­ have been in his pants

Soon he can't tell

The sky from Sea
Or himself and Humanity
He looks down and can't see his toes
                then his knees

He's been lost at sea too long...
Fog like *******
Sea ****
He's been lost at sea too long..

So he becomes a Seahorse
Tries to be a Father
              without any Sand dollars or a Safe Harbor

My mother was beautiful,
              She was an Iceberg
You hurt her with all your global warming

She moves on Slowly
     Settles for a Lighthouse
Who only looks at her so often

The Moon reincarnates me
Because I am the tide.
           Rising, falling
   Constant
Just the Historian.

Hissing Silurian
Slimy Slitheen
Run just run
To where aliens are seen
Sonic zaps
Things behind doors
Deadly traps
And Jadoo laws
Welcome fans
To lots of fun
In a land
Where Whovians run
Where fezzes are cool
And so are bow ties
Welome all
To where The Doctor lies

A cell exceeds boundaries when meeting the wealth of another. Another who is like them. A salt of the earth. One won’t deceive you as we merge together. Common courtesy for now. Cells become greater focus when merging together with trust. Trust amplifies common courtesies. Foundations arise, and fall. Balance? No. Relationships? At first. Then what…? Simple. Two halves with a void, slowly becoming consumed by another. Filling in the necessary. No voids existing in open spaces the size of what they never understood. Something zaps in pleasure! Pleasure becomes the common courtesy. Tensions rise and fall between the mergers. Forming into a newly merged claim. A form never exceeding the wealth it ever deserved. It happens anyways. Exceeding one’s primary focus. Deserving when having no other choice. Choice is meant to brisk them to light. Light zaps onward. Foundations rise and fall again. Something clicks. Giving rise to an interpretation. Interpretations give rise to wealth. Wealth claiming two mergers into newer states. The state of mixing is known as (reaching beyond itself.) Two halves never lucky, until merging as one. A brain cell is born.

Watching out my window,
a thought flies through my head-
about the little hummingbird
flapping overhead.
As it zips,
and it zaps,
and its little wings flap
so hard to keep going,
to suckle on sap,
it seems to me
that this little thing,
so tiny and frail
doesn't mind the sting
of tough days and tough nights
as it valianty fights,
as it works and it toils
just to get by;
working for hours
to have enough to still fly.
I think and I think
on the merits of this notion;
So deeply moved,
I am stirred to emotion.
I shake myself, rising
as I abandon my rest-
Move over world;
I have limits to test.

The sound of a voice shouting out a distinct color,
Comes over the intercom.
Orderlies rushing all about in frenzy.
A screen that should look like an 8.9 earthquake happening,
Now only shows a razors edge thin line.
Compression thrusts must now begin
Once started you cannot stop.
Paddles please now to the chest, crackling static zaps,
Body thrashing about like a fish out of its safety zone
Log the minute, pull the drapes and tag the toe.
It’s a private encore just for me now
******* on her wrist and then on her neck
Still not any kind of clue, one last chance,
I reach again into my bag of effects and grab
Like having a last trick up my sleeve.
A Mirror in my clutch is unseen from her eyes
Placed now upon her lips as I look for something like a morning dew
Nothing so sweet can be found.
Her eighty sixth was the last time for candles that could be blown out.
Wrapping her now I try to keep her warm
Then slowly I help place her in her eternal slumber bed to rest
Now I’m given a key, O’ boy here we go
I know what time it is. I find comfort telling myself I’m just winding up a clock
I blow a breath and a last kiss; my eyes were the last to see.
If know body ever remembers, I will never forget!                            
                                                                                                                                                                            

(CARSr. 4-24 -12)

In this, I feel
Shaky hands that cannot type
My breath unable to catch like coats on a hanger
Chocked by garbage dispensers in mid flight

I have no one to blame but myself
For letting your smile that stabs like daggers,
Into my vulnerable organs now spilled on the floor,
all the more craddled in my now bloodied hands

You could say its my lack of conviction
or my social manners in dealing with all the more composed

Your eyes that catch mine and rip open the doors to my early demise

Yet, These intense emotions are all in my head
This lair where you slumber and never wake
because you are not really here

Your stay is that of a cheap motel fly, who zips and zaps
your noise quick and sharp

How all the others cannot see the glow that surrounds you
is beyond any words I could compose

It is known that I do, because it is I that is motionless from the amount I inject
The osmosis of emotional intake, has left me dead on the ground.

I surround myself with
Laughers, drinkers, talkers, thinkers,
Who convince me that the
USA had hand-drawn and cast
The moon into the sky
And that God was born in the
Grass and that's why
Flowers smell so heavenly.
And I believe them because
They send me stinging bolts
Settling, lingering zaps with
The swift gesture of their hand.
Reasons, I, engrossed as
Paper crushed in a fist.
I am curled in shame in
A fist like paper.

