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"weren" poems
I dreamt that I'd tell you,   I dreamt I'd convince you. I dreamt you would love me and I too would love you. I dreamt of perfection, a dream so romantic. I dreamt you would smile and carefully panic. I dreamt you would hug me.   I dreamt we would both see, together we're better -   I dreamt you weren't choosy. I dreamt up the ways of how I could tell you. I dreamt up bouquets and a time and place too. I dreamt that I told you.   I dreamt that I could do. I dreamt that it happened.   I dreamt of a breakthrough. instead i told you at 3am   drunk   on facebook and i took it back the next morning
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Jun 11, 2012
Jun 11, 2012 at 6:22 PM UTC
Imperfect Perfection
ignore all possible concepts and possibilities --- ignore Beethoven, the spider, the damnation of Faust --- just make it, babe, make it: a house a car a belly full of beans pay your taxes **** and if you can't **** copulate. make money but don't work too hard --- make somebody else pay to make it --- and don't smoke too much but drink enough to relax, and stay off the streets wipe your *** real good use a lot of toilet paper it's bad manners to let people know you **** or could smell like it if you weren't careful
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80k
making it
why did you go little fourpaws? you forgot to shut your big eyes. where did you go? like little kittens are all the leaves which open in the rain. little kittens who are called spring, is what we stroke maybe asleep? do you know?or maybe did something go away ever so quietly when we weren’t looking.
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56.5k
Why Did You Go
Dearest friend, parent, lover Whoever might be reading this I'm sorry i couldn't stay strong. I'm sorry i couldn't stand it anymore It's not anyones fault, i just wasn't meant to be here. Just like those flowers that never bloom. They just grow and starts hanging a bit, then dies. Dear younger siblings. Don't look up to me, look up to people like daddy or momma, they're happy, i weren't. One life lesson i've learnt is that happiness doesn't come without courage, but with too much courage you'll get tired and let go when you finally get there, and you'll end back where you started. Dear older "sister" You know who you are and you're probably reading this right now, smiling at how i mention you as my sister. You're the best person to ever be in my life, and even though you told me a couple of years ago that you were lesbian i never rethought the meaning of your hugs, cause i know we're sisters. If it wasn't for you i would have done this a lot earlier so thank you. Dear parents. Don't cry, i'm not worth your beautiful tears.. I have nothing more to say than i know you lost me, but don't lose courage. Dear best friend. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for telling me that everything will be alright.. It just hurts me to say that you were wrong.. And i'm sorry cause i know this will bring you pain.. But i know you have some other. Nice friends who'd support you. Dear stranger. I'm sorry if i was goind to know you in my no longer exisisting future.. You're better off without me anyways.. Dear myself. I'm sorry i can't hold on anymore, i know that you had your happy times, and that a lot of people longed for your life, but i couldn't stand it anymore.. Dear person I'm sorry the voices became too much. I'm sorry i ran out of place to make scars.. I'm sorry i couldn't stand this inner pain anymore.. Dear person.. I'm sorry.. Goodbye..
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Mar 2, 2015
Mar 2, 2015 at 1:27 PM UTC
Suicide note.
Dearest friend, parent, lover Whoever might be reading this I'm sorry i couldn't stay strong. I'm sorry i couldn't stand it anymore It's not anyones fault, i just wasn't meant to be here. Just like those flowers that never bloom. They just grow and starts hanging a bit, then dies. Dear younger siblings. Don't look up to me, look up to people like daddy or momma, they're happy, i weren't. One life lesson i've learnt is that happiness doesn't come without courage, but with too much courage you'll get tired and let go when you finally get there, and you'll end back where you started. Dear older "sister" You know who you are and you're probably reading this right now, smiling at how i mention you as my sister. You're the best person to ever be in my life, and even though you told me a couple of years ago that you were lesbian i never rethought the meaning of your hugs, cause i know we're sisters. If it wasn't for you i would have done this a lot earlier so thank you. Dear parents. Don't cry, i'm not worth your beautiful tears.. I have nothing more to say than i know you lost me, but don't lose courage. Dear best friend. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for telling me that everything will be alright.. It just hurts me to say that you were wrong.. And i'm sorry cause i know this will bring you pain.. But i know you have some other. Nice friends who'd support you. Dear stranger. I'm sorry if i was goind to know you in my no longer exisisting future.. You're better off without me anyways.. Dear myself. I'm sorry i can't hold on anymore, i know that you had your happy times, and that a lot of people longed for your life, but i couldn't stand it anymore.. Dear person I'm sorry the voices became too much. I'm sorry i ran out of place to make scars.. I'm sorry i couldn't stand this inner pain anymore.. Dear person.. I'm sorry.. Goodbye..
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23
god, just fill me fill me with your love fill me with yourself fill me with anything thats not what i feel now i know im selfish im hoping you’re sad hoping you’re distraught even i hope you’ve cried i hope you’ve mourned the things we never did luna no. no. newcastle edinburgh god what’s the point i hope you’re as sad as i am worse ? i hope i hope i wish i wish i wish tuesday never happened the part where everything stopped the part where the red string was cut oh god, and writing this writing this, i remember “soulmate”, you said “soulmate”, after such a short time well if i am your soulmate, as you lied said things will be okay we’ll get back back from the nothing the red string was never cut it has a knot, it got tangled like the movie you never saw that red string that ties us together red as your hair that red string if you were right you probably weren’t it is tangled, never broken, never cut, always there haha writing this writing this has given me some sense of ****** up optimism three poems in one day, god, how pathetic all because of some **** you said in the early hours of the morning, delirious delirious on us, just as i was “soulmate”, you said soulmate I’ll hold on to that.
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Nov 28, 2014
Nov 28, 2014 at 8:17 AM UTC
soulmate
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to fall so hard I wasn’t supposed to call out for your arms in the night And my lips weren’t supposed to search for yours As if they would actually be there. I wasn’t supposed to nuzzle into my pillow at night pretending that your hands were nestled in my hair I wasn’t supposed to make small talk just so I could hypnotize myself with that something in your eyes I wasn’t supposed to wake up cold in the gray morning with the strong urge to be bruised and bitten In fits of slow, languid passion. Unreal how our bodies match and move together, Uncanny how our minds meld and play in synch. My youthful love for life, Your chuckling maturity, still unsure what life is. Now I play soft ballads full of aching, yearning, I can wrap myself in a blanket on the floor With a mug of tea, and think silently on you And the shadows I wish I could conjure into existence… They live inside, dancing to burst free from our guilty bodies Too ethereal, too beautiful, to be abandoned When we (artists) know we live for such wonders. I wish I had any other option but forgetting, or descending into madness. (I’m currently choosing madness..?) And it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I wasn’t supposed to fall so hard. I’m so sorry, My summer love.
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Aug 31, 2012
Aug 31, 2012 at 3:44 PM UTC
A Summer Thing
I can lay right next to you and never touch you I can see you smile from across the room without kissing you I can watch you leave the room and resist hugging you goodbye But sometimes when I'm next to you you have to ask me to move away Because for a few minutes I let fantasy get confused with reality and I lean against you during a movie And it's so warm your arm and mine, touching for that minute I'm at peace But when you ask of course I make room Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable And if you weren't my friend I would probably try it just once, to know what it would be like to kiss you But ideally, I'll get over this and when I am, we'll still be friends So in the meantime I try not to think about kissing you and I only hug you when I have reason to What I'm saying is I will do what I can to keep myself sane and our friendship intact But just know that with every look I give I wish I could give so much more.
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Nov 30, 2013
Nov 30, 2013 at 2:24 AM UTC
I Can Only Try
Our parents are always telling us , you have to go to school, that you'll learn everything you need to know before you're ready for the big world, and that'll you need it to get into your dream job But now a days our education isn't about learning, its about passing Our education now isn't the same as it used to be It teaches us that if you're not at a certain grade level, you will not succeed That if you don't meet a certain criteria, maybe you're not for fit the course This education system doesn't teach us whats really important for the big world It doesn't teach us how to live, how to do taxes or how to survive It never taught us the living expenses or how to buy a home Never taught us what to expect once we leave for college or how to balance our schedules No. It only taught us homework, about a plant cell, about tangents and circumferences It taught us that homework is more important than family That it's more important than being a kid and having a life It taught us that if you spend time with loved once and didn't do your work, you're setting yourself up for failure They pile us with work it feels like we cant breath They never once thought of the other class assignments that must be due not even 24 hours later They make us memorise things that will no longer be important when we apply for a job We study for hours in hopes to pass that final test that we'll soon forget But what are we suppose to say when someone asks us how we're feeling? We were never taught that We never memorised an equation to help us find the answer We were only ever taught to keep our mouths shut and do our work Its quite funny what we learn in school now Things more than 80% of the students will never have to use let alone see again School was suppose to prepare us for our future For the job choice we pick Instead we meet and learned quadratics and plant cells We were taught homework is what your focus should always be on We were never taught about the future and what to do And most importantly We were never taught how to love ourselves and the things we should be greatful for They've turn us into sad, mindless robots that's are more concerned about grades and passing than whats going on with the family We lock ourselves in our rooms doing homework for 6 hours than talking to our mothers or fathers who wonder about us We were never taught the importance of family before it was too late Every single highschool student wishes they can turn back the clocks, but it'll never work We were taught the hard way that you don't really know what you have until its gone Something we weren't prepared for They never prepared us for the future Instead, we prepare our self for the possible failing outcome How are we suppose to make a living for ourselves when all we have learned was the stress over homework and family? The depression over a failed test or assignment? The lost feeling of the lost time? How are we suppose to love ourselves when all we do is put yourself down because of school? This education system never prepared us for anything Instead, this education system officially has broken all of us.
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Jun 3, 2016
Jun 3, 2016 at 4:41 PM UTC
Our Broken Education System
Our parents are always telling us , you have to go to school, that you'll learn everything you need to know before you're ready for the big world, and that'll you need it to get into your dream job But now a days our education isn't about learning, its about passing Our education now isn't the same as it used to be It teaches us that if you're not at a certain grade level, you will not succeed That if you don't meet a certain criteria, maybe you're not for fit the course This education system doesn't teach us whats really important for the big world It doesn't teach us how to live, how to do taxes or how to survive It never taught us the living expenses or how to buy a home Never taught us what to expect once we leave for college or how to balance our schedules No. It only taught us homework, about a plant cell, about tangents and circumferences It taught us that homework is more important than family That it's more important than being a kid and having a life It taught us that if you spend time with loved once and didn't do your work, you're setting yourself up for failure They pile us with work it feels like we cant breath They never once thought of the other class assignments that must be due not even 24 hours later They make us memorise things that will no longer be important when we apply for a job We study for hours in hopes to pass that final test that we'll soon forget But what are we suppose to say when someone asks us how we're feeling? We were never taught that We never memorised an equation to help us find the answer We were only ever taught to keep our mouths shut and do our work Its quite funny what we learn in school now Things more than 80% of the students will never have to use let alone see again School was suppose to prepare us for our future For the job choice we pick Instead we meet and learned quadratics and plant cells We were taught homework is what your focus should always be on We were never taught about the future and what to do And most importantly We were never taught how to love ourselves and the things we should be greatful for They've turn us into sad, mindless robots that's are more concerned about grades and passing than whats going on with the family We lock ourselves in our rooms doing homework for 6 hours than talking to our mothers or fathers who wonder about us We were never taught the importance of family before it was too late Every single highschool student wishes they can turn back the clocks, but it'll never work We were taught the hard way that you don't really know what you have until its gone Something we weren't prepared for They never prepared us for the future Instead, we prepare our self for the possible failing outcome How are we suppose to make a living for ourselves when all we have learned was the stress over homework and family? The depression over a failed test or assignment? The lost feeling of the lost time? How are we suppose to love ourselves when all we do is put yourself down because of school? This education system never prepared us for anything Instead, this education system officially has broken all of us.
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44
When you love someone who doesn't love you back your world ends. When you love someone who doesn't love you back you keep pumping love. You are so oblivious and eager that you give them so much love. No matter what they won’t give it back. When you love someone who doesn't love you back. You feel nothing but absolute pain and sorrow. You feel like there nothing left except the love that won't be taken. Your love is so strong and there’s so much that it floods you. When you love someone who doesn't love you back. You feel hopeless because of all the love you gave this person and how much you'd do for love in return. You'd give them all the time in the world, all the love in the world. You still do this relentlessly even though they wont give you five minutes when you need that five minutes. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is a burning red pain. It's a pain like nothing else because no matter what you do, no matter what medicine or treatment you give to that pain it's still there. It's there when you see his face, hear his voice, remember his touch. It's always there. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you don't have to worry too much about them intentionally hurting you. That's because everything small memory you've over analyzed hits you across the face over and over. You're constantly hating yourself because this one person was so important to you and now he's gone. “I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder he doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took. When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want to fall in love again. You never want attachments with anyone because of this substantial pain that is constantly there. You never want to kiss with love, talk with love, witness love. You never want love unless, it's that one person you love. That's the only thing that matters. Love had a horrible reputation, it's either make it or ******* break it. Not take it. When you're hurt by someone who can't feel pain, you wish you never fell in love. Never in lust, never started talking, never meeting. You wish you could erase their smell so you wouldn't ever have to think about why you remember it so well. You wish you can't vividly remember how their arms felt and how they were once so welcoming. When you love someone who doesn't love you back, you are pathetic. You cry in bed while replaying your first kiss, first date, the time you fell asleep together. You can remember every feeling from the first time you felt love to the first time your heart skipped a beat because, well, it was ending. You remember the goosebumps running down your back when you last touched his hand as you left his car. That was the last time you'd be in his car. And that was the last time you touched his leathery skin that was wet from your tears. And that was the last time he would know how much you loved him. You replay every memory over and over until they're worn out. And after they're worn out you can't ever get new ones. You love this person and you will for a long, long time. But they won't ever love you. They won’t get those stomach tickles when you hear their name. They wont miss having their chapped lips against your neck tickling you elegantly. Because to them that doesn't matter, they didn’t feel love. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, it's almost impossible to stop loving them. No matter what you do. No matter what they did. No matter how it hurts. No matter what, you will love them. When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you are incapable of stopping because you are paralyzed.
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Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 9:59 PM UTC
When you love someone who doesn't love you back
When you love someone who doesn't love you back your world ends. When you love someone who doesn't love you back you keep pumping love. You are so oblivious and eager that you give them so much love. No matter what they won’t give it back. When you love someone who doesn't love you back. You feel nothing but absolute pain and sorrow. You feel like there nothing left except the love that won't be taken. Your love is so strong and there’s so much that it floods you. When you love someone who doesn't love you back. You feel hopeless because of all the love you gave this person and how much you'd do for love in return. You'd give them all the time in the world, all the love in the world. You still do this relentlessly even though they wont give you five minutes when you need that five minutes. Being in love with someone who doesn't love you back is a burning red pain. It's a pain like nothing else because no matter what you do, no matter what medicine or treatment you give to that pain it's still there. It's there when you see his face, hear his voice, remember his touch. It's always there. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you don't have to worry too much about them intentionally hurting you. That's because everything small memory you've over analyzed hits you across the face over and over. You're constantly hating yourself because this one person was so important to you and now he's gone. “I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder he doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took. When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want to fall in love again. You never want attachments with anyone because of this substantial pain that is constantly there. You never want to kiss with love, talk with love, witness love. You never want love unless, it's that one person you love. That's the only thing that matters. Love had a horrible reputation, it's either make it or ******* break it. Not take it. When you're hurt by someone who can't feel pain, you wish you never fell in love. Never in lust, never started talking, never meeting. You wish you could erase their smell so you wouldn't ever have to think about why you remember it so well. You wish you can't vividly remember how their arms felt and how they were once so welcoming. When you love someone who doesn't love you back, you are pathetic. You cry in bed while replaying your first kiss, first date, the time you fell asleep together. You can remember every feeling from the first time you felt love to the first time your heart skipped a beat because, well, it was ending. You remember the goosebumps running down your back when you last touched his hand as you left his car. That was the last time you'd be in his car. And that was the last time you touched his leathery skin that was wet from your tears. And that was the last time he would know how much you loved him. You replay every memory over and over until they're worn out. And after they're worn out you can't ever get new ones. You love this person and you will for a long, long time. But they won't ever love you. They won’t get those stomach tickles when you hear their name. They wont miss having their chapped lips against your neck tickling you elegantly. Because to them that doesn't matter, they didn’t feel love. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, it's almost impossible to stop loving them. No matter what you do. No matter what they did. No matter how it hurts. No matter what, you will love them. When you love someone who doesn’t love you back, you are incapable of stopping because you are paralyzed.
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13
Her eyes were like fire. They weren't red or anything. Not particularly warm, either. They didn't glow or "appear to glow," whatever that means. But they had that same strange blend of familiar and miraculous--- and they were always nice to look at after a long day of doing things.
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Mar 16, 2015
Mar 16, 2015 at 5:54 PM UTC
Her Eyes
***IF THIS BODY WEREN'T MINE WOULD I STILL HATE IT?***
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Apr 14, 2014
Apr 14, 2014 at 11:26 PM UTC
This Body (10w)
Black Rose                       Black Queen               Black me with my black heart       You think my black clothes are so trite Because they cant be seen at night maybe They weren't meant to be seen I keep trying to lay low Its so hard to hide with all this melanin im bound to be spotted
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Sep 7, 2015
Sep 7, 2015 at 12:10 PM UTC
Black
Some people hate the smell of smoke To me smoke meant early Thursday morning bongs rips And the sun fighting it's way through the curtains His 8 AM shirtless skin against mine and his face in my neck The way our lips would play and tease each other, longing and smoke on our breath Until we drifted back into dreams Because we weren't about to let the morning win To take that away from us
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Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 12:40 AM UTC
Smoke
i told my therapist about you, while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body. i showed her the places we had been, and all the things we had seen. i told her what lies underneath that pretty                                               pretty skin of yours, and i told her how i knew. i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard, i told her about the   first     night and the      second and the   fourth and that time in the closet. i told her everything, i really just wanted to   get                                                   you                                       out   of my brain, it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain. because you've  moved   on  so why can't i? i told my therapist about you, but i still can't tell you                                            goodbye.   i know i'm  s t u p i d, for holding on this l                                o                                 n                                  g, i know it's useless, for wishing you weren't                              gone. but my words carry on like a heartbeat s     l      o      w steady                           fast u   s   e   d   n    t   a   y i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and i told my therapist about you.
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Jan 25, 2018
Jan 25, 2018 at 2:05 PM UTC
my therapist says i have ADHD
i told my therapist about you, while your lips were still slathered alllll over my body. i showed her the places we had been, and all the things we had seen. i told her what lies underneath that pretty                                               pretty skin of yours, and i told her how i knew. i spelt out your name as she scribbled it on her cute little clipboard, i told her about the   first     night and the      second and the   fourth and that time in the closet. i told her everything, i really just wanted to   get                                                   you                                       out   of my brain, it didn't matter if saying these things put me in  sososo  much pain. because you've  moved   on  so why can't i? i told my therapist about you, but i still can't tell you                                            goodbye.   i know i'm  s t u p i d, for holding on this l                                o                                 n                                  g, i know it's useless, for wishing you weren't                              gone. but my words carry on like a heartbeat s     l      o      w steady                           fast u   s   e   d   n    t   a   y i   keep   keep   keep  breaking and breaking and breaking and i told my therapist about you.
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38
Dear insecure, emotional, overthinking young man you've come a long way from way back then you've lost a lot - but had to realize "who hasn't?" your strong will seemed to be mistaken a lot from your passion you've missed out on a lot of love by second guessing & never unmasking why weren't you truly ever satisfied... nah, that's the question that I'm asking... your abandonment issues pushed away the potential of something ever lasting constantly fighting the man in the mirror hopefully with your new life - you see things clearer no one ever knew, with you...who they were gonna get you've missed out on a lot of good times wanting to talk instead of just letting it go and enjoying the time you had left. Your favorite pills were self pity, self indulgence, ignorance and regret you never stopped to listen - stopped talking - hopefully now you allow others words to be said no woman stood a chance... you purposely acted a certain way to avoid the possibility of true love discretely pushing them away until they saw nothing and had enough. don't get me started on your lack of living missed out on a lot of trips, chances and opportunities I hope now you've filled that void that is missing you swore happiness was wealth... power...a line of respect little did you know it was the little things; the calm, the moments the people and things in life worth it and willing to invest. you gave up on a few dreams... figured why fight? countless times your mind would just run... keep you up all night you were so afraid of success... honestly, I never knew why you never freed that little boy trapped - stuck in his father's grasp he was begging for freedom, you left him struck inside everyday was another day you thought was your time. **I hope you live now I hope you see the beauty life truly is I hope you found love I hope you found this** I needed to write this letter to you - so you can see how far you have come you can see that change is real you can see all that you have become Bland Douglas Simpkins, that's the man you should be proud to be no matter what challenges you were faced with those obstacles were needed, needed to make it to this me thank those who've came into your life - not all were meant to last some forced you left - others showed you right no matter what, some were needed in your past. So... Dear future self, please understand - I'm sorry. For all that I put you through the truth remains - that without me - just know... there would be no you.
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Oct 10, 2016
Oct 10, 2016 at 7:14 PM UTC
Letter to my future self
Dear insecure, emotional, overthinking young man you've come a long way from way back then you've lost a lot - but had to realize "who hasn't?" your strong will seemed to be mistaken a lot from your passion you've missed out on a lot of love by second guessing & never unmasking why weren't you truly ever satisfied... nah, that's the question that I'm asking... your abandonment issues pushed away the potential of something ever lasting constantly fighting the man in the mirror hopefully with your new life - you see things clearer no one ever knew, with you...who they were gonna get you've missed out on a lot of good times wanting to talk instead of just letting it go and enjoying the time you had left. Your favorite pills were self pity, self indulgence, ignorance and regret you never stopped to listen - stopped talking - hopefully now you allow others words to be said no woman stood a chance... you purposely acted a certain way to avoid the possibility of true love discretely pushing them away until they saw nothing and had enough. don't get me started on your lack of living missed out on a lot of trips, chances and opportunities I hope now you've filled that void that is missing you swore happiness was wealth... power...a line of respect little did you know it was the little things; the calm, the moments the people and things in life worth it and willing to invest. you gave up on a few dreams... figured why fight? countless times your mind would just run... keep you up all night you were so afraid of success... honestly, I never knew why you never freed that little boy trapped - stuck in his father's grasp he was begging for freedom, you left him struck inside everyday was another day you thought was your time. **I hope you live now I hope you see the beauty life truly is I hope you found love I hope you found this** I needed to write this letter to you - so you can see how far you have come you can see that change is real you can see all that you have become Bland Douglas Simpkins, that's the man you should be proud to be no matter what challenges you were faced with those obstacles were needed, needed to make it to this me thank those who've came into your life - not all were meant to last some forced you left - others showed you right no matter what, some were needed in your past. So... Dear future self, please understand - I'm sorry. For all that I put you through the truth remains - that without me - just know... there would be no you.
