I've got a common set of insecurities.
A wide variety of trust issues.
A closet filled with I can't love you's.

I've got a tainted heart,
Painted all over with cracks,
Wrapped around in bandages,
Filled with holes where hope escapes leaving me less whole.

I've got a broken mind.
One which over-analyses each concept of the world to avoid further damage.

I've got hitched breaths and broken voices.
Wirings in my head,
Cocked up screws running my emotions
Forcing me to hide and avoid commotions

I've turned into a literal device.
I've been given limitations.
Turned into a personification.
Talk about a huge oxymoron.

I've been turned into the world's biggest metaphor,
An allegory of what people shouldn't be.
I've been made into some anecdote.

They believed  I would succumb to the notion of pain.
That I could be battered and tattered into some emotional mess.
To wallow and swallow the hurt,
To writher and turn hollow.

The thought assumption is that the final process of completely annihilating a person.
They must be tantalized and blown to smitherings with ones past.

It's the perfect analogy of a literal masterpiece that comes with a lesson.

However the forgotten loophole of meeting a person willing to stand by us has been casted off.
With the assumption our feelings have become one as machinery.

They forgot we could be Wall E and Eva,
We could defy the code.
We could stand tall, fight the pain and feel better.

Crimson red like
A rose, a flower that
Weeps, a boat that
Sinks

Drunk on air,
High on dreams,
Dripping, drowning
Like the sea

Scorching touch like
A flame, red; red everywhere
I see, petals writher like
Death at a scene

To become something more, I tell you less
And as you grow into someone more, less you know

And so I write, to make sense, but my writings writher with time.....

Each slash on paper, do not complete me.
Each tense does not fufill me, but these writings stand with time.

I write - now-  less you feel you know - but my writings will be a piece that.... will sit quietly forever.

There's nothing in me,
but emotion and thought
In a field of sunflowers
I am a lily, that's lost.

Screaming, "save me!"
Trust me I know the cost
"Pick me!"

Let me writher and rot
Please do not leave me in gloom
I will not bloom next summer,
And I blame you.

I need to die to be alright
Help me rise again,
Hold me in your hands

You say, "I will be your friend"
Then you leave me in the dark
Bring sunflowers to the eulogy
You told me I was not them, but a lily

I do not have eyes, yet I know I am art
I want to glitter with the stars
I know you are the one who tore me apart

Stuck my fragments inside of a jar
Set me on fire
My inclination is gone

See me,
in the sky, and not in the mirror

See me,
in the pasture, and not in your tears

See me,
on the ground, and not as your fears

Do not dream of me, but remember me for years

Pieces of you writher away,
Ache and Anguish is all you can feel,
Interested in how to cure what you felt
No one could heal

Hollowed out ghosts linger on my tongue
And tickle my mind
Scratching at the back of my teeth
But never leave my lips.

Faded places writher in my eyes,
And seep into my thoughts.
Trickling down my hands
But never escape my fingertips.

There existed a haunted cathedral
The eerie tune of the Grand piano
Resonated with deaths call for harvest
Bells echoed into the endless night

Running to escape into the darkness
The courtyard labyrinth is cruel
For no one can leave, when the bells toll
Creatures writher at the night mares moan

The keepers creep through desolate halls
Lanterns lit with soulless smiles
Eager to feast on the lost and hopeless
Ah, this monolith is hell, the end is here

I'm really mean to my cat sometimes and I don't know why
today as I lay in bed
sweaty with a headache after work
all I wanted was kitty cuddles

I spooned her fluffy-ness and had a flashback to when she was a kitten
and you spooned me
and I spooned her
I awoke in the night terrified thinking I rolled over her
only to find her on one side and you on the other

I had my family
I was so content
with my two loves

you were angry at me for getting a cat
because you were allergic
but again like always you failed to inform me of how you felt and later retaliated against me when I couldn't read your mind
always claiming "I knew"

I'm really mean to my cat sometimes and I know why
when we can't find someone or something to blame we will pick anything to make us feel better
even if subconsciously we have no idea we're doing it

you were allergic to her and it strained our relationship
I blamed a cat I love with all my heart
because I could never understand how you could have flipped into a totally different person
it's not her fault
it's not my fault
it's not the other man's fault
it's not even your fault

losing love hurts especially when it just happens
we may love until we feel our bodies writher from pain from crying
we may love until we are dead

but I will not take the blame anymore
and I wont put it on my cat either

don't blame the rain on the weatherman

It might feel safe
And predictable here
But out there is exciting
And there is no place I would rather be.
I could writher and grow old here
Clasping onto those I fear will run away
Or I could live life for myself
In the hope they will still be there when I return.
What choice should I make?