Accepts you as you are
Believes is you even when you don’t make sense
Calls you just to say hello
Drives you insane
Explains things you don’t understand
Forgives you of the mistakes you’ve made
Guarantees fun
Helps you
Is always there for you
Just wants to be with you
Keeps you close to their heart
Loves you for who you are
Makes a lot of difference in your life
Never gives up on you
Overjoyed to see you
Picks you up when you fall down
Quizzes your love for others
Raises you spirits
Supports you
Tells you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it
Understands you
Values you
Withstands you
Xenodochial
Yells at you when you aren’t listening and
Zaps you back to the real world

You taste like
cotton candy dreams,
sugar snap peas,
cold coffee,
and
intimate fantasies.
You are the
watermelon pop rocks
that tingle on my tongue.

You feel like
a roaring fire,
a tickle down my spine,
a belly laugh,
and
a brand new promise.
You are the
static electricity
that zaps my skin.

You look like
my past,
my present,
my future,
and
my forever.
*You are the
man that
I love.

brain zaps, brain fog
welcome to Zoloft
refill your script
before you decide to quit
this pill comes with a cost
it's not that easy
to taper off
this illness is not visible
one might say it's despicable
the pill that can make things bearable
everyday at the same time
remember it's no cure
but
it can help
and that can be worth
feeling secure

Twiddle dee doo
A watch from afar
Tweedle dee dah
I gaze upon my star
Clear skies to my delight
Nesting alone - peace, quiet
Best* night by far
A lost lightning bolt zaps*
A thrill through my spine
My mouth agape
My calm night has ended its time.
The lightning bolt nailed its target
A fresh, green lime
2 feet from where I was rooted.

Fri, may 19, 2017 3:09pm

The tip of my cigarette
A firefly in my dark room
I saw you over the edge
Face full of color
Eyes full of energy
You wave me over
I feel the waters begin to rise in my throat
You're drowing me in your good looks
The feel of your fingertips zaps me
To my core like an electric shock
You're so bad for me yet so intoxicating
Its infuriating how beautiful you are
Like the feeling of warmth
On a mid summers day
Yet you make me feel numb
Like im ice cold
I can't breath around you
Your eyes drowning me in feelings
Feelings that are entirely sinful
The tip of my cigarette
A beacon to you.

to Realize you have no one to
Blame for your Own
Pain, your Own Mindset
cuts through the quick of
your Bones
slices through each artery
Even your Heart
it goes all the Way to
your Soul
it zaps your Life Force
and strips you
of Dignity

Only then can you
begin to Scratch and Crawl
your Way back Up
to the Person you long
to Be

It’s like eating a ray of sunshine
It zaps through your body with disarming force
And you’re falling, falling into a state of oblivion
Moving through time and space
The floor just dissolves beneath your feet and you’re left shattered
So many pieces, so many beautiful pieces
All falling together, falling apart and being reconstructed
Like a puzzle that’s finally found the missing piece
And when it comes together with such force it is a pleasure to behold
Gravity has no hold on you and you’re flying through space
This is it.
The moment time stands still.
Meshing past, present and future together
Nothing matters any longer and you’re all feeling
All senses heightened by a pleasure so fierce you’re awestruck
This what it feels like to realize your sovereignty
To realize your worth
To realize that the freedom you have is not controlled by any other but yourself
This is the moment you feel your power from within
This is the moment you refuse to be anything but what you’re meant to be
This is the moment that you become great.

Too young,to talk about life
Too young,to talk about death
Either both are strong,or none of them
Yet not tried life or death
But both of them,aim human breath
Again and again,I have been told
Life burns the wound,and death colds it
That's why I fear,that they will bring
Drawn us and mean one thing
I proclaim them,a ruin
Who blown you up,or fall you down
Our end,a way may bear
Or one of them our suffer would stare
So one zaps furiously,and one quietly
May life kills faster,than Death's cold spirit
But you won't believe,till they warp you violently
Frost and flame your grave,and let you rivet!

My brain zaps every minute to remind me
I belong in a room made of pillow.
"Now can you draw a fantasytree for me little lady?"
I'm working on it, it's getting better I promise.
Did you hear that?
In my dream last night I murdered and
it felt kind of freeing.
I forgot my meds mom, help.
Just tap your hand a little more,
there's a screaming really close.
I, I feel it zapping again. Minute's past.

"She draw her father without feet"

since becoming housed here since this year
july first two thousand and seventeen,
   tubby more precise where
with thee missus, amidst bucolic environs,
   (one could don underwear