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47
I used to say your lips were too small. but now, after feeling so many, I realized yours weren't small. They were a perfect fit, like a puzzle piece.
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Aug 18, 2014
Aug 18, 2014 at 11:31 PM UTC
lips
When i was 13 I thought that gay and straight were things that other people were People that weren't raised christian People that didn't have dads People that were abused People that i should pray for but not get close to when i was 14 my best friend came out as gay i didn't see it coming but i probably should have she wore ties every day and plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up and cut her hair short as soon as she could but i didn’t see it because gay was other people when i was 14 i watched as the news spread like wildfire “did you hear? that girl is gay.” I watched as people slowly backed away from her people that knew her all her life that is, the people that didn’t cut her off instantly I watched as the youth group we had both attended asked her to leave I watched as her drama group kicked her out because they were afraid of the yearly camp we went to that somehow knowing that she was gay made her more likely to attack the other girls in their beds than the year before I watched. I didn’t do anything. what changed my mind wasn’t a change of perspective on queer people it still took me a year to decide being gay wasn’t wrong but i decided that my best friend was someone i would stick with because i loved her I quietly stayed. didn’t make a fuss, didn’t call people out when they called her names behind her back. I should have. but i didn’t. I didn’t join in, but i didn’t defend her i didn’t say to these people **** you that girl is beautiful and amazing and if you can’t see through your hatred then i don’t want to be your friend either but i didn’t . I didn’t go through what she did. I didn’t get kicked out of anything, i didn’t lose friends When i was 15, i got fed up I left that drama group. I stopped going to that church. I stepped away from those friends and even though i never said why the look on my face when i ran into them and they asked, “how’s she doing?” answered that question for them. I spent 24 hours examining my bible trying to find the verses that say being gay is wrong there were barely any and they were right next to verses that said eating pork was wrong or planting crops next to each other or wearing two different fabrics there was my answer. this isn't a story of my journey. This isn't me building myself up “hey, I wasn't as bad as those other people I’m good now” this is a story of how one person can change your life forever if i didn't have a gay best friend what a way to start a story, huh? if i didn't have a gay best friend then I would still be there quietly praying for the sins of others, but not trying to understand so don’t look at all Christians and say they’re awful they’re bigoted they’re judgmental because we are but often it’s because we don’t know any better teaching us kindly works leading by example.
0
Apr 24, 2014
Apr 24, 2014 at 1:27 AM UTC
If I Didn't Have a Gay Best Friend
When i was 13 I thought that gay and straight were things that other people were People that weren't raised christian People that didn't have dads People that were abused People that i should pray for but not get close to when i was 14 my best friend came out as gay i didn't see it coming but i probably should have she wore ties every day and plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up and cut her hair short as soon as she could but i didn’t see it because gay was other people when i was 14 i watched as the news spread like wildfire “did you hear? that girl is gay.” I watched as people slowly backed away from her people that knew her all her life that is, the people that didn’t cut her off instantly I watched as the youth group we had both attended asked her to leave I watched as her drama group kicked her out because they were afraid of the yearly camp we went to that somehow knowing that she was gay made her more likely to attack the other girls in their beds than the year before I watched. I didn’t do anything. what changed my mind wasn’t a change of perspective on queer people it still took me a year to decide being gay wasn’t wrong but i decided that my best friend was someone i would stick with because i loved her I quietly stayed. didn’t make a fuss, didn’t call people out when they called her names behind her back. I should have. but i didn’t. I didn’t join in, but i didn’t defend her i didn’t say to these people **** you that girl is beautiful and amazing and if you can’t see through your hatred then i don’t want to be your friend either but i didn’t . I didn’t go through what she did. I didn’t get kicked out of anything, i didn’t lose friends When i was 15, i got fed up I left that drama group. I stopped going to that church. I stepped away from those friends and even though i never said why the look on my face when i ran into them and they asked, “how’s she doing?” answered that question for them. I spent 24 hours examining my bible trying to find the verses that say being gay is wrong there were barely any and they were right next to verses that said eating pork was wrong or planting crops next to each other or wearing two different fabrics there was my answer. this isn't a story of my journey. This isn't me building myself up “hey, I wasn't as bad as those other people I’m good now” this is a story of how one person can change your life forever if i didn't have a gay best friend what a way to start a story, huh? if i didn't have a gay best friend then I would still be there quietly praying for the sins of others, but not trying to understand so don’t look at all Christians and say they’re awful they’re bigoted they’re judgmental because we are but often it’s because we don’t know any better teaching us kindly works leading by example.
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67
If happy ever after Weren't some desperate dumb attempt To make us all believe that happiness Is existent Then I'd sit on some beach somewhere Waiting for the moment When happiness didn't feel so ******* important
0
Dec 5, 2014
Dec 5, 2014 at 5:57 PM UTC
Happiness
It's funny how you lie, because I know it all. The things that you say behind these walls, But I won't let you know this, no I will not throw a fit. Because he'd spit out lines of ignorance all over me. And our friendship is more important to me than this, This sweet ignorance. The pain you've been causing recently to me hurts, It burns every curve, every slot, it slurs my mind, Because I've believed in you from the beginning of time. And to think that you've been laughing, Praising hate towards me. I wish I could just wake up, and tell you about this insane dream. Or maybe I'm the one to blame? Have I really been acting out as crazed as you say? Backdooring you as if you weren't anything new, I can't recall these events in the album of my memories. Please start pointing them out to me. I feel as if we are strangers now. It's breaking into my mind, I can no longer sleep right at night. And if I drift away, I wake up with dried tears on my face. I don't want you to go, Please stay by my side. Weren't we bestfriends? I never thought you'd be the one to make me feel as if I need to run and hide? But now you are, and I have to ignore this, Because if I don't.. There will be ignorance, Ignorance in the sweetest. And neither of us need this. This sweet ignorance.
0
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 6:46 PM UTC
Sweet Ignorance
I left my home in the name of education I left my hometown in the name of higher education I left my state in the name of graduation I left my family in the name of aspiration At times, I miss my childhood Although, the fun & friends weren't the same in my adulthood In order to get rid of their falsehood I left them too, for my own good I have traveled so far away from home Now, When I let my thoughts to roam All they bring back is sadness and pain And then, I left my tears to drain I lost myself in this whole journey of life There were times when I often looked for a knife Not just to **** me but to end the pain I left everything and I'm waiting for a magical rain
0
Jun 17, 2018
Jun 17, 2018 at 6:59 AM UTC
LEFT
We used to swing under the big willow tree We lived 3 doors down from each other We were princesses who fought dragons We could save the kingdom and find our prince by lunch time Our moms laughed and talked about how cute we were Four years old was a cute age Fast forward a bit We went into elementary school innocent and young Boys had cooties Girls had cooties Kickball always ended with someone getting hit in the face We would always sit out field and pick grass and shape it into a little birds nest Life was good Until your parents started fighting and I mean really fighting. It scared me and I would have to go home I would make you come with me three doors down Our moms didn’t laugh anymore By Christmas break your parents were broken up and divorced Eight years old was a confusing age Junior high was mean. Girls would rip you to shreds and then hang pieces of you on everyone’s lockers Boys just wanted to make out A whirlwind of uncontrolled hormones We were the quiet ones Always flew under the radar Just trying to make it out alive We found a little spot to eat lunch under the stairs where no one would go We giggled and talked about boys who didn’t even know that we existed I remember crying in the bathroom with you because people were brutal and we weren’t good enough Our moms worried about us and how distant we were becoming Thirteen years old was a sad age Highschool is another story You were put in the hospital for a month I was left at school alone I had to find more friends I found most of them were fake So I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall Reading all the swear words that were carved in the wall You were really sick and we grew apart We were always close We will always love each other You tried to save me from myself But I didn’t let you Seventeen was an important age Now we are at different colleges I tried to **** myself while you were getting an A on your anatomy test It’s sad We don’t swing under the big willow tree or fight dragons anymore Our moms hardly talk You are a success and I am a failure We don’t really mesh I miss you every day I’m sorry I can’t be good enough for you We were princesses who lived three doors down, we saved the kingdom. I love you I’m sorry this has faded Just like everything else Nineteen years old is a dying age.
0
Oct 12, 2016
Oct 12, 2016 at 4:23 AM UTC
willow tree
We used to swing under the big willow tree We lived 3 doors down from each other We were princesses who fought dragons We could save the kingdom and find our prince by lunch time Our moms laughed and talked about how cute we were Four years old was a cute age Fast forward a bit We went into elementary school innocent and young Boys had cooties Girls had cooties Kickball always ended with someone getting hit in the face We would always sit out field and pick grass and shape it into a little birds nest Life was good Until your parents started fighting and I mean really fighting. It scared me and I would have to go home I would make you come with me three doors down Our moms didn’t laugh anymore By Christmas break your parents were broken up and divorced Eight years old was a confusing age Junior high was mean. Girls would rip you to shreds and then hang pieces of you on everyone’s lockers Boys just wanted to make out A whirlwind of uncontrolled hormones We were the quiet ones Always flew under the radar Just trying to make it out alive We found a little spot to eat lunch under the stairs where no one would go We giggled and talked about boys who didn’t even know that we existed I remember crying in the bathroom with you because people were brutal and we weren’t good enough Our moms worried about us and how distant we were becoming Thirteen years old was a sad age Highschool is another story You were put in the hospital for a month I was left at school alone I had to find more friends I found most of them were fake So I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall Reading all the swear words that were carved in the wall You were really sick and we grew apart We were always close We will always love each other You tried to save me from myself But I didn’t let you Seventeen was an important age Now we are at different colleges I tried to **** myself while you were getting an A on your anatomy test It’s sad We don’t swing under the big willow tree or fight dragons anymore Our moms hardly talk You are a success and I am a failure We don’t really mesh I miss you every day I’m sorry I can’t be good enough for you We were princesses who lived three doors down, we saved the kingdom. I love you I’m sorry this has faded Just like everything else Nineteen years old is a dying age.
