My body is fine
It is not fine wine
It is not **** fine
but its fine
"My body" is a foreign phrase
Because it is there
Its not here
Its just there
its fine
But sometimes my body does not feel like mine
It doesn't feel like yours or hers or his
But it feels unlike mine
It feels fine in a way of
Its just,
there
yet not there
Sometimes it wants to change
But I do not want to change
I want to like what's already there
The fine I've had to grow use to
Adapt to
The fine of old and new
The fine I tell myself to learn to like
The fine that stops me from asking too much
The fine that wont let me bother
The it's fine
The you're fine
The you're perfect the way you way
But I sit here curled up and I realize
Maybe
Maybe its not fine
Feb 24, 2015
Feb 24, 2015 at 11:41 PM UTC
There is no fatigue that is not of the wind,
with storms that land on seas blow in.
Speckled dust of others sorrows.
As feelings launch from mouths spitting wild.
With shivers we feel the wind releasing,
out our fingertips gripping our own throats releasing.
Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 1:48 PM UTC
When I close my eyes
In those times when my mind wanders
An image of you makes my heart sting
I see her on the outside like shes still inside
The words we exchanged in moments shared
Encompassed in pouring water
Our bodies pressed gently as we laid near
I wish I had caught your distance
But your promises of forever broke my heart
I needed you
Would it have made a difference if I knew that then?
I admit this now as the wet pen strokes the soft paper
Like the smell of your empty room
our time together was short lived, like the happiness in your eyes
The fire you started burnt me to a smoldered black
You were so small and comfortable in my arms
Yet the damage you did was enough for two
After my death you became absent
Your words posed threats, and you told me I changed
but how do you stay the same after you lose your life
I needed you
Where did you go when you went back to him
Is your unhappiness in his bed, better than a year with me
I was your first valentine, and our drunk kisses tasted like warm blooded wine
In exile you run to forget us
I see you with your crowd you cling
Your eyes look over me, and under your clothes I miss you
You left me in ruins
The pieces I had already lost, far before you came
I needed you, and I feel the need for you still grows
Im a fool, yet I know you're still here
You're in my head like a plague
I know your silence, it speaks enough
You've left, and you made sure I don't follow.
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 9:56 PM UTC
I use to think all I needed was to run away
to make a life for myself in pine filled scents of rain
scratch my name in the sand
live life the proper way, in simpler times
but I've come to realize
this is a fantasy, a wish I shouldn't plead
because where does this dream lead?
when I follow the rocks at the end of the manufactured road
away from this constructed life, so easy to blame
and find there's nothing thereafter, no happily ever after
I'm here in my solitude waiting, like every one said was such bliss
living day to day, no more big bills to pay
but I'm still left to my thoughts that so plague
my river is still poisoned but I thought if I flushed it through the lake
I'd be free
I did not stop my river, and I have no dam to stop the flood
because I came here to my simple life, supposing it would make it all go change
only to notice I'm still unfinished, and I'm back at the start, feelings pacing my heart
what happens when you open a door to find its one someone else made
leading to another man-made garden of promises to be claimed
Where do I run to now?
What fills your head when flights have left the field?
Black when I close my eyes
and my feet are dragging
there are no signs pointing to the next station
and I missed the last train
How do you remember what home looks like
When I can't even see
Oct 4, 2013
Oct 4, 2013 at 12:13 AM UTC
I'm afraid of where this all may lead
It happened faster than a wound can bleed
As if in all my past attempts, I falter
but with this I feel far stronger,
than when a wave so strong falls beneath my feet
in currents I swim, and water I breath
but in this, I do not drown
it is my mind that now reaches beyond my bounds
Because I feel with you, I am at a loss
it could end up with me in your arms
or in between a rock, and hard
tears stained on alter or bed sheets, alone
where will I be lead
and where is this road?
Aug 25, 2013
Aug 25, 2013 at 7:21 PM UTC
It is on this day
The eve on the 'morrow
that my insatiable hunger cannot be satisfied
It is on this night
on the early morn' of a new dawn
that i am at a lack of devices that could stop my yearn'
Yet with my lack of conviction I find
that in debt and loss I can begin to breath
a new wave of emptiness can be considered a blessing
When gluttony can only fill you up with unease
May 15, 2013
May 15, 2013 at 3:35 AM UTC
In this, I feel
Shaky hands that cannot type
My breath unable to catch like coats on a hanger
Chocked by garbage dispensers in mid flight
I have no one to blame but myself
For letting your smile that stabs like daggers,
Into my vulnerable organs now spilled on the floor,
all the more craddled in my now bloodied hands
You could say its my lack of conviction
or my social manners in dealing with all the more composed
Your eyes that catch mine and rip open the doors to my early demise
Yet, These intense emotions are all in my head
This lair where you slumber and never wake
because you are not really here
Your stay is that of a cheap motel fly, who zips and zaps
your noise quick and sharp
How all the others cannot see the glow that surrounds you
is beyond any words I could compose
It is known that I do, because it is I that is motionless from the amount I inject
The osmosis of emotional intake, has left me dead on the ground.
May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 10:23 PM UTC
My eyes sharply snap
My breathing broken from nightmares ripping apart
The screaming is my own voice now, as I plead to the sky for help
Someone, I cry
Just anyone right now
The silence fills the room again, like it was before
from biological rain streaks on window panes
to mascara black down pours,
I have this need to be surrounded
By company to keep me sane
Yet my presence is but an absence
And those I call out to,
never hear what I have to say
My day begins and ends the same
My eternal calling never being filled
The ripping of my chest then swallows
What little willpower I have left to live.
May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013 at 11:11 PM UTC
Cleaning out the dirt left in the kitchen
Found something great, something special,
Sweet poison sweet love
Stinging like a bee
like a sweet kiss
soft in touch, but burning my heart all the same
I'm not even crying but my eyes are tired
Seeing things it doesn't want to see,
Not even painful memories
Just the harsh reality,
of not love
not even a deluded form
just a microscopic feeling
not even hate
I found my solution
Who knew it would come
Like an Abusive relationship
Between Heart, Home, and Sun
Bruises and Bite marks
Like a Dog might have malled
maybe even a little letter
No big or no small,
What I'm saying is this doesn't hurt
Or maybe it hurts too much
Maybe I'm turning a little numb
from just the right amount of shock
I cant bear to even look
just staring for a moment, hiding shame?
is it shame
I honestly don't know
I just want to kiss you, but im kissing my skin
because this doesnt hurt
not the same kind of hurt we feel
but a sweet sweet kind
the kind only i can take
Feb 24, 2013
Feb 24, 2013 at 12:52 PM UTC
The plague is running red now
My heart is pit-pattering something fierce
The storm is raging harder
my lonely ship could sink
I feel I have been defeated, rather than what actually transgressed
There are so many things I could have said, but would you understand
Dont throw those feelings around, with words Ive always dreaded
My Apollo, My Muse, come to do
as all gods do
Punish the tempted, who stay strong for nay, is said to soothe
What ever happened to Job, for staying steadfast to higher standards
And then his lips placed judgment, into my enlightened ear
Ive always had a likeness for you, you said without batting an eye
yet we have other people we are promised too,
you still increase with pride
Ive always despised this confidence you have, with destroying others lives
So many women have fallen,
and so many have been tossed aside
Oh foul morality, I do, I hold so true
The warmth of your skin against mine, could tame even the coldest shrew
Yet there I am in silence, turned away from your sight
Of the man Ive idolized for centuries, wearing nothing but his smile
Feb 16, 2013
Feb 16, 2013 at 1:26 PM UTC