Schwenksville, Pennsylvania  
   trees abundant with leaves of grass spare
zip cone: one nine four seven three,
   this resident doth not find queer

disproportionate amount of time,
   he spends never to overhear
the mostly soundproof walls
   inside apartment b44 assigned midyear,

one bedroom living social space
   gives ample opportunity to assess linear
ratcheting asper elderly folks inch along
   chronological space/time continuum
   fragile as jasperware  

many experience diminution
   of vital sensory organs, and oft time cannot hear
even without television blasting away,
   no doubt harboring anticipatory anxiey sans,

   grim reaper's unannounced visit they fear
their non verbal body language
   (when aye espy and stride-rite past,
   an old lady or man riding shot gun

   securely strapped in wheel chair,
   shuffling back where buffalo used to roam,
   or trudging to common
   all purpose gathering place)

   speaks volumes analogous to a frightened deer
when caught blindsided
   within bright lights of an automobile 'ere
unsure which way to go, and dashing out in the thick
   of evening rush hour traffic,

   lacking notion, the figurative coast not clear
subsequently doe ting bucks killed, where birds of prey
   thence loftily circle gracefully  
   gliding within upper atmospheric air

upon scrutinizing what doth appear
as a hollowed out existence induces me to de clear
to maximize utilizing each precious moment 'ere
before each major metaphorical cog and gear
frankly zaps, this dude looks like a lady,

   cuz ah ma longish bedraggled
   hydrogen peroxide tinted hair
me haint give a rats ***
   what rumor mongers relish, and behind me back jeer

Since old people lack for purposefulness tis unlike to leer
that one day (fast as snap of fingers),
   lack of being ambulatory t'will be near
and upon limitation in physical functionality,
   aye aim to app pear
motivated to partake of mental exercises
   just sitting on me rear.

A stony gaze wanders as a buoyant breeze
But sorrows blinds blow in a storm and the solemn bust outcries
The thunder cracks
The lightning zaps
Childhood flashbacks
Scream inside my gut
I've been rejected enough
The hardened boy plays tough
And stubbornly pushes away
From the shores of a living grave
To a ship with a drunken crew
Floating as ghostly imprints play
Wailing to eclipse my pain
But on shore life remains
With no wings on which to escape
And in the cabin below the day
The frightened child hides, afraid
Its beaten soul whimpers requests
But the sunlight doesn't reach the deck
Blackness exhumes an awful stench
Eating at my bones in flesh
- I look toward the door
With a ball of fury raging red
Playing repeat inside my head
My body turns to heavy lead
What more will it take
To finally make the step
From the tears I've never wept
To the love I've never kept
The exploded shards I've never swept
Shattered pieces of empty concepts
The broken mirror I defiantly reject
Satan laughs while Angels detest
As I fail once more to accept
The man staring back at the child

She says,

I'm yours till the sun goes down

Moments later

The sun is gone and

the darkness consumes me.

my mind goes numb,

And I can feel myself unraveling.

How long until the light comes back,

how long until I feel alive again?

The night is good every now and then

but for now I can't wait for it to end.

So until the day comes,

When your love is no more sporadic,

A ball of lighting, that

Zaps and explodes

in paralzying light,

my heart will ache,

I know, I know.

I'm really trying
to grow old gracefully
People say things to me like,
"Getting old *****"
and
"Growing old ain't for sissies"

I look at the stately, elderly pin oak
in my backyard
strong, stout, knotty brown trunk
weathering Florida hurricanes
and lightning zaps
willowy, winding branches,
leafy emerald arms ever embracing us with
the O2 kisses we need to survive

Dashing Sir Oak tree
Playful, Surfer Palm
Lovely Magnolia
I'll grow old with you...

Gracefully

I'm tired- I'm aching
My head feels as if breaking
Hot- cold zaps and flashes
Slice through from the back of my brain

Body aches and chills rip on through
Eyeballs pained from bright lights
Patience thinner than cell membrane
Anger- I hold in reserves for moments
I need to tell oppressors off-
Swelling into seismic tidal waves
I cling onto my sanity-
The shreds bits and pieces left
As it feels I have none

The urge to collapse keeps me company
I force myself on- in the tsunami
To sleep it off is a luxury- unaffordable
So I drag myself to my workplaces

For earning money is
More important than my needs
Earning money is my priority need

Even if the back of my brain feels starved
Oxygen running so low- if I were to
Have been born of centuries prior-
A drilled hole in my skull sounds wonderous

Yet born of today- I know better
And yet on my brain zap- booms- shreds itself
Searching for the chemical happiness
Encased in pretty pink pills
Lost in the American healthcare war

‘Why, what is happening to you?’
Seem all fine girl, bubbling with joy, sparkling, filling the room with giggles
Nothing seems to be possibly wrong with you
Go out there and get busy’

Yes, nothing is wrong with me
There’s nothing I can put my finger on and show
When the whirlwind of emotions run through me
Like a hurricane
Thoughts and feelings knows no end
When it rains

It’s like I don’t want be in my room, my house
When there’s a power cut
And I am frantically looking for the light
Then it feels like the walls are closing in on me
The tightness I try escaping from
Inhaling and exhaling
The air, getting thinner

The only difference is my house is my body
My room is my mind

I haven’t been well rested
Well slept
My eyes are all droopy
Body tired
Sleep, trying to take me in
Then a huge flash zaps me out of it
Debilitating pain in my head  
The heart races
A black haze sets in the mind
Past, present, future, meaning, purpose and life seem desolate

How do I explain my state of mind?
How do I explain what’s weighing down on me?
When I don’t understand it myself.