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60
This desolate road seems forever long And my worn feet will carry me through the ruin All alone, but if you had heard my song You might just understand why I’m doing Maybe I’m the strongest person of us all Maybe you’re used to me being alone But that doesn’t mean that when I take a fall I can survive, live on my own Noticing someone else’s suffering is hard Wrapped up in your troubles, with an aching heart But if you open your eyes, you’ll see a man apart If you can call me a man, I guess Walking round with an unchanged expression Ducking and keeping away from the deed You might think it’s all to get attention And you’re right, but that’s what I need I knew a group of people whom my heart held dear I loved them, and I love them still But they weren’t there for me in my time of fear Now I’m not gonna bend my will How many days of quiet can I keep? How hard will the blade into my mind seep? How long can I hide away and weep? Before you realise I’m not at best So it’s time to say fare thee well Don’t know where I’m strolling in my daze to Just gonna follow my path down the well See if it’s someplace new So I’ve thought it through and through again No pleading will make me change my head Maybe, before, if I had a friend But now, it’s too late to hear what I’ve said The love I have for you will always burn But my back’s to you, and I’ll always turn If you haven’t figured it out, you’ll never learn I want a hug, but I’m drowning in my sleepiness
0
Apr 2, 2018
Apr 2, 2018 at 3:11 AM UTC
Nowhere Boulevard
This desolate road seems forever long And my worn feet will carry me through the ruin All alone, but if you had heard my song You might just understand why I’m doing Maybe I’m the strongest person of us all Maybe you’re used to me being alone But that doesn’t mean that when I take a fall I can survive, live on my own Noticing someone else’s suffering is hard Wrapped up in your troubles, with an aching heart But if you open your eyes, you’ll see a man apart If you can call me a man, I guess Walking round with an unchanged expression Ducking and keeping away from the deed You might think it’s all to get attention And you’re right, but that’s what I need I knew a group of people whom my heart held dear I loved them, and I love them still But they weren’t there for me in my time of fear Now I’m not gonna bend my will How many days of quiet can I keep? How hard will the blade into my mind seep? How long can I hide away and weep? Before you realise I’m not at best So it’s time to say fare thee well Don’t know where I’m strolling in my daze to Just gonna follow my path down the well See if it’s someplace new So I’ve thought it through and through again No pleading will make me change my head Maybe, before, if I had a friend But now, it’s too late to hear what I’ve said The love I have for you will always burn But my back’s to you, and I’ll always turn If you haven’t figured it out, you’ll never learn I want a hug, but I’m drowning in my sleepiness
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36
We were both love. I was a rose and you were a snowflake. Both beautiful and gentle but unable to coexist effectively because flowers can’t blossom in the cold. Yet when it ended, the truth became misconstrued. Suddenly I was a thorn that pricked you till you bled. And you were frostbite that nipped away at my skin. We created false portrayals of each other to make this all a bit easier to deal with. But the truth will always stay. We were both beauty, purity, fragility, love. We just weren’t meant to give our love to each other. And now we both bleed, because the hardest part is accepting we were never meant to be.
0
Aug 8, 2018
Aug 8, 2018 at 2:46 PM UTC
Opposites don’t attract.
Nan to walk into your room and see you smile, I walked over and hugged you all the time, you always made me smile and always had stories to tell. I loved sitting with you everyday and listen to the memories you had to share You showed us that life cant be all that bad there is always a light at the end of a tunnel, You were so strong, You had faith in us all, You had great sprit even if the day was dull. you weren’t just my Nan you were my best friend I know you had to go, now I feel I'm alone but I know you're close. when I feel the warmth at night I know its you giving me a good night kiss, when I feel my chest getting tight I know that’s you giving me a big hug, when I feel the wind brush through my hair I know your whispering hello to me .. when I see the sun shine I know you're happy, when I see that bright star I know that’s you watching down on us all and smiling now a beautiful angel watching over us all, we pray to you each night. Loosing you Nan broke my heart and every day without a doubt I think of you and shed a little tear, for a Nan I loved so dear.
0
Mar 8, 2012
Mar 8, 2012 at 10:48 PM UTC
my beautiful angle