© Maria Francine

Gone are the days when you and I gambled our time away together.
Gone are the days when you stood bold and resolute by my side.
Gone are you from the landscape of my life and the jungles of my dreams.

But even though you have disappeared, I still feel you with me.
You come in fleeting thoughts…
         distant memories…
         lonely nights…
         poingant notes…
and long forgotten feelings.

Silently and angrily you left my side.
You whispered through the trees and ceased to exist.
The waters no longer reflect your heaven blessed visage and
   I
   am
   cursed.

You didn’t even have the decency to mop up the mud you left behind and erase your footprints from my heart.
I can follow your blood stained prints even now.
I can see them walking away from me.
Some days I even catch a glimpse of you creating the path of my own destruction.
I race to catch you.
You barely look through the rearview mirror of memories at me
      and at the unwelcome sight of days gone by,
you turn your back and run even faster
to escape my accursed face.

My old friend, cease your running for one moment and heed the wind in the trees.
Listen to their song of lost love and of heartbreak too horrible to imagine
And know that it is my voice singing to you
Screaming for you
Pleading to you
To listen to my one wish.

I don’t wish for you to love me again.
I know you can’t.
I don’t wish for you to return to my side.
I know you won’t.
I only wish to know why.
I wish to know why you refuse to check your rearview mirror for me.
I wish to know why you ignore my siren songs begging you to drop anchor at my shore.
I wish to know why you didn’t even bother to dust for your own fingerprints on the residue of my shattered soul to see if you were the culprit.

Someday you’ll understand what this moment feels like.
And then in the moments following, that are in themselves little lifetimes.
Fitfully turning, bleeding, and screaming for relief.
But none will come.

You lost your soul the moment you killed mine.

And here we are.
One of us a murderer.
The other one slain in a moment of furious passion.
Both lost forever in a black sea of jealousy and despair.
Both doomed to roam the Earth seeking another lonely soul.
Both cursed to see each other’s countenance in strangers.

Or maybe you can escape.
You are still whole. You have hope to evade my fate.
I have no choice.
I will roam the universe searching for a creature to rival you.
You were my champion.
You were my fatal flaw.
You were my hubris.
I dared the gods to take you away
And
They
Did.
They rightfully punished me for taking what I shouldn’t have taken.

Have they punished you yet?
Have they punished you for taking my innocence before it had a chance to bloom and grow?
Or was it yours to take?

The poison from your fingertips was so sweet I mistook it for honey.
The venom flowing from your lips was so cleansing that I thought it a waterfall.
The grip of your hand so painful I thought it love.

Never have I loved pain, venom, and poison more than with you.
Never will I love them as much ever again.
I am ruined.

People passing will see the marks of my sadness and utter despair.
People who clamber into my inner fortress will find your face draped on banners.
They will know who owns me.
And as they try to make me theirs they will find me unconquerable, moody, and desolate.

A desert of epic proportions.

The rain will not fall without you.
The snow will not drop gracefully to the ground without you to guide it there.

The heat will scorch.
The sun will burn.
Everything green will writher under the eternal drought you caused.


I could water my lands with tears if I had tears left to shed, but, alas, you robbed me of those too.
Today
Tomorrow
And forever,
You will haunt me.

But I wouldn’t ask for any different demon to be tortured by.

I love you.
And…
…Someday…
Maybe you will remember that
And finally grant me peace.

I writher in agony,
Feeling the bruises coming to my body.

I try to scream,
But my throat runs dry.

Sobs rip through me,
At an undying pace.

I feel myself being maimed,
My body has been marked painfully.

I smell the sicking musky scent,
He continuously applies.

My sobs are getting worse,
The pain becoming unbearable.

I am numb,
Feeling nothing,
But still feeling everything.

My body is a canvas,
Of multi-colored graffiti.

Bruises scattered here and there,
Repeatedly.

I cannot move easily,
I am moving painfully.

I am hurt,
I’m pained,
Not only physically,
But mentally as well.

That biology project you do in 7th grade where you put a kernel of corn inside of a wet paper towel, and a week later it sprouts cute little green roots

When Jacob told me I had gunk in my ear, but didn’t know what it was, and that it was disgusting

middle school
Quick moments of total awe and mortification

I think I’m allergic to this face cream I’m using 

EVERYTHING IS SO ITCHY

My hell is someone telling me how to do something, without me even asking

I’m cutting these green beans and barely missing my fingers,
I can’t tell if it’s on purpose or not

They (the green beans) smell like a 6th grade field trip,
where we went to that lake and scraped pond ****, and then looked at its inhabitants’ tiny glass bodies, writher around on top of that hot ***, glass microscope slide. Burning in the focused light. Poor